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FRAGMENTS OF FATHERHOOD

Elliot's Dad

September 2010

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PARENT TEACHER CONFERENCE

May 14, 2009 09:21am (EST)

Well, it's the end of the school year. Elliot's finishing kindergarten. Man o man, seems like only yesterday we made the tough decision to put her in day care twice a week.

As part of her exodus from kindergarten, she had to take a standardized test. I think it's the Standford test or something. It was a big deal. the school sent home notices that the kids would be taking this, and to make sure your child had a good breakfast before hand... When Elliot came home after that first day of testing, I asked her

"so how do you think you did on your test?"
She replied airily, "I think I got them all right."
"oh really? ALL of the questions?"
"yep."

well, she was correct in her self assessment. I walked in, a couple minutes late, to our parent teacher conference to a smiling wife and a smiling teacher. The teacher says, "So, we've decided that Elliot is brilliant."

OK, yeah. tell me something I don't know... runs through my head. And as a parent, and with Elliot as our first kid, we have no idea if she's as smart as she seems to be. We just know that, sometimes, she has these amazing flashes of pure creative though or problem solving. It's very hard for me to remember that she's just turned six. I feel like a bad dad when I chastise her for doing something perfectly fine for a six year old to do. And then I have to apologize and tell her "sometimes I forget that you're six."

"how old do you think I am, Dad?"
"i don't know... 12?"
"What! When I'm 12 I'll be taller than mommy!"
"yeah, probably."

So, this test she took shows that she has a 5th to 6th grade reading level, and a 3rd to 4th grade math level.

What do you do with that? It's not like she'll skip a grade, she's in a Montessori school, they don't have grades. In September, she'll be in the 6 through 9 year-olds class. Which to me sounds perfect. I'm so happy that it's like this, without the hard delineations between the ages.

My favorite two take aways from our meeting:
"We don't have a book in this building she can't read, I've been asking the upper school for materials for her."

and

"She is just so kind to the other children. She hugs them if they hurt themselves. She helps them when they are stuck in their work." She then teared up and said she'd miss her.

I called my mom, a life-long professional educator. She laughed and said, "It's nice to have your suspicions validated."

Thank you to the March of Dimes. For all the great little reasons we have to laugh daily. And for all the big reasons too.

Peace.

Posted by Elliot's Dad | Comments: (5) | Permalink

ELLIOT OF THE FUTURE

Apr 29, 2009 12:30pm (EST)

Well, the Bahamas was even better than we imagined. Think of this for a daily routine, that began to blur on day two and led to many times asking "what day is this? when do we have to leave?"

wake up: whenever! no screaming kids or cold toes to the gut
go down to an outdoor restaurant and eat a light snack of fruit and coffee.
go play tennis with my wife for an hour and a half, something i never get to do with her.
go back to the room to shower.
go back to the restaurant and have a proper breakfast.
go to the pool and lie about in the sun.
play pool side trivia.
get thirsty.
get oddly flavored tropical drinks.
repeat.
repeat.
repeat.
hmmm... maybe go sailing for an hour.
drink some beer.
repeat.
hmm... maybe go snorkeling.
swim in the pool.
play volleyball.
drink.
eat a pizza in the pool at the bar (this is a staggering event in a man's life. to be able to eat pizza and drink beer IN a pool! i was elated)
drink.
go sailing again.
drink.
lie around on these beachside sofas and watch the sun go down
they'd light these big fires on the sand and you could just lie there and "be."
then a dude would come out and play saxophone.
hmm... go back to the room, shower, get dressed and go to dinner
drink.
drink.
watch live reggae. (or learn to salsa dance)
drink.
drink.
go to a piano bar and sing loudly and slurringly for three hours.
go to bed.

repeat for five days.

talk about a reset button! it was awesome. best trip i've had. everything was simply wonderful. the weather, the food, the employees, the snorkeling, just all of it.

but we did miss the girls. our cell phone didn't work down there, so there was an odd sense of nervousness for the first day or so, then we found a computer and got updates that way.

**

While on one of our trips out to a reef, we met a girl that can only be described as Elliot of the future. She was tall and thin and looked like Elliot might in 20 years. But that's not it, it was her demeanor. She was just a mellow person doing her own thing, not concerned with what anybody else was doing. Not self-conscious. She seemed pretty Zen.

We we in the water swimming around this reef, thousands of fish swimming up to us. really beautiful. I hear something, some one talking. So i surface. It's Elliot of the future.
"Hey check it out! There's a shark right down there!"

But here's the thing. there was no fear at all in her voice. she was just amped to see a shark. when she said there was a shark, i felt an immediate rush of adrenaline. and I felt my wife grab my hand a lot tighter. So, the Elliot of the future starts swimming after the shark...

Irene and I just laughed and agreed that this is exactly what our Elliot would do. In fact, when we told Elliot we saw a shark, her response was "How cool! Did you chase it!"

So the next day, we went out again, and we did chase the shark around the reef. And it was awesome. Our Elliot was proud of us for doing that.

**

Elliot is now a brave girl. she has discovered the benefits of being a brave girl. we went to the zoo and she said she wanted to climb the rock wall, which is pretty dang high. so she gets all strapped in and goes about 5 feet. she turns and looks at me with her scared face. she climbs down.
"i don't think i can do it dad."
"sure you can kiddo, it's just like a big puzzle. figure out where you need to go and put your feet and hands on the hand holds."
"ok"
so she tries again. 10 feet.
"great job sweety!"
so she tries again. 20 feet.
"right on, you got way up there!"
so she tries again.
and she goes all the way to the top and rings the bell! I couldn't believe it. i felt my eyes tearing up. she is growing up, and challenging herself, and reaping the rewards. she makes me so proud.

and she's so dang happy!

**

The guys that work for me all agreed to join me for Beards for Babies. We all grew out our beards for 3 weeks and then took "bids" from our coworkers. The way a bid was placed, was by making a donation to our March for Babies page! Whoever bid the highest, could determine how each of us had to shave for a week. We raised $1400 in a week! Go! Babies Go!

Here's the before and after shots of me and the guys. It's hideous.

also below are some pics from the islands, and Elliot doing her rockwall thing.

Peace!

feets

on-a-boat

wall-of-terror

champeen

Posted by Elliot's Dad | Comments: (5) | Permalink

BUTTERFLIES

Mar 30, 2009 10:14am (EST)

Elliot got a butterfly pavilion for her birthday. It's a big popUp mesh habitat, and two tupperware things with caterpillars in them.

we watched for days, as the Painted Lady caterpillars got bigger and bigger. some of them attached themselves to the roof of the tupperware, just like the booklet said they would. Chrysalids formed... all the caterpillars turned into chrysalids...

we waited. Checking them every morning and every night.

all of a sudden (6 days later) there was a butterfly in the habitat!

Elliot named it Van Gogh.

Me: "why Van Gogh?"
Elle: "because they're painted lady butterflies, and he was a painter."
Me: "ah yes, i see. nice call."
Elle: "So, we need 9 more painter names."
Me: "OK, get a pencil. Da Vinci, Donatello, Picasso, Rembrandt, Monet, uh..."
Elle: "Michelangelo."
Me: "yeah, good! add in Gaugin."
Elle: "Matisse."
Me: "wow! good one!"
Elle: "dad, why are none of the painters girls?"
Me: "uh, not sure babe, but i think it's because they were famous a long time ago, when girls weren't really allowed to do so much. Pretty stupid, huh?"
Elle: "well then, one of the butterflies will be named Elliot. Because I'm going to be a famous painter someday."
Me: "yep, my famous astronaut, pianist, scientist, painter!"
Elle: "that will be fun!"

All the chrysalids have now hatched butterflies. they flutter around in the habitat, and we feed them roses with sugar water on them. it's warm enough today, that we're going to let them go free. Godspeed little butterflies.

Apart from that, all the insanity is over. all the parties are over. My wife's marathon is over. ( OK, she's seriously tough. She races 13.1 miles, and then comes home to throw a birthday party for the girls. Man! )

But I knew she was tough... from the whole HELLP syndrome thing and all. sheesh!

And now... the Bahamas. ahhhhhhhhhh relax!

Peace.

Posted by Elliot's Dad | Comments: (4) | Permalink

BIRTHDAY WEEK IS OVER, AND WE SURVIVED

Mar 19, 2009 11:27am (EST)

We were at a friend's house recently. The kids were playing around with all these stuffed animals.

Kid 1: "Roar! I'm a lion! Roar!"
Kid 2: "Aigh!"
Other dad: "You know guys, the most dangerous animal in Africa is the Hippo!"
Kid 1 and 2: "What?!"
Other dad: "Yep. they kill more people than lions do."
Elliot: "Umm.. Mr. Chris? The most dangerous animal in Africa is the mosquito. They kill way more people than anything else."

You could have heard a pin drop.

Elliot: "You know, because of disease..."

We were at a clothing store not too long ago...
"hey dad, there's the symbol for Mars."
"Oh? I think that's the symbol for 'Men.'"
"yeah, but it's for Mars. it's a spear and a shield. he was the god of war."
"OK, smarty pants, what about this other one?"
"That's for Venus. It's a hand mirror."

duh....

Back in December we were discussing some plans. The date of travel was to be the 21st. So, of course, I state boldly...
"Yes, the 21st, that's the first day of Winter!"
"No dad, the first day of Winter is the 20th."
"No, babe. It's the 21st."
"Not this year. This is a leap year, so it's the 20th."

Elliot reads all the Magic Tree House books. (she's got one left, and then on to the Merlin series I hear) She loves them. So she reads one about the wild west, and there's a ghost who plays piano. He plays "Red River Valley" to be exact. So she reads this book, and comes to find me.

"dad, can we go on wikipedia and find the music to Red River Valley?"

eventually we find the score. she wanders over to the piano. she's got the thing nailed within 3 minutes. and then she starts singing the words too. not great mind you, but the level of interest she has for these things amazes me.

I recorded Mallory the other morning singing Death Cab for Cutie. She loves this song, and I hear her in the backseat singing it quite often. "highway highway highway" If you go here, click the "singing" button. It's really cute.

OK, so you start with Elliot's birthday on the 10th, then Mallory's on the 15th, and then mine on the 17th... phew! This is our nutty season every year. We have survived, thus far. The actual party (under the sea theme) is this weekend, so we still have that madness. And then we have Elliot's big class presentation on Argentina, complete with volcano, map, flag, dad in a poncho, and treats flown in from Buenos Aires. Crikey! And then, next weekend, my wife is running the ING marathon. Good for her!

OK, and then, in celebration of my big ol' birthday, the wife and I are headed down to the Bahamas for 5 days. Just us. No kids. No nothing. Man o man that is going to be nice!

As stated, and because of the birthdays, the girls just had their well check ups. to quote the doctor "Your little preemie is 95% for height and weight now!" Granted, she's six. and then Mallory is 98% and 95% for height and weight. Both are doing very well in school and just kind of genuinely happy kids.

We are truly charmed.

See below. Malloot with her birthday bunny ears, and Elliot with her "now I can hang with Daddy toolbelt." She's such a big help.

bunny1

bunny2

toolbelt

Posted by Elliot's Dad | Comments: (7) | Permalink

AND SHE CONTINUES TO BE SUPERELLIOT!

Mar 11, 2009 07:25pm (EST)

I cannot for the life of me explain why I've not written anything since October... Having a second kid approaching 2 years old will go a long way to making one busy. That's for sure! Couple that with the madness of working to stay employed in the current market, and you've got one worn out dad. But still, life is a gem.

I had a long conversation with Elliot about a week ago, telling her that, in fact, she's the luckiest person in the world, and she should never take it for granted. I spoke long and earnestly about how she was so sick when she was born, and we didn't know if she'd live. I told her how we thought maybe something was wrong with her eyes. About how other children are affected for the rest of their lives by what she went through. It was a deep conversation.

She gets a very sad look on her face.
"What's wrong babe?"
"Dad, I don't want to talk about this any more. I know I'm lucky. I know I'm the luckiest kid in the world. I have you and mom and Mallory."

man, talk about trying not to lose it.

This little nugget of the past few months goes a long way to describing what our little muffinhead has become. A very, very sweet kid. She honestly loves being a big sister. She goes out of her way to make sure Mallory has everything she wants. Little things, like getting her a stool so she can see what's going on when Elliot and mom are cooking. She makes sure they dress the same for school. She puts on plays with animals to her little sisters delight. And, she is actively teaching Mallory things that surprise us. Malloot is bilingual. She can count to 10 (sometimes 20) in both english and spanish. She knows all her letters, colors, shapes. It's truly crazy. She's not quite 2 yet. When we looked at a questionnaire for her well checkup, the one about how many words does she know, we were stumped. It must be about a thousand. And the main reason for all of this is Elliot. She reads her books, she corrects her language, she counts things out loud all the time. She plays piano and sings for her little sister. Mallory knows what birds make what sounds outside... she hears a crow, and says "crow" - hears a hawk, says "hawk." I must, once again, state that the whole idea of a second child scared the socks off of me. Irene was right in her perseverance, it took us (me) 3 years to make the decision. Somehow, Mallory has completed us.

And here we are. Yesterday, Elliot turned 6. She's a girl, not a baby, not a toddler, sometimes she's not even a kid. She puts mousse in her hair to give it curl. She gets pedicures. Our conversations could fast forward 10 years and be no different. She's so blasted smart, but still believes in magic. She'll pull your eyelid back to stare in your eye. And then ask "so dad, how do the dreams get in there?" You tell her it's time for bed, and she tells you she wants to "negotiate."

I do not pretend to know what the future holds for this kid. I hope it is bright and shiny. And to me, it's looks so incredibly shiny because of her past. It's a past I'll never forget as long as I live. It's a past she simply can't believe.

I've been trying to compile some of her funny little stories, and I'll throw some up here very soon. She rocks my sensibilities daily, and makes us all crack up.

Peace and Happiness.

bday-waffle

school

Posted by Elliot's Dad | Comments: (8) | Permalink

DEFINING MOMENT AS A DAD

Sep 22, 2008 12:07pm (EST)

We walked the midway at the state fair, onion ring perfume doused heavily on the patrons. Dusty feet shuffling slowly along, gazing at the numerous barkers trying to snatch up our hard earned two dollars. Elliot was holding my hand, still giddy from her first ride up in a Ferris wheel. Irene was pushing Mal, fig newton clenched tightly in her hand, in the stroller.

All of a sudden, I felt the distinct yank on my hand. I looked down.

"Elle, what's up?"
"looooooooooooooook!"

there, under a blazing canopy of flashing lights, in a haze of blaring music, hung several huge Hello Kitties.

The game was called something like "wacky water squirt-o-matic hijinx-o-rama." The objective it seemed was to squirt a stream of water through a wobbling hole in a spinning disc to hit a pad behind. Hitting the pad raised a bear on a pole. Hit the pad more than any other competitor, raise your bear higher, and you win...

I studied it. I saw the objective. I knew I could win this, just like in the books I've read, just like in so many movies, Lifetime network TV shows, in Kodak ads... I had to win this.

I walked up and handed the operator my two dollars. It seemed like I was the only contestant. No, the other seats began to fill. A sharp looking Mexican man to my left, vying to win his boy a prize. I gave him the head nod. He sneered. A grandmother to my right. I gave her the head nod. She spit at my feet. This was going to be ugly. More and more seats filled, until there were 10 contestants.

Elliot stood at my side. Her chocolate ice cream melting down her hand. Irene touched my shoulder. "You can do this."

The game began: 3-2-1!

My aim was true, I accounted for the wobble correctly, I never stopped pulling the trigger. I was in the zone. Elliot was screaming next to me, "go dad go! go dad go!" It felt like an eternity. My trigger thumb was numb, my forearms shaking with the effort. Eyes tearing with the strain. Ears ringing from the cranked 38 Special song booming around the place.

The bell rang, the music stopped. All the bears on the poles that raise up as the pad get squirted began to go down.

Except ours.

The bear spun around, and lane number 5 (us) lit up as the big winner.

I looked down at my dear sweet child, and she looked up into my face with the same sweet smile I see everyday.

In a whisper, "Dad, you did it!"

"What'll it be, sir? What prize?"

I looked at Elliot. She was completely agog.
"The Hello Kitty." I said this like I was ordering a $300 bottle of wine.
"Yessir, the Hello Kitty."

I turned and handed this piece of heaven down to my daughter. She just smiled and whispered again, "You did it dad."

Irene was equally impressed. "Daddy's one cool guy!"

The rest of the afternoon passed in golden light. After some more rides and Mallory completely melting down, we walked the long dusty path back to the car. Drove home, took baths to wash off the fair. And Elliot went to sleep with her big new kitty at her side.

Too bad the dang thing showed up next to my face at 6 this morning... it was terrifying.

Peace.

Posted by Elliot's Dad | Comments: (8) | Permalink

WHAT'S MY NAME?

Sep 15, 2008 12:40pm (EST)

I came back from meeting on Sunday. I walk in to our lovely sun-filled great room to find Elliot sitting at the table eating lunch. Just as happy as a clam. I sit down to chat with her.

"so, what's up Elle?"
"nothing, just eating a peanut butter and honey sandwich, Todd."
"yeah, pretty good?"
"yes it is, Todd."
"where's mom?"
"upstairs, putting Mal down for a nap, Todd."
"cool. you want to help me trim the bushes outside when you're done?"
"i don't know, Todd. I was hoping to watch something on TV."
"ah, it's too nice out to stay inside. maybe we could go to the pool."
"that sounds like a great idea, Todd!"

irene comes down the stairs.

"hey wifey, i thought maybe i'd take Elle down to the pool."
"ok, Todd, you guys should get going though, before it rains."

"WHY DO YOU GUYS KEEP CALLING ME TODD?!"

elliot says, "I don't know, it's your name isn't it, Todd?" and she giggles.

so, i look to my wife of 8 years, who is trying not to laugh.

"WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?!"

irene says, "nothing, Todd. Nothing at all. How was your meeting at church, Todd?"

"WHY ARE YOU BOTH DOING THAT?!"

"shh daddy, you'll wake Mal up, Todd."

"ARGH!!!"

they were driving me crazy! i couldn't figure this out. i stomped upstairs to put on my bathing suit. when i took off my shirt...

I HAD ON A BIG OLD "HI MY NAME IS TODD." STICKER FROM THE MEETING!

I laughed and laughed and laughed. That kid is funny!

peace out,

Todd.

Posted by Elliot's Dad | Comments: (8) | Permalink

MY COMEDY OF ERRORS

Sep 08, 2008 06:24am (EST)

Picture if you will, running home, stepping from the garage into the kitchen, and finding a large man standing on a bar stool reaching upwards and wiping some odd orange goo off the ceiling... A small child is standing below him... both of these characters seem oddly surprised by your entrance... they turn and look at you... nobody speaks for 2 seconds... then the small child points up at the ceiling and says "oh no!"

Yep.

"What the...?"
"Babe, I was trying to puree those carrots like you asked."
"And...?"
mallory - "oh no!"
"And, well, i was doing it right, but then i stuck the spoon too far down into the blender."
"And...?"
"and, well, it kind of exploded!"
mallory - "oh no!"
"I can see that. You know you shouldn't put the spoon into the blender when it's going."
"Well, i know that NOW!"
mallory - "oh no!"
"you have some carrot on your face."
mallory - "oh no!"

So, I wiped the ceiling off and the evidence of this fiasco is fairly invisible. But Mallory still walks into the kitchen and points up and says "oh no!" But at least now she laughs when she does it.

-----------------

Elliot has a best friend, Max. Apparently there was a bit of a conversation between them. Elliot reported back thusly:
"I told Max that we should get married."
"Really! what did he say?"
"he said no. he said he wasn't ready to get married."
"oh, well..."
"Yeah, he's only four."
"true."
"I told him i wasn't really ready to get married either."
"yeah, maybe you should wait a while."
"maybe. he'll be five next week though."
"yeah."
"maybe we'll wait until we're adults or something."
"that sounds like a good plan."
"five is too young to get married i think."
"yeah. i think it might be."
"i mean, i can't even drive yet."

-------------

Now she wants to be a vulcanologist. this, because she's reading these cool "magic treehouse" chapter books. She loves them. One of them has dinosaurs in it, and volcanoes in the background. I found out about her new career because she drew a picture of me, for me. a nice happy scene of me running down a volcano with fiery ash falling on my head and a flaming river of death chasing me! I looked at it and said "what?! what's happening to me?!" "oh, you're on mt. pinatubo in 1981."

what?!

--------------

Or maybe she'll be a cartographer... she was very excited to bring home a project from school. she'd been working on it for days. it was finally complete... it was a large, brightly colored and amazingly accurate map of the USA. really a beautiful thing to look at. i couldn't figure out how she'd done it.

"it's really good! how did you make it so accurate?"
"I copied it."
"well, how?"
"one state at a time."
"huh?"
"i took the puzzle pieces out of the puzzle and traced them."
"that's awesome! how did you think of that?"
"i don't know, it just seemed easy."

would never have thought of doing that.

we had a teacher meeting last week, and her teacher was all excited that Elliot is developing her own curriculum. she comes up with big, long term projects for herself. now she's decided to draw and color EVERY national flag in the world.

we'd better buy some frames.

That's our update.

peace and happiness

Posted by Elliot's Dad | Comments: (7) | Permalink

OUR LITTLE KINDERGARTENER

Aug 20, 2008 10:45am (EST)

There's a great song with the line "Just the smell of the summer can make me fall in love." The songwriter must have had times rather like our annual trip up to Maine. It amazing, it's sublime, it's wonderful. Even with "the sleepless wonder" Malloot, who thought it good to wake up at 4:45 in the morning and refuse naps. Even with days and days of rain and clouds. It felt so good to get away and disconnect from the everyday.

Elliot loves the beach, and the lake, and her cousins, and the river, and gramma and grampa. She just lives on laughing and trying new stuff for 10 days. And, of course, supper gramma is up for whatever Elliot thinks up. Want to be little red riding hood? Here, I just sewed this red cape for you. And then we'd all act it out. Hilarious good times.

Does anybody else ever feel like kids "accelerate" after being on vacation or around new situations? Malloot must have learned 10 new words in 10 days. And she's trying to figue out how to ride a razor scooter. She's only 17 months old... but she knows how to do it. And Elliot's imagination went completely atomic while we were there. She's writing chapter books, and drawing cartoons now, crazy! And then Mal sits down next to her with pencil and paper and proceeds to "write and draw" things while "talking" to her self.Complete mimicry, but it's really cool to see.

I got to play golf a couple of times between rain storms. Irene got to do lots of running with her cool iPod attachment that lets Lance Armstrong talk to her and congratulate her fastest mile etc. And we ate lobster and scallops and anything else that lives in the sea unwise enough to be caught.

I took Elliot over to Eliot (the town) and into my grandad's old barn and back field. We went up in the loft to see the super old stuff up there. Toys I remember playing with as a little kid. Toys my mom remembers from her childhood. It was very cool to see Elle's face full of wonder up there in the dim light and dust.

And of course, the lake house where we go to play with the cousins and my sister. I mentioned it a couple of years ago, kids show up, lose their clothes and play for 72 hours straight. Well, now the kids are a bit older, so there were no naked bums about, but it was still kid paradise. I got to take Elle sailing, and we went for canoe trips to find loons, and speed boat rides to "the haunted island." Just good clean awesome kid stuff.

I don't know what else to say about it, so here's a photo slide show.
http://www.bemii.com/york2008

And then we came back and Elliot started kindergarten... She so big. So old. Luckily, it's the same class she was in last year, those crazy Montessori folks spread out the ages within a class. So now she's like a teacher's assistant. After her first day she was all excited because she had new friends and she had "taught Cameron all about the solar system!" She loves school. (see the pic below)

AND, I volunteered to be a speaker for the March of Dimes National Youth summit here in town. I didn't know what I was getting into... I spoke to a room of about 50 kids and a few mentors about Elliot's story. Some of them were crying, I teared up. Man that is hard to do... But it was positively great! I was amazed and impressed with the maturity and dedication in these kids. I think back to when I was 16, and I'm surprised I'm still not incarcerated. And these kids are doing good works. They deserve our appreciation more than I can say. It's cool to be surprised, and they surprised me.

so, yeah, things are crazy all around... i need a vacation. oh wait, just had one. ok, i need to lead a life of leisure.

peace and happiness.

elle-to-school

Posted by Elliot's Dad | Comments: (5) | Permalink

WHAT WAS THAT NOISE?

Jul 07, 2008 06:20am (EST)

So, let me just start by saying this, I am quite possibly the world's worst father. Bear with me here, you'll understand.

Mallory was making her "stinky face" and sniffing, which means she's poopy. Elliot is such a big help these days that she trundles upstairs with me to assist in the changing. This is one of those blowout cases, Elliot's yelling that Mallory's got poop on her shorts... you know how it is...

I get her clothes off, she's got stuff on her legs. I'm wiping her legs off. I'm getting the new diaper on. ACK! there's poop on my arm!

In my head:
"dude! where did that come from?"

I'm holding Mallory by the arm pits, out in front of me, turning her around, looking at her legs. I can't see anything.

I hold her up higher to look more closely.

"WHACK!"

In my head:
"What the **** was that?"

Mallory starts screaming.

Yes, I lifted her up into the ceiling fan!

I am a terrible father.

Elliot starts yelling at me, "Dad, what did you do THAT for?!"
"I didn't mean to!"
"Oh man, she's crying now!"
"I know Elliot, stop yelling!"
"Oh man, mom's gonna be mad!"
"What?"
"Why'd you hit her with the ceiling fan?"
"Elliot, that's not helpful!"
"Did you ever hit me with the ceiling fan?"
"What? No! Stop it!"

Mallory was fine. (the fan was on low speed) She stopped crying and started laughing at Elliot, who proceeded to run around yelling "WHACK!" and falling on the floor.

Nice kid!

and so it goes...

If you have a fast connection and want to see something funny, check this out. Elliot's trying to catch crackers in her mouth.
http://bemii.com/gramma/crackers/crackers.html
(sorry, gramma's got a wicked fast connection.)

Peace

Posted by Elliot's Dad | Comments: (8) | Permalink

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