We lost our Ethan Nov 19

I am so sorry that you are going through this. It's just not fair for any parent to lose their child.

I can't answer your questions other than to say, there sometimes is a size limit that is reached where they don't have the equipment to help the tiniest of babies.
When a child is born very premature, their lungs are not developed. That does not mean the aren't able to take a few breaths but it generally means that they are not strong enough to keep taking breaths. The inside of their lungs is *sticky* and it takes a lot of effort for them to breathe (Imagine breathing through a cocktail type straw and see how hard it is.). They work so hard to breathe that their body just can't handle it.

Most hospitals consider 24 weeks the limit of viability and many won't even attempt to save a child born before that. Is it the right thing to do? I don't know. I don't want any parent to lose their child but I also don't know that it is fair to make a child, who has a very slight chance to survive, suffer. It's one of those circular arguments that can go on and on and on. At what point do you draw the line? I can't even begin to imagine if I had to make that decision.

I don't know why they wouldn't try to stop her labor. It's seems to me that would be automatic, but I know some hospitals won't bother stopping labor until after 24 weeks. Stupid in my opinion....

There are so many other people on Share that have walked in your shoes, and I hope you find comfort in their words. We are a very supportive *family* and we'll do our best to help you and your wife out in such a terrible time.

Hugs,
Jackie

Hello and welcome to Share. I am so sorry for the loss of your precious Ethan. I know your pain first hand. After giving birth to at 23w1d in 2005 I have befriended so many preemie parents and each of us have a different story.

My daughter was born in Gretna, LA and our NICU had criteria that had to be met for babies born under 24 weeks before they will try to save them. My husband and I thought they were going to wrap our child up and hand her to us as well, however, she surprised everyone by *crying*. That's when they decided she had fight in her and they were going to fight with her. Ethan sounds like he had fight in him as well. He survived 30 to 45 minutes, and like you, I would be filled with the question of why didnt they attempt to save him.

Like Jackie said, there are so many people who have walked in your shoes. I am one of them. Although my dauughter did discharge home and bust through all the milestone we were told she may not have ever met, she passed away suddenly at 3 years old in Sept. 08. She looked totally healthy on the outside and was smart as whip too, but she had sick lungs that led to a sick overworked heart. Nothing in life prepares you for the death of your child and the aftermath that follows.

Share has been my saving grace both during my daughters life and definately after her death. Please know that we are here for you too.

Take good care,
Yolonda

Welcome to Share!!

I'm so sorry to hear of Ethan's passing. I know the heartache of losing a child as well and there are always so many questions and "what ifs". I wish I could give you the answers that you're so desperately needing right now. Please know that we're here and many of us understand exactly what you're going through.

Tracy

I don't know how to answer ur question since i still have a lot of questions left unanswered from the loss of my own daughter. I just want to say how sorry i am for ur loss. I wish u strength and patience cos that's what u need right now just to be able to figure out the situation. I'll be thinking about u and ur wife and will pray for u and ur Ethan.

May.

I'm so sorry for the loss of Ethan that's a pain no parent should ever have to experience. We all have questions as to why things happened and I hope one day we can get them. For now please take care of yourself. I hope. Share can provide the support and help as much as it has helped me.

Hugs Trish

Thanks, we've been reading everyone's replies. I appreciate them all. We've read alot of your stories and can cry with you. We will never forget our beautiful boy. My "cool little dude" is in my thoughts 24 hours a day.-Dad

Hello! I'm so so sorry for your loss! Your in a good place with people who will make you feel like your not the only one going through this. Its a good feeling to not feel like your alone.

My son was born at 24 weeks and lived for 12 weeks and 1 day. The best 12 weeks & 1 day of my life. Its a horrible horrible thing, losing a child...and the feelings and emotions in the aftermath are almost unbearable. I am thinking of you guys. You have a beautiful beautiful guardian angel now. He will always be with you, and I know sometimes thats hard to think about when all you want is your baby back, but its the best thing we have I guess! I'll be praying for you & your family!

Steph Goins!