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My Loves
shansiechalay - 05:20am Aug 7, 2012 EST
My name is shansie, im 18years old with 2 handsome little boys. unfortunatly only one is still here with me. Throughout my pregnancies ive had complications that i never thought ' I ' would have. both of my babies were born prematurally, my first son had to stay in the nicu.
Legend-James is my first son to be born. throughout my pregnancy with him, i suffered from preeclampsia, which is accociated in high blood pressure during pregnancy. it was a dangerous thing because if my condition got too bad, both of us could of passed away. Starting from 6 months i had contractions off &on, luckly the hospital were able to stop it. Around 33weeks my condition gotten bad where my OB had to send me to Kapiolani Medical center were a delivered a few days later. Legend was born 3lbs 15.6oz & 16 3/4in. because of him being born prematurally, he had to stay in the NICU for 10days. that 10days were so very hard for me. when we got to take my baby home it was such a blessing he was nice & healthy. as we thought everything was alright, during legends 4 month appointment, his pediatrician diagnoised him with hydrosyphilus, which is water in the brain. at 4months my baby boy had to ongo brain surgery. that was even harder knowing that there was a chanve of my son passing, becoming retarted or having a defective brain. but thank god my baby boy came out perfectly fine. he currently has a shunt that was placed in his brain to drain the fluid &will need to keep that in for the rest of his life. as bad as that sounds he is one happy baby now...
With legend everyhing ended up to be fine, howere not so much with My 2nd son Zaedyn-Lee. i was only 21 weeks when i started having contractions, as i went to the hospital my water bag was budging out of my cervix that was already 7cm dialated
there was nothing more we could do but make the hardest decision of our lives. we had to deliver him knowing he wasnt going to make it. Zaedyn-Lee was born 15 oz & 10 1/4 in. as a mother, its so hard to deal with these kind of emotions &honestly i really dont know how people do it. but knowing i still have Legend makes me ok. i know you will never be ok with a child passing away, its the point of moving on. some people take lomger &others not to long. as my son was only born a few days ago, its the hardest thing in the world for me to deal with. i just look at legend & he brings so much joy into mylife because i see both of them in one body. im writing &posting my story for other moms that might have been through similar things, know that your not alone. although were strangers, we can still listen &try to help eachother get through this...
An angel in the book of life wrote down my babys birth. she wisperd as she closed the book "too beautiful for earth"
It hurts me so much knowing my son isnt here with us &that i cant take care of him like his mommy should be, but i know he is a little angel in heaven watching down on us. Hod had better plans for my son & took Zaedyn home to be with him
&even thouhh he's not here, hes still my baby, my child &im still his mommy no matter what. hes always gonna have a special place in my heart<3
-just remember, your not alone.
My name is shansie, im 18years old with 2 handsome little boys. unfortunatly only one is still here with me. Throughout my pregnancies ive had complications that i never thought ' I ' would have. both of my babies were born prematurally, my first son had to stay in the nicu.
Legend-James is my first son to be born. throughout my pregnancy with him, i suffered from preeclampsia, which is accociated in high blood pressure during pregnancy. it was a dangerous thing because if my condition got too bad, both of us could of passed away. Starting from 6 months i had contractions off &on, luckly the hospital were able to stop it. Around 33weeks my condition gotten bad where my OB had to send me to Kapiolani Medical center were a delivered a few days later. Legend was born 3lbs 15.6oz & 16 3/4in. because of him being born prematurally, he had to stay in the NICU for 10days. that 10days were so very hard for me. when we got to take my baby home it was such a blessing he was nice & healthy. as we thought everything was alright, during legends 4 month appointment, his pediatrician diagnoised him with hydrosyphilus, which is water in the brain. at 4months my baby boy had to ongo brain surgery. that was even harder knowing that there was a chanve of my son passing, becoming retarted or having a defective brain. but thank god my baby boy came out perfectly fine. he currently has a shunt that was placed in his brain to drain the fluid &will need to keep that in for the rest of his life. as bad as that sounds he is one happy baby now...
With legend everyhing ended up to be fine, howere not so much with My 2nd son Zaedyn-Lee. i was only 21 weeks when i started having contractions, as i went to the hospital my water bag was budging out of my cervix that was already 7cm dialated
there was nothing more we could do but make the hardest decision of our lives. we had to deliver him knowing he wasnt going to make it. Zaedyn-Lee was born 15 oz & 10 1/4 in. as a mother, its so hard to deal with these kind of emotions &honestly i really dont know how people do it. but knowing i still have Legend makes me ok. i know you will never be ok with a child passing away, its the point of moving on. some people take lomger &others not to long. as my son was only born a few days ago, its the hardest thing in the world for me to deal with. i just look at legend & he brings so much joy into mylife because i see both of them in one body. im writing &posting my story for other moms that might have been through similar things, know that your not alone. although were strangers, we can still listen &try to help eachother get through this...
An angel in the book of life wrote down my babys birth. she wisperd as she closed the book "too beautiful for earth"
It hurts me so much knowing my son isnt here with us &that i cant take care of him like his mommy should be, but i know he is a little angel in heaven watching down on us. Hod had better plans for my son & took Zaedyn home to be with him
&even thouhh he's not here, hes still my baby, my child &im still his mommy no matter what. hes always gonna have a special place in my heart<3
-just remember, your not alone.
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