Normal?

I know how you feel. Its been 28 days since my son passed away. I have pretty much isolated myself because the pain of seeing babies and children is too much to bear..Does it ever get any better? Right now it doesn't feel like it will...Maybe in time

It's been 51 days since my daughters Emilyn and Hailey were born and passed away. Every time I see a baby or a pregnant woman I avert my eyes to avoid a meltdown and try to pretend they aren't there. Sometimes it works, sometime the cooing coming from the baby brings me back to reality and I just have to get out of there. I remember two weeks after I lost them I was doing Christmas shopping at the mall for all the nieces and nephews and we sat down in the food court. I counted six pregnant women and 5 babies sitting in the tables surrounding me and I couldn't go anywhere.....I concentrated on my food as much as I could. Now I'm getting to the point that even when I see an older child being cuddled by their mother I feel like screaming because I will never get to cuddle my sweet girls like that.

Its been almost 16 months for me. My daughter was born at 23w1d in 2005 and died suddenly at 3 in September 2008 and although my feelings are not as raw as they were 16 months ago, they are still there. Right under the surface. When I come in contact with little girls in public one of two things happen, either I stare at them, or I keep my eyes forward and just ignore them all together. There is no in the middle. I think after we first lose our children, its just too soon to consider them a memory. Espeically when they were just here 26, 28, and 51 days ago. The pain is just too raw.

I will not tell you ladies that time heals the wound. I just dont believe that anymore as some wounds are just too deep. Time just give you the strength to live with it.

Be gentle with yourself, breath through the moments and take it one day at a time...one hour at a time if necessary, baby steps are okay.

Take good care,
Yolonda

It happened to me again today. I went down to the NEX and I don't know why but I feel so uncomfortable in that store. The two times I've been in there since I lost Emilyn and Hailey I've felt so antsy to get out. I just wanted to scream the whole time I was in there. I don't know why, maybe because it is where I bought their nursery furniture and did most of my look but don't buy shopping for them. It's so frustrating.

Thank you all for responding. I feel comforted knowing that I am not insane, at least. Yolonda, thank you for your comment about time giving us strength to deal rather than heal. Sometimes I think healing would mean forgetting for even one day, which, as much as it hurts, I never want to do. Noone can replace Tristan and Gunnar, but I hope someday we all have our own sweet children to look at and love (if that's what you want).

even though it has been only 10 day's since our maddalynn left us it to is hard to go place's like the YMCA and all you see are babie's, little one's and you tear up and try not to let anyone see.You notice all the women who are having babie's and you feel like yelling how unfair it is.I am sick of hearing how sorry everyone is i wish for normal ,but what is normal now?

Is there any way to avoid those places? I cannot imagine going somewhere like the Y where kids are unavoidable. Ten days is not enough time to even begin to deal with that situation. The only normal now is that we walk through life with broken hearts. Some moments are okay, but we're never far from breaking down. I think (hope) eventually that the okay moments will last longer than those that are not okay, but we will never be the same.

((hugs))

I think the only way to avoid those places where babies are is to stay at your house. Babies are everywhere, even places you wouldn't expect to see them. I was ambushed by a newborn when we were stopped on the side of the road at an overlook. Guess the new mommy wanted to stop with the baby and look at the view.....dang, thought I was safe there! We are in a "new normal" now, days that we would have considered horrible two months ago are now "good' days....days we don't break down sevreal times a day, maybe only once. The "good" days are a little more often for me now, but I still have moments on those good days that are still horrible.

I can not imagine what it would be like to lose 2.But i know if we live like hermit's our live's are over.We have to lean to deal with everthing in a new way.I think going back to work and leaning on those who are supportive will make all the difference no matter what we do or where we go.We have to hold or heads up high even though it's hard.We can do this.

Yep, the best I can do is to go out and if there is a baby anywhere I avert my eyes and think about something else, though I'm completely conscious of what is cooing right next to me. What about when going back to work means taking care of sick babies and kids? Reframe: at least I'm not a NICU nurse, that would be much harder right now. I'm hoping to get back to work, just waiting for "the process" to go through and get my interview and my old job back.

I look away also and pretend i don't see.I know it will be hard to take care of people,but i am good at it and i hope i will find comfort in being there for someone who is in need.

a few months back i was out shopping with my sister and there was this cute little girl and she was talking... in the baby talk kind of way and i had to run to the dressing room to cry... when i was done crying i payed for the items and left the store. It happends and it sucks. its so terrible that we have to live with the fear of running into babies or pregnant women... but I understand why.
Trish