Honoring our Angels during the Holidays

Kelly- I like the idea of making the gift something in the community that will last.

Just FYI for everyone, ThingsRemembered(.com) has an angel ornament that they can engrave. Kinda pricey with the engraving, but it looks very pretty.

Hugs,
Lauren

Let's see, we've done a few things.

Each of our children have Christmas stocking, London and Camden's are really big, Boston and Kai's are shorter. Each year we buy everyone an ornament to put on the tree.

We also have a little tree on the mantle and hang one bulb for each year the boys should have been here with us for Christmas, this year there are 5 red bulbs on it. We also light that many small candles the week of Christmas.

In the past we've bought a toy (age appropriate for our angels) and donated them to Toys for Tots.

Great thread, Lauren!

Shonda

Oh Shonda, I LOVE your ideas. Thanks for sharing them with us.

HUGS!!

This was our first Christmas with Matthew and our first without Michael. I looked and looked for a stocking but couldn't find the perfect one for our angel. I bought an angel ornament and it reads "Tis a Gift from God." My husband had an ornament engraved for Michael. Next year, I hope to do more...maybe buy "Baby's First Christmas" ornaments for the babies at our local NICU....

I love many of the ideas posted here. I was so emotional this Christmas I couldn't do much...we just sent lots of prayers and songs to our angel who spent his first Christmas with Christ....

This is our first year with D'Lon Grace and it was just 3 months ago, so we did nothing this year but tried our hardest to get through it. However, next year I am hoping to be more in the spirit to do something. Well, I guess we did do something, we gave her Christmas presents we had already purchased to women's and children shelter in November. Not necessarily in her honor, but they were hers.

Grace's Mom- I think sharing her gifts with the shelter was really something. Your lil D'Lon has touched those who received those gifts. I think bringing smiles to the faces of others is a beautiful way to honor your daughter.

Last year we did not put up our big tree, but we did have a small tree with just Will's ornaments on them. This year we did put up our tree and we put all of his ornaments on them. I do buy a new ornament each year.

We are going to start next year donating onesies to local NICU's for his birthday, which is in December.

I love all the different ways that we honor and remember our angels.

Our due date was Jan 1, 2009 and knew we'd probably deliver early but not as early as we ended up. I was 23 wks 4 days when our girls Briar and Kinlee were born. We thought we might have them home around Christmas if they had survived....so the holidays were tough.

We bought a 4" tall artificial tree (beautiful vase bottom and everything) and that is our girls' tree. We bought them both their own ornament with their name/birthday engraved on it along with baby's 1st christmas. Family and friends also bought the girls' ornaments to their tree. We found an angel topper holding 2 lights. We planted a tree in our back yard during their memorial service and decorated it with pink lights so we saw it glowing each night and still have it. We bought each girl their own stocking and decided to start a tradition of putting a santa candy in each stocking. I couldn't stand the fact we couldn't buy them something each year. We donated money to charities that helped us during our loss (photography from Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep) as well as picking 2 names off a needy tree in town. We chose 2 girls that were about our girls' age and bought them presents. We asked family and friends to not buy us anything but instead donate to a charity in memory of our girls'. A lot of family members did. It meant a lot to us. I wrote our annual christmas card and included our girls too.

Tiffinie,

What beautiful ideas. We also asked that in lieu of gifts people make donations in our daughter's memory. That meant so much to us.

The tree sounds beautiful! I'd love to see pictures if you are up for sharing.


Lauren

Hi. I put white angels on the tree. it's like they are there.
I don't do anything for thanksgiving. For their birthdays I made birhtday cakes made out of flowers. those are the hardest for me. my birthday is hard too, I just bring them really pretty flowers. honestly shortly after their death, my cat died (I know I was like are you kidding me!!) she was only 7. So we went to the shelter and got a baby kitten....I know it was maybe a bad time for a decision. But when that baby kitten purred in my lap, it filled my heart with joy that I didn't think I could feel at that time. It was a good breakthrough for me.

Another year, another holiday. Always looking for new ideas.

I wanted to add that this year, as much as I want our girls here with us, we've come a long way in a year. Things will never be the same but somwhow, we are able to keep going. We miss them dearly, always talked about, and are now going to be big sisters any day now.

To honor them this Christmas we added a new ornament on their tree (the fisher price telephone from halmark..soo cute) and when we wrote our Christmas poem for family & friends we wrote about their 1st angelversary and what we did. My husband always gives a beautiful toast at the dinner table about Briar & Kinlee and it reminds family and friends that even though our girls are not here with us, they will forever be in our hearts! I think lighting a candle during the season is also a nice way to honor them.

My family has been so good to me this year! I was not in the Christmas spirit at all. I just stopped caring! I forgot what Christmas is all about. But this year my family made it so special for us. We lost Gavin 2 months ago and I have been having a hard time. On Christmas we received our gifts from my mom. She had made a bound book of all my brothers and sisters and their families and the last page of the book was a memorial of my son with a letter she had written to him. Everyone got one of these books, and I cried because it meant so much to me that they had included him. Also my sister-in-law donated money to March of Dimes and had received a certificate that stated the contribution had been made in Gavin's name along with an ornament with a childs hand print and his name on it. She gave the ornament and the certificate to us as a Christmas present. That meant a lot to me as well. I hope the contribution does help, because my biggest hope is that no one would ever have to lose a child and feel the way I have felt. I love all of you and I pray for you. I hope your pain will be lessened, and your holidays happy

I went into premature labor at exactly 23 weeks. i went for what i thought was just a normal cervical length ultrasound and found out that i was dialated to 2 and 80-90% effaced. I was sent immediately to labor and delivery where they gave me steriods and magnesium sulfate and sent me to a high risk hospital where they said i would stay on hospital bedrest until i delivered my twin boys. The next night my water broke with baby a so they moved me from special care to labor and deliver. they talked about taking my cerclage out but since i was having very few contractions they decided to leave it in and give me antibiotics and to keep me on indocin and the mag for three more days. Three days come and go and nothing happens. On the fourth day which was Nov. 7 contractions started showing on the moniter but i wasnt feeling them so my drs werent concerned. around 130 in the morning on the 8 i woke up bleeding and my dr checked me and said i was 10 cm that baby a was coming. then i started feeling the contractions. i delivered him at 233 am. he was 1pound 2.3 ounces and 11 1/2 inches long. he had a strong heart rate when he was born and they were able to ventilate him. his brother did not make his appearance that night which suprised my drs and the nicu. He came four days later at 430 am. he was 1 pound 6 ounces and 12 inches long. Tyler which was baby was doing amazingly well the neonatologist was even suprised as to how well he was doing. They put him on CPAP on day 7 and he did all the work himself for 25 minutes. I was planning to breastfeed and they started him on feeds on day 6.. he was tolerating his feeds and then early in the morning on day 8 they called me and told me they had to rush him to childrens to do emergency surgery on his bowels. They had done an ultrasound of his stomach because when they turned him his stomach was discolored. the ultrasound showed that he had a perforated bowel. I now know that this was the necrotizing entercolitis. he had surgery at 8 in the morning and made it out of surgery but his little tummy didnt get any better, instead it just kept getting darker and harder. the drs told us that there was nothing more they could do for our little boy and that they were doing more to him than for him and that it was better for us to just let him go. he passed im my arms at 130 am on nov 17. Levi who was baby had problems from the start. but i still refused to give up hope for him. when he was born he tried to cry but it came out as a little squeak and his heart rate was love and they did chest compressions and gave hims meds to raise his heart rate. they got him ventilated but the first ventilator wasnt right for him. he ended up on an oscillator later that day. a chest x ray showed he had respiratory distress syndrome which later turned into PIE. which they told me meant he had air out side the airsacs in the lungs. they had to keep changing his breathing tube because it keep getting plugged with secretions. when he was 7 days old they told me he was no longer peeing which meant his kidneys were failing and that they could do anything for him and asked if we wanted to take him off support. i refused to take him off support so they said i cold hold him if me and his daddy held our sweet little boy and kept him on support hoping him sensing us would help him get better until he took his last breath around five in the morning on nov 20. this first christmas without my little babys was harder than anything. i cant even describe it. i keep look back and wondering if there was anything else i could have done to keep them in i was on bedrest from 14 weeks on do to a shortened cervix. they did an emergency cerclage at 17 weeks. and the cerclage lengthened it for about 3 weeks and then it started shortening again. this was my first pregnancy and i was so looking forward to my little boys and now i cant even bring myself to put their things away.

Welcome to Share. I am so sorry it is the loss of your boys that brings you here.

I wish I had some advice or words of comfort to ease your pain. sadly, I don't. But I will give you a shoulder to lean on, and ear to listen, and a few big hugs.

Warmly,
Jackie

KayKay- What beautiful and touching mementos your family brought you for the holidays. It always warms my heart when family are so inclusive our little angels.

Mommyof2AngelBoys- I am so very sorry for the loss of your boys. I know the first Christmas is so very difficult. I hope you found peaceful ways to include them in the holidays. They will always, always be a part of you and your family.

Lauren

This year at my mom's holiday party in lieu of gifts they played random "Reindeer Games" raising money for our March for Babies Team. Last year they raised just over $200, this year's figures haven't come in yet!

Christmas was very difficult to say the least for us this year as we burried our boys on Dec 26th of 2008. We have special ornaments for them on the tree... an Angel for Rafe Malak (who's middle name means angel) and and a Superman baby shirt for Solomon, who truly was our Superman! He fought so hard to live before sucumbing to NEC. Christmas was made harder too by the fact that, fortunately, we are pregnant again, but unfortunately, I am unable to travel back east to see my family due to the travel restrictions I am on with this high risk pregnancy. I keep holding on to the fact that next year will be different...

Hello, first i want to express my sincere condolensences. Your story really hit home for me. It was like I was reading my own journey. On Nov.30 (Mon) I was admitted to the hospital because I was losing my mucus plug I was 23 weeks. I called my dr. right away and she said to go to the hospital right away. The previous Sat. I was in the er for cramping. Cervical lenghth was ok but I was contracting. They gave me iv fluids and monitored me. and I was released. So by Mon I was in the hospital given indocen iv fluids etc. and told I would be on bedrest for the duration. Well by water broke 4 days later and i gave birth to my son Brayden on Dec. 4, he was 1lb 5 oz. 12 inches. He was good size and all the dr.s (ob, neonatologist, maternal fetal medicine) thought he might have a chance. He did good for about for about a week. Then they had to switch him to an oscillator because his blood gases were getting bad. He was on that for about a week and they they noticed his belly getting bigger. The xraY showed a perforation in his bowel and we transferred him to another hospital, more able to deal with this condition. They had suspected NEC. He lived 2 more days. They had tried to drain it but unsucessful. He would have need multiple surgeries and they didn't think he would pull through. So we decided to let him go. He passed away in my arms. I finally got a chance to hold him without tubes or the ventilator. I never heard him cry. He lived 17 days. We funeralized him the day after christmas and buried him two days later. Christmas will never be the same. I cant even look at his ultrasound pictures or any of his things. Just know that mayber somehow, someway we can get through this...

It is always difficult to read stories of new posts of losses. I know your pain and how difficult the holidays must have been. I was in your shoes last year as my husband and I were forced to deal with all the 1st holidays without our girls...it was horrible! I never could have imagined a time when I could smile again let alone laugh or enjoy myself. Time is an amazing thing. Time has allowed us to find ways to always remember our girls as well as moving forward.

Be patient and one thing I stress is to not judge your grief against someone elses. Do what feels right for you and nothing more! My heart goes out to all of you.

We have angel ornaments on our tree and we visit her and place flowers. I am sad every Christmas season watching the other two grow up and not having her here with us hurts I feel empty.

My son Anthony was born at 28 wks but when he was 2 years old cancer is what took him away from me. So at Christmas time we put a tree at his grave. At home my oldest son and youngest put up a little christmas tree for him in the toy room and wrap him up some presents. Next year my family and I are going to start buying Chiristmas presents in honor of Anthony and give them to the children in the hospital.

That is such a sweet idea. It's nice to do something for others in honor of our children.

MY SON DIES SEP 3RD AT 2 DAYS OLD. I FOUND OUT CHRISTMAS THAT I WAS PREGNANT. SOME PEOPLE SAY I AM REPLACEING MY SON, BUT NOTHING OR NOONE WILL REPLACE MY SON

I am sorry to hear that your son, at 2 days old, didn't make it. I remember finding out we were pregnant again after our loss of twins. It was soo bittersweet. We were trying (and had to go through IVF to achieve this) but I thought in a way I would be happier once I got the positive results. For me, I was happy but felt very guilty. It had only been 8 months since our girls were born and I was filled with a mix of emotions. We chose not to tell family and friends right away because I wasn't sure how to handle THEIR questions, comments, and views when I was barely able to handle my own. It worked for us. We waited until I was 15 weeks. I was afriad people would assume we were replacing our girls too with the new baby and I wanted people to know this was our 3rd baby not our 1st. I was already a mommy.

The best suggestion a friend gave me was to write a blog. I wasn't sure how it would be but it gave me an outlet to vent my concerns, worries, and fears about everything. I was able to let friends and family read it at their leasure and then they KNEW what was going on and I didn't have to re-hash everything to everyone over and over. It took me several months to be comfortable being pregnant again...everyone deals with a subsquent pregnancy differently.

I hope you find ways to enjoy this pregnancy because, I know how difficult it is. I am actually going in tomorrow to be induced at 38 weeks. It has been a very high risk, stressful pregnancy and can't wait to finally meet her.

I'm sorry for the loss of your son. No experience in life prepares you for such a journey. I have found in the 15 months since my daughter's death that most people wouldnt say some of the things they say if they knew the experience firsthand. If I were able to still have children, I would definately want to be pregnant right now. No indeed an other child cannot replace the child I loss, but another child would help to put hope in our hearts again, sound in our home again, and just fulfill all the reasons people who love eachother have children in the first place.

Congratulations on your new pregnancy. I am wishing a very uneventful, healthy, 40 weeks for you and your little one.

Take good care,
Yolonda

its been three months to the day since Tyler which was Baby A was born and i find myself to want to start trying again but i dont know where to start since i wasnt even trying when the boys were concieved. Im also finding that people are telling that i need to wait and give my mind and body time to heal, that im young and can always have more kids. I swear if someone says that to me one more time i will punch them. yes i want more kids but i also want the two that i had. i want my tyler and levi with every breath that is in me. i still think about them every day and wonder if there was something that i could have done or should have done or that the doctors could have done to keep them in or to help them. what if they would have replaced my cerclage that they knew failed after i had tyler, would i have been able to keep levi in longer than four more days. or what if they would have done the cerclage at 14 weeks like they were talking about. or why did i even tell the dr i was ok with being sent home at 18 weeks three days after my cerclage after they told me they were probably going to keep me until i delivered since i was already high risk since i was having twins and then i was having problems with my cervix. why did the stupid doctor send me home and why was i such an idiot to agree to go home. at my six week i told the dr i was trying again and she said to wait 2-3 months and then start trying and offered to put me on birth control. I told her i dont want birth control and then when she asked how my babies were doing i looked at her like she waes insane, its right there in my charts that my babies died why dont you read before you ask, did she seriouly think i would be trying to have another baby 6 weeks after i had twins if my kids had survived no she didnt think at all. then people telling that i need to stop talking about them with other people and that they are all getting tired of hearing it p***es me off to no end. how dare you say you are tired of hearing about me talk about my sweet little babies. i listen to you guys talk about your kids all the time but yet because my are no longer hear you dont want to hear it. even my own mom has told me she was tired of me talking about them and that i needed to move on. How do you move on from tthis knowing that i would be getting ready to bring them home from the nicu or getting ready have them and being as big a house still stupid and pregnant. i need to find a decent doctor who will actually listen to me the next time and not tell me to lay down that my water really isnt leaking its just me peeing on myself that everything will be fine. i now know that a clinic wont cut it that i need a high risk doctor who will do everything there is and actually listen what i have to say when it comes to my baby. but i had to learn the hard way and instead of bringing two sweet little boys who didnt do a thing wrong home i have to go visit them at a cemetery while everyone around me healthy babies that are around the age that my twins would be. another thing that ticks me off is people saying that i should have a surrogate . i dont want a surrogate for one we done have the money for a surrogate i dont want to hear from someone else about how my baby is doing when that baby should be inside me kicking me and squirming. i just want to be pregnant again... but then again im afraid to get pregnant because what if the same thing happens again. twins run in both of our families so what if its twins again or even if its not twins what if the cerclage doesnt work like it did with them. what if the doctors dont listen to me again and the same thing happens and i lose my baby again

To mommyof2babyangelboys: I can definitely relate your frustrations with doctors. If you are not happy please switch for your own peace of mind. I felt that the ball was dropped with my son when I went into labor at 22 weeks. I feel by OB had she been experienced enough should have picked up on the signs of my preterm labor. I have heard something about TAC transabdominal cerclage that might have some success? But when you are ready I wish you blessings ttc. I said this before your story almost exactly matches mine including the brain bleeds, size of baby and I also delivered at 23 weeks and 4 days. my son lived for 17 days. Always know I am here to listen about your boys. I love talking about Brayden my son. I don't know how I am going to get through this, its so hard and I cry every day. Its been about 6 weeks since he passed away.

P.S.
 I have since been referred to a high risk OB/perinatologist. I just continue to ask for prayers

how did you get a referral to a high risk doctor. do i just call my OB and ask for a referral or do i call one. i really dont want to go back to that doctor ever again because i asked question after question concerning what contractions feel like what premature labor feels like etc and they always told me that i would know when it was really happening so since i was asking i wasnt having contractions. even while i was in the hospital and my water had broken and i told my nurse that i thought my water broke she had the nerve to ask me if i was sure i didnt pee on myself. i looked at her pulled my blanket up and said does it look like i peed in sitting on a huge wet spot and i can still feel the stuff coming out. then when she went and got the doctor what a shocker my water broke just like i told them and that was at the level 3 hospital, other than that the level three wasgreat i liked my nurses there better at Good Samaritan than at Bethesda North. But i still dont know where to start to get a high risk. i know im high risk for any pregnancy i have due to my cervix and im thinking i need to get into one as soon as possible because as of yet i havent had my friend yet this month which is great if it decides to be a no show but then the show starts all over again and im not going to be as optimistic that everything will be fine because i know what happened with my boys and that i really shouldnt be pregnant right now if i am, i should breastfeeding my babies and they should be home with me or getting ready to come home. my due date is in 13 days and i just dont know what to make of that day i just want to skip right over it like its not even there. if i could i would stay at home in bed and just hide all day but thats not possible so what am i supposed to do on that day. and what am i supposed to if i am pregnant again because i was trying to find a dr that would do the TAC as i had a failed TVC with the twins and i dont want to go through that again and the stay in the NICU constantly worrying about weather my child is going to make it and i actually want to be able to leave the hospital with my baby not leave my baby there. thats just not natural when you have a baby the baby is supposed to go home with you not stay in the hospital. im just scared that the cerclage will fail again because they will wait until my cervix starts changing to do like they did the last time i was showing signs at 14 weeks and they talked about doing the cerclage and waited until i was funneling then was like we need to do the cerclage now. i cant lose another baby i wont be able to take it. so in other words im scared that i may be pregnant and im scared that if i am the boys will be upset with me for getting pregnant and trying so soon after them and everyone else will think that im trying to replace them and im not they were my first born my heart and soul and they riipped a huge part of me out and took it with them when they died.

To mommyof2babyangelboys, First I would tell you to take a couple of deep breaths. Try and relax and breathe. Next I would see if you could confirm if you are pregnant or not. Have you taken a test? I was able to get a referral from my fertility dr. However I would start with the major hospitals in your area. What about college university hospitals, or high NICU level hospitals and go online to see who has a high risk OB dept. I also went online to research which hospitals had a high risk OB dept, specifically and make an appt with them. I still question my OB to this day about how she handled my pregancy and she was way too nonchalant when I told her my symptoms ( which turned out to be preterm labor) and she should have been all over it. I did not ask her opinion about a high risk OB. It sounds like you have a lot of anxiety about your previous dr. so I would definitely research a new one. Someone told me who lost her first baby, that after she had her other children, she never got over the pain of the loss. It will always be there but just the pain will be redirected someway and will show itself differently. You know in your heart your babies will never be replaced and thats all that counts! Let me know how everything goes. It's good to talk to someone who knows your pain and what you are going through.
God Bless You!