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2 MIRACLES HERE, 2 ANGELS UPSTAIRS

2 here 2 in Heaven

May 2008

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"ARE YOU A NURSE?"

Mar 01, 2008 11:41am (EST)

Yesterday afternoon Camden took a 2 hour nap...that rarely happens so I was excited.

London took a 3 hour nap.....that only happens right before he comes down with something. While I dreaded what it might be, I'm so thankful we have such a consistent warning sign. Right before bedtime his throat sounded a little phlemy, and he had a low fever but that was it.

He tossed and turned most of the night, despite doses of Tylenol and cups of water. This morning his temp was 103.6 and he produced that barky croup cough...my best guess anyway, he's never had it before.

At the weekend clinic I began to explain his symptoms to the nurse, asked to have his stats read and to have his file pulled up on the computer (regular peds aren't in over the weekend) so the doctor would see his history. The poor nurse kept nodding her head and finally said, "Ok, why don't you tell all of this to the doctor too."

When the doctor came in I explained that London had a rough night. While his breathing was labored and his respers were too fast, he wasn't retracting or wheezing. I offered my opinion of croup, said he couldn't be on any antihistamines due to all the scar tissue from his BPD, and also asked them to swab his throat since he complained it hurt.

While she examined him, she smiled and said, "Are you a nurse?"

"No, we just spent 127 days in the NICU with our kids." She got that 'I understand' look on her face and proceeded to check London out. What I didn't say, but thought, was 'that was just the beginning'.....our first three years were an eye-opener. At times I feel like I have should have honorary nursing, physical, occupational and speech therapies. Perhaps a minor in pharmacy.

Yep, London has croup. Poor kid, there he was in his PJs (still is) clinging on to me for dear life and begging not to have another shot. Thankfully decadron (steroid) is now oral instead of injected, though it tastes awful.

Once home he made a sad attempt at breakfast, but later got down a chocolate shake. He's been on the couch since then watching Cars. Just a little while ago he said, "I love you mommy, thank you for the medicine...but it did taste yucky."

I was happy to flip the calendar to March this morning, but will really be excited when April and May get here.

Shonda

February 003

Posted by 2 here 2 in Heaven | Comments: (14) | Permalink

MARCH FOR BABIES - YES YOU CAN!

Feb 25, 2008 09:57am (EST)

The spring London was two years old, Camden nearing one, I felt the need to give back to my community. Need isn't the right word, perhaps desire is more fitting. If there was a way I could help other families through the journey of prematurity, making their road smoother than ours had been, I certainly intended to try.

But where does one begin?

I stumbled upon information for Walk America on the March of Dimes site. Ironically, my mother was a pediatric/neonatal research nurse for years......I knew just how important the research teams are, and just as importantly, how greatly funding their work is needed.

The MOD website made things look easy, yet I drug my feet a little. How could I...just one person...make a difference. At the last minute, four of us decided to form a team. My dad, husband, brother-in-law and myself headed out to the Walk. We turned in our money, just donations from ourselves, then walked. We were amazed at the sizes of some family teams, the engery, the strollers and wagons holding kids. We left thinking the next year we'd get more involved...and definetly wanted to create a cool team t-shirt.

The following year we used the online fundraising tool. WOW! It was so easy! One email blast and all we had to do was sit back and watch the donations roll in. The support from friends, family and even strangers truly touched our heats. At walk I believe we had 12 people wearing t-shirts with a picture of the triplets (an artists hardwork on how they might look at age 3) bearing the line

What might have been... Down in Texas my wonderful aunt Linda raised money for us, and attended the Austin walk. She was amazed at the sheer number of people that turned out.

We were asked to be the ambassador family for our region of the state that year. I quickly realized by telling my story, by letting others see London and Camden's sweet faces...and hearing that two of our boys did not survive...we were really making a difference. Raising awareness and fundraising go hand-in-hand, no doubt about it.

The following year (last year) we stepped up our fundraising a bit by holding a silent auction. Hours of work went into securing a location, having local businesses donate items and setting up. Despite having over 100 items donated, the newspaper running a front page...and four page story...the turn out wasn't as big as I'd hoped. We raised $1,700 for our Walk fund, though I decided in the future I'd stick to using the online fundraising tool...its just so easy.

The teachers at London's preschool were happy to involve the kids, allowing us to send home letters to each student. Our turn out at Walk humbled us. Thirty-three people comprised Team 2 Here, 2 in Heaven. Teachers, classmates, his speech language pathologist, family and friends walked along with us. Our team t-shirts were chocolate and orange........but the preemies in our group wore bright yellow shirts with black writing that said NICU Graduate.

Each year we've more than doubled our fundraising, something we could not do without our wonderful family and friends, friends of friends, and friends of friends of friends. Last week our new March for Babies flyer came in the mail. I opened it up, eager to see the new layout....but my eyes were drawn to the last page where the top fundraisers for the previous walk are listed. I was listed as the number one walker in our region of the state, and number two walker in the entire state.

Two years before, I wondered how one person could make a difference. A few days ago I understood. By telling our story, getting involved in my local MOD chapter, joining Share, fundraising......I AM making a difference. So can you.

This year Carissa (miraclemonster) and I are once again co-charing the Family Team Committee in our area. Last year we had a great turn out, hopefully this year will be too!

Please join us February 28, 3 pm EST/ 2 pm CST, for our Live Chat. We'll be discussing March for Babies.....how to use the OFT, recruiting walkers and growing your team, and how to get more involved in your local chapter.

Shonda

Posted by 2 here 2 in Heaven | Comments: (6) | Permalink

WHY TRY TO BE ORGANIZED?

Feb 20, 2008 12:16pm (EST)

Today I took London to the Peds office for his booster shots. He wasn't able to get them last week due to strep throat, a high fever and meds. This morning I tried to be as calm and organized as possible.

1. I dropped Camden off at my sister's house...no need for her to witness boosters before she receives her own. (Yep, my sis is staying home with Tatum now

).

2. I explained that he needed four shots in his legs with medicine that would help him stay healthy....and hopefully out of the doctor office.

3. Promised him a trip to the store to pick out a new toy afterward...and a McDonalds happy meal (drive through of course, its -1 degree here today).

After checking in at the office, hanging our coats up and assuring him things would be fine, the nurse came out. She then told me that they were out of the polio vaccine...more should arrive soon.

Imagine me on a cold day, having arranged for Camden to be elsewhere, preparing London for his shots, freezing my toes off...."What?" After asking if there was a reason the office didn't call me instead of waiting until I arrived, she said I could reschedule if I wanted to.

Me, biting lip...."No, let's do the other three today, the polio next week...or whenever it arrives." Seriously, my March of Dimes preemie...not getting his polio shot...feel the irony???

Thankfully, parenthood as taught me no matter how organized I am, other things are out of my control.....so I always leave a little wiggle room with the kids. Wiggle room? Yeah, that would be me NOT mentioning that London wouldn't have to have shots again until he was in high school.......thankfully I hadn't promised that...trust me, he would have remembered.

Three shots and band aids later, my tearful guy still clinging to my neck and his stuffed cat Gilbert...we went back to waiting room to pay. "Any chance when I come next week I can get out of the co-pay...since the office didn't let me know ahead of time that we'd have to come back for another shot...and office visit??" Opps, did I just say that out loud? I did! What can I say, it was frustrating. The receptionist meekly smiled, then shook her head.

Two toy horns later, belly full of McNuggets and apple dippers, my little guy is doing just fine. Now if only we didn't have to go back in next week....oh well. Actually, London surprised me, he did pretty good. Hopefully I can get those sticky band aids off tonight without too much pulling. I'm a sap, it still breaks my heart to watch my little...big guy...tear up.

Shonda

Posted by 2 here 2 in Heaven | Comments: (12) | Permalink

BIG BOY NOW & LOVIN' OUR PED

Feb 13, 2008 11:19am (EST)

Five years ago, I didn't allow myself to look more than a few months ahead in London's future. After a crash course in micro-preemies, prematurity and NICU's....I had an idea what a first year medical intern must feel like...except I was much, much less prepared. Interns go to and from work, they can leave the job behind each day. I was walking bare foot up a hill, in two feet of snow, with no sun visible in the horizon, for a long time.

As a mother, I admit I'm biased, yet I am not blind. There have been times when I see something so clearly affecting London, that others cannot or do not chose to see. The past few years I have been so focused on his medical, physical and social issues...that at times I felt more like a professional advocate than a mother.

Today at London's five year check-up, our Ped once again marvelled at how far our little guy has come. He had reviewed the educational and developmental reports from the University and shared his favorite part with us.

"A miracle, they all call him a miracle." He then smiled as if to say, we already knew that.

Since London has strep throat, is on medication and still very under the weather, we agreed to postpone his booster shots until next week..which gave us a little more time to discuss Wonder Boy.

While I agreed with most of what the staff at the U reported, I strongly disagreed with the person who told us, "He has low muscle tone in his legs and will never play organized sports. Forget about it."

Like I said, I am biased, mothers should be. Given what London has been through, I'll challenge just about anyone who tells me he "can't" do something.

I love our Ped....when I voice a different opinion, he hears me out. He smiled at said, "Well, I completly disagree with that particular finding. London has come so far, I think he can play sports. He may not get a scholarship to college for it, but he can play." Hehe, I agree.

I'm not the mother who puts her preschooler in activities now because I think they'll end up with a starting position on the varsity team someday, a scholarship for college, or on an American Idol stage. Children are suppose to enjoy childhood, it is meant to be fun and full of adventure. Exposing them to a range of activities is good for them, limiting them to one or pushing it for a further agenda........well, just not my style.

The reasons we placed London in soccer, baseball and basketball were to see how his coordination, strength and social skills would do. Not to see if he could kick, shoot or throw a ball farther than the other kids. Maybe if the boys were born full-term I'd be secretly hoping they all get started positions on the high school baseball team. But, I believe everything is relative. London started his life 14 weeks too early, at 1.12 pounds. If he is going to be a professional at anything, it might be a scuba diver.....he certainly was intubated long enough for it.

Five years old. Five, wow. He's a self proclaimed big boy now. London has knocked down so many hurdles in his path, he amazes not only his family and friends, but the doctors and specialists who often do a double take when I mention he was a surviving 26 week triplet. Of course they can see the other factor that certainly played into his long NICU stay, a 'whimpy white boy'.

Today there are still lingering effects of prematurity. London is in the 10-25% range for height, 3% for weight. He could still wear 24 month shorts this summer...except they are much too short. We've decided to let him continue next year at the Montessori school, delaying public kindergarten for a year, given him a chance to expand his educational skills.

Yet, all in all.......he is a miracle. He skips, he talks a mile-a-minute, he finger paints and walks barefoot in sand........all things he struggled with in the past. In the last twelve months he's only been on heavy steroids twice to fight off illness. We are able to rely less on them and more on his inhaler.

Perhaps the sweetest of all, is his personality. At least ten times a day, for no reason at all, he'll walk up and give me a big hug while saying, "Mommy, I love you".

Sorry, this was a bit all over the place, hope it made sense.

Shonda

Posted by 2 here 2 in Heaven | Comments: (11) | Permalink

FEBRUARY 8 - MORE BIRTHDAYS

Feb 07, 2008 09:33pm (EST)

Happy fifth birthday to my 26-weekers. As we spend the day at the Botanical and Science Centers, watching London explore his curiosity...we'll also be thinking of Boston.

Boston was the athlete in my tummy, always active, always kicking London...until London would kick back. Every single day from 4:30-6:00 p.m. a wrestling match shook me silly.

Boston, Baby B, was here just two short days. After suffering a bilateral bleed, and several complications from it, we were faced with a choice no parent should ever have to hear about. Our "choice" for lack of a better word was wasn't which treatment to purse, which drug to try....but weather or not to let him go.

I honestly sat there, in the NICU, and looked at Boston as an individual...not a multiple. Had I thought there was there any hope that Boston could have had any sort of life....no matter the circumstances, no matter the special life-long needs, no matter that our hands would be full with triplets, I would have fought to keep treatments going.

There was no hope. There were no smiles. Begging for answers, for numbers, we were given harsh statistics. Five percent chance of him making it through the next few days, after that...less that three percent chance he'd ever leave the NICU. Not the numbers we wanted to hear.

Not wanting to say the words, yet feeling them, I waited quietly as doctors and nurses told us the same things. Finally, my husband said, quiet as a mouse, "We love him so much, we have to let him go." I simply nodded my head.

Thank you to the NICU nurses who told us you got your miracle...the miracle that your parents loved you enough to let you go.

Someday, long from now, I want to walk into Heaven...God willing, and see you running, jumping, laughing, talking...doing all the things they said you never would. Until then, please know we made what we thought was the best decision for you....because we loved you, and love you, so very much.

Mommy

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Thank you all so much for your support and kind words over the past few days. Share has given me something very special through all of you. Thank you.

Posted by 2 here 2 in Heaven | Comments: (22) | Permalink

FEBRUARY 6 - HAPPY BIRTHDAY

Feb 05, 2008 10:30pm (EST)

Someone once asked me, if we had had the choice of having one full-term healthy baby, or going through the experience we did with triplets, what would I choose? While I would never wish prematurity or pain on any baby, or family, I can't help but think we were lucky to have Kai for the 15 days we did.

Do I think everything happens for a reason? No.
Do I think God only gives us what we can handle? No.
Has my faith grown through this? Hardly.
Yet....I believe.

I believe Kai is in a wonderful place that holds no pain or tears. I believe he is with us in spirit, and at moments shines through London.

Strangly enough, I believed the NICU nurse who told us...when things were grim..."Sometimes I think if you tell them, 'it's okay to go' they can hear you." So I did.

I cradled my first born, who so diligently carried the weight of his brothers on his shoulders, literally, for 25 weeks. I held the baby that was so calm in utero, yet fought so hard once born. The one who arrived two days before his brothers, the one I thought we'd take home first. As much as I wanted to kiss and squeeze him, I held him ever so gently.

Mommy loves you, mommy will always love you. It's okay, you can go. It's okay.

And so he did. Before the doctors shut off the machines, after they realized nothing else could be done.....he went, he left on his own.

As five balloons rise in the sky today, know you were loved...know you are loved. Happy Birthday, Kai.

Mommy

Posted by 2 here 2 in Heaven | Comments: (27) | Permalink

FEBRUARY: TOO FULL

Feb 01, 2008 12:29pm (EST)

Last week as I was writing yet another event on the calendar for February, I noticed that the month was filling up with events, too many for me to keep track of. This morning when I flipped the calendar to February, the history of events this moth holds starred me in the face.

Kai's water broke and we held our breath....four days later he arrived at 25 weeks. Two days later London then Boston came in emergency fashion. A day and a half later I heard the term IVH and learned what devastating effect it could have a on 26 weeker. Hours later Boston was gone, a decision that while deemed best for him, my husband will forever struggle with. With two boys and a wife still in the hospital, all very sick, he quietly agreed to hold a memorial service at a later date.

Two days later I held Kai for the first time, the next day when it was Mike's turn, our baby was pronounced too sick to be held. On Valentine's Day London had the first of two intestinal surgeries. At 1.8 pounds, we sat in the waiting room not saying a word, wondering how he might survive, yet he did. A week later Kai's little body had battled enough, we watched our second son pass on.

I'm tired of February, tired of the feelings it brings...yet it seems to come every year, like clockwork. What should be a happy birthday for us and London, will also always have Boston's should-be-birthday attached to it. Why couldn't he have had his own day, like Kai? February holds so many dates of emotion, surly it could handle one more.

Every year we build up with three birth dates, then fall down with two passing anniversaries. While I think it is important to remember and honor Kai and Boston, their short lives here.......sometimes I think it would be easier to flip from January to March.

Shonda

Posted by 2 here 2 in Heaven | Comments: (14) | Permalink

A 3 YEAR OLD AND THE CONCEPT OF HEAVEN

Jan 24, 2008 10:29am (EST)

Camden is sitting on floor, playing with the Fisher Price Little People's Nativity set she got for Christmas last year.

C: "Mommy, this is baby Jesus." She holds the infant wrapped in blankets, on a bed of straw.
Me: "Yes, it is."

C: "Is this God?" Holding a shepard
Me: "No sweetie, that is one of the shepards."

C: "A shepard, oh. But God is Jesus's daddy?"
Me: "Yep."

C: Picking up the angel..."This is the angel." Holding it for a moment...."This is angel Kai."
Me: Spinning on my heals to turn around and look at her..."Okay, that can be angel Kai."

C: "And the next one can be angel Boston, okay?"
Me: "Sure." Knowing that there is only one angel in the set, I watch her dig through the toys trying to find another one.

C: Not finding it, contemplating this revelation..."But mom, Boston is in Heaven." Looking at the angel in her hand...."And so is Kai, but this can also be angel Kai. Sound like a plan?"
Me: "Yes, that sounds great."

It amazes me that the kids know their brothers are (in their own words):

in Heaven

way up past the clouds

not where you can take a plane ride to

see the sunsets from the top

help the angels water the flowers (when it rains)

It is sad that their vocabulary includes the words and locations of where Boston and Kai are. Yet is it utter adorable that they understand the concept and discribe it in such detail.

Shonda

Posted by 2 here 2 in Heaven | Comments: (14) | Permalink

MARCH FOR BABIES LETTER TO PRESCHOOL

Jan 17, 2008 04:08pm (EST)

In case anyone is looking for a way to involved their childs school concerning March for Babies....here is the letter we sent out to 100 kids at London and Camden's school. The director actually approached us about doing this and getting the kids more involved.

Dear classmates and friends,

Five years ago my triplet brothers and I were born 3 ½ months early. We tried very hard to keep up with the machines and medicines the doctors gave us. After two weeks in the NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit) Boston and Kai went to Heaven. I was only 1.12 pounds when I was born; mommy says I could fit right inside her hands. After 119 days of working really hard I was able to go home.

At 16 months old my world changed when my sister Camden was born a month early. Thankfully she only spent 6 days in the NICU. Now I have to share my toys with her.

I’d really like you to join me and Camden by helping the March of Dimes, together we can save babies. It would be very neat to have all my classmates and CCMS friends walk with me on May 3. Below the line you can read ways to help us. Thank you, and much love!

London…and Camden too!

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Beginning February 4th, each CCMS classroom will have a clear container that your child can drop change into. As the change in the containers rise, students will be able to see how much they are helping to save babies. Each month we will have a party and treats to celebrate. At the end of April, we will total the money and help support London and Camden’s March for Babies team, 2 Here, 2 in Heaven.

If you would like to join London & Camden as they March for Babies, mark your calendar for:
Saturday, May 3, 9:15 a.m.
Raccoon River Park
West Des Moines, Iowa

For more information, please contact Shonda Hershberger or visit http://www.marchforbabies.org/London

Shonda

PS - Special thanks to my twinnie for letting me read Mickey's letter then revising my own...which was way too detailed for little kids.

Posted by 2 here 2 in Heaven | Comments: (13) | Permalink

PLACED IN THE MEMORY BOXES

Jan 14, 2008 11:08pm (EST)

Tonight as I was in London's room I noticed a little dust on his dresser so I cleaned it off then jumped on his bed to reach his ceiling fan and dust it too. As I stood there, I saw the two name plates of his brothers, sitting on the shelf where I placed them 5 years ago.

Five years ago, around Christmas time, I painted three little white picket fences white. Then I added brown teddy bears and the boys names in yellow and blue. My plan was to hang the three name plates on the door of the nursery. But the names never made it to the door. After the boys passed, as we took down the extra crib, the two extra sets of clothes...the names were simply placed on a shelf.

Tonight as I stared at Kai and Boston's names on the shelf, sitting next to micro-preemie diapers from the NICU, I did something I really never thougth I could. I took the names down, along with the two little diapers, and two angel statues sitting on London's dresser. I didn't remove them to be dusted, I took them down and placed them in their memory boxes.

The past few nights I've been painting a lighthouse and boat wheel for London's sail themed room....not really sure where I was going to place them and the big "L" I would have ready soon. Tonight I decided the lighthouse will go on his dresser, in front of the framed poems about his brothers, ones my sister wrote when they passed. The wheel will be hung on his wall. And the "L" will go on the shelf where Boston and Kai's names had been. After all, this is London's room...not his brothers'.

Strong willed and stubborn girl that I am, I distinctly remember telling family members that we'd like the boys to be called by their names, or "the boys"....not "the triplets". There were twin girls in my class in school, the poor things are now 34 and still referred to as "the twins". I didn't want that for my kids. Triplets are not that common, especially ones of all the same sex. Thinking of the looks and second glances they'd probably receive from people as a triplet stroller wheeled by, or the day their little league shirts all read the same last name.....I decided I didn't want them to be viewed only as a packaged deal.

Tonight I rememberred that five years ago, while still carrying the boys, I wanted them to be individuals and given the chance to bloom on their own. Strangly enough, that is exactly what life has in store for London. Now there are times I wish he would be referred to as a triplet, outside of the medical community it doesn't happen very often.

We still have pictures sitting out of Kai and Boston in the great room. Their little stone feet impressions sit on my dresser. There will always be parts of them in our lives and in our home. But tonight I decided to let London have "his" room too himself.

London knows he is a triplet, he knows that "Boston and Kai lived in mommy's tummy with me", he knows he is special. And as hard as it is for me not to see the three of them in tact, I do not want London to ever feel overshadowed by what might have been.

A Share friend told me things would get easier in time, that each year there would be more smiles and less tears. I didn't believe her, I didn't want to believe her. Part of me felt that if I ever lost the pain..the raw, heartwrenching pain of losing my children...that somehow I'd be forgetting them. Yet, here I am some eighteen months after that call....and I find things getting easier.

I don't cry when you mention my boys names, I smile that you remembered them. I don't break down when cards come in the mail around their birthdays and angelverseries, I say a prayer thanking those who still acknowledge them. Tonight as I added the angel statues, name plates and diapers to the boys memory boxes....I grinned at how full they are. There was a day when I didn't know what to place in them, of if they'd ever be full.

As I put the boxes away, I didn't fall apart...I did just fine. Something tells me they were somewhere overhead, watching and smiling.

Sho

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