hurt mother

I lost two kids less then one year. A lovey girl and boy. I was told I had an weak cervix after first lost of my lil girl at 16 weeks because my water broke early. With my second pregnancy everything was going well I had my apt. to have my cerclage done but my water broke early again at 16 weeks and my apt. was jus 3 days away. I'm hurt and confuss. I blame my doctor he could've did the cerlage between 12-15 weeks why he waited so late? My water will continue to break at 16 weeks I never will make it past 4 months without the cerlage. I'm confuss and need advice I don't know if I want to try again or give up.

Hi Jennifer. Welcome to Share. I am so sorry that it is a loss that brings you here and my heart goes out to you.

Before you decide whether to try again or give up, I would recommend talking to a perinatologist (high risk OB). He/She might be able to give you more suggestions on carrying a pregnancy longer than 16 weeks. You could certainly try an earlier cerclage but did you water break because your cervix opened up or did it just break. If your water broke but your cervix was not to blame maybe a cerclage is not the way to go. There are progesterone shots that can reduce activity in your uterus but those are usually given starting at 16 weeks. Please see if your OB will recommend a high risk OB for you before you set your mind on something. It might open up doors you never knew about - or it might tell you that chances are slim to carry a child to term. Either way it might answer your questions.

Good Luck!
Jackie

Welcome to Share, Jennifer. I am so incredibly sorry for your losses. I cannot imagine what a hard year it has been for you and your family. I, personally, have not had a cerclage placed nor have any experience with them... however, I do know several women on Share have had one and gone on to have successful pregnancies. I do hope that you find what will work best for you and find the answers and support that you need here on Share! Keep us posted.

Love, Kelly

Jennifer~
  Welcome to Share! I'm so sorry to hear of your losses. It's so hard to decide what to do after the loss of a child. Please know that we're here to listen any time you need someone to talk to.

Tracy

Hello Jennifer, I know how you feel I really do. That is what I have. I found that out the hurtful way. On Christmas morning my water broke. I called my local "ask a nurse" hot line. They tell me " it sounds like nothing" The next day I feel like crap. I go to bed about 9:00 pm had to go to the bathroom seen something I knew was not right Went to E.R. 2 hours later IN THE E. R. STILL I miscarried. I was 17 weeks to the day. I found out then that I had an Incompente cervix. I did so much research and Yes your DR. should of done the cerclage Between 12 and 14 weeks. I have a great DR. and she knew what I needed and when to do it if I get pregnant again. I really hope you do find someone to talk to. I am here as well as others to talk to if you need to.

hi jennifer ,sorry to hear about your loss and pain,on may 12 2009 ,i miscarried at 16 weeks , my waters broke at home the doctors did scan and saw a strong heartbeat also did internal said the cervix was closed and the water was something else, so i was sent home.next 48 hours everything started and ended,still in shock had to have blood transfusion , my dr said i will have further test done once my iron levels return to nornal ,at the moment they are 8.3

I am supposed to volunteer at St. Francis hospital starting this Friday, but I had to buy some black, khaki, or navy blue dress pants. I have never in my ever been this “FAT”. I went to every store with a 10 mile radius; finally I went to Wal mart in another town just to get two pairs of pants for this. I don’t know how many times I cried today from being so depressed. I still should be pregnant. My EDD was June 5, 2009 and yes that day will be very depressing for me. Chris he tries to understand, but he can’t fully understand what I am going through. He tries to tell me “you haven’t gained 30 lbs, like I have”. I told him yes I have. I gained a lot of weight when I was pregnant, and after I lost Gabrielle. I had to be alone for a few hours today and yet I still wanted to cry while I was out eating lunch. Does the pain ever go away? How do you go on with your life after a loss like this? I was actuality told by one of Chris’ friends that “I need to understand what Chris is going through; he is losing not one but three kids”. (Chris has two other boys that he does not get to see at all). When I told Chris what his friend said I asked Chris if his friend ever lost a child? He tells me yes he has. I said well he should have never said anything like that to me. Needless to say I don’t really care for this guy. Not just for that comment, but for the way he talks and treats women in general. I also got a phone call from the home nurse in my area ( my doctor signed me up since I was going to be a first time mom, I also wanted to take advantage of their help) last Friday telling me who she was I said to her can I stop you right there? I talked to the visiting nurse in January and told her she did not need to come back out since I miscarried in December. I told the women one the other end of the phone I don’t know how old your records are but I missed carried on 12 26, 2009 and told all this to the visiting nurse in January. She then tells me yes this says December 17,2008 ( which is the day I seen the nurse). This is the same company why can’t they get their records straight? We will always love you Gabrielle. . My little guardian angel.

Pray about it. Rest your body. Then try again. GOD never put more on you than you can bear. Thing about some of your family and friends that have children. Would they be able to go on with life if their child passed. Probably not. For some reason these souls have to go back home almost as soon as they get here. BUt there is always a blessing we dont always see it. IT is up there some where. You have to keep looking ahead. Not to say you cant be said because I am sad a lot when I think about my son he was stillborn but I know I will be bless one day with another child or multiple children or some other blessing. I belive this and It will happen. Keep your head up I know it is hard.

I am sorry to hear about your lost. I too have a weak cervix which cause my water to break at 22 weeks. Right when is was so into my pregnancy and enjoying it. It was so painful and frustrating to loss my little girl, Keishanna. My doctor recommend at as soon as think I am pregnant to go to a OBN/GYN doctor. I am also to have a Cerclage at 12-14 weeks. I suggest that you talk to your doctor about getting the Cerclage earlier.

Also seek God direction because he all give good advice and he has help me with my miscarriage.

I am so sorry about your losses.

I am thinking that if you decide to try again that perhaps you should consult with another doctor who will get you the cerclage earlier in pregnancy to prevent this from happening again.

You can make it through a pregnancy longer than 4 months with a cerclag and competent doctor - the success stories on this site are proof of that.
I don't know why so many of us have had to lose our precious babies - i am told it is for a reason but i am unsure if this is right -
But have faith in yourself and in your body and never give up hope.
When the time is right i wish you all the best for a successful pregnancy and happy outcome.
take care now
Chris

Hello Keisha:

My name is Monica, and I have a dynamic or incompotent cervix honestly this last pregnancy was the first time they put a clerclage in at 19 weeks and it has and was the biggest mistake of my life. I broke my water at 21 weeks and 1 day due to an infection I got from the cerclage. I had to deliever my baby girl because I was having alot of contractions they gave me stadol but it didn't help she was alive until she got into the birth canal my Baby Gabriella did not make it alive. I want to sometimes break apart but I have to precious baby girls 1 is 5 years old born at 32 weeks and my 2nd baby girl was born at 36 weeks because my bp was very high and her pulse was high. I went from my 17th week to my 36th week with an effaced cervix and my cervix mesurement of 0.2 cm thats why I say it's been the biggest mistake of my life agreeing to the cerclage my baby would of maybe still been in my belly. I lost her June 10 @ 9:37pm she weigh 10 1/2 oz and 11 1/4 in length. I did carry her and its been one of my biggest challenges in life I sometimes want to go with her but I think of my 2 baby girls Daniella and Isabella. So therefore I have 2 princesses and 1 angel

my water broke at 30 weeks, i was admitted to the hospital for 1 week then sent home on bed rest. 3 weeks later was told my baby girl died inutero as her umbilical chord was too short and got wrapped around her neck. I am full fo guilt, should they have taken her at 31 weeks? should they have kept me in the hospital and kept the heart monitor on my baby girl? Someone please help me find what SHOULD have been done. PLEASE!!!!

I am so sorry for your loss and I am sorry that you are getting lost in the *what-if* stage. I am not sure there is any rule that they *should* have followed, although I will admit I have never heard of a woman whose water has broken being sent home. usually they will keep you in the hospital and monitor you for infection since that is the big concern. I can't say that they would have or should have forseen the cord accident - sadly, those are typically tragic fluke accidents.

I know most of us here on Share have gone through the What-if phase after our pregnancies did not turn out as expected. But nearly 6 years later, I can tell you that it doesn't get you anywhere. It just makes it harder to move on. And please don't think I am telling you to move on with your life and forget about your angel, because I am not. I don't think there is a right way to grieve or to get through something like this. All I am saying is that the what-ifs will consume you if you let them and i hate to see anyone beat themselves up that much.

Big Hugs,
Jackie