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BRENDAN'S STORY

BrendansMommy09

May 2013

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OUR NICU STORY

Aug 13, 2009 10:42pm (EST)

My beautiful son was born at 11:38 am on May 15, 2009. He weighed 5lbs 2oz and 18in. He was exactly 33 weeks gestation, he was expected to be 3 1/2 to 4 lbs. The first time I saw him I was in shock. There was my tiny little boy hooked up to monitors and IV's and laying there in the isolette...he looked so fragile. And the guilt set in...how could my body betray me? Did I work too hard, or not eat healthy enough? How could I put my precious baby through this? And the question every mom asks...why, why was he born too soon? Our NICU stay was the hardest 21 days of my life, but we are so lucky, some babies stay much, much longer. Brendan was initially on TPN, advanced to gavage feedings and was very slow to nipple feed. He also had bad veins and his IV's were constantly needing to be changed. We narrowly escaped an umbilical line, thank heavens because we were told if he needed one we couldn't hold him due to the risk of infection (he was on anibiotics due to fever and prolonged rupture of membranes already). Brendan was under the bili lights for a few days and dropped to 4lbs...so tiny. His initial PKU also came back postitive (thank God the repeat was negative). And he had apnea/brady issues, just acting his age

I will never forget the day I went home without my son. It's a club that most everyone on Share belong to. The pain of being wheeled down empty handed. No one can prepare you or describe that feeling. Driving away and leaving your baby behind. Ugh.... Brendan was dc'd home on June 5, 2009.
One thing I would highly recommend to all parents with babies in the NICU is keeping a journal. Not only is it theraputic, but also a love story to our babies when they grow up.

I thank you all for sharing your stories. I am so deeply grateful to have a place where I feel understood, where I can finally tell our story, and have a sense of belonging. This is not something anyone wishes to experience, but atleast we're not alone

We are praying for all of the preemies....

Brendan2

Posted by BrendansMommy09 | Comments: (4) | Permalink

AND SO IT BEGAN....

Aug 07, 2009 06:20am (EST)

If someone would have told me that after having two healthy full term babies and "fluffy" pregnancies that my last and third pregnancy would almost kill me, I would have laughed. If that same person told me that I would suffer from hyperemesis gravidarum so severe that I literally thought I was going to die and barely escaped an NG tube, I would have said"oh no, not me." Only to get a three week reprive, return to work, and at 25 weeks begin contracting, I would have said "that's impossible." Well, I have since learned that all things are possible; good and bad. Mind you, I write this as I gaze at my precious son, who will be 12 weeks old tomorrow. But I flash back to November '08 when I began to realize something was very different about this pregnancy....

Before the little pink line appeared on the pregnancy test I knew I was pregnant. I was constantly nauseated and having trouble holding food down. As the weeks past, which quickly turned into months, I became a person I no longer recognized. I was weak and fraile, constantly dehydrated and losing weight rapidly. Taken out of work and unable to function, I was put on ever med known to work; reglan, unisom, zofran, B12, but nothing was working. When I reached that critical point where my doc said, "Ok, another few pounds and it's time for an NG tube," I finally turned the corner. At about 22 weeks, I improved enough to return to work. So we thought the worst was behind us, and the pregnancy would progress as the other two: WRONG!

At 25 weeks I finished my shift at the hospital where I worked and walked over to L&D. I had been contracting, but even then wasn't too concerned. A little dehydrated and in need of rest, I was sent home...for the rest of my pregnancy. At 30 weeks the contractions became so bad I ended up in L&D again, this time actively contracting 5 minutes apart. I was given the lovely drugs terbutaline and procardia and sent home again. Interestingly enough, my FFN came back negative. I went for a follow up appointment on Monday, May 11 and my doc wasn't all that concerned and thought I would definetely make it another 6 weeks on the meds and with rest. On the morning of Tuesday, May 12 I awoke to losing my mucous plug and leaking amniotic fluid, once again contracting 3-5 minutes apart. I do remember the drive to the hospital with my very anxious husband and confused children (it's too early for the baby to come mom) but after the meds started, it's all kind of a blur. So, there I was 31 weeks; ruptured, actively contracting, 1 1/2 cm dialated and about to go through hell.

Anyone who has been through the roller coaster of premature labor knows the hell that is terbutaline, procardia and the dreaded mag sulfate. Granted these drugs enabled my son precious days to allow the steroids to work, in the meantime I felt like I would never survive. The four days before my son's birth (and I know some women spend MUCH, MUCH longer in the same situation in the hospital. You are saints....there is a special place in heaven for your sacrafices) were the most difficult of my life. I remember the NICU team coming to talk to us, and my heart sinking into my stomach hearing what to expect from our 31 weeker. I remember crying when my other two children came to visit and asked when I was coming home, and I had no answer. Could be weeks they told us, if you're lucky. The docs wanted to give our baby the best possible outcome, and they said every minute he stayed in utero was important. On the morning of May 15, the drugs had stopped working and I don't think I could have handled another round of terbutaline every fifteen minutes. I spiked a temp and there was concern my previous c-section scare was about to dehisce so we were off to an emergency c section. I had such an amazing team to deliver my son. I was blessed to be in the same hospital that I work at and have some very dear friends attend my delivery. As I was being transferred to the OR gurney, a few of my collegues came to tell me they would be attending my delivery. I will never forget hugging Angie as we both cried and saying, "Please take care of my baby." At 11:38 I heard the most beautiful sound, my baby boy came out screaming. I kept saying "Come on baby, cry!" When I asked my husband if he was ok and he said, "He's beautiful." I got a quick peek and he was off to the NICU...

Posted by BrendansMommy09 | Comments: (3) | Permalink

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