What has helped you make it through?

Well of course Share and ShareUnion makes the top of my list!

What I have found most helpful is doing things in honor of my little girl. Getting a team together for the March for Babies was extremely healing and we're excited to already have our team ready to walk this year.

We also planted a garden for her and in general took more time for ourselves as a couple. When a little one passes away you're forced to recognize how important each lil' moment is. When I am consciously enjoying life I feel very close to Akeelah because it's a gift she gave me.

I also got the idea from a wonderful Share mom to buy flowers every 27th of the month. It gives me something to look forward to doing and brings a lil' more beauty into our lives, just like our lil' girl did.

Great topic Stacy! Always good to get ideas from other mommies!

Oh, I love the idea of flowers every month! We may have to start up that tradition as well.....though maybe next month, there's no 30th to this month . Of course Share is at the top of my list thus far too, and I'm sure ShareUnion will be at the top of my list later this year!

This might sound weird but it is what kept me going.

When we knew that Nolan was dying, we made a promise to him that we would make him some brothers or sisters.

That is what kept me going. It still keeps me going, especially that I kept my promise to him.

Lisa

No, I don't think it sounds weird at all. It is a sweet promise, and I'm glad you were able to keep it.

Share and ShareUnion has helped me the most. I am so grateful for Kate encouraging me to start a blog. I never knew how healing blogging can be. Its just something about sharing my heart of hearts with the world. I know that probably sounds a bit crazy.

I really dont know what I would have done without this place.

Also my friendships with other angelmoms. Although I wish none of us shared the common bond of losing a child, but I am so happy to have people in my life that understands the pain without my even having to explain it

Thanks Stacy for starting this topic.

Yolonda

This website has been extremely helpful over the past year and two months. Also, this year I am doing the March of Dimes walk in April to honor my angels. My family is coming together and it feels good to have some contol over something.

I just found out about this Parent to Parent section on Share - and so glad I did. Doing a blog has been so helpful for me. It's so wonderful to write my feelings and then see the loving and affirming comments that people write.

Talking about Marco also helps me. There's a local MIS support group that I go to on the 2nd Thursday of every month. It was cancelled tonight due to the crazy amount of snow we have in my area (DC area), so I'm kind of bummed - I was really looking forward to going.

Reading other angel mommy blogs help me too - it's sad that there are other people who have lost a baby - but comforting to know that I am not alone. I love reading someone elses blog and thinking "I feel that way too"!

Thinking about having another baby helps too in that it gives me hope, although I'm somewhat obsessed with it - so I don't know if that's good. I just hope that I am blessed enough to have a baby in the near future.

Libby

Blogging is very healing for me as well! It helps me to process everything going on in my head, and sometimes go back and look at it and come back with answers to the problems. Thank you for sharing what has helped you with us!
Stacy

Awesome! I love it when family comes together for one another! I keep trying to get together stuff to organize a team, but I can't seem to focus long enough to get it done! It's kind of hard also being so far away from most of the people that would be walking for my girls to organize them in something that resembles a tema. I would love to organize something small on Guam that I can participate in since there isn't anything here, but I'm not sure how! Thank you for sharing!
Stacy

I'm glad you found it too Libby! I love blogging too, it helps so much! Bummer! I agree with you completely about being glad that I'm not alone, but at the same time feeling really bad that anyone else has to go through this for me to feel that way. Sending you lost of baby dust when you want it!
Stacy

I just found this and I think its a great idea, I am always looking for ways to do things in Baron's honor. I like everyone else, has found share to be the best support. No one else can understand unless they have been thru it, so to everyone who has helped me...thank you. I also found that raising money and awareness for the March of Dimes walk has been helping.
I finished making his baby blanket, have started a birth record that is a cross stitch and am designing a necklace that I am going to have custom made that includes a small piece of his hair and his birth stone.

I agree - we lost our little baby girl at 20 weeks two months ago. I started up a family team and have been raising money for the March of Dimes...gives me a positive way to remember my little angel.
Music has been a huge healer to me as well.....one song that has made a major impact on my healing process is called Glory Baby by Watermark. I listen to it often and my two year old son - says, "that's our baby's song?" I tell him yes and that we have her in our hearts forever.

Share is also an outlet that has helped me, because I feel like I can read and relate to so many of the people here - which seems so hard in the real world sometimes.....

Keeping you all in my thoughts and prayers,
Tiffany

Time. Time is the only thing that has helped, if you want to call it that. My faith has not, eventhough I know I woud be in far worst shape without it. My family, try as they might, have not. Time is the only thing that has really helped. I blog, when the feelings, thoughts, and emotions are just too much, but that feeling of relief is only temporary. I must admit, I have not done anything outside of getting up everyday, and breathing to honor my daughter's life. I didnt fund raise this year, instead I just wrote a check for what we could afford to the march of dimes. I'm just sad and broken and each night when I blow my daughter's candle out and kiss her picture, I whisper to her another day down, which put me another day closer to being with you. Most days, I have no idea how I am going to do this the rest of my life.

What has helped me is my faith that everything happens for a reason I don't always agree with the choice but I know its for the best of me. I also believe sharing and listening to others who have been through the same thing helps. It's amazing how someone who understands you can help you through your most devastating time and you don't even know them.

MOM TO DJ(Heart Healthy)AND DEEDEE(HLHS)(5-16-07-10-2-07)FOREVER IN OUR HEARTS
THE WILL OF GOD WILL NEVER TAKE YOU WHERE THE GRACE OF GOD WILL NOT PROTECT YOU.

I can't agree more that Share has been a wonderful place to come and tell my story and talk about my sweet twins. I am so grateful for everyone on here that helps me get through the most devastating time of my life. You all are wonderful!

We're grateful for you too, Kami!

I am new to this site and wish I would have had it when I became a mommy to an Angel Baby four years ago. Since it has been four years for me, I have come to terms with my loss, but I think about my Mikey every day. What helps me cope is "seeing" Mikey. We had him cremated and his urn is on my dresser. He is the first thing I see in the morning and the last thing I see at night. We also celebrate his birthday every year by getting balloons and writing little notes to Mikey and then letting the balloons go. I love to talk about Mikey, too. I miss him every day. Mikey has a 9month old little brother now, who also was a preemie and he too helps me cope. Mikey is our Guardian Angel and he watches and protects us. Thank you for starting this discussion!!

Question.. I found this site for my daughter who went through a traumatic loss of her son and daughter (Hayden and Skyler) on June 7th and June 8th. How do we help her? She was 22 wks along. I realize she's going to go through this in a way she needs to but what ways can we show our support without infringing or causing pain? I certainly do not want to make her feel that we are avoiding to talk about them and yet be sensitive. I say follow her lead if she talks - anything else we can do?

Hello and welcome to Share! I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your grandbabies, I'm sure that it is so hard to deal with the loss and see your daughter in so much pain. I lost my twin girls Emilyn and Hailey after going into preterm labor at 20 weeks 5 days on this past November 30th. I think the best thing you can do to help her is just be there for her, like you said following her lead is a wonderful idea. If she wants to talk, listen, but even if she doesn't feel like talking, your physical presence is still comforting to her I'm sure. I would also definitely tell her about this site, and if she wants she can start her own account. For me, this site has been my saving grace, I couldn't have gotten through these past six months without the support I have found here. As much as having my family there for me helped me through the time, having people to talk to who know what I am going through also helps me so much. I know for me, looking at pictures and talking about my daughters often got me through the first few weeks. I felt like I was in such a fog after everything happened, and it took several months before I felt like I was out of the fog. I hope that some of this helps!
Stacy

I agree - just being there is a HUGE help - I lost my little girl three months ago and just today I sat and cried about it on the phone with my mom. I told her that on a "normal" day I try to act happy and like I am getting better, but deep down my heart hurts so bad and it feels like no one really understands what is happening to me. We did have a little family memorial and placed a headstone with a vase so that I can take flowers out to the cemetary....I think that helps - it gives me a place I can go that allows me some quite time away from the world. I promise you it is so strange how you relive the days and time you spent in the hospital over and over and over in your head...in an instant - it's like you can almost feel and remember every single second you spent there. As far as talking about it - it really depends on the day...sometimes I feel like everyone has forgotten or that they are affraid to say anything - then others I don't want to think about it because I just can't handle the pain anymore. All I know is that time heals and you may be fine for a day, week, or month..then something will come along that will just break your heart and bring all those feelings right back to the surface. Just pray and stay close to your daughter - she needs you more than you could ever know. You have already taken a wonderful step - in finding this website and reaching out!!! I don't get on here often, but there are times where the emotions are too much and I just need an outlet!
I wish you nothing but tons of love, faith, and prayers....take care of each other and let your daughter know that there are more angel moms here if she ever needs someone to talk to that's been there!

Hugs!
Tiffany

This is too funny, I was just thinking today about sharing what songs/music have been helping me, and then I saw this post.

Collective Soul has been my favourite band for years, and even now their music has been helping me. I really like the song 'No Sound But The Wind' as well, it's from the soundtrack of Eclipse. 'The Host of Seraphim' by Dead Can Dance is really beautiful too.

Erin, I've found my Emilyn and Hailey music helps me to relax and get through the really rough days. I add new songs to it every once in awhile. When I want to spend a little time with my girls I turn that on and start making blankets and it gives me time to just reflect and think about my babies. I'll have to go and check out that song, who knows, maybe it'll be added to my mix

Right now (my granddaughter died on June 3rd) crocheting preemie hats to donate to the NICU is the thing that gets me through the tough days. When I take the washed hats to the NICU they are in a plastic bag that says "Donated in the memory of Braelynn Nicole". The parents do not see that but the staff does and for me that is to honor my granddaughter even though we had her for such a short time.

Maybe in some strange way holding the yarn and hats in my hands is my way of filling my arms that ache to hold Braelynn

My mom does the same thing, she keeps sending me hats to put together with the blankets I make for little ones. Such a sweet and wonderful gift, and I'm sure those mommies just smile at seeing their little one in a special hat.

Stacy,
What kind of blankets do you make? That is really neat that both you and your mom add your talents to make beautiful gifts.
Grandma Mary

There's two kinds I make. I make flannel receiving blankets to lay under the preemies. I also make the fleece no sew ones that Lauren (Akeelah's Mommy) taught me to make when I met her in Hawaii. It is so relaxing to make something that will help another angel mommy so I continued making them after coming home.

When I crochet the preemie hats, I too find it relaxing. I think it is the something that I can do in a situation (having an angel granddaughter) that I can do nothing about.

grandmamary-What a kind, gentle gesture you are doing in memory of your angel granddaughter. I know those who receive them will cherish them. I often look at my Jay and Morgan's hats and am so thankful for those who took time to make them.
Stacy inspired me to begin making the fleecce tag blankets. I am making them and donating them to the NICU where I live. I am also attaching a poem I wrote in memory of Jay and Morgan to the blankets. This helps Jay and Morgan live through me, while blessing others with a thoughtful gift.

Kami/Stacy - I have heard many people on Share talk about making types of blankets for the NICU - this is something I would love to do! We still have the hats, sweaters and blankets that volunteers made for our boys when they were in the NICU - which were the only things that fit for many, many weeks, and I would love to do something like that for our NICU - esp. now that I am on bedrest, it would make me feel useful. Can you give me any information about what you girls do? Thanks!

Linds

The blankets I make are the fleece tie blankets. I tried to upload a picture to my blog, but it was too big.
Basically what I do is take two pieces of fleece about 24-26 inch. by 32-36 inch. After that I cut the ends (of both pieces) to make the "tabs." I cut them about an inch in width and 3-4 inch. long. Then I tie them together. Since you are on bedrest maybe someone could cut the fleece for you.
I hope you are able to pass the time quickly on bedrest!

Kami