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Jessica Bracy |
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HARD TO SWALLOW
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Aug 14, 2005 07:25am (EST)
I attended my daughter's dance recital last night. I was hesitant about going only because I have not been out much since losing Kaleb and I was nervous to see so many people at one time. I was walking in and one of the mothers came up to hug me and tell me how sorry she was...then she looked right at me and said, "Well, I guess it was just meant to be."
I do believe that all things happen for a reason, and I have faith that Kaleb was saved from a life of pain and suffering; HOWEVER, I don't believe that if her child were to die she would find much comfort in someone telling her ... "Well, I guess it was just meant to be."
I know that people don't know what to say I do appreciate her "support", I would rather my son be acknowledged than ignored...I just found those words so hard to swallow. My whole heart tells me my son was meant to be with me.
Thanks for listening, I just needed to get that out.
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Posted by Jessica Bracy | Comments: (2) | Permalink
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HARD TO UNDERSTAND
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Aug 09, 2005 07:44pm (EST)
I learned today that the niece of one of my good friends ruptured at 22 weeks and delivered her daughter last night...the baby passed away just minutes after her birth. I cried when I heard... I felt so sad for her...it is so hard to understand why these things happen. My heart breaks for her.
We are now soul sisters...we have shared an experience that only few can truly understand...the devastation that comes with giving birth to your child and losing them all in one day. I do believe that things happen for a reason, and I believe that our children were saved from a lifetime of pain and suffering...that is what gives me peace. I hope and pray that she will find what gives her peace.
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Posted by Jessica Bracy | Comments: (0) | Permalink
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WANTING TO HELP
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Aug 07, 2005 11:31pm (EST)
A week after we lost Kaleb my husband told me his friend's wife had ruptured at 29 weeks and was in the hospital. She and I were friendly, but not exactly friends. The minute he told me I thought about calling her to offer support. I remembered the fear and I wanted to help to ease hers...but I was so consumed by grief I was unable to make the call.
I asked my husband for updates everyday, I couldn't stop thinking about her. She delivered a few days later, I really wanted to offer support, or an ear or a shoulder, but I didn't, I just felt so sad and so weak, I wasn't sure I was strong enough to help.
Tonight I picked up the phone and called her, I am so glad I did. She said she had been wanting to call, but she wasn't sure what to say. She said her daughter is gaining weight and breathing on her own and that she had many questions to ask me. I was so relieved that her daughter is doing well... and I am so glad that I didn't feel envious or angry that her daughter made it and my son did not.
One small victory on my road toward healing.
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Posted by Jessica Bracy | Comments: (1) | Permalink
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1 MONTH WITHOUT MY SON
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Aug 05, 2005 11:09pm (EST)
I am sitting here watching the clock...11:49 pm...in 11 more minutes it will be Saturday...four Saturday's ago Kaleb was born and on that same Saturday...an hour and 18 minutes after his birth to be exact, he passed away. It is hard to believe that it has been a month, my pain feels so fresh, I am still trying to face the fact that my sweet little boy will not be coming home. Though it feels like a lifetime ago that I held him in my arms, my body feels like it was just yesterday that I gave birth to him.
It is 12:00 AM. Kobe is sleeping next to me, he is going to get extra hugs and snuggles tonight.
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Posted by Jessica Bracy | Comments: (2) | Permalink
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BITTERSWEET BIRTHDAYS
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Aug 05, 2005 09:39am (EST)
I have been coming to SHARE since it's conception, mostly reading others stories and remembering back to the day my son Kobe was born, July 9, 2001. He came at 28 weeks...we were so glad he waited that long. My water broke at 18 weeks, he held on for 10 long weeks, he is truly our miracle. Since his birth we have been strong supporters of the MOD, we are so grateful for what they do! My husband and I struggled with the decision to conceive again, we had such a fight getting Kobe here and in the end we almost lost both of us. However, he was such a joy, and along with his sister Kendra, my step daughter and the easiest baby I ever had, he was the light of our lives. All of the challenges and fears were SO worth it!!
We had decided not to put our family, another child and me through another pregnancy, we would adopt...a few days later we found out we were pregnant. We were scared, but excited. Once again I was put on bed rest at 5 weeks and we settled in for the fight. It was a rough pregnancy, but we were determined. On July 8, while hospitalized, I ruptured. The nurses and doctors rallied around me...they said if anyone can do it, you can. We all got a bit cocky, we figured we would get Kaleb here just like we did with his big brother.
On July 9. 2005 we celebrated Kobe's birthday. He had a small party at our house and then came to the hospital to celebrate with the doctors and nurses who shared his journey and with his mommy who couldn't wait to hug her 4 year old! I had been so uncomfortalbe throughout my pregnancy that I assumed the pain and discomfort I was feeling was nothing new. After my family left I got up to use the restroom and realized that Kaleb was coming.
July 9, 2001 I gave birth to my first miracle, Kobe J. Bracy. He weighed 2 lbs. and was 15 inches long. On July 9, 2005 I gave birth to his little brother, Kaleb Julius Bracy. He weighed 13 ounces and was 10 inches long. He stayed with us for 1 hour and 18 minutes and died peacefully in my arms. July 9 will always be the happiest and saddest day of my life.
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Posted by Jessica Bracy | Comments: (2) | Permalink
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