Has anyone else divorced after their loss?

Oh honey, I"m so sorry for all of this, for losing Anthony and then going through this. Losing a child is difficult on a marriage. We're two years out since losing our daughter and its still hard. The divorce rate sky rockets after a loss of a children, and then our life does a complete 180 by going through a divorce. I've had so many people tell me that going through a divorce is like grieving. Take one day at a time and Share is always here, we understand exactly how your feeling.

Thinking of you,

Kelly

Natalie,

I'm so sorry. I can think of nothing more stressful than the loss of a child and imagine you are not the only to loose a marriage after a loss. Know that you are in my thoughts. Stay safe there and we're here to lean on whenever you need.

Hugs,
Lauren

Natalie~
I know exactly how you feel. Hopefully, you can keep a connection with him through your son that you can turn to one another when you need someone to talk to even if you're not married. It's important to know that others are there for you, and if he's not willing to be there for you to talk to in a friendship kind of way, then just know that we are, and I understand completely what it's like to lose a child.

Tracy

Natalie,

I am so sorry you are going through this. My husband and I did separate after I had my first miscarriage. For some reason it drove us apart instead of together. We did work it out and by the time we had our 2nd miscarriage and losing Will, we were stronger and there for each other.

It is hard though, men do handle grief different than women. I am not sure what your relationship is like, but maybe you can still talk to him about about you are feeling. If not, we are always here for you.

Robin

I am so sorry for what you are going through. I imagine with your job it is hard to have much down time or time to seek out a support group. Maybe when things have settled down the two of you can still talk about your child......that is a strand that will always connect you.

shonda

I'm so sorry for what you are going through. It's so difficult to communicate with your spouse sometimes after the loss of a child. My heart breaks for you.
I hope that in time things settle down for you and you will be able to focus on your self more. Know that SHARE is here for you during those "tough times" and that there is always some one here that will listen.
Know that I'm thinking of you and wishing you peace.
Colleen

I would like to thank you all for your kind words! I know that I could talk to him if I needed to, but not for a while. He has done a lot to me and it will take some time for me to get past that enough to be able to open up to him again. But I know that I always have a home in Share and that no matter what I'm going through, someone else have been through the same or similar situations that have! God bless!

Dear Natalie,
I am so sorry for what you've endured. I can relate a little. I lost my son Max when he was born prematurely. He was with me for a week before he left this life. I miss him terribly as you can imagine. Max's dad and I were not married but we were together. We were a great support for each other. After Max died his dad was the only one that i wanted to talk to or that i would let in. I blocked everyone else out because i felt like they didn't get it as much as his dad could. I thought I needed him to remember with me. I wanted to be with him b/c he was part of it all.

When I started to be able to breath again i sensed, as really I had the whole time --that Max's dad was not going to stay with me. My heart broke again--but certainly didn't compare to the pain of losing my son. It was a tough transition. We went through terrible times of not speaking and of hurting each other. And through it I realize that I don't need him to relate to. I am my babies Mommy. He is with me. I have my own relationship with my son and I don't need his dad anymore to remind me. I already had the best part of him in Max.

I have learned to rely on myself and to know that I am never alone. A certain peace can rise out of being able to sit alone and letting my heart swell with all the love between me and my son. That will never go away. Your relationship ending is so hard. I know, but you are the mom and you will always have your little boy, not in the way you thought, but he will always be with you. Please know you are not alone.

I send you so much healing. Keep writing on here so others can reach out to you and support you.

my heart reaches out to all the mommies here
seriously!
why is it that men cant handle?
we also went through a looooot of trauma
and my hubby and i grew further and further apart
he is sooo closed .. and i sooo desperately need to talk about
my feelings .. i have been so alone during this long journey dont know .. my husband just cant deal with things .. so he just switches off .. miss him .. before all this , things were great

Dear Natalie-

I am so sorry for what you are going through and have been through. I can only imagine how hard that must have been for you and the added stress of your divorce is heart breaking. All I can say is during tragic times such as what you have gone through, it is no surprise that things seem to be out of place. I know that while our daughter Katelyn was in the NICU for 4 1/2 months, I didn't know if my husband and I would ever be the same again.... and that does not even compare to what you guys have had to endure. I wish you the best of luck figuring out what you need....

Love, Kelly

Natalie,
I'm sorry for the loss of your baby and your marriage... Men and Women deal with grief so differently. The more I push Rob to understand my pain the more he pushes me away. He says that it breaks his heart to see me so sad and cant deal with it. At this point we are no longer together and it has been only six months since Tristan died. You are not alone.
Trish

I just read the responses to your posting. I just want to say thank you. It has been longer for me and I have moved on from my last partner.--Max's dad. But I did feel like I was the only one I knew who had endured both an unbearable loss of my baby and then his dad leaving me shortly after. I had heard people say "It's so hard for couples after this" and how frequently couples split up. But all the women I met in groups were still with their partners. I am so sorry for what we have all gone through. It does something to your heart. So many breaks.. But it also makes you stronger then you ever thought you could be.

Today, after reading these posts, I felt less alone. So, Thank you.

My husband and I are going through a divorce two years after losing our daughter. We have a 5-year-old son who is doing amazingly great even after all that he has been through.

ABout six months after Kate died is when it all started going downhill. He finally said he wanted to separate and now that we have been for six months, I can't believe I stayed that long. I grieved for Kate on my own, picked out her headstone on my own. He's never even seen the headstone. I should have known, he's just been unavailable.

Honestly now I'm doing great. I'm worried about doing the firsts all over without him, but I did it before and I'll manage, thanks to Share mostly.

I'll be thinking of you all,

Kelly

I'm so sorry to hear that you are splitting form your spouse after the death of your baby. I wasn't married to my daughters father but we were like best friends and of course more since he was Ashlii's father. After I delivered her and the DR's told my family that she didn't make it, things were okay between him and I for a while. He came to the hospital with my family to pick me up and we even talked a few times after I came home. About a month after I came home myself and the wound of loosing the baby started to try and heal, her father told me he never wanted to see or hear from me again. He had another live in gf. I can somewhat sympathize with those of you who have lost a partner or spouse with the lose of your child(ren).

The day that I found out that I was expecting was the day that i filed for divorce. He had left 3 days prior. and I went to see a divorce att. at 10 am. Then I had an appt for a gen physical at 11:00. I carried my precious son for 5 months and found out that he had passed around 18 or 19 wks. I delivered my angel alone at 20 wks. I carried my angel knowing he had passed for a few days. After the birth of my son, I longed for someone to understand the grieving at the level that I was grieving, but he never acknowledged Zion. I so understand your loss of grieving two losses. At times I grieve the loss of self.

I'm so sorry that you had to go through that alone. It's difficult when the father is a part of things, but I'm sure it's more than difficult when he's not willing to at least grieve with you.

Tracy

I am so sorry that you had to go throught the birth and the aftermath of your grief journey alone. The one person who should understand and hurt on the same level that you are is not there and that...well that sucks! I couldnt imagine walking this journey by myself. Please know that you are not alone as there are many of us on a path from grief to peace. Please feel free to share as much or as little as you want.

Take care,
Yolonda