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Losing My baby

babycel0201 - 11:51pm Jul 21, 2010 EST

I had my child a year ago, he lasted for only 10 hrs. Until now I cant understand what have gone wrong....

I had a healthy pregnancy, I left my work to eliminate stress. I had an active baby. Until the 8th month. 1 week before I gave birth, I haven't felt my baby moved, w/c was unusual. I went to our local health provider, my baby's heart rate was normal, 125 b/m. 5 days after that check-up, my waterbag broke. I was 8 months & 10 days pregnant that day. I was rushed to the hospital & was diagnosed that the baby already pooed inside. I was operated that day, CS. My baby was born at 11 am, I saw him around 12 midnight--- dead. My husband did not tell me the situation of my baby, fearing that it might stress me. I didn't have any clue until they hand me my dead baby.

According to the doctors, my baby had a cord coil, he did not cry when he was taken out of me nor did he move.

Until now I can't get over it. I don't know how to put all the emotions into one word. I can't help blaming myself for what happened. For blaming the doctors for what happened. They should have seen in the ultrasounds that my baby has the cord coiled on his neck!

I just read about the Kangaroo Care, if I only knew of my baby's situation & if I only knew about Kangaroo care, I might saved him. I should have known what happened when I woke up after my operation.

I don't blame my husband for anything. If he's just not so protective of me, by some miracle, I might have decided to hold my son on my chest. It might helped him survive...

(older msg: 2)

Angel Love - Jul 23, 2010 8:19 am (#3 Total: 7)

Looking forward to seeing you at Shareunion October 1-3 in Atlanta, GA!!

Welcome to Share!

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. I know that it's easiest to blame yourself because there's nobody else to blame....but try to understand that it's not your fault. There are others on the site who've lost a child due to cord accidents and I'm sure that they'll be able to offer more comfort to you.

Please know that we're here to listen any time you need someone to talk to.

Tracy

lvazquez - Jul 23, 2010 5:20 pm (#4 Total: 7)

I am sorry for your loss. I know how heartbreaking it is. I lost my son at 30 weeks last year and it's been a rough road since then. I'm still learning to accept what has happened. In our situation, we know that we weren't monitored as well as we should've been due to my history. I can't get over the series of events that unfolded. I wish that we had intervention again as we had two previous times, but we didn't. As moms, we tend to blame ourselves, but you can't do that. I still of course wish that I had pressed my new OB or taken matters into my own hands and gone to the hospital when I started to feel differently. I can't go back. All I can do is grieve my loss which I am still doing even after a year and half. I'll be okay one day. That's the lie I keep telling myself anyway. I hope that you will continue to blog and just know that we are here for you.

All my best,

Lindsay

Mncowgirl82 - Aug 7, 2010 7:43 pm (#5 Total: 7)

I'm so sorry for your loss. My son also had his meconium inside of me and he aspirated it. My doctor also thought his cord was wrapped around his neck at one point while I was in labor for 32 hours. I was told I was lucky I came into the hospital when I did or I would of lost him.

Olivia Leighs Mom - Aug 7, 2010 9:46 pm (#6 Total: 7)

AJs Mommy too!

Welcome to Share. I am so sorry for your loss, may God bless you with peace and comfort.

Erika

mytwinbabies - Aug 8, 2010 7:15 pm (#7 Total: 7)

I am sorry to hear about your sweet baby. Please don't blame yourself...I know how hard it can be. I lost my twins Jay and Morgan in February.
You won't get over it....you have lost a child, a parents worst nightmare.
Sending peace your way.

Hugs,
Kami

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