I need help....

I am so sorry for the passing of your little Brayden. Don't give up, I've been told it gets better though it is still rough for me almost a month after losing my sweet little girls. I feel like everywhere I go I am surrounded by pregnant women and babies too and it tears me apart. Stay strong and I'll be thinking about you over the next few days as you prepare for his funeral. He will live forever in your heart.

My thoughts are with you during this horrible time. I don't know how to tell you to get through it, except to do whatever it is that feels right to you. We all grieve in different ways and you can do it anyway, and as long as you need.

Hugs,
Jackie

hello my name is karen, i just wanted to say how sorry i am you are feeling this terrible pain in loosing your little one Brayden . i too lost my little man Luca in september and it is the worst pain possible. no words seem to really help. it is a long painful road ahead and everybody deals with it in differant ways, just feel wot you need to feel, and try to surround yourself with people you love, people will say the wrong things along the way they just do, but no you are not alone xx please take care of yourself we owe it to our little ones to try to carry on and live happy lives .just try to believe brayden is somewere being taken care of and you will c him again one day. with much love kaz x

I'm so sorry for the loss of your son Brayden, there is no pain like the pain of losing a child. It is a terrible thing that happened, you are right the holidays will never be the same. My son was born an angel on Nov 22, 2008 and the holidays are the worse. I hope your angel is with our angel in a place where there is no pain only happiness and love. A place where they can see us and love us everyday.
I'll be thinking of you during this very difficult time.
Trish

I don't quite know what to tell you, or even if this will help. I lost my mother and then my little girl during my pregnancy. Somedays I'm okay and then others I don't know how to go on. I think that it makes me feel better just to say sometimes things in life stink and bad things happen to good people. It also helps if people just listen to what you have to say, agree with you instead of saying look at the positive blah blah, and grieve with you. In other words let it out, scream, cry, talk, get professional help. Do what you have to do, and breathe. I forget to do that when I am really mad.

Ajy... Your story touches me on many levels. I lost my sons last year on 11/18 and 12/22 and burried both together on 12/26. This Christmas has been extremely difficult to say the least... about as hard as last Christmas. A good friend who has experienced the loss of a child too told me earlier this year that you never really heal, you just have more good days than bad. That really does describe what life is like after the loss of a child. I still have days where I struggle to do anything, much less get out of bed...

Also, my nephew's name is Braydon too. He's 4 1/2 and thinks he knows it all already...maybe he does He still to this day asks me why I couldn't just put the babies back inside my belly if they came out to early and tells anyone who asks that they are with Jesus. Children have such a way of simplifying things... he has a 4 month old brother too, and it seems like my entire family has a new little baby except for us. It's hard because myfamily wants to be there for me to grieve, but I just keep thinking how they all have what they wanted...It hurts to say the least.

As Donna mentioned above, professional help is also a good idea. I never thought I'd need counseling, but I was told by several people who had lost a child that it is a big help. Suffering something like this puts a lot of strain on you and your relationship with your partner and family. Grief counseling was a great help to my husband and I as we tried to figure out how to live life without our boys.

I had my son at 28 weeks, he lived 8 days. I am very thankful for those 8 days but I don't understand why I had to lose him. He was my first. I was so thrilled. Couldn't wait. Then had to bury him 6 days before Christmas to say the least we did not have much of a holiday this year and I doubt we will ever again. My bf is from a huge family and I was 1 of 4 pregancies. Now they all are getting bigger or having them and I see all these babies and want mine. People stop me in the the store "Oh you had the baby!!" then I break down and tell him we lost him and run away crying. I started back to work to make myself get out of bed, other wise I wouldn't. I didn't want to go on. I also am seeking professional help. First day is tomorrow. I can't believe it was almost a month ago that he was born. I doubt that the pain ever leaves, but like trsouthe said, some days are better than others.

Welcome to Share. I am so sorry that you had to endure the pain that no parent should have to. Unfortunately there are many women here who have walked in your shoes. It sounds like you are doing well by seeking help. Many find comfort here and I hope you do. Remember that all you have to do is breathe each day and I hope that today is a better day than yesterday.

Take care,
Ellen

You are not alone in this!! I'm so sorry to hear of your son's passing. I know the heartache that comes with losing a child. I say take all the time that you need to adjust to this "new norm" of life. It's hard....but all that is required is one breath at a time. When you feel that you can manage that without so much effort then just "keep breathing", those are the first two steps for "picking up the pieces". It took me a while to quit reminding myself of each breath, but I have finally learned to live with my heartache and live for my daughter in ways that she would want me to. We're always here to listen.

Tracy

I lost my baby girl just this last New Years Eve. Wow. What a rollercoaster. I try to tell myself it is better for het to be in heaven. We were just about to go to a Peri and Genitic counselor to see what th tumor was on her abdominal.
  I hurt so much to hold her one more time, to tell her how much she is loved. She has an older brother and older sister that are hurting I feel somewhat more than I cause they just don't understand. They are 11 and 6.
  My baby, Nola Pearl was buried just 2 days ago. I am sad and greatful I found this site. It has been helpful to know that I am not alone. A horrible thing to say but I am glad so many people are willing to talk about their experiences. Each one is different, I know.
  My heart and prayers go out to everyone who is hurting over a loss of their child wether it is 3 weeks , 20 or what ever.

am so sorry to hear about your sweet little Braydon. Your post really hit home with me. I lost my first child.Little Amelia was stillborn on November 16. I felt that i could not put something that special into the ground, so we had her cremated at the hospital and had a service for her on December 22. I felt that the service did her no justice. We had a horrible experience with the priest. It seemed he either didn't understand or care. I hope yours was beautiful. Christmas was unbearable. I can't look at pregnant women or little girls. I live through it over and over again every night before i go to sleep...if i sleep. My fiance keeps to himself and I have no one that understands me to talk too. people say dumb things sometimes. I feel like i'm just here....empty.

If you ever need to talk to someone or vent know you are not alone and I am here. God will get us through this...

I lost my sons, Tristan and Gunnar, at 21 weeks on Dec. 20 and Dec. 23. Since then, some days have been a fog of pain and some days I think I'm okay until I remember what happened. This was my first pregnancy after two years of trying and multiple fertility treatments. I don't know how I am ever going to deal with my friends who have babies - two of them are due within days of my due date in April. I am dreading that month already.

My husband is done talking about it. I don't know if he's really over it or if he's just pushed the grief so far down that he can ignore it, but I know what you mean, arobi, about not having someone to talk to. I, too, relive the loss every night and usually end up crying myself to sleep. I'm ashamed to admit it, but I have been taking benadryl and other sleep medications just to have a break from the misery. I don't know how I will ever feel normal again. I tried to go to a support group meeting at the hospital, but the nurse I talked to on the phone told me the wrong room (I found out later) so there was no comfort there. I am seeking professional help, but am having trouble finding a counselor who deals with this type of situations who is taking new patients. I have to go back to work in two weeks; I am a high school teacher, and I'm so frightened that I am going to break down when I see the twin boys in my class who wanted me to name my babies after them.

I am heartbroken and lost. I'm thankful for this site and for those of you who are sharing your stories. I wish we didn't have to.

Shannon

My heart is broken for you, ajy. I lost my babies that week, too. Twin boys. Tristan was born on the 20th and Gunnar was born the 23rd at 21 weeks. We didn't have a service; we are thinking of having one in the spring when they were due when the weather is nice and we can scatter their ashes, but I'm not sure I can give them up. I wish we could cry together because I'm sick of crying alone.

Shannon

Our daughter Maddalynn passed away Jan.11 2010 .She was 12 day's old.The pain is unbarable and i do not know how to be happy at this moment.How do you deal with this.

One step at a time. I am so sorry you lost your sweet little girl Maddalynn. I lost my twin girls Emilyn Elisabeth and Hailey Grace on November 30th, 2009. Emilyn was with us for one hour, and Hailey fought for two. You take it one second to the next, and eventually you'll get to a minute at a time and then maybe further. You'll have ups and downs, just know when you're down you will get back up again. I'm so sorry for your loss, no one should ever have to go what we are going through.

Re: maddie, I am so sorry for your loss. I am too searching for answers on how to deal with this. It is soo hard. I will pray for you..

Re: Mrs.maxon post. Your post really hit home with me. I too needed fertility treatments and it took us 2 1/2 years to finally get pregnant. I barely sleep, maybe 2-3 hours a night. More than that i start thinking about Brayden and then I wake up. All I do is cry, I have no desire to go anywhere or do anything. Don't know when I will go back to work...if you need someone to talk to or vent I am here. I do see a counselor and my husband and I see a counselor together. Not sure if it is helping or not...

I'm glad you are seeing a counselor - it can't hurt. I'm so sorry you can't sleep. Sleep is my escape and I sleep 10-12 hours a night and often take a nap. I have been trying to see friends, but every time I visit with someone I have to take a nap for a few hours. It's like my brain can only deal with this for so long at one time.

One thing that is helping me is making what I am calling a memorial box. I love scrapbooking and would have been preparing baby books by now if my boys had lived, so I decided to make small memorial books with the ultrasound pics, the hand and footprints, and pics taken at the hospital. I am writing letters to each of my sons saying all of the things I imagine they would have asked about when they got older, like what I craved during pregnancy, which of us they looked most like when they were born, stuff we planned on doing. I bawl my eyes out with each word, but it helps to have it down on paper rather than rattling around in my head. It feels like I am developing the relationship with them that I will never be able to in life. I still desperately hope that we will someday have children, and I want them to know their brothers in a positive way. I don't know if something like this would help you or if you are up to it, but it has been an outlet for my grief and having a tangible memorial is comforting to me.

what upsets is when people you know treat you like you are going to have a nervous breakdown.All i want to say is :i am okay today: but they walk around you like your an ice cube.I miss her in every way,i know i will see her again.I just want more of being able to hold and smell the new baby smell.I try looking at the bright side of thngs.But it's so cold and glomy out it's hard.Am looking forward to being able to see her when we get her stone.It won't be the same though.