Pregnancies After a Loss ?

Ashley,
  Welcome to Share! I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. There are several ladies on here who have had a healthy pregnancy following a loss, and I'm sure they will be posting soon. Please know that we're here to offer support when and where we can.

Tracy

Welcome to Share, Ashley! I think it's a great idea to start a thread such as this. I hope that you will find the answers and hope that you need. Like Tracy said there are many women on Share who have gone on to have happy, healthy, full- term babies. Best of luck to you!

Love, Kelly

Hi Ashley,

My daughter was born at 26 1/2 weeks in 2005 after my membranes ruptured. She was actually quite healthy, just small, but she developed an infection while in the hospital and died when she was less than a month old. As you know, there are no words to describe the pain of losing your child. It was a very long, hard road but almost three years later, my husband and I were "ready" to try for another baby (I use that word loosely because I was terrified). Unfortunately, I miscarried twins at 11 weeks. A few months later, though, I was pregnant again. There was a lot of "craziness" that happened during the pregnancy that was NOT what I wanted (i.e. moving for better care, seeing an - experienced - OB instead of a perinatologist, a blood issue that required monitoring, etc.), and that created a lot of stress. But, long-story-short, my son was at 39 weeks and keeps me very busy chasing after him as he is learning to walk!

So, have hope, Ashley. I think that any subsequent pregnancy after losing a child will be quite difficult, mentally as well as any medical issues that might need to be addressed. And, as I said, I never did really feel "ready" but I felt that I had processed a great deal of the grief and that I could love this baby without projecting my daughter's death on him. For me, that was key. But, there are no concrete answers, of course. No one can say that the next time will be fine; but if you feel that you can have hope instead of being overcome with the intense sadness of death, I think that makes a difference.

We are here as you progress through this journey, Ashley.

Wishing you peace,
-Valerie

Ashley -

I'm so sorry for you loss. I lost my first born, my daughter Addie, in July 2007. She was born at 24 wks 5 days due to incompetent cervix and PTL. I was admitted to the hospital six days before her birth with her membranes coming through my cervix. She lived three months in the NICU but caught so many infections that her poor body could never catch a break. We had to make the decision to let her go.

When we lost Addie, there was no way we were ever going to try again. The pain was so raw and I often wondered how I was going to survive. I decided that I wasn't going to do anything but grieve for her. About three months after her angelversary, I talked with my husband and we decided to try again. In October, our first month of trying, we became pregnant. The first trimester for me was not the scary part. I am now 26 weeks today and this is the scary part - although, I've passed the point where I had Addie.

I have had to do a lot for this pregnancy. I started Lovenox very early for a protein S deficiency, then at 14 weeks I had a cerclage (two stitches), then I began biweekly visits to the peri for cervical checks. Not until I caught a bad cold did the cervix change/shorten but after the coughing subsided, the cervix went back to over 3.0 cm and my last appt. it was 3.7cm. I am also on contractions meds because I had a little bit of funneling around the time that I had the bad cough but the stitches were doing their job. Even with all the meds, modified bedrest and the cerclage, it hasn't been that bad. So don't be afraid if this is a similar plan of action for you with a subsequent pregnancy. Bedrest is not always required with a cerclage, it just happens to be part of what I need to do.

I think one of the most important things that will help you decide if you are ready to try again is to talk with a highrisk OB/ perinatologist. If you find a good doc and trust in him/her, that might help with your decision. My doc is the main reason that I was comfortable trying again.

I hope my response isn't to premature since I'm only 26 weeks but I want to post a response. I pray that you will find the hope (that Valerie mentions) and faith that will supercede your fear. I still cry from time to time over my loss and over the fear for this baby, but most days especially when I feel him move, I feel like I've done the right thing by trying again.

I wish you many blessings and peace.

Take care,
Cindy

Ashley

My name is tonya. I lost a daughter October 1,2006 due to an incompetent cervix as well. She was 23 weeks gestation. My daughter Jasmine was born December 2007. The doctors put in a cervical cerclauge (stitch) to hold my cervix. She made it to 35 weeks!!! It is possible darling. The day after you get the stitch in I would advise you to take off of work. Good luck. I wisjh you the best!!!
Tonya

Dear Ashley,
my name is Lisa and I lost my son in june 2007. he was born at 27 weeks and died 8 days later due to meningitis. he would have survived otherwise. I was terrified to get pregnant again, but I had made a promise to my dying baby that we would try again and make him a brother or sister. I was true to my word and got pregnant 6 months later. i will not lie and tell you that it was easy; it was a terrible pregnancy full of worry and stress, but I made it to 34 weeks. i originally thought that i made it to 35, but my doctor told me 34. Anyways, it can happen for you. It won't be easy, but my new baby is doing well and it was worth all of the stress during the pregnancy.
I hope this story helps and good luck to you.
Lisa

Hi! I am really sorry for your loss. I had a little girl back in 2003. she only weighed1 pound 9.3 ounces. She was in the hospital for 85 days. I was exactly were you are. In my heart I wanted another baby but was really scared. Well, just 2 months ago I had another baby. He was a suprise. He is healthy. I had either an incompetent cervix/preterm labor. They really didn't know. So I had a cerclage, and took the 17P. It worked. I made sure that I went to EVERY doctors visit and every injection. I had him at 37 weeks. If you have any questions just let me know.

Hi, my name is Rhonda, I am sorry for your loss, I know first hand what it is like to lose a child; my son Ethan was born at 29 weeks only weighing 16 oz. due to low amniotic fluid. He lived for 77 days ,but died from sepic shock due to the hospital delayed diagnoses of NEC. I miss him dearly and I too was scared that it would happen again, The doctors told me that it probably would not happen again, but guess what? at exactly 30 weeks I had no fluid again and was admitted to the hospital. My son was born at 35 weeks, but only this time my son wasn't growth restricted from it and weighed 4lbs. 6oz. and was healthy. So I am going to tell you that you will never know uness you try. If this pregnancy is meant to go to term, it will with God's hands, and if not he will be with your child no matter what happens. God bless and good luck.

Hi my name is Keisha and I lost my little girl on April 5 at 22 weeks. My Doctor suggested that I have a Cerclage with my next pregnancy. I am I little scared about the procedure but I am hope to try again in a couple of month. I miss Keishanna. so much. Can you give me some advise on the procedure.

Hi Keisha,

I am sorry for the loss of your daughter. I did not have a cerclage but there are many women on here who can I offer advice. If your doctor thinks incompetenet cervix is your issue, the cerclage can be very helpful and I would keep an open diaglogue with your doctor so that you understand fully what he/she is doing.

Good luck and I hope you find your answers.
Take care,
Ellen

Hi, I lost my son at 23 weeks due to an incompetent cervix. I just wanted to know what are the precautions you had to take after having the cerclage done. Thank you

Hi Ashley,
I lost my first baby. he was born at 27 weeks due to pre-term labour and then died 8 days later of sepsis/meningitis.
I went on to have another baby and it was so tough, but I made it to 34 weeks and had a healthy little boy. I was on bed rest and had so many ultrasounds, and I worried a lot. It was hard but you can do it!! All of my worries and stress seemed like it would never end but I wouldn't go back and trade it for anything because I have my little boy.
take care and good luck on your journey.
Lisa

Hey I lost my son just this past Feb, and its only been only 5 months and now we are starting to plan another, but for us we have a very long to take and when the time is right you will know and I know that for me I want children and I have to take Folic Acid pills, so there are lots of things that I have to do before me and my Husband to start to have another, but for know just go to your Doctor and talk and see what he/she says and yall can go from there, but in the mean time just stay strong

Robin