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WELCOME, GUEST |
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(1 member)
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niylnnrae @a…6 |
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OUR FULL-TERM PREEMIE
AandO |
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| Category: Home | Sun | Mon | Tue | Wed | Thu | Fri | Sat | | | | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | | 27 | 28 | 29 | 30 | 31 |
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TRADITION
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Dec 15, 2011 08:01pm (EST)
The year Olivia was born was the first time I remember coming across the Little Debbie Christmas tree cakes.
They had the bigger, individually sold kind in the cafeteria of the hospital where O spent her first eleven days.
Each afternoon when I’d go back to the hospital to see Olivia, I’d take Alyssa with me and we always go to the cafeteria and get her a Christmas tree cake. We’d spend a few hours up in the NICU beside O’s isolette, Alyssa would color or play with whatever little toy she’d brought with her and I’d either bathe O or hold her or just look at her, humming to her, ‘petting’ her, letting her know I was there.
Then Alyssa and I would go home and Tom would head to the hospital for the night shift. I was always there first thing in the morning, leaving Alyssa home with the promise that she’d go back with me later in the day and that we’d for sure get her that Christmas tree cake.
The Sunday before Olivia was born, I put up our Christmas tree. But I only managed to put the lights on before needing to just rest.
By the time O came home, I’d still not found time to put ornaments on the tree. But Alyssa, little three year and ten months old Alyssa, had taken care of that for me. She’d decorated the tree with puzzle pieces, small horses, ribbons and bows.
It was beautiful and heartbreaking all at once for me.
Once Olivia came home, Alyssa missed those Christmas tree cakes but Tom, ever the hero, found them by the box at Walmart.
We now have a tradition that we always have a box of Little Debbie Christmas tree cakes in the house. Olivia loves them.
I had a tough day yesterday. I was tired and out of sorts. The girls and I were all in bed by 9:00 last night and yet, after a night of uninterrupted sleep (thank you, Olivia!) I was still grouchy and tired this morning.
In fact, my mood was so foul that Tom called me once the girls were on the bus to make sure everything was okay.
Huh. I started this post to talk about the Christmas tree cakes and how they make me smile to hand one to each of the girls or when I pack one in Alyssa’s lunch. I like to remember how important they were to her during those hospital visits.
But it occurs to me that my foul mood might have something to do with those very visits.
See, I’ve told myself for the past five years that I came through O’s NICU experience unscathed.
We got a happy ending, see? So I have no reason to have scars, no reason to look back on those days with anything but gratefulness and perhaps a sense of nostalgia.
But that’s not true, is it? Even though she was only in that hospital for eleven days, I hurt each and every one of those eleven days. She was never in any mortal danger during that hospital stay. I know that now and I think I knew it then, but that didn’t change the fact that I had to leave her every single day, with strangers to care for her until I could go back.
It also doesn’t change the fact that when I left Alyssa each morning, my heart broke because she wanted to be with me, no matter where I was going and I left her there with Tom so I could concentrate on Olivia for a few hours before going back to Alyssa for lunch and our return to the hospital.
Those Christmas tree cakes were symbolic to Alyssa. They let her know that, at the moment I was buying her that cake, she was important, she was the one I was thinking about.
That sad Christmas tree that year, the one with the puzzle pieces so lovingly placed on the tree by a little bitty girl who wasn’t even four years old, it breaks my heart even today. It makes me ache for all that we lost in those eleven days that O was in the hospital.
Yes, we have our happy ending. We are blessed beyond measure.
But I mourn those days, those weeks that Olivia was such a miserable baby. I mourn that little girl that was Alyssa, that little girl who decorated the Christmas tree because her mommy was too tired to do it with her. That little girl who waited all day long for a Christmas tree cake to show her that her mommy was still going to put her first at least once in awhile.
I hope that by acknowledging my anger, my residual sadness of those events, I can go home tonight with a lighter heart, a knowledge that we did come through to the other side, that we’re all here, we’re all healthy and this Christmas will be everything I wanted O’s first Christmas to be.
If not, at least I know where the moodiness is coming from and even if it’s not relieved by the acknowledgement, I can own it rather than bury it.
My pain may not be nearly as great as what so many others have suffered but it is mine and I can’t heal from it if I don’t let it out, let the sun shine on it and burn it away until it’s just so much ash to be blown away by the winds of laughter and happy endings.
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Posted by AandO | Comments: (6) | Permalink
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COMPARISONS
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Nov 12, 2011 02:18am (EST)
It's often hard not to compare one child to another. Even if they're almost four years apart in age, it's still hard to not make comparisons.
Alyssa's conference was everything I expected it would be. She's a joy to have in class. She's cooperative, she's kind to her classmates, she works hard and she's good at everything she does. Well, with the exception of her handwriting, which we're going to work on.
She's great. She really is and I hope and pray that I manage to convey to her how special she is to me.
Because her sister? Is also special but in other ways, ways that are actually more visible to the naked eye.
See, the comparisons started a long time ago. Way back when Olivia wasn't even sitting up at six months old and I thought back to when Alyssa's was crawling at that age. Or when O wasn't holding her head up when she was ten months old but A was walking.
The comparisons don't happen much anymore, because we stop keeping track, right?
But O's parent teacher conference wasn't quite the same as A's. Yes, her teacher said she's delightful, she's sweet, she's willing to try anything they ask her to do. But she hates tracing and cutting with scissors and she's not afraid to let her teachers know this.
She's still struggling with the potty and she doesn't talk much in class, even when spoken to.
I went to Olivia's class Halloween party and she talked to me, a lot. When it was time to go, her teacher said, "Wow, this is the most I've heard her talk all year. She's speaks very well, when she speaks."
Exactly. Rules aren't nearly as important to Olivia as they are to Alyssa. She doesn't really care if her teachers want her to talk to them, if she doesn't want to talk, she isn't going to.
I realize that this spitfire nature of hers is a good thing. I know she needs this stubborness to get her where she needs to go. But it's tough to tell a preschool teacher that.
Her teacher said that she can't (as in, she's not allowed) tell me whether she thinks Olivia is ready for kindergarten next year or not. But she can tell me that she thinks Olivia would benefit from another year of preschool. I know we're only three months in but we've (Tom and I) already decided that O is going to attend another year of preschool.
Preschool is mostly about social growth. It will help her to be in the same class with the same teacher for another year.
I was warned that the princpal is going to talk about junior high sports and how, if we hold O back a year, she won't be able to play sports as a fifteen year old eighth grader. Somehow, that isn't a concern for us at this time.
Kindergarten, according to the preschool teacher is very academic. We want to give O the best chance she has at success. Things don't come as easily for her as they do for Alyssa.
That's just one more comparison.
I'm trying hard not to make them, though. They're both my sweet girls, they each have their strengths and their weaknesses.
The're both so, so special.
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Posted by AandO | Comments: (3) | Permalink
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WHAT TO SAY?
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Nov 10, 2011 07:43pm (EST)
Things are good around these parts. Olivia loves preschool, Alyssa's you're typical eight year old who begs for pets on an near constant basis (spoiler: I talked Tom into consenting to getting her a kitten for her 9th birthday. Shhhh, don't tell her, it's a secret!)
Olivia seems to be going through some sort of developmental thing (I have no other word for it.) The only symptom is that her eating is out of whack. She's usually a voracious eater. On a normal day she eats like a 17 year old boy. Seriously. That girl can put away the ruffage.
These days, though? She's a picker. She's turned finicky and less than cooperative. It's annoying to all the adults in her life because, duh, we want her to eat and maintain the svelte 35 pounds she's managed to put on in the last almost five years.
The bigger news, though, is that Olivia is trying to write her name these days. It's so much fun to watch her write her O and then sit back and think about the other letter. I can hear her muttering the other letters under her breath but sometimes the actual manipulation of the pen is beyond her.
A picture of her latest rendition of her name is below. Neat, huh?
I get to leave early today to meet with Alyssa's third grade teacher. I don't expect any surprises where Alyssa's school progress goes. She's pretty much right there with all the other kids in her class. We'll see, though. Obviously, I'm not in that classroom on a day to day basis and that's why we have these little conferences.
I feel like we dodged so many bullets/shoes/roadblocks in this life we're leading. How did we get so lucky with these little girls? How is it that I am so blessed to have them in my life and to also have everyone here in my life? It really is a wonderful life.
Olivia Writes
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Posted by AandO | Comments: (2) | Permalink
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SHAREUNION
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Oct 25, 2011 02:16pm (EST)
Every year since 2008 I've written a post about ShareUnion and how amazing it was. The first year I got to remind everyone that Houston has TWO airports. Wheee, that was a fun taxi ride across town for me and Julie.
This year, though, I didn't get to go. I was all set. I was packed, checked in at the airport and Tom called. He was sick. Sick enough to call me and confess that he didn't think he could take care of the girls over the weekend without me.
I'm actually proud of him for swallowing his pride and making that call. He's one of those guys who never asks for help. He's never one to admit when he's down for the count.
But this time, he let his concern for A and O override his need to be strong. And I'm glad.
Yes, I missed seeing everyone. I missed hugging Lauren and holding Micah. I hate that I didn't get to laugh with Jackie and Katie and room with Julie.
But in the end, like always, I was right where I was supposed to be. I was at home, caring for two little girls who are healthy, keeping them out of the house most of the weekend so that their daddy could sleep and get healthy himself.
He's back to pretty much normal already. I'm glad for it.
And now I get to check out Facebook pictures and posts from the weekend to see what I missed.
I feel so lucky to have Share and ShareUnion. I feel so incredibly lucky to have met so many of you who post here.
When I found SYS (thanks Julie for pointing me in the right direction) I was a little lost. I was still in the middle of O's six months of crying. She was still hooked up to the apnea monitor. We were tired and I'd never felt quite so alone.
This place gave me a sense of belonging and SU just cemented that sense.
Next year? I hope, I hope, I hope I get to go next year.
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Posted by AandO | Comments: (5) | Permalink
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PT
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Sep 22, 2011 08:23pm (EST)
Starting a new school means that Olivia has met another physical therapist. In the four years since she first started physical therapy, this will be the third therapist who has worked with her, if we don’t count Miss Maggie, the gymnastics coach who worked with her last year.
I met the new PT last Friday.
Let me stop here and say that sometimes, I’m still a little bit in denial. Our life, our ‘normal’ just feels so right, so…yes, normal, that sometimes, meeting with a ‘professional’ who has never met O, never worked with her, hasn’t had the chance to be totally charmed by her, I’m always a little shell-shocked when I leave a meeting like this.
It’s so easy for me to fool myself into watching my ‘special-needs’ child climb over the top of my mom’s couch, dangle three inches from a step-stool, let herself drop those three inches and then balance enough to climb down the stairs to race around and do it all over again. I can think, “Wow, look at her, she’s not that far behind. She’s doing what most kids her age do.” So to have a stranger tell me how much work O has ahead of her just to be close to her age-appropriate peers, well, it’s tough.
With that said, the PT was very, very nice. She introduced herself and then went on to say that I have a delightful child. She said that she’s never met such a sweet, pretty child and if I didn’t want her, she’d be more than willing to take her home. Awww. She even went on to tell me the good things that Olivia did that surprised her, like doing three sit ups. Hey, that’s more than I can do. Ha!
And yet, of course O qualified for services. That’s not what surprised me. Oh good heavens no. I know she’s weak, I know she’s behind her peers. I just often don’t realize how far.
But…I also know how far she’s come. And for someone who has met her one time, someone who tried to get her to go up the stairs to the slide five minutes after she met her, to tell me how far behind she really is, it’s tough.
See, I know Olivia. I know she’s stubborn. She comes across to strangers as this compliant, fragile little girl. But I live with the monster. I live with the defiant streak that makes her sit at the kitchen table for fifteen minutes after the rest of us have left the table because she refuses to take that last drink of milk that her dad insists she take before she can be done.
I play referee between those two constantly. He thinks he’s the boss and tries to assert his ‘daddy rules the world’ attitude and she rolls her eyes and goes about her business, doing what she wants when she wants. I remind Tom at least three times a week to pick his battles and that if she drank most of her milk, it’s probably okay to waste that last drink because is it that important that she do every single thing he wants her to the way he wants? I want to instill a sense of responsibility, of independence in her.
Okay, wow, tangent.
Her preschool teacher was also present for the meeting last week. She’s lovely. She also talked about how sweet, how quiet, how fragile O is. She said she hasn’t really pushed Olivia to do much in class because she’s afraid to make her cry.
Ohhh, my Lord!! I laughed and said that it was okay for her to push O. I told her Olivia has a strong sense of self. She’ll be fine. If she doesn’t want to be pushed, she’ll definitely let Mrs. F. know it.
I am truly grateful to have good, kind, smart people working with my girls. I’m grateful to Alyssa’s third grade teacher for sending home notes when A forgets to take a paper back to school with my signature. I’m also grateful to her for pushing her students, wanting more and better from them. How else are these kids going to reach their fullest potential?
And I’m grateful for straight talking physical therapists who don’t let mamas sit around in denial. Our normal is a good one. But it’s definitely not the typical normal and I wouldn’t want to get complacent. I want to keep challenging both my girls. No matter how stubborn and obnoxious they can be. And oh yes, can those two be stubborn and obnoxious. I have no idea where they get it. 
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Posted by AandO | Comments: (4) | Permalink
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LETTING GO
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Sep 12, 2011 07:47pm (EST)
Olivia has been in preschool for three weeks now. She goes three hours a day, four days a week.
The first week of school, Tom took her to school and picked her up. We talked about the bus but it terrified me.
Yes, me. It terrified me. She's still so little. I was so worried about her getting off and on the bus. Who would help her at school?
Tom, on the other hand, after a week of driving four whole miles to the school and back twice a week, was just over it.
And guess what?
She's been fine. Seriously, truly fine. She gets to ride the same bus at Alyssa in the mornings and then rides a different bus to my mom's house when school is over.
And she loves it. She loves being big. She loves going to school, wearing a backpack, packing a snack bag, just being big.
Which makes me wonder...am I the one holding both her and Alyssa back? Alyssa didn't ride the bus unilt January of last year. I took her to school every single day from August until December. She was scared and I honored that.
Her first day riding the bus? She was fine. She freaking loved it, which is obviously even better than fine.
So I'm learning to let go. I'm learing to trust my kids as they make their way in a world that doesn't revolve around me anymore.
I'm lucky, though. Olivia still lets me rock her to sleep each night and Alyssa still whispers her worries and fears in the dark as we're drifting off to sleep. I'm holdning on to these things tight, trying to maintain the connection. The teenage years are just around the corner for Alyssa and they're a scary thing on our horizon. I want to help her through those as much as she'll let me.
I'm lucky to have Tom around, who is willing to put his own convenience first sometimes. If not for him, I'd still probably be taking Olivia to school and begging my mom to pick her up. Sometimes, I need the nudge as much as the girls do as they test their wings in this scary, big world.
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Posted by AandO | Comments: (6) | Permalink
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INDEPENDENCE
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Jul 25, 2011 05:59am (EST)
Olivia has experience serious growth this summer. Not so much in the physical arena (she's still holding pretty steady at 35 pounds) but rather in the independence category.
She's had this sudden burst of confidence.
As far as she's concerned, there isn't anything she can't do. It amuses me and scares the crap out of me all at the same time.
At the beginning of summer, my mom got her pool set up and ready to some seasonal frolicking. We all jumped in and Olivia clung to me as she had for the past couple of summers.
I took some vacation time during the week of the fourth of July and we headed to the community pool where there's a 'baby pool' that has all of a foot of water.
In that pool, Olivia discovered the ability to hold her breath. She could take a couple of deep breaths, dunk her head under water and come up triumphantly to applause and wonder.
By the end of that week, she was doing this same thing in my mom's pool, which is about three and a half feet deep, or chest level on O.
The next week, Olivia realized that if she lifts her feet off the bottom of the pool as she's putting her head underwater, she floated.
Last week, the floating evolved into actual swimming. She takes a deep breath, plunges beneath the water, swims several feet and comes up to take another breath and repeat, repeat, repeat.
In short, she taught herself to swim. I know!!
At this point, we'd obviously never leave her alone in the pool but knowing she can do this is pretty awesome.
Then, on Saturday, we attended the birthday party of one of Alyssa's friends. It was held at the local roller skating rink.
After an hour of watching her sister glide gracefully around the floor, I asked Olivia is she wanted to try it.
Back in January, we had Alyssa's birthday party at this very place and O wanted nothing at all to do with putting wheels on her feet.
Saturday? She was all for trying it.
I spent about ten minutes holding her hands and skating backward, letting her get a feel for the movement and way it was different when standing and balancing.
Then...she told me to let go. She pushed my hands away and said, "I can do it myself."
And she did! She skated. It wasn't all that smooth and she did fall a few times, but some of those falls were deliberate because she thought it was funny.
My baby, the one who didn't walk until she was over two years old, the one, had she been diagnosed at birth or before, who would have been told she probably wouldn't walk or talk, was out there with the big kids, skating, laughing, telling me, "I'm a good skater."
Give her a few more tries on that floor with those wheels on her feet and she will be right. She will be a good skater.
My girl doesn't know that she's not supposed to be able to do these things and I'm sure not going to be the one to tell her.
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Posted by AandO | Comments: (5) | Permalink
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SOMETIMES...
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Jun 02, 2011 08:28pm (EST)
Because we moved last fall, not just to a new house to to a new house (hello, OHIO!!) Alyssa had to go to a new school.
Yesterday was her last day of school. When I walked in the door after her very last day of second grade, she declared, "Edon school is WAY funner than Angola!"
Which...yay! Right? What's not to like about a school being 'way funner.' Especially when she's probably in this school for good.
The new school also challenged her far more than the old one did. She had homework every single night and had to think about it more carefully. I like that. I want my girl's brain to work, to grow, to develop to it's very fullest potential.
Speaking of potential...the move also brought us to a new preschool for Olivia.
Which means more forms for Mama to fill out. Forms, forms and more forms.
And as I filled out the forms last night, forms I feel like I started filling out when she was not quite a year old and starting early intervention, I asked Olivia questions, I challenged her, I tried to make sure I was being completely honest as I answered the questions on the forms.
See, they wanted to know a lot of things about her. It was no longer, does she sit unassisted, can she roll to both sides...etc.
This time, it was questions like:
Can she obey three unrelated instructions without having to have them repeated? Such as, "Go get a crayon. Then go look out the window. Then run around the living room like a loon."
And she can...someetimes.
I checked 'sometimes' a lot.
And it was okay.
You know, back when I was in my denial stage of all this. Back when I was all, "She'll catch up, she'll be fine. There's nothing really wrong with her that time won't fix..." Yeah, back then? It would have bothered me a lot that she isn't doing everything on that questionairre.
But now? Now that we've got our 5p- diagnosis, now that we KNOW she's amazing in her own right, I'm good with checking 'sometimes.'
Because I also got to check 'usually' in some of the areas of development. She could recognize all the numbers they asked about. She counts over twenty and not by rote. She knows that she's counting things such as steps, or rocks, or even toes.
Of course, in the effort for complete honest, I also had to check 'not yet' for a few things too. And again, it was okay.
This girl of mine? She's doing things the research that our developmental pediatrician told us not to read said she'd never do. She's running, she's jumping, she's doing gymnastics (last class of the season tonight) she's counting, she recognizes her own name in writing. So she can't write it yet herself, she will.
And she's doing all of these things with less genetic material than the rest of us.
So yeah, sometimes, she's not quite at the same point her peers are, so at certain areas she's not doing some things quite yet. She's come so far already. And she's four, for Pete Sakes (Ha, Julie will get that one) her brain is still developing, still soaking it all in.
And next year, at her new, way funner (tm Alyssa) preschool, she's going to do some amazing things. At least some of the time.
And that's good enough for me.
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Posted by AandO | Comments: (4) | Permalink
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BLOOMING
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Apr 30, 2011 01:24am (EST)
Last October at ShareUnion, tulip bulbs were given out at the Rememberance Ceremony. Each person there received about five bulbs in hopes that the bulbs would be planted and this spring would grow and bloom and remind us all of the support and love we receive here at Share.
Another reason we chose to give out tulips was because of the poem Welcome to Holland, which equates being the parent of a special needs child (be it frome prematurity or a birth anomoly) to be dropped in Holland after planning a trip to Italy.
Holland is BEAUTIFUL this time of year. At least my little slice of Holland here in Ohio.
The tulips aren't the only thing blooming around here. Olivia has found her feet. Her gymnastics class has not only given her an amazing sense of balance, it's given her such confidence. She runs, she laughs, she TALKS during class. Talking is such a big deal for 5p- kids.
I planted my bulbs in front of the house I bought last August. The blooming of those tulips makes this house that much more our HOME and that means so much. Alyssa's new school has been such an amazing move for her.
She's blooming too. She had to get a new, bigger bike recently because not only has she grown socially but it seems she's outgrown every pair of pants she owns as well as her bike.
We've been so blessed.
The tulips remind me to take each day and enjoy this world, this life. I didn't necessarily plan for this life but I'm so darned lucky to get to live it, here in Holland, among the blooming tulips and the blooming children.
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Posted by AandO | Comments: (3) | Permalink
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 Archives
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But Aunt Lois can't say no to Livie. 
