Can't stop crying.

Hi I just lost my son 3 months ago and I still cry everyday, I cried the day that he was born and then he died 4 days latter and it has been hard for me and my husband and we are dealing it with the best way that we know how to.

Hi Jace's Mom-

I would definately consult with your OB about your PPD concerns. I think you are very smart for being proactive and identifying the change in your behavior. It will take time for your hormones and such to get back on track after pregnancy, but in the meantime perhaps your OB could help. I will say that what you are experiencing was what I went through during my daughters NICU stay. I consulted with my OB and he placed me on a minimal dose of an antidepressent. It helped a lot. Best of luck to you and please do keep us updated.

Love, Kelly

It is understandable to cry, your Jace is still in the NICU and you are still having to leave him at the hospital instead of him being home with you. It took me some time before I stopped crying daily. Even after she came home, I would still cry after doctor appointments.

However, if you do feel you need to speak with someone, most NICU's have support staff. I remember reaching out to a Social Worker when I was discharged and had to leave her behind.

Take care...

Cathy

When my daughter was in the NICU, I would cry just watching commercials with babies on them. I was a total wreck. I can totally understand what you are feeling right now. Just take it day by day. It's okay to cry, you are on a roller coaster of emotions right now. We are here for you.

Katie

Thank you so much for all your help. Goodman2009 I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I couldn't imagine what you must be going through. You and your husband are going to be in my prayers. =) You guys are all so great I don't know where I would be had it not been for this site. Thank you again for all of the suggestions.

Your hormones are all out of whack due to the pregnancy, and like some of the others said, it's never a bad idea to discuss your concerns with your dr. He/She may be able to offer a better advice than we can give. I cried my eyes out for the smallest things too so don't think there's anything wrong with you for doing this. It's an emotional ride....

Tracy

You have so many reasons to cry and I found that when things were going well is when I was able to drop my strength and get some of those pent up tears out. So many of us hold it in and try to keep strong, and keep faith but eventually, we have to let it out. I still cry sometimes and it's been almost 4 years.

My daughter was in NICU for 4 weeks and I was a wreck. Even when I thought I was doing better, I'd lose it again for no apparent reason. Gracie is now four months old and I'm just now starting to feel like a reasonable person again....most of the time.

My baby shower is coming up now and my sister and I made a slide show with pictures of Jace and that song by Janelle...amazing playing in the backround and I lose it every time I heart it.

The slideshow is a great idea. I am certain that everyone understands you 'losing it' when you hear the song or when you see the slideshow. I am glad your sister is so supportive to do that for you.

Love, Kelly

My daughter was in the NICU for 6 weeks and I cried everyday. I would wash my hands, turn the corner to her room and here would come the tears. I was exhausted, worried, overwhelmed and very hormonal. The NICU nurses and other mothers in the pump room were my lifeline.

It's 19 months later and I still cry over it sometimes. Remember you are grieving over many things--not just him being in the NICU. You are grieving over not finishing your pregnancy the way most women do, not taking your child home from the hospital after the birth, not having a baby shower before the baby was born, not holding your child any time you want to. Your emotions are running the gammet including the scary up and downs of NICU life.

Getting on an antidepressant, getting support from the parent mentors at the March of Dimes and other parents who have been through the experience helped me.

Crying is good even when you think you have no more tears. It is so normal and healthy. We are here to support you. We get it.

Man oh man if they could count up all the tears us preemie moms have cried there would be enough to make an entire ocean! The NICU experience is filled with ups and very depressing downs. My little one was 15 ounces and she stayed small for a very very long time, we experienced the NICU hell for 6 months. There are so many things going on, you have hormones involved and the pain of having a child fight for its life, the fear the uncertainty. I would cry so hard that I felt like all the blood vessels in my eyes would burst! I had this movie reel playing in my mind that the doctors would hand me my baby in a quiet dark room to hold her for the last time and it drove me completely insane. I would cry when they would check her weight and she didn't gain a single ounce, I would cry when they would need to do surgery, or bag (breathe for) her, I would cry when I got home and realized she was all alone without me to comfort her, and I cried especially hard the day I saw another NICU mom leaving the NICU with her healthy nicu graduate baby. How did we survive it? I have no clue, I think you just go into survival mode, nothing matters but your child. You take one day at a time, and I got through it by talking on this website to other moms. Sometimes meds can help too, maybe there is a therapist you can talk to about this. You won't be in the NICU forever, it will end. I think all the grieving I did while my daughter was in the hospital was very healthy for me. My husband was the tough guy and he didn't break down very much while Maya was in the nicu and now it is like he is doing the opposite that I did, he has little mini-breakdowns when he is distraught over her delays and complications, whereas I feel like I have done most of my grieving and got it out of my system. And now I am free to move on and focus on other things that are important. I wish the best for you and your child and if you ever need to talk I am here. Take care!

I just wasn't sure if my tears were silly ha ha.
Just the other day I had a mini melt down again. I thought I was getting better and not crying so much but I asked my husband this far what was his worst experience in the NICU and when I told him mine which was the day I wallked in and saw jace being re-intubated because of his infection and the NNP asked "If anything happens tonight do you mind if we call" that was my lowest point when she asked that and I lose it every time I remember her asking me that. Cause wht I heard was "there is a chance your baby wont make it through the night"

Jace's mom,

You are sooooo NOT silly! I think you are pretty amazing. Keep it up!

Love, Kelly