|
 |
|
AMAZING GRACE - NICU JOURNEY - 127 DAYS
Kathleen |
|
| Category: Home | Sun | Mon | Tue | Wed | Thu | Fri | Sat | | | | | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 | 27 | 28 | 29 | 30 | 31 |
|
|
|
|
NEARLY SIX!
|
|
Sep 25, 2007 06:10pm (EST)
Grace will be six on Sunday, September 30th. It is so bittersweet to look back and remember all that we have been through to just get to this place - and what a thrill it is to have a *normal* life!
Grace loves kindergarten, although the full-day program is still making her very tired. We've all had to adjust a bit to get into a routine. Right now I hear her singing to herself in the bathtub. What a joy it is to look at the world through such innocent eyes.
She can't wait for Friday at school because they announce birthdays over the intercom and the child gets to go to the office for candy and a photo op. She will bring a brand new book to school to add to the classroom library, and she will wear a crown and her friends will sing happy birthday. It doesn't get any better than that for a six year-old.
But as we near her special day, I can't help but get a littly misty eyed about her birth. I was hospitalized at 24 weeks and spent 4 weeks in the hospital hoping, praying, bargaining to let my baby live. It's funny because so many things remind me of that time. Of course, I was strapped to my bed when the World Trade Center was destroyed so all of the anniversary related news really triggers reflection on where I was and why.
Summer turning to fall is also a reminder of how I felt in the hospital - maternity dept, and then in the NICU as I watched every leaf outside the window turn from green to orange and then fall slowly to earth and wondering just how many seasons I would witness from this window.
Robert and I celebrated our first wedding anniversary while I was in the antepartum unit. Just 2 days later our beautiful Grace was born. Last year on our wedding anniversary I was told that I had ovarian cancer. All the emotions become very jumbled when looking back.
I miss my baby Grace. I love the little girl that she has become, but sometimes I just want to have a moment back when my sweetie could lie on my chest and her legs barely touched my waist. I want to toss her in the air and hear her giggle. I miss peek-a-boo, nap time and bathing her in the sink.
I am determined to enjoy each and every step along the way. I've become a soccer mom, gymnastics cheerleader, chauffer, short order cook but best of all I still get the constant "love yous" throughout my day, cuddle time and the recap of every moment from her day at school.
I am very lucky. Just look at how far we have come.
Grace goes to Kindergarten
|
|
|
Posted by Kathleen | Comments: (3) | Permalink
|
|
|
NICU DAY #25 OF 127
|
|
Feb 23, 2007 07:10pm (EST)
I still have this icky heploc in my scalp. It’s not fun but I guess better than having to go through it again if I need another transfusion. My apnea seems to be under control, or at least the nurses say so. I’m not convinced – it’s pretty scary to stop breathing for no reason several times a day. All of the alarms and beeping noises scare me too. The day I had a cyanosis episode I thought mommy was going to faint! It was the loudest alarm I have ever heard. It scared mommy so bad that she wanted to call daddy immediately but couldn’t remember his phone number! When she reached him he came as fast as he could. The doctors keep reassuring mommy and daddy that ABC’s are completely normal for premature babies. It’s good to know, but doesn’t make any of us feel better.
|
|
|
|
Posted by Kathleen | Comments: (1) | Permalink
|
|
|
DAY #22 OF 127
|
|
Feb 20, 2007 09:22pm (EST)
OOUUCCHHHH! What now? The nurse is telling me that I have to have another blood transfusion. They can’t find any good veins, so they put the needle in my scalp. It doesn’t feel very good, where are my mommy and daddy?
I can feel mommy sitting near my box. There will be no holding today because of the transfusion. The doctors and nurses are adjusting my medicine because I started my ABC’s yesterday. A=Apnea (stop breathing for at least 20 seconds), B=Bradycardia (low heart rate) and C= Cyanosis (blue baby). This is normal they tell us, but it sure feels like my health is sliding backwards instead of making progress.
Mommy looks very sad. She opens up the portholes and touches my tummy. She is staring out the window next to my bed watching the rain and the wind. She says it’s a terrible autumn day, and that pretty soon it will be winter. She remembers checking into the hospital at the end of the summer and watching the summer turn to fall. She wonders aloud how many seasons will she witness while she sits at this window. When will I go home? Will I ever go home?
|
|
|
|
Posted by Kathleen | Comments: (2) | Permalink
|
|
|
NICU DAY #19 OF 127
|
|
Feb 17, 2007 10:57am (EST)
I realized that there are other babies in this room too. Mommy has made friends with some of the other mommies and daddies. Griffen is next to me. He and I are almost the same size. His mommy lives far away, so she and his daddy can only visit sometimes. Griffen cries a lot when they are not here. He misses his mommy and daddy very much. Jaycee is a 28-weeker like me, but she is lots bigger. A new baby arrived today, her name is Amelia. Across the room is a baby named Grace. I think we might be friends some day.
Constance is next to me. Constance is very sick. OH NO!!!! Constance’s alarms are going off. “PLEASE HELP HER! Someone come quick! Constance needs your help! Constance’s alarms are all buzzing, something is very wrong!”
Okay, here comes a nurse – it feels like hours until they can get Constance breathing again, but I’m sure it’s probably just seconds. I am sad for Constance. Most of the time she is all alone. She still has the tube in her throat. The nurses say that she has been here a long time and they have no idea when she will go home, if ever.
|
|
|
|
Posted by Kathleen | Comments: (1) | Permalink
|
|
|
NICU DAY #7 OF 127
|
|
Feb 15, 2007 12:44am (EST)
Today I am a week old! 1 pound and 10 ounces. It’s still pretty scary around here. The doctors have so many tests for me every day. They’ve told mommy and daddy that I’m about 70% viable – whatever that means. Mommy cries and daddy comforts her. The three holes in my heart will hopefully close in time, but if not, I will have to have heart surgery. I have an extra rib and an odd vertebrae. They are checking to see if I have chromosome and kidney abnormalities. The results won’t be here for weeks. Next I will have brain and heart ultrasounds. Mommy and daddy pray that the tests will be normal. Daddy laughs, “normal is so underrated!”
|
|
|
|
Posted by Kathleen | Comments: (0) | Permalink
|
|
|
NICU DAY #6 OF 127
|
|
Feb 05, 2007 08:37pm (EST)
Daddy is VERY excited. I’m not sure what they are saying… but it sounds like...I can hold my mommy today!! Daddy is going to tell her right now. Mommy is still healing and needs breaks to lie down. Daddy sweet talked one of the nurses into holding time. I know I have the best daddy ever, he makes things happen! The nurse told him that he can hold me first, but daddy says mommy needs to hold me more. He is so excited. He leans over and opens the porthole and whispers, “I’m going to get your mommy right now so she can hold you!”
Here is my mommy! Daddy keeps telling her, “Yes, yes, it’s true. The nurse said it would be okay!” I’m looking at mommy and she’s looking at me. I don’t think either of us can believe that this moment has finally arrived. The nurse settles mommy into a chair and talks about “kangaroo care.” Mommy will hold me skin to skin so she can keep me warm. Her body temperature will keep us both warm!
Here we go – the nurse opens up my box, detangles my wires, gently picks me up and brings me to my mommy. FINALLY!!!! We are holding each other. My mommy feels so good. I can feel her breathing in and out. I can hear her heart beat. Her heart! I remember the sound, it kept me company when I was inside and dreaming about this day.
Much too quickly it was over. Mommy reluctantly gave me back to the nurse. Daddy’s turn would be next, probably tomorrow. “I can’t wait to hold you daddy! It’s our special time. Just you and me!!!!”
grace11
|
|
|
|
Posted by Kathleen | Comments: (6) | Permalink
|
|
 Archives
|
|
 |
 |
 |
|
|
