Starting to heal!??Maybe??

Lisa, I am so sorry for the loss of your little girls. I must say that is a really cool idea, naming them on your actually due date. I would love to hear what their names are, if you are ready to share that. I am glad that you are doing a little better today and can see through the pain of their deaths. You are so right, you just have to take life second by second. Best of luck to you!

Love, Kelly

Lisa,

Yes I have certainly shared many of the same thoughts. I've often felt that healing hurts. It sometimes feels like healing moves me away from my daughter, but I've come to realize that this is not true. Learning to live a positive and full life with her memory is a daily struggle, but I know she smiles when I do.

It sounds like May 5th was a beautiful and peaceful day for you. I remember feeling a little bit more at peace after I passed my original due date. It's a milestone. I too look forward to learning their names if and when you are ready.

Lauren

Hi Lisa, I do understand. I too was in your situation, I gave birth to my twins on April 17th, but my daughter did not make it. I ruptured at 18 weeks and gave birth 7 weeks later. Her brother is still in the NICU. Hope was her name, and I miss her so much. I could never imagine losing my baby. It feels like something just came and took a piece of me away. So, I do understand about the day to day living and healing.

God bless!
Honor's mom

Hi Lisa
I am so sorry for the loss of your twin girls.
I too know what you mean about feeling like the healing process will take away the memoy of our baby and i do not want to forget my son - but the memory of our precious babies will live on forever in our hearts. (i know that we get sick of hearing it and of course it's not enough but it is true)
And no matter how much we are able to heal i do not think that that ache in our hearts, the pain of losing them will ever fade.
You are right we are only able to take each moment as they come - and some moments will be better than others.
i, too would like to know your little girls names when you are ready to share them.
All the best
Chris

I understand how you feel. My daughter passed away in Oct 07. Her birthday was May 16. I tell you the pain never goes away but it gets better to deal with I still have my good and bad days but I know with prayer and trusting in God that the pain gets easier. He provided me with groups like these to vent my feelings and it has been a blessing.
God Bless You and may his peace be with you always
Love Deedee's Mom
Andrea

Sorry I forgot to tell their names! Mackenzie Kelly and Riley Joe. Thanks for all the support and love, I send it back to everyone!

Lisa~ I love the names that you chose for the girls. I'm sure they "fit" perfectly!! I hope that as each day passes you are able to take a few more breaths without having to remind yourself. I remember the early days after losing my daughter and I thought those days of not having to think about the simplest things would never come. We're always here...

Tracy

I am so very sorry for your losses. You know, it is okay to have up and down days, to laugh and cry, to look forward and backward all at the same time. It is okay to remember and think of your babies everyday. We lost two of our triplets over six years ago, and each night before going to sleep I say a prayer for them....hoping they are up there somewhere, watching down over us.

Shonda

Hi,

Im sorry to hear about your lost. I recently lost one of my twin boys on April 25, 2009 and I can only imagine what you are going thru it has only been a month for me and it is extremely hard! I miss him and I just dont understand why he was a fraternal twin born at 23 weeks gestation he had alot of complications he fought for 12 long days and I VERY pround of him, we just had his burial on May 7, 2009 and I have to say that was one of the toughest days of my lives!! I will pray for you and your family continue to be strong! God Bless!

I'm so sorry to hear you lost one of your boys. I know those first few months are the hardest to even comprehend what you've gone through. I was in shock for a while after I lost my daughter. I hope that maybe sometime soon you can tell your story on Share, and we can all be here and listen. I also hope your other son is doing okay. I know there is other moms on hear that have one surviving twin, so I know there is some that will totally relate to your situation. Thinking of you, and your family.

Kelly

I too lost a little boy @ 28 weeks due to an infection (amongst other things!) My due date was also May 5th, and i have to say it is getting a little easier. Im starting to have more better days than not, and it feels good. But I do know what you mean when you say the pain connects you to your babies. I myself am not ready to let go yet. Good luck to us all!
also, here is a poem a good friend of mine sent me, it took me a long time to be able to read it (everytime i tried i would breakdown before i could finish!) but it meant alot... enjoy

What Makes a Mother
I thought of you and closed my eyes
And prayed to God today.
I asked what makes a Mother
And I know I heard him say.
A Mother has a baby
This we know is true.
But God can you be a Mother
When your baby's not with you?
Yes, you can He replied
With confidence in His voice
I give many women babies
When they leave is not their choice.
Some I send for a lifetime
And others for a day.
And some I send to feel your womb
But there's no need to stay
I just don't understand this, God
I want my baby here
He took a breath and cleared His throat
And then I saw a tear.
I wish I could show you
What your child is doing today.
If you could see your child smile
With other children and say
"We go to earth to learn our lessons
Of love and life and fear.
My Mommy loved me oh so much
I got to come straight here.
I feel so lucky to have a Mom
Who had so much love for me
I learned my lesson very quickly
My mommy set me free.
I miss my Mommy oh so much
But I visit her each day.
When she goes to sleep
On her pillow's where I lay.
I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek
And whisper in her ear.
Mommy don't be sad today
I'm your baby and I'm here."
So you see my dear sweet one
Your children are ok
Your babies are here in My home
And this is where they'll stay.
They'll wait for you with Me
Until your lesson is through.
And on the day that you come home
They'll be at the gates for you.
So now you see what makes a Mother
It's the feeling in your heart.
It's the love you had so much of
Right from the very start.
Through some on earth may not realize you are a Mother,
Until their time is done.
They'll be up here with Me one day
And you know you're the best one!

I love this poem. I wish I had it around Mother's Day. My sister told me that I dont get anything for Mother's Day because I was not a mother. (My son was stillborn in June.) She told me that you have to actually raise your kids in order to be a mother. She said I have to feel the things that they put you through. She said because he is dead I used to be a mother but now I am not.

I thought that was heartless and rude. This poem is so totally awsome! Thanks I think I am gonna copy it and color it up frame it and hang it on my wall.

Omg Tanicka i do not know how anyone could be sooo heartless and cruel to you, and i can't believe your own sister said that to you. Only someone who does not know the pain and heartache of losing a child could say something so thoughtless.

Once a mother....always a mother

my son was also stillborn in October last year,so i know your heartache.

Do not worry about what anyone has to say and never question whether you are a mother. And you definately have felt things that a mother feels - the emotions of finding out you are pregnant, the 1st scan, the flutters of those 1st movements, morningsickness, that 1st kick, hearing you babies heartbeat, going through labour, your baby being born, holding your baby---all of those feelings are real all have been felt by mothers but unfortunatly our babies didn't get too stay with us long enough but we will always be their mother.
Take care and i wish you all the best.
Chris

Tanicka,

I am sorry that your sistered spoke such an untruth to you. I really have to bite my tounge here from saying the first thing that came to my mind. You are just as much a mother as anyone else that has carried and birthed a child rather that child is here or not. My daughter passed away this past September, she was 3 years old, yes I went through things but she is no longer here, does that mean I am no longer a mother?

You start mothering your child from the moment you get a positive pregnancy test. Your entire way of thinking changes, and just about every decision you make is done with your seed in mind. Please dont let the ingnorance of others ever put to question whether or not you are a Mother. Even if that person is your sister.

By the way, welcome to Share. I am so sorry for the reason that brought you to us, but you could not have landed in a more supportive and loving community.

Take good care,
yolonda

I"m so sorry your sister is so ignorant(no offense) but we are all mothers here. My son was stillborn and I did question whether i was a mother still and thanks to the support of my share peer I know and belief that I'M a MOTHER. I hope you continue to write, share is a great place. Families here understand your pain and know how hard it is to losse a child.
Thinking of you
Trish

when i read your response and what your sister had said to you, i couldnt even comprehend why anyone let alone your own sister would say something so hurtful, not to mention thoughtless. but i think you know as well as anyone with half a brain that a woman becomes a mother the day she finds out shes pregnant. its actually really hard for me to wrap my head around some of the things people say. but i am happy that this poem helped you, i love it too! it makes me cry everytime i read it, but i think i need that sometimes we all do!