Need support help...

We lost Ethan at 22 weeks on Nov 19. There was nothing wrong with him. PPROM. He lived about 45 minutes while we held him and he was given no care. They claimed the lungs weren't developed yet. I will always wonder "what if" he was helped by the staff. Did your Brayden receive any care? My wife is on a low dose of Zoloft and it seems to help finally after about two months. I could probably use some also- we'll see. We also have been given some anxiety medicine. I'm not a fan of meds but sometimes it helps to just level out for a little while. We did return to work and it was very hard but I like to talk to anyone who'll listen about my son. I'm extremely proud of him! I show the pics the hospital took. We have a lot of bad days and I don't see it getting better- how can you make a dead child better! I don't want to NOT think of him every day. I just hope to be able to deal with it and figure on having a broken heart forever. Please know you ARE NOT ALONE and we are all muddling through this a little at a time. The slightest thing will make me cry, a song, a commercial on tv, thoughts of him. I do some small projects around the house to keep my mind busy. Again my wife seems a little better than me now. She was very bad but I attribute her progress to the Zoloft. We were told of counseling and groups but also that they are not for everyone. Try anything you can think of that is not destructive. I cry every day also.
Ethan's Daddy

Thank you Ethan's mom and dad. Greiving can be such a lonely process at times. We lost our son Dec.21, he lived 17 days. I don't know how i will get through this. You are so right, how do you deal with a broken heart forever? My husband and I are in a bad place and we are just trying to figure out where do we go from here. Prayer helps me to get everything off my chest and I am still very much clinging to my faith to help me through. I thought I was the only one who cried everyday, I should have ran out of tears by now...I guess there are no easy answers, I feel all i have is my grief....

I have heard so many people say "time". As much as I hated and still do hate it because I am such an impaitent person. Time is the one thing that will eventually show us all how to deal .
 One day can be the total oppisite from the last. One minute can be different from the last. One day at a time, one moment at a time.
  Another wonderful site is www.dailystrength.com
 there are alot of groups to join and a lot of people with good advice and they all have been there.
 I lost my baby girl Dec 31, 2009. It is still fresh but a tiny bit eaiser.

I am also looking into counseling after losing my twin girls Emilyn and Hailey at 20 weeks and 4 days along on this past November 30th. I don't think I really have much of a choice as to who I go to, the military kind of tells me who, though I really doubt there is someone who specializes in perinatal loss on Guam. I've only been to see her three times, so we will see what happens. I honestly think that my best coping mechanism is blogging on Share right now. It is so helpful to be able to get feedback from other moms who have gone through what we are going through and to be able to feel like I am maybe helping someone else out in a rough time.

Ethans parents: I'm sorry that you feel that not enough was done for your precious little boy. I know I had messaged with you before about my little girls and preferring that the doctors do nothing for them. While I would do anything for my daughters, the decision to not fight them to do anything was the right one....in my case. But I do understand your frustration with their refusal to even try. My reasoning for our decision is because we live on a tiny island in the middle of the Pacific, and there just isn't the resources here that are on the mainland. There is no NICU at the hospital period. So they would be doing more harm than good trying to do anything to help them. Though in saying that, I am constantly thinking of the "what ifs". What if I had been sateside, what if I had been at a state of the art facility, what if I had been seen by a perinatologist, would I still have lost my whole world, my little girls? I am glad that you feel you have the freedom to express your feelings and talk about your son, talking about my girls is my passion and it is so nice just to be able to say their names, even if I can't see them, hold them, or love on them. I find that trying to keep myself busy helps too, and though I don't cry everyday now I think about them constantly.

AYJ: I'm going to give you some advice that I was given a couple of weeks ago, and I hope it helps. Don't concentrate on forever, concentrate on right now. Concentrate on one breath at a time. When you start thinking long term is when things really start to spin out of control and you lose it, at least for me that is true. When you concentrate on surviving just the next second or minute, it somehow seems a little more doable.

I'll be thinking about both of you!