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NICU Mommy in need of support

lmcolem1 - 07:41pm Mar 22, 2010 EST

My name is LaToya and my baby girl, Laila, was born at 30 weeks 1 day. She's been in the NICU every since. She was 2 pounds 13 ounces at birth. In the first few hours after being admitted to the hospital, I thought it was my fault that all of "this" was going on. My first pregnancy was plagued by gestational diabetes, but my baby boy was a full term baby and fine. With this pregnancy, I also had gestational diabetes, but otherwise I thought everything was okay, until I became ill at work. I had developed severe preeclampsia! I was admitted to the hospital on a Tuesday and my baby was born on Saturday by emergency C-section.
While I was in the hospital, I had a 'little' comfort knowing that we were in the same place. The day I was discharged from the hospital was the hardest day of my life because I knew I would have to leave Laila there in the NICU. My husband was supportive as he could be, but it was still hard. It's still hard everyday we go to the hospital because I know when we leave, we have to leave Laila behind.
How do you handle all of these emotions? Some days I'm okay, some days I feel like crying and feeling guilty--All I do is pray and be thankful that she is still with us. I know one thing, my faith is getting so much stronger because we are really being tested.
Laila is up to 3 pounds 8 ounces and I'm SO THANKFUL! But how do you smile everyday and still hide the pain. (That's what I'm finding myself doing everyday)

(older msg: 15)

Jackie G - Jun 17, 2010 5:17 am (#16 Total: 20)

Mom to Kimberly (25 wkr, 6 yrs!) & Matthew (38.5 wkr, 4 yrs!)

Congrats on Alexzander! And welcome to Share. The Nicu seems to be a constantly battle of one step forward and 2 steps back. But eventually tides will shift and there will be more good days than bad. I'll hope that that day comes soon.

Hugs,
Jackie

esg1 - Jun 17, 2010 11:33 am (#17 Total: 20)

Abigail's Mom (29 weeks, 3/21/05)

Welcome to Share and congratulations on the birth of your children. The NICU can be so frustrating but try to remember that it is the best place for them, they will improve and that the doctors are trying, even if somedays you just want to scream and cry (both of which are acceptable here). Every advance is a milestone and sometimes these little ones "take them back" but they will get there again.
Please keep us updated on your little ones.
Take care,
Ellen

mamabailey718 - Aug 24, 2010 9:38 pm (#18 Total: 20)

Wow my son was born at 30 weeks!! He was actually 3lb 8oz when he was born and is still in the hospital too. I know exactly how you feel. Nobody can really tell you how to make those feelings go away but they do ease up abit gradually. It is normal to feel those emotions that is your child..just try to focus on being there for her. All we can do is be there for our children and let them know we are right there going through it with them. And it helps. Pray because prayer changes everything. Take care of yourself and get plenty of rest. How can we take care of them if we are all to pieces....You have to remember that.It is a process but we have to be strong for our little ones. Good luck!!

lilcruzsmommie - Sep 1, 2010 1:01 pm (#19 Total: 20)

I completly understand what your going through my son was born at 27 weeks weighing only 2lbs 3oz and I thought I would never feel a certain at peace if you will about the situation. However as the weeks went on and its been a month three days I've learned to put in Gods hands and just watch as he grows and changes everyday. We have some good and then some bad days but nothing comes into our lives that we cant handle. And premature babies I believe are truly extraordinary little people who go through challenges that even as adults we couldnt imagine going through. They are all being watched closely by God and you remember that.

Patrick_Ians_Mom - Sep 1, 2010 3:39 pm (#20 Total: 20)

My son Patrick was born at 32 weeks on March 31, 2010. My faith in God and so many prayers helped me while I was going up and down on the emotional roller coaster while he was in the NICU. I know first hand that feeling of smiling to hide the pain and how it often feels like time stops while you spend your time with Laila.
May God continue to shower you and your precious Laila with blessings each passing day. I will also be praying for her to grow not only in body but in strength and spirit.

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