Lost my daughter 4 weeks ago

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. Just remember that you're only required to take one breath at a time.... Please know that many of us have experienced the same heartache and are here to listen any time you'd like to talk.

Tracy

I am so very sorry for the loss of your daughter Sofia. My heart goes out to you. I lost my son 2 days after his early arrival. It was the hardest thing I've ever been through. Like you, there were days I couldn't do it - days I just didn't want to go on.

I know this won't help you now - but I promise you that in time, you will feel better. Grief takes time. I hated hearing that - but it was true.

Hang in there. Please know you are not alone.

Denise

Sweetie, I'm so sorry for the pain that you are having to endure. Losing a child is a heartache like no other and no parent should have to go through such sorrow.
Please know that as you continue grieving the loss of Sofia that you do not travel this journey alone. There are many of us here at SHARE that are walking beside you, myself included.
We are here for you.
I'm thinking of you and your angel.
Colleen

Today I had another frustrating day. There was a mom at my son's school whose baby just came home from the NICU. She had heard about our daughter, she was very sorry, etc. She asked if I knew what happened, I explained that we are still awaiting the autopsy, but that her dr. thinks it was NEC. Her son had NEC, had the surgery, and is now home. It just made me so mad, why didn't my daughter get to have surgery and get to come home?? Some days I'm so mad about it all, so frustrated that we can't go back and fix it. I miss her so much, I sleep with her blanket that I made her in the hospital, and I just cry. I can't sleep hardly at all. I can't get past this, I don't feel like we will ever be a normal family again. I feel like I'm lost, no one to help me with directions. I just can't get passed thinking of her all the time, I never get a break from it. And it's exhausting, but I get no sleep. And the little sleep I do get, I dream about her, and being at the hospital, I dream about nursing her, something I never got to do. And I just want to hold her again, desperately. I never knew that your heart could really truely ache like this.

I remember shortly after losing Gabrielle at 22 weeks gestation, hearing about a couple in Florida that had a little girl at the same gestation age, and they saved her. She spent alot of time in the NICU and I'm not sure about the health concerns, but eventually she was able to go home with her parents.
That didn't happen to us, we had to let our little girl go and to this day I still feel angry at times about it. It's NOT fair I know.
I promise you in time, there will be acceptance in your heart.
I'm so sorry.
HUGS,
Colleen

I am so sorry about the passing of your little Sophia. My daughter passed away 4 months ago. My heart aches for you as I remember that first month after she passed away. I also felt so incredibly lost, after all, this is not where we thought we'd be. I thought about her all day long and it broke my heart. Four months out, sometimes I still feel very lost, but I also find that our little angels provide us direction. They kind of guide us towards our "new normal". I still think about her all the time and today find that thoughts of her bring more smiles to me than tears. I still sleep with her blanket under my pillow.

I am so very glad to see you on Share. These days are so very difficult. Please lean on us when you need.

Thinking of you and your family,
Lauren

I KNOW YOUR PAIN.. OUR DAUGHTER DIED NOV 2005 25 WEEKER INFECTION TOOK HER .. SHE WAS FINE AND THEN ALL OF A SUDDEN SHE WAS GONE.. SHE WAS 3 WKS OLD..... I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL .. I STILL CRY AND THINK OF MY DAUGHTER DAILY... I WILL PRAY FOR YOU ... YOUR NOT ALONE... I KNOW SHARE HELPED ME WITH MY GRIEF..... EVERYTHING YOU FEEL IS NORMAL.... I WILL PRAY FOR YOU AND YOUR FAMILY.... MAY GOD BE WITH YOU IN YOUR TIME OF NEED.... I AM SO VERY SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS

ALYSSA'S MOMMY JULIE SCOLLARD

kelly its andrew i was wanting to ask you if you would approve of me asking my principal if we could run a donation because my school does alot of charity just checking with you to see if it was alright.

From andrew

I lost my son Joshua 7/3/2009. I was only 17 weeks and I had the baby with no warning or anything. It is so hard to deal with but I also have a daughter who is 9. She is the reason that I get up every day. I needed to be strong for her so it made me be strong for myself. At times I feel like I'm ok on the outside but it hurts so much on the inside. It has helped by talking to Samantha (my daughter) about Joshua. Please know that I'm praying for you and your family.

It is the hardest thing to go through I lost my son Aiden who was born at 24 weeks he lived for 13 days. he too was doing great until he got a staf infection in his blood. He died Jan. 8 2009. it is so hard to carry on but my 3 year old son makes me I have no choice. I am so sorry that you are going through this horrable nightmare too. just remember you are not alone. I would love to talk or listen any time. I think it helps to talk to people who can relate.

My daughter would be almost 6 months old. Everyday it seems I still relive the whole day of her passing, wondering if they could've done something different. I think that is what is so hard, the what if's, why didn't anyone see it sooner, it's exhausting. I'm sorry both of you lost your babies. I hate infections, I wish so deeply that we could figure out how to get rid of them quicker. My kids have been my rock, I'm glad to say that. They have helped me get out of bed, when I didn't think I could or even wanted to. My family has helped me tons, and of course, Share. I don't even know where I would be without this place.

Kelly, As you can see, there are so many of us here who are standing beside you as you experience this terrible pain. Losing our children is, of course, not what is supposed to happen, and it is the worst pain. Your words about reliving the moments and not being able to sleep and wondering about the "what if's"...those all describe my feelings after my daughter died. That was nearly 4 years ago, and I have since delivered a healthy son. But, those early months, and for me, many months (and months) following, were simply so terrible that words truly can't describe the loneliness, despair and pure pain. Acceptance of the reality of my child dying was so difficult for me. Take comfort, though, in the energy that your other children give you, like you described...Wherever that motivation to get through a moment comes from, take it. And when those moments are just too hard, don't be embarrassed to retreat, slow down and take a deep breath.

For me, I found it comforting to do everything I could in memory of my daughter - from personal memorials to advocating with MOD. My husband, on the other hand, needed to partition his grief from the rest of his life. As hard as it will be, you will find ways to deal with your pain. Again, I can only speak for how I have handled the grief, but I feel that I have, now, positively incorporated my daughter and the pain of losing her into my life, rather than letting the grief control it. It took me a long time to get to that point, though, and there are, of course, days when memories and anger with the situation flood my thoughts.

I hated hearing this early in my loss, but time really will lessen the intensity of the pain you are feeling now. I struggle with the logic of that, still, thinking that it means I am simply forgetting my daughter...But, I hope that it means I have been able to incorporate her into my life in a way that will allow me to honor her.

I think that our children will always be a part of us, whether they are in our arms or in our hearts...Each one of them shapes us in a different way, and we will carry that with us.

As you travel though this journey, though, know that we are all here to listen on those difficult days and hold you up, and to rejoice with you as you find more and more hope and peace.

Wishing you peace,
-Valerie, Mommy to angel Caitlyn Greenleigh

Thank you Valerie!

What a wonderful post! I find your words extremely uplifting and am looking forward to reaching that point. (I lost our twins, Hayley and Jack, six weeks ago tomorrow). I'm hoping that going back to work (starting tomorrow) will help me to get there.

Thanks again,
Sarah

Hi Sarah,

Have you started back to work? How are you doing? I'm so sorry to hear about Hayley and Jack. I miscarried twins, as well, shortly before delivering my son. I never did feel "ready" to try for another pregnancy, but it had been nearly three years since our daughter died, and I felt in control of the grief (as much as we ever can be, that is). But then, losing the babies brought all of those feelings back, even though it was a different situation. Long-story-short, though, we are celebrating my son's first birthday next week. I really can't believe that much time has passed so quickly. I feel incredibly blessed to have him, our adopted son, and our angels. But, even earlier this week, "out of the blue", so to speak, a real heaviness came over my heart, as I truly, desperately longed for Caitlyn. I don't know if that will ever change. And, in some ways, I don't want it to. It makes me feel like I continue to hold her near.

Know that support is here, as you move through this next phase of returning to work.

Lots of good thoughts and hugs,
-Valerie