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AandO

August 2008

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GROWING OLD TOGETHER

Aug 06, 2008 07:38am (EST)

My step-sister and her husband are going through a rough patch. Their younger daughter will be turning one year old in a few weeks.

Whenever I am at a babyshower and the hostess passes around a notebook or those little pieces of paper on which the moms present are asked to share some sort of maternal wisdom with the mom-to-be, I always write the same thing:

"Don't make any life-changing decisions during the first year of your new baby's life."

See, I think that the first year after a child is born, whether it's the first child or the fifth, is the hardest yet for the parents as a couple.

After Alyssa was born, Tom and I had a really tough time as a couple. We were feeling our way through parenthood, I was a hormonal mess and we often felt the other was either insensitive, too sensitive, or just DOING IT WRONG. But right after Alyssa's first birthday, it was as if someone had flipped a switch and we found our way back to happy-coupledom.

Olivia's first year was even hard. On top of the hormonal soup that was pickling my brain, we had screamy, screamy Olivia and whiny Alyssa, who suddenly felt quite neglected now that she was sharing her parents with a screamy infant.

Again, things just got better around the time Olivia turned one.

One Sunday afternoon a few weeks ago, I was driving to Walmart. I passed our neighbors, an older couple, who were doing yard work. They were both doing their thing, not really working together but still getting the work done.

I realized that I can totally see myself and Tom in 20 years, living just that life. Enjoying being together, getting things done without getting in each other's way and just being a couple with grown kids, living live and loving each other and our family.

What surprised me about this was that the night before this realization, I'd gone to be seriously annoyed with my husband. And yet...even with the annoyances of daily life, I can see us growing old together. That's a nice thing to be able to see.

Posted by AandO | Comments: (1) | Permalink

INTOLERABLE

Aug 05, 2008 10:00am (EST)

Olivia's occupational therapist called me today. She sees Olivia at my mom's house each week, and through my mom, Cristin (the therapist) and I communicate. But today, she called to talk directly to me.

She wanted to know if we had heard anything more about Olivia's reflux in the past year or if it was considered to be settled. I told her about Olivia's appointment in May, where the doctor examined her, saw and heard no signs of reflux, willing prescribed Zantac just in case and sent us on our way. I gave her the Zantac for about three days, noticed she was spitting up WAY more while taking the medicine and stopped it. She stopped spitting up and we were all happy.

Anyway...Cristin thinks that Olivia still has stomach issues. Perhaps not reflux anymore, but still stomach discomfort. I confirmed with her that Olivia does deal with constipation at least once a week, usually more like two or three times a week.

Cristin said she wondered about that because Olivia tends to be very gassy during therapy, depending on the position Cristin puts her in. There are times during each therapy session that Cristin feel the need to check O's diaper because she smells that bad.

So we're going to start exploring the world of food intolerances. I know that cheese binds her up. I think milk probably does too and yet she LOVES milk and I hate to take that protein and fat and calcium out of her diet.

Broccoli is another culprit in the gas-making line-up.

Olivia never seems to be in pain or even discomfort but I think she was in so much pain in the beginning of her life that perhaps even a little discomfort is nothing to her anymore. Who knows? She can't exactly tell us yet.

Another thing I mentioned to Cristin is that Olivia still eats mainly baby food at home. My mom feeds her mostly regular food but my husband and I tend to feed her baby food. It just seems to go through her more easily. Cristin said that this is telling. It shows that, even if just subliminally, Tom and I have realized that O's stomach/digestive tract is still immature and we're adjusting her diet accordinly.

I know she can chew regular food just fine. But I hate that she gets bloated and unable to poo when she eats too much of regular food. So...we've stuck with the baby food.

Perhaps it's time for another ped appointment to discuss all this and maybe even get a referral to a nutritionist for Miss Olivia.

Posted by AandO | Comments: (4) | Permalink

GRAMMY'S LOVE

Aug 04, 2008 07:31am (EST)

My mom met us at the zoo this weekend, where we gathered with other graduates of the Lutheran Hospital NICU for a day of games, running through fountains, and gazing at animals.

My mom is so good with my girls. Alyssa was my mom's first grandchild. My mom started watching Alyssa when she (Alyssa, not my mom) was 3 months old and I had to return to work. Mom watched her for 5 months, until she (Mom, not Alyssa) also was called back to work. Alyssa started daycare and then my mom was laid off again just 2 months later. We all rejoiced.

During this time, my mom declared to me, "I never thought I'd say this, but I think the love a grandmother feels for her grandchild is more intense than the love a mother feels for her child."

At first, I was perhaps offended. Afterall, my mom was telling me that she loved my child more than she loved me. But...wait...it was MY CHILD she was talking about, so, hey, yeah, awesome that she loves her so much.

That love is most definitely returned by both Alyssa and Olivia. My mom remarked while at the zoo this weekend, that while she's sad that it's time for Alyssa to start kindergarten and be away during the day, Mom is looking forward to spending some one-on-one time with Olivia. Again, I'm all for one of my kids getting some undivided attention from her doting Grammy.

How lucky are we, both me and my girls, to have my mom helping out as much as she does? Being a mom, I can't imagine a stronger love than the one I feel for my children, but then, I see my mom with my children and realize that maybe I just have to wait a couple of decades and I will see what she meant when she said there is nothing like the love a grandmother feels for her grandchild.

Posted by AandO | Comments: (3) | Permalink

SENTENCED

Aug 01, 2008 07:59am (EST)

Olivia is doing very well with her signing and her spoken vocabulary. As indicated several posts down, she's got a pretty good set of words and signs that she uses daily to convey her wishes and needs.

She even recently added "No" to her spoken vocabular, which comes in handy when you have a kiss-happy sister who would cover you with kisses ALL DAY LONG if you let her.

But as much as she communicates, she usually uses one word or one sign to get what she wants.

Until this week. This week, she signed two words, in a row, to make a crude sentence.

My step-dad, her Pop-pop, was drinking a grape flavored carbonated beverage (pop, for those of you in the upper Mid-west, coke to those in southern Indiana and Kentucky and soda to most others). He gave her a sip of the sugary (but uncaffeinated, thank goodness) concoction and she was hooked.

He'd asked if she wanted more and she'd shake her head, and sign "More." Finally, after three sips, he didn't offer her more. She signed, "Please, more drink." Three signs in a row, making a sentence!

I'm telling you, she'll be talking in no time.

Posted by AandO | Comments: (3) | Permalink

ITCHY

Jul 31, 2008 08:21am (EST)

Alyssa has a serious problem with mosquito bites. Sure, they itch, they're unsightly and they carry the minute possibility of transmitting the West Nile virus (we're in Northern Indiana, not the upper Northest, such as New Hampshire).

Her problem, though, is that the sight of a mosquito bite swells enormously when she gets bitten. And it doesn't go down for days.

I know that most people are at least slightly allergic to mosquito bites (hence even the minor swelling) but I think that Alyssa's reaction is indicative of a more severe allergy.

So this summer we've been pretty diligent about putting mosquito/bug repellant on her. And yet just recently, she woke up from a refreshing night's sleep with no fewer than 9 fresh bites on her. Three on her back, two on her arm, one on her face (right by her eye!) and three on her leg. And they were all horrible.

So now the poor kid has to be slathered with repellant before bed, right when she wakes up and several times a day.

While this doesn't inhibit her summer fun it does make her less than pleasant smelling.

But I'd rather have to deal with the stink of Off! than try and keep her from scratching those huge welts.

And so it goes, for all seasons we have the good and the bad.

Posted by AandO | Comments: (4) | Permalink

KISS IT BETTER

Jul 30, 2008 06:51am (EST)

There is so much going on inside Olivia these days. She's just a bundle of energy, so wound up that sleep has taken a turn for the worse.

But this is not a post about sleep (I know, it's probably been DAYS since I last wrote a post about sleep). It's actually a post about Olivia seeming to connect things, cognitively.

See, Olivia has this tendency to bite. Well, she bites me. No one else, just me. She has always thought it was a joke. She'd be biting on my shirt, pulling the fabric away and looking at me out of the corner of her eyes, waiting for a response.

But then one day she caught some skin along with the material of the shirt and oh my goodness, the response she got from that was AWESOME, if you're a toddler and you think a yelping mother is funny.

So from then one (say for the last 5 months or so), she's made a game of biting me. I have never laughed when she's bitten me (the child has razor sharp teeth, laughing is not an option) but she has never taken my stern, "No, do not bite Mommy!" exclaimations seriously. Instead, she grins and sometimes even giggles.

Last week my step-sister (who also has two girls similar in age to my two) suggested that I bite Olivia back. She said that she bit her older daughter once after said older daughter bit her and that child never bit her again.

But...see, I didn't think that Olivia would get it. I didn't think she'd make the connection that my hurting her was in response to her hurting me and it just didn't seem right.

You see where this is going? Well, it's not actually going there. I didn't bite her back.

Instead, this past weekend, when Olivia and I were sitting on the couch, relaxing and she leaned down and bit me (dudes, she's left BRUISES from these bites) I pulled her away and said again, in a stern, no-nonsense voice, "NO! No biting. Do not bite Mommy."

It was as if I could see the wheels in her head turning. She frowned slightly as she thought about what I'd said. Then she leaned down and kissed me where she'd bitten. I was shocked. I was thrilled. I praised her and hugged her, telling her what a sweet girl she is. She kissed me again. I praised and hugged her again.

I really think she figured it out. She realized that it was not a joke, she understood that her actions had consequences and the action of biting did not give good consequences. She also found that the act of kissing it better did have good consequences.

She hasn't bitten since. I think we're moving along not just physically but also cognitively. How cool is that?

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Posted by AandO | Comments: (3) | Permalink

MILESTONES

Jul 29, 2008 08:38am (EST)

My mom and I were talking this weekend. We have been so excited about every little thing that Olivia accomplishes, that we've started to feel a little silly when we celebrate that she kept her head up for 5 whole minutes of crawling or that she's doing a cross crawl, or that she keeps her hands straight while crawling instead of turning them in.

But...we stopped ourselves from feeling silly. We realize that every milestone reached by every baby/child is a big deal. It's an amazing testiment of the human body and how miraculous it is that we can all do the things we do.

And yet...we feel like Olivia deserves the applause we heap on her. This little girl has had to LEARN every single skill she currently has. Nothing has come naturally to her. Well, except for rolling over, which she started doing at 6 weeks old and never stopped. But everything else, from hold her head up, to sitting, to clapping, to crawling and eventually, pulling up and walking, she has had to or will have to learn do to by sheer will on her part, my part, her daddy's part, her grammy's part and her therapists' parts.

Sure, it's great when a perfectly average, normal baby crawls at 8 months old, pulled upa t 9 months old, cruises at 10 months old and walks at 11 months old. But those skills came naturally, that baby never really had to struggle to do any of those things.

Olivia has had to struggle and so if my cheers are a little louder for her when she first pulls herself up to a stand (which she hasn't yet, but it's just a matter of time) please forgive this proud mama for her loud round of applause and hoots of glee. I can't help it. She's worked so hard for every little thing she learns to do and I want her to keep working hard to reach her potential, so the clapping you hear from this vicinity of northern Indiana? Yeah, that's me cheering my little girl on.

Posted by AandO | Comments: (4) | Permalink

BRISTLING

Jul 28, 2008 07:08am (EST)

Last week at Olivia's occupational therapy session, the therapist introduced a soft-bristled brush and suggested that we use this brush on Olivia every two hours.

No, she wasn't commenting on our less-than-to-be-desired grooming skills when it comes to Olivia's VERY curly hair. Instead, she thinks that running the brush over Olivia's arms, legs and back could help the nerves in her limbs and back start firing a bit more.

So we started a brushing routing. She doesn't seem to mind it. We take the brush and firmly run it from her shoulders to her fingertips, from her hips to her toes (careful to avoid the bottoms of her feet because we definitely do not want to tickle her) and then from her shoulders to her waist on her back. The brush is VERY soft, which is why the brushing strokes need to be firm.

While I'm not sure if any one things we're doing is responsible for the sudden burst of development Olivia is experiencing, I will say that I'm not willing to eliminate any one thing right now.

We've got her four therapy hours each week. I know these are beneficial and wouldn't consider stopping them.

We see a chiropractor once every two weeks. I'm not sure how much he helps but Olivia loves him and she seems to feel better after each adjustment. I can't bring myself to stop the appointments just yet because he MIGHT be helping and I'm sure they aren't hurting her.

We have also added the brushing. Sure, she was starting to crawl (bit by bit) before we started brushing her but suddenly, she's crawling everywhere. With her head up! She's moving with a purpose. She sees something several feet away and she moves from sitting to all fours and GOES AND GETS IT. It's amazing and beautiful and OMG we had to baby-proof this weekend! Our 'baby' is 20 months old and we JUST had to baby-proof our house. How wonderful is that?

I have chosen to brush Alyssa on the same schedule I use to brush Olivia because I think that Alyssa has some sensory issues and I've read that brushing can help kids with sensory issues learn to handle their over-loaded senses or perhaps it just desensitizes them just enough that they can handle everything the world throws them. She fusses a bit, but once it's done, she seems very relaxed and that can't be a bad thing.

Posted by AandO | Comments: (3) | Permalink

HONK

Jul 25, 2008 06:36am (EST)

When my husband and I first started seeing each other, I casually mentioned that I thought it was ever so nice of truckers to honk in warning of police cars as I drove past them.

After deducing that I was naively serious, my then-future husband informed me that truckers to not honk in warning of speed traps. Oh no, they honk to let you know they think you're an attractive woman.

I was skeptical. I did not believe that random truck drivers would be so crude. What did they hope the achieve by doing this, I wondered to my amused significant other?

He shrugged and said, "Probably nothing, but they're probably bored after hours on the road and when a cute woman drives past them, they acknowledge it."

I decided that the poor man was more naive than I was and continued to look for police cars whenever I heard the blare of a semi horn as I drove down the interstate.

Then...I gained weight. And the honking stopped. Had the truckers decided they were no longer going to warn fellow drivers of speed traps? Or...had Tom been right? Had the truckers been appreciating my cuteness all those years?

Well, since I've lost 43 pounds, the honking has returned. And I'm woman enough to admit that I was probably wrong. I'm not being warned of sneaky cops. Those honks feel like a round of applause for a job well done, even though the truckers have no idea that I ever had to lose weight. I know I did and I have and it's nice to be appreciated, even by crude strangers.

Posted by AandO | Comments: (7) | Permalink

EAT

Jul 24, 2008 06:55am (EST)

Olivia has added a word to her spoken vocabulary. She actually seemed surprised and almost embarrassed when she uttered the word "eat" the other day. We were all so happy and surprised that we cheered for her like crazy. She grinned and looked around and then refused to say it again for two days.

But she did finally say it again and she said it in the appropriate context, which, in the end, does matter.

So her spoken vocabulary is:

Mama
Dada
Baba (meaning baby)
Up
Eat
Goo (good) She often puts goo with baba when she wants attention, telling us she's a good baby

She makes other sounds but nothing else that can be taken as an actual word.

She still signs quite a bit too. Her vocabular in signs is:

Please
More
Baby
Hat
All done
Bubbles
Ball
Bath
Eat
Up

And, best of all (to this mom) is that she's added nodding to her communication skills.

If you ask her a yes or no question, Olivia will nod or shake her head appropriately. It's awesome for when you want to know if she's hungry or tired or even has a wet diaper. But it's also fun to ask her if her Grammy is annoying her and have her nod yes, indeed, Grammy is annoying her.

She's started nodding/shaking her head more and more in just the last week or so and it's amazing to watch as she tackles yet another milestone.

I talked to her PT a couple of weeks ago about her development and her therapist confirmed something I'd suspected for a while.

Olivia is a stair-stepper. She tackles one developmental milestone at a time, masters that skill and then hovers for a bit, gathering her energy and her motivation and then moves on to the next rather than being on a steady upward slope.

And that seems to work for her. All of her therapists are thrilled with her progress and we can all see progress each week, even if it is progress in the skill she's working on at that moment. She can be one-track and that's okay, because it's who she is and I wouldn't change who this little girl is for anything.

Posted by AandO | Comments: (2) | Permalink

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