March of Dimes

SHARE HOME > SHARE YOUR STORY > ALL SHORT STORIES > BLOGS

A JOURNAL FOR GRADY, GABBY & ABBY

GradyGabbyAbby

August 2008

Category: Home

Sun

Mon

Tue

Wed

Thu

Fri

Sat

FUN AND FUNDRAISING...

Aug 07, 2008 07:40am (EST)

Ok, I just have to say that last Saturday's fund raiser overall went really well. Our shop alone raised close to $1500.00 and we are still receiving some donations. They are trickling in, but they're still coming.

Thank you to EVERYONE who contributed. You guys are the BOMB DIGGITTY!! lol...
But truly, the hightlight of my day was spending time with close friends from SHARE.

It was AWESOME!! And can I just say, we HAVE to do this more often guys. Not so much the tattooing part, but just getting together.

The fund raiser began at 12 noon, but because of Grady's football practice I was not able to get there till close to 1:00. At about 1:30 there's a tap on my shoulder (I was talking to a girlfriend of mine from high school). I turned around to see Kate, Denise and James. Big hugs all around!!

I love mesome hugs!! lol...
Then I look over and there is this strange guy I had never seen before. Kate introduced me, and it was her brother Noah. I have to say that I thought Noah was GREAT!! He was so sweet, to put up with all our shenanigans. lol... Thanks so much for joining us Noah, Love ya too!!

As most of you have already read from Denise's blog, Kate was our 1st "victim" to get a tattoo from our little group. She was such a champ. Job well done Kate!!

2nd to go was Denise. Ok, I just have to say poor Denise was stressing herself out over this. I hope it wasn't as bad as you anticipated my dear friend.

But she did it!! And I am SUPER proud of her. She did great.
Next was James. He's been tattooed before as well as Kate, but he did get a larger tattoo and it turned out wonderful I think. Although, I guess I'm partial to that because of who did the tattooing. lol...
And yes, he was cussing like a trucker when we left the tattoo shop. It was hilarious!!

We walked across the street to a pub for some relaxation and play video games. (Ms. Pac Man Queen-Denise) She loves hersome Pac Man. Seriously. lol...

James said the tattoo really hurt, but he did great.
Woo Hoo, you the man James!!

Oh I was just told, HUGS to you all from Grady!! Denise, I'll have a picture in the café for you.

I thought of the girls often throughout the day. Thinking that it was because of them I had these wonderful people around me. It was because of my girls I push to raise awareness and money so that no child and no parent will know the effects of prematurity. And I only shed light tears that day. But they were tears of joy, for I knew in my heart that Gabrielle and Abigail were watching over us, smiling.

We had an amazing time. And I'm so glad that some of my closest friends were able to spend such a special day with me and my family.
It meant the world to us.

Love you guys!!
Colleen

Posted by GradyGabbyAbby | Comments: (8) | Permalink

MARCH OF DIMES-TATTOOING TO SAVE BABIES...

Jul 29, 2008 04:54am (EST)

Four days and counting!!

I can't believe the time is almost here. It seems like only a month ago Ken and I were in the beginning stages and making plans. Time just goes by way too fast.
I say a prayer every day that we have decent weather and that all goes well for our fund raiser. This is our 1st, and we plan to make this an annual event.
Ken has asked 2 more tattoo artist to help out with the event, so we will have a total of 4 tattooist.
If all comes that has responded (which I add has been amazing), we may have well over 100 people arriving for tattoos that day.

I am both excited and scared. I think the apprehension is the worst part.

We just want everything to go smoothly.
Wish us luck!!

Below is a copy of our story and the link to our website if anyone is interested in seeing it. We have added a map showing people from all over the world who has checked it out. Right now we have over 5,000 hits!! AMAZING!!

Tattooing to Save Babies
1201 Tuckahoe Court
Denton, MD 21629

Saturday August 2nd, Black Anchor Tattoo in Denton, MD
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
As parents to 2 premature children the March of Dimes has been an amazing source of strength and support to our family. They continue to fund and find amazing ways to save a child that has been born too soon. Through education and awareness we can fight against babies being born pre maturely and having to face life long disabilities and even infant mortality.

1 in every 8 babies that are born, are born prematurely. Pre maturity affects many of us, whether it is your family, a friend, neighbor or co-worker pre maturity does not discriminate against.

As many of you know we have a beautiful, healthy boy Gradon, who is now 9 years old. But we have also faced many hardships. Pre maturity has affected our family in ways that NO parent should ever know. Ken and I had 2 beautiful daughters in December 2005 and August 2006. Gabrielle Lynn and Abigail Marie were born pre maturely at 22 and 19 weeks gestation. Gabby was with us 1 hour while Abby was with us for 3. I have since been diagnosed with an incompetent cervix and was told by doctors and professionals that I carrying a child to term was very slim.
Since the loss of our daughters, Ken, Gradon and I continue to fight the battle against pre maturity.
With your help we can help save future parents and their children from the devastating effects pre maturity impacts on many every day.

Thank you for taking the time to read our story and to help us on our journey saving babies.
Doesn't every baby deserve a chance at life?

For any further information or to contact Krooked Ken please feel free to email at:

krookedken@gmail.com

Thank You For Your Support

With the kindest regards, we are sincerely yours,

Krooked Ken and Colleen Motter

http://www.blackanchortattoo.com/tattooingtosavebabies.html

MOD banner

Posted by GradyGabbyAbby | Comments: (14) | Permalink

PAINFUL MEMORIES...

Jul 15, 2008 05:35am (EST)

As I laid in bed last night reading (it was after midnight) my eyes felt heavy and I closed my book. Instantly I was thrown back into the past and vividly, very vividly the memories of my 1st daughter began to play out like on the reels of an old movie projector. Not of her birth but of her death.
I recall her crying, the sounds of a kitten. They were bittersweet sounds to my ears. As tears streamed down my face then, as it did so last night I wanted to push these memories away. But was unable to and the movie in my head began to play out.

Gabrielle Lynn was born on December 7, 2005 and placed in my arms.
She had the sweetest angelic face. I looked to Ken and said "she looks just like Gradon." She was beautiful and she was our daughter.
I could see her little heart beat through her thin, bruised skin and I wanted so badly for the doctors and nurses to save her. But I never said those words, I just *thought* them. I knew the outcome, and I had to see it through.
Ken and I took turns holding Gabrielle and I can recall the love and the pain in Ken's eyes as he held his 1st daughter. I could see that all he wanted to do was to run out of the room with her and to tell someone, anyone to please save her.
I wanted so badly to take this pain away from husband and to tell him that everything was going to alright.

As I held Gabby and watched her stretch and wiggle she grabbed my pinky finger. I was amazed at how small but detailed her hands were, fingernails and all. She never let go, and I didn't want her to.
She tried so hard to breathe as she struggled to take in air, gasping.
It was one of the most painful things to watch.
I began to panic, looking to my doctor saying that she is gasping for air. He told me it was normal, that it would stop soon. I cried out, "I don't want her to suffer like this!!" The doctor came to my side and said, "Colleen she is not suffering. She knows that her Mommy has her."
I held her close and rocked her. I told her "we love you and that it's ok to go to sleep now sweetie. Mommy and daddy are here."
(As I type this the computer screen is becoming fuzzy through my tears)
The nurse would come in every few minutes to check on us and to check Gabrielle's heart beat.
I can remember my nurse coming in and placing the stethoscope on Gabby's chest one last time. Gabby had finally stopped gasping for air a few minutes prior to that and now she laid still in my arms. I knew in my heart that she was gone, but I had to know for sure. So I asked the nurse "is she gone?" She nodded her head. But Gabby never let go of my pinky. She held on to me as she took that last breath. It's a moment in my life that was the most painful but most loving act.
I held Gabrielle close to me once more and rocked her as I sobbed. These were tears that I never knew existed. They were the tears of a Mom that had just lost her daughter.

The nurse finally came back into the room asking us if it was ok if she took her to have her picture taken and that we should do so soon. The longer we waited the more her skin would begin to wrinkle and lose it's texture.
I let her take her, my heart broken forever and my arms feeling empty.

Several minutes later our nurse brought Gabrielle back to us. She was dressed in the smallest pink sweater I had ever seen and wore a bonnet upon her head. She was wrapped in a hospital blanket and laid in my arms.
She was getting colder now so they told us that a heating lamp would be brought in to keep her as warm as possible.
For the next 8 hours Ken and I held our daughter and talked to her as if she could hear us. I rocked her like any other baby I held in my arms.
We kissed her a thousand kisses and then finally let her go.
We left the hospital with empty arms that evening. But our hearts full of love for our daughter, Gabrielle Lynn. A love that we still hold to this very day.

HUGS,
Colleen

Posted by GradyGabbyAbby | Comments: (17) | Permalink

OUR VACATION

Jul 12, 2008 07:18am (EST)

Ken, Grady and I really enjoyed our selves in Myrtle Beach. The great thing about being there is that there is SO much stuff to do.
One afternoon we hit the waterpark, which Grady LOVED.

One evening was spent at the Amusement park which was a blast. Grady and I love the water flume ride!! Grady actually rode it 3 times!! Once was enough for me though. And the bumper cars, that left me in stitches!!

The next night was putt, putt golf. OMG they have HUGE golf courses in MB. The one we went to was called "Jungle Lagoon" and it's exactly how it sounds. Full of jungle themes and plenty of water.

It was Humongous and so much fun.

Another evening we went to "Medieval Times." A dinner and show that included, knights on horses, jousting, a prince and princess and a banquet of food (no utensils of course).

Each person that entered the arena had to wear a certain colored crown. Ours was red and yellow, which stood for the color knight we would be cheering on through out the show. Everyone else around you at other tables were your enemies. It was GREAT!!
Needless to say, our knight was killed towards the end of the show which really sucked. Grady was devastated, but made a quick recovery when the BAD green knight was killed by the heroic prince.

It was an incredible show and lasts about 2 hours. If you ever get the opportunity to go, I would highly recommend it.

As some of you may have seen on Tracy's (AngelLove) blog, I had the privledge to meet her and her family while we were on vacation. Let me just say, Tracy and Ansley are so sweet.
It was the highlight of my vacation to finally meet and hang out with them.
We were able to spend a wonderful evening together at a place called, "Broadway on the Beach." Full of dining (at Joe's Crabshack), shopping, (I love me some shopping-don't I Tracy)

and a beautiful display of fireworks to end such a nice evening.

Would you believe me if I told you Tracy, that on our last night we RETURNED to Broadway on the Beach and did MORE shopping!!?? lol...
To end my post for today I have attached some pics. It overall was a really nice getaway, and a vacation that holds many wonderful memories for me.
I'm so glad that Tracy and Ansley are a part of that.
HUGS,
Colleen
Love to my kids,
Grady, Gabby and Abby

1. The water park
2. Putt Putt Golf at Jungle Lagoon
3, 4, and 5. Medieval Times
6. Broadway at the Beach
7. Ansley and Gradon (This pic was taken with Ken's cell phone camera.) I forgot my digital!! UGH!! Tracy's pic turned out so much better.

8. Our Hassellhoff (Gradon on the beach)

By the way, he loves to boogie board!!

Posted by GradyGabbyAbby | Comments: (11) | Permalink

I'M BACK!!

Jul 07, 2008 06:35am (EST)

It's always great to get away, but *really* it's nice to get home too.

Ken, Grady and I had a great vacation. Lots of stuff to tell you all!! So I will start at the beginning.
On our way into North Carolina we ran into a heck of a thunderstorm. Came with downpours, streaks of lightning and hail. The whole nine yards!! Needless to say we had to find somewhere to duck out of the mess till it blew over. I kept waiting for that funnel to pop out of the sky from nowhere.
We found a bank in a small town and sat there for more then 20 minutes waiting it out. I took some pics. Not sure if the hail is going to show up or not but you can see the rain and there was plenty of flooding on the streets. It was a doozzie!!

We made it to the resort about 2 hours later and upon unpacking the car we found that the hood, roof and trunk now look like the dimples on a golf ball!!

Glad we have insurance.

So that was the first thing we had to do when we were settled into the room, call Nationwide and make a claim. They are going to love us for this one!!

Ken is taking the car in for a claims inspection tomorrow morning.

Ok, so we get settled and order a pizza and then hit the hay from total exhaustion.

For the next week we pretty much had the same routine down in the mornings. Coffee, beach, pool, lunch and then something special for the evening hours. Every night we did something different. It was totally AWESOME!!

Now I am recuperating from all the fun!! But it was totally worth it. I even behaved and stuck to a 4 drink (per evening) minimum while we were there.

I have so much more to "share" with you guys, but I'll wrap it up in my next blog. I don't want this getting too long with too many pics. It'll take forever to upload for you. lol...

Hope everyone is well. I'll be checking in on you!!

It's great to be back!!

HUGS,
Colleen
Love to my kids
Grady, Gabby and Abby

Posted by GradyGabbyAbby | Comments: (14) | Permalink

MYRTLE BEACH HERE WE COME...

Jun 25, 2008 05:18am (EST)

Well, we are down to the last day before leaving on our vacation!! I'm really looking forward to this.

Our plan is to pack up the car this evening and be on the road no later then 8 a.m. tomorrow. We'll see if we can meet our goal. I have a tendency to be late for EVERYTHING!!

Ken and I have been so stressed out lately over work. Things have been really getting to us lately. I think a vacation is well overdue.

Our goal is to come back refreshed and re charged.

I know Grady is SO excited about our trip!!

As I continue to pack our bags, I do leave with a bit of a heavy heart though. I'm really going to miss you all.
How 'bout I just stick you guys in my suitcases and take you along with me?

Since I can't do that, I will be sure to take lots and lots of pictures.
Karri, I will try my best on trying to figure out how to bottle up that beachy smell for you and record the sound of the waves.

I've already gotten my new book, "Odd Thomas, Odd Hours" by Dean Koontz. I am mystery, horror fanatic.

So sitting out on the beach reading a book with a cocktail in hand is just what I need.

Thank you everyone for all your well travel wishes.
It's going to be a LONG drive!!

Tom Tom tells us 9 hours and 15 minutes to be exact!! Like I said, long drive.

Grady and I stopped at the store yesterday to pick up a game to plug into our car DVD player. He picked out Jeopardy. I figured this was a good choice, since we could *all* participate in guessing the answers to this while we are driving. Grady can read the questions while we all try and guess the right answer. It should be FUN!!

Grady is also bringing some movies to watch on our drive. "Nacho Libre, Shrek Three, Meet the Robinsons and Star Wars" (the original, which is my personal favorite).

We have our Ipods and gameboys too. So that should keep him busy for a whole hour or so.

lol...

I hope that everyone stays well and safe on SHARE. Know that I will be thinking of you all and missing you guys.

See you on July 7th!!

HUGS,
Colleen

Posted by GradyGabbyAbby | Comments: (15) | Permalink

GOOD NEWS...

Jun 20, 2008 04:58am (EST)

We *finally* heard back from my Grand father's doctors!! At this time the results *do not* look like cancer on his lung but an infection.
The doctor (a pulmonary specialist) has stated that test and a CAT scan will be re done in 2 weeks to keep an eye on him. Hopefully nothing will progress and the infection will clear up on it's own.
During the time he had bronchitis he was on an anti biotic so he doesn't want to put him on another one right now. But I am SO relieved. I was trying to remain optimistic and thankfully all looks well at this point.
Thank you everyone for your good thoughts and prayers.
Apparently it worked!!

6 days and counting...
We leave for our family vacation on Thursday June 26th and will be returning July 7th. My Dad will be house sitting for us and taking care of our precious Scooby Doo.

Scooby LOVES his Grand pop!!

I'm gonna miss you guys here at SHARE!! You all are never far from my thoughts.

I just *had* to post a picture of Ken from the Philadelphia zoo. He is standing behind one of those cut out props. I think he's a baboon!!

He told me NOT to post this on SHARE, but you know me I don't listen very well!! lol...

HAPPY FRIDAY!!

HUGS,
Colleen

Posted by GradyGabbyAbby | Comments: (14) | Permalink

A LITTLE OF THIS A LITTLE OF THAT...

Jun 17, 2008 05:51am (EST)

The past few weeks have been pretty busy. Grady has finished up school for the summer and will be going into the 4th grade.

Out of 4 marking terms Gradon has received a "Certificate of Academic Excellence" for 3 of those terms. His last report card reflected all A's and B's!!

His teacher, who we will surely miss gave him rave reviews and says, "Gradon has completed grade 3 reading level, he is on grade level in math. Gradon continues to amaze me with his determination and persistence. Good luck in the 4th grade!!"

We are so proud of him!!
Gosh, it's hard to believe that my little man is going into the 4th grade. I keep thinking to myself, what happen to my baby? Where did he go? He certainly isn't a baby any more.

Which brings me to my next thought. Lately I'm so glad that I don't have to worry about the "baby" stages. That I don't have any more diapers to change, or in the middle of the night feedings to prepare or potty training. I'm enjoying this *new found* freedom that comes with my 9 year old. Not having to worry every second of the day. Wondering what he may get himself in to. Like a tube of Desitin creme that he ate when he was just a year old. lol...

Not that I still DON'T worry, because I do. But about different things. While he's outside playing, I'm wondering where he is and what is he doing. I worry about child abduction and if he is talking to strangers. I don't have to worry about the baby things anymore but I have to worry about the things that comes with raising a 9 year old that will be turning 10 in November.

As parents we will ALWAYS worry about our kids for one reason or another.

I just hope that what Ken and I teach him today keeps him safe tomorrow.
Last Monday, Ken took his parents and Grady to the Philadelphia zoo. I was sick with a stomach bug so I was not able to go. But they had a really nice time and took some great pics.

Father's day was nice. Grady and Ken went to a minor league baseball game and I spent the day with my father. I cooked him dinner and Mom, Dad and I spent the afternoon in the pool. It was some nice, quality time together.
My daycare has gotten a bit busier now that school is out and I have a full house from time to time. There are some days that I have 5 children here all day long and that can get a bit crazy around here.

Ken and I hired a contractor to complete our back deck last week. Our deck now goes out to our pool and we can jump right in!!

Actually we *don't* just jump in, that's one of the rules that has to be followed at all times. NO DIVING or JUMPING!! But the guys did a great job and the deck looks AWESOME!!

Next week we will be leaving for Myrtle Beach for our family vacation. I can't wait!! I am so ready for some R&R!!

Hope this blog finds you all well.
HUGS,
Colleen
Love to my kids
Grady, Gabby and Abby
We LOVE our bird feeders. But so do the squirrels. lol...

Posted by GradyGabbyAbby | Comments: (11) | Permalink

LIFE'S ACCOMPLISHMENTS...

Jun 05, 2008 11:03am (EST)

I have often asked myself why Ken and I have had to struggle so hard to get where we are today? Why is that there are those people things just happen for them? Good things, wonderful things and we have to struggle so much in life? Is this a test, a test of faith, a test of courage? I don't know, all I know is that we truly are able to appreciate these things all the more.

But haven't we been through enough?
I see the way that others look at me, at Ken and I have to wonder what they are thinking. Really I know, why should I care? But I do.
I often wonder if living in a small town where everyone knows everyone and every ones business, if they don't look at me to blame for the death of our girls and pity Ken for having a wife that can't give him all the children he wants.
Only to have others look at Ken and discriminate against him for the way he makes his living and for all the tattoos that cover his body. A body that is un healthy and twisted and he would love nothing more then to replace. People can be so judge mental, not even knowing all the facts before making that decision.
Believe it or not a few months ago there were some parents, parents from Grady's school that won't allow their children to participate in sports that we have sponsored because of the word "tattoo." This parent (a school teacher mind you) actually told, not asked this league to pull our sponsorships. I'm proud to say that this league backed us up and declined this parents requests.

That my friends, is another story for another blog.

It took Ken and I almost ten years and 2 early miscarriages to get Gradon here. It took Ken and I several years to get up enough money to start our own businesses while working our tails off. I have seen others that could care less and things just happen for them and it irritates me. These wonderful things are just handed to them and then they are taken for granted.
There is envy, there is jealousy and yes even anger on some days. Some days I feel these all at once, other days one feeling at a time. But I have found that it takes more energy out of me to feel those three emotions then it is to be happy, and content. I have to try and remember that when ever I feel negative about something in the future.

I look around me, my home, our businesses, our kids, our accomplishments and I am truly blessed for having these wonderful things that surround me. But I still don't have what I want. I don't have my girls. I don't have Gabrielle and Abigail to hold, to cuddle, to look at, to watch grow. I still want that, I want that very much and every day. That's an accomplishment I will never fulfill. I would love to know what it's like to raise 3 children instead of one but I will never know that.
Raising Gradon is the most important thing in my life. He is my son, he is a survivor, he is my miracle. He is my world, he is my BIGGEST accomplishment.

I wish I didn't know what it was like to hold my child in my arms and watch them take that last breath. I wish I didn't know what it was like to go to a funeral home and pick out a small casket and lay my child to rest.
Only to have the roller coaster ride of the grieving process take hold of you and drag you down into depths you didn't know existed. I remember those first few months trying to climb my way out of the biggest, darkest hole I had fallen in. I remember, crying myself to sleep almost every night and dreaming of the girls births and deaths waking up to sheets soaked in sweat. I remember the exhaustion of just getting out of bed each morning and starting a new day and not wanting to.
I wanted so much to lay in my bed, throw the covers over my head and ball up into a fetal position and cry my days away. Cry until the pain was gone.
But I didn't. I got up each morning, and I got my shower and started my days. Not always happy about it, but knowing that I had to and that was a HUGE accomplishment for me.

Blogging has been a wonderful way for me to begin to heal, to share my feelings. To share my family and just know that I'm not alone in my fears and what I "thought" were my weaknesses. I have learned through the many months and years of grieving that what I was feeling was not about being weak, but about healing.
There are many others that had been where I was, and took me by the hand and guided me on to the right path. They let me know that what I was feeling was "normal." Thank you, each of you and you know who you are.

For those that are going through a recent loss, please know that I am truly sorry.
SHARE is a wonderful, compassionate place full of caring and loving people. Know that you do not travel this road grieving alone. That there *is* a light at the end of that long and dark tunnel. That one day you *will* accomplish what you think is the impossible.
I'm proof of that.

HUGS and healing,
Colleen
Love to my kids,
Grady, Gabby and Abby

Posted by GradyGabbyAbby | Comments: (15) | Permalink

UPDATES...

May 28, 2008 05:59am (EST)

Lots of stuff going on!!

I'll try not to bore everyone here with my ranting. lol...

First I would like to thank everyone for all the wonderful birthday wishes. You guys are the BEST!!

On Monday, Memorial Day I turned 39 years "young!!"

It was a great day.
We had a BBQ (love me a BBQ)

at our home and the kids had a ball in the pool. Too darn cold for us adults though.

But before the end of the night everyone had there fair share of getting "soaked!!" My sister started the whole darn mess by filling up balloons with water and bringing them outside by the bucket full.

Needless to say, it was alot of fun.

Sunday Ken and I decided to get a jucuzzi suite and celebrate our 19th wedding anniversary, which was Tuesday May 27th. Wow 19 years, for some reason it seems *alot* longer then that. lol...

We were going to hit the casino nearby the hotel, but decided against it and went to Walmart instead. Bought one of those fire pits for our back deck and several other items. I think we spent more money there then we would of in the casino. lol...

Grady stayed with his grandparents Sunday night and picked strawberries Sunday afternoon. For breakfast the following morning they had pancakes with strawberries and cool whip. Grady said it was better then at the IHOP!!

The weekend wiped all of us out. We are still recuperating from all the fun we had.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Change of subject:
Grady's follow up appt. was Friday.
WOO-HOO!! We found the missing tentacle!!

It took the doc some time, but he did eventually find it. I was sooo relieved. (BUT) yes there is a but in there, we are going to make an appt with a pediatric urologist just to get a 2nd opinion. Apparently, Grady has what is called a "retractable testicle." Nothing really serious at this point, but something that we want to get checked out. The doctor seems to think that it may have something to do with Grady's testosterone levels. Grady is already showing signs of "maturity." (sigh...) And his body may be a little confused right now and it's not sure what to do. He's only 9 (going on 20)

!! I am *so* not ready for all of this.

What's next?? Calls from girls!! lol...

I will keep everyone updated as to what the urologist says though. Our appt. isn't till July.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
My grandfather had his PET scan done last week. We are getting the results sometime in the next few days.
My mom will be going up to the doctor's office with them to ask any questions they may forget to ask and to be there for moral support.
Everyone say a little prayer please.

Other then that, nothing else is new. We've been busy, but it's been fun too.

Hope that everyone had a wonderful Memorial day weekend.
I'm looking forward to checking in on some blogs to get some great stories.

HUGS,
Colleen

Posted by GradyGabbyAbby | Comments: (7) | Permalink

Archives