Next Pregnancy Experiences After Loss

The only thing I can respond to in this is about a 2nd stressful pregnancy. I have not lost a child so it's not really fair, or helpful, for me to comment on the other parts of your question.

My daughter was born at 25 weeks for unknown reasons. My OB felt it was either IC or I went into PTL. When I got pregnant again I was given a cerclage and 17P shots to help maintain the pregnancy and give me some amount of protection against both possible issues.

I won't lie, the pregnancy was incredibly stressful and I always worried something was wrong. (drove my husband nuts ) That being said, I knew that my OB was doing everything he could to make it work out in the end. I didn't care if I was the annoying patient who called too often about issue, and he told me ahead of time that it was fine to call just for reassurance.
So it wasn't a carefree stressless pregnany, but it was a knowledgeable one. And the ladies here on Share really helped me keep my sanity, I don't know that I could have gotten through it without them holding my hand.

If you are ready, go for it!

Hugs,
Jackie

My doctor said that mine was PTL over having IC. Do you know if there was a reason that they didn't know which you were having? When I went in I was already 4-5 cm dilated. I had had minor contractions (thought they were braxton hicks) for three days once every few hours. But she said she was pretty sure it was preterm labor because my contractions progressed and got stronger and stronger. She told me I will be going on the 17P shots starting at 16 weeks the next time. They said usually they would start it at 20 weeks, but as I lost my girls at 20 weeks 4 days they would start it earlier.

They weren't sure with me, because I didn't have any symptoms until I started bleeding and went to the ER to be checked out (I was out of town). When I got to L&D to be checked I was dialated to 3 and having contractions every 5 minutes (which I did not feel). They said there is no way to know for sure what happened... either I dilated and it caused me to contract, or I contracted and it caused me to dilate. They said the only sure way to know if you have IC is to see dilation happen quickly with no contractions.

And most drs start 17P shots at 16 weeks, so you are right on schedule.

Keeping my fingers crossed!
-Jackie

Ok, that is something I think I should talk to my doctor about too. I had wondered about that when she told me it was preterm labor instead of incompetent cervix, how did she know for sure? I would rather be safe than sorry with my next pregnancy and take every precaution that we can.

Only you will know when the time is right to try again. Your pregnancy may be difficult to handle. I was on the edge of panic the entire time for mine. There were days that I thought I would go crazy from dealing with the fear. Once I passed week 28, I was able to calm down a bit since I knew the baby would most likely make it if she was born.

Here are some thing I learned along the way...

You may suddenly feel panicked for no reason and demand that your dr see you just to tell you everything is OK. This is fine to do. Your dr will understand.

You may cry frequently as your pregnancy milestones remind you of your angels. This too is fine. Cry as often as you need to as long as you need to.

You will need almost constant caring, support, and understanding from the people around you. Don't be afraid to ask for help. Don't try to "be strong" for other people. Do what you need for yourself and don't be afraid to tell others what you need

Be prepared for the hurtful words of others. People will say amazingly hurtful things without meaning to. People compared my losing my daughter to the death of their dog. People told me that it was great that I was trying to replace my dead child with a new one and that I could stop grieving for her now. When people say hurtful things, walk away.

I wish you a safe, uneventful pregnancy. Keep us posted!

Cori

Stacy, I cannot offer advice in many ways, but I wanted to add to what Jackie said.

I would recommend seeing a peri for support or at least a second opinion from another OB. Often times doctors won't say the other is wrong, but might offer an alternative treatment or add to that treatment.

I'm sorry for the loss of your sweet girls and I wish you well.
Kristyn

Stacy,

We were told the same to wait which was our plan. Due to random fertility issues (insult to injury if ya ask me!) it took us exactly one year from Akeelah's birthday to get pregnant. So when this little one is born they will be 20 months apart.

What was most important for us when we started trying was having a solid plan in place and doctors that we trusted with what was left of our hearts. We had our OB lined up as well as a perinatologist.

Well, I'm still in the middle of the pregnancy so... I'll comment on what we've experienced thus far. It's hard. It's different. It's heart warming and heart breaking at the same time. It's stressful. It's exciting. It's annoying. It's everything good and bad under the sun depending on which hormone is taking over at that time. All in all it matches the entire journey after loosing a little one, it's intensely bittersweet.

Sending baby dust your way when you're ready to use it,
Lauren

Cori: Thanks for the info!

Kristyn: Unfortunately there is no perinatologist anywhere near here. The closest one I think is a 3 hour flight over to japan . I had asked my doctor if she thought I needed to see one, and she said no but that I would definitely be followed by the Ob's up at the naval hospital instead of the nurse/nurse practicioners up at Andersen. Maybe I will make an appointment with one of the other Doctors I have seen up there just to get another perspective. Thank you!

Lauren: Yep, definitely insult to injury! I'm hoping my PCOS has regulated itself so I don't have a problem this time! Thankfully I do trust my Doctors, I say that because I don't have the option to pick mine, the military picks them for me! At least we have a good relationship, and I know they will be watching me like a hawk next time! I'm hoping to use that baby dust soon!

Stacy, well maybe you can push for a cerclage even though they don't know. Better to get it early (12 to 14 weeks) versus 20 weeks with complications showing up...however, it is good that you and your doctors have a good relationship that definitely puts your mind at rest some.

Wishing you well and I hope that all turns out well and you are able to get pregnant quickly when you feel it's time.

Kristyn

Honestly, you'll go into your next pregnancy eyes wide open. You'll be your own perinatologist. You'll have the questions (and probably already know the answers you want). I keep a journal with each appointment with all my vitals and stuff. It has helped me feel more in control.

Kristyn: Yeah, I think I am definitely going to talk to them about it. If they can't do it then I'm going to ask to either be referred over to Okinawa for the perinatologist or to send me somewhere that can. I was reading up more and more on incompetent cervix, and it definitely could have been either that or preterm labor. I had very minor contractions and not very often until I went in, and by then I was 4-5 cm dilated with bulging sac. So how can they know if it was preterm labor that caused the dilation (that far dilated with only one hour of regular contractions?) or the incompetent cervix going far enough that it caused the perterm labor? They can't, so why not treat for both!

Lauren: Definitely! As if having a nurse as a patient wasn't bad enough now they have to deal with a totally paranoid (for good reasno) nurse for a patient that is going to hound them until I get what I want! I already do that with all my other doctors, basically go in and ask for a prescription or a test, lol!

Stacy - Also ask about Fetal Fibronectin testing. Many drs don't do it, but mine did and it gave me great peace of mind. Basically it's like a pap smear (they swab the cervix) and look for the fibronectin chemicals that are NOT supposed to be present between 24 and 36 weeks. Fibronectin is the "glue" that holds things together in the uterus during pregnancy. If it is present it indicates that the glue is breaking down. If the test is negative you have very little chance of going into labor the 2 weeks following the test. If it's positive it doesn't mean you will go into labor, just that your chances are higher and you can be watched extra close.

My Ob would only do it because we had 24 hr turnaround on the results. He said if it takes more than a week to get back it.s not worth it since the window it is testing for is 1/2 way done.
But it's at least worth asking about!
-Jackie

Thanks for the info Jackie! I'll definitely have to write that down on my list of things to talk to my doctor about when I end up getting pregnant next! I'm not sure if that will be something they can get back quickly or not, they have to send a lot of labs off island here, but it's worth asking about!!

I am so sorry for your loss. My son Holden also died that same day, 12 days after his birth.

I am also grappling with the idea of trying again. My dr. never said anything about a timeframe to try, and frankly, I don't give a d*** what he says, I am doing what I feel is right for me. I sometimes worry what other people will think about trying again so soon, but I need to stop that and focus on what me and DH need to do. I know I should be cautious having had him by c-section, but I feel I healed well and quickly, and I never stopped taking my prenatal vitamins.

Sorry I can't give you any advice or answer your questions, but I wish you lots of luck!!!!!!

Thank you, I am so sorry to hear about your loss as well.

Yeah, sometimes I feel like now the Doctors don't always know what they are doing. They can give recommendations, but even if you follow all of them things don't turn out how they are supposed to....obviously I guess if you look at how many moms have to come to this site. Yeah, I continued taking my prenatal vitamins as well. I was anemic before birth, and really anemic after (though not enough for a transfusion) but my levels have already jumped back up to normal.

We are officially TTC now, so scary and exciting at the same time!! Sending baby dust your way when you feel you are ready!

Stacy,
Congrats on TTC and I wish you all of the best.

Kristyn

Stacy, I was worried too that I had IC because I was 4cm dilated when they noticed the problem, but hadn't been having regular, painful contractions. I did have some cramping (which I now know is considered as contractions) and unusual discharge, which I had checked out the day before by the wrong doctor, and I know now was probably the cervical plug. My doctor said that it was PTL, not IC because I started having painful contractions shortly after the dilation began. If you have IC, I was told, the contractions aren't painful and feel like Braxton-Hicks. They don't become full-on "labor." Even though she feels that's the case, I am going to demand a cerclage and she has already recommended the P17 injections.

I go tomorrow for my first bloodwork and u/s appt since starting the meds last week. I hope to see lots of follicles!

Yeah, that's what my docs were going with too. Though mine felt like Braxton Hicks with maybe a little more discharge than normal for three days and they didn't get to really feeling crampy until that last day, so I dunno! I'm not too sure what I'm going to do, it's all so confusing! They're going to check my cervix weekly starting at 16 weeks, though I may request sooner if I don't get a cerclage. They also are saying P17 shots as well starting at 14 weeks!

Yay!! When is your appointment? If you get a chance send me a message to let me know! Crossing all crossables for lots and lots of follicles!!

Stacy-I too lost my twins, Jay and Morgan in February. They were born 3 days apart and I was almost 6 months. My docs have had the debate between IC and PTL and I agree, it is all very confusing. At my appt. a couple days ago we discussed what would happen next time and the plan was a cerclage early, p17 shots and perhaps a form of bedrest. They also said they would be watching me very closely as well. I can't answer your questions because I am not pregnant yet, but wanted to let you know I can relate to your diagnosis. Take care!

I have just lost my twins a boy and a girl. Our little boy had a brain defect that we found out at 19 weeks that he probably would not make it. So we sad to say but we kinda greived him before he was born but we never imagined in a million years lossing her! We were thinking the worst but prying the best when it came to our lil Noah. Our Nursey was almost set with 2 of everthing already when we got the news. They were born at 31wks and 4dys and Sidney lived in the NICU for 32days. She fought all she could but she ended up getting NEC and passed 3 days later after 2 surgeries.
Our hearts are so broken and we are just lost! I personally dont think that I will ever heal howver I would like to have another child. I had my dreams in the palm of my had and lost them. We just got more bad news after more bad news. I am so scared for this pregnancy but I am going to ask a ton of questions and I am talking with neuonatologist and going to see what I can do about getting extra and early ultra sounds. I actually went to the doc today and got the go ahead to try again although we just lost Sid Marh 13th we are going to wait a few months.
I am new to this site and not quite sure how to use it yet but I am very interested in keeping in touch with you. Please e-mail me anytime catgirl_34@yahoo.com

Jay and Morgan's mom: I'm so sorry to hear about Morgan and Jay, I think I remember seeing your short story. Yep, that sounds familiar. The plan for me is the P17 shots starting at 14 weeks, and cervical length checks starting at 16 weeks until I'm further along. They may want to stop at 24 weeks, but I'm going to push them for 28 weeks since we don't have a NICU in the local area. They can deal with preemies, they're just not experienced with it so I'd rather not risk it. Thanks for popping in!!

Noah and Sidney's mom: I'm so sorry to hear of your loss of your sweet babies. That must have been heart wrenching to know you were going to lose your little boy while still having hope for your little girl. Sidney sure sounds like a little fighter. You know one of my closest angel mommy friends has a great title to her blog: "living with loss: a journey to deal not to heal" it says it so well. She lost her twin boys about three weeks after I lost my girls and we were due about two weeks apart. Take your time with trying again, you and only you will know when you are ready, it will just feel right. For us it was right as soon as we got clearance, but for others it can be months or even years, but you will know. My first three cycles of trying I was somewhat stressed, but I'm a little more relaxed this time. I know now I will be happy when I get pregnant, a little scared but so happy. I was worried I would be more scared than happy at first, now I don't feel like I will.

You've definitely found a wonderful place to come, this site is amazing! Ok, you can start a blog if you'd like, after you write your first one you just have to go find it again on the list to write another entry. I see you've already found the short story section as well as the parent to parent section. There is a great thread under that. There's a section for "families who have lost a baby" where you can go post things that other people who have lost babies can respond, the great thread is "living a new normal" it's a great place to go to "chat" with other angel mommies and get support. I hope you are able to find as much support as I have here!