March of Dimes

SHARE HOME > SHARE YOUR STORY > ALL SHORT STORIES > BLOGS

JANELL'S JOURNEY

Janell0805

September 2010

Category: Home

Sun

Mon

Tue

Wed

Thu

Fri

Sat

GETTING SOMEWHERE...HOPEFULLY.

Feb 08, 2010 09:43pm (EST)

Well Wyatt was switched to the morning early childhood class and is doing better. He takes more regular naps and is not AS crabby. Still working on the sleep issue, tried the melatonin but I think it has the opposite effect on him. We FINALLY after months of getting the run around, have an appointment at Children's Hospital in Milwaukee. Not much else is new. Still growing like a weed. Hard to believe he's going to be 5 soon. I don't know where the time went or where I was when all this was going on. I feel like my little tiny baby has grown up right before my eyes and that I must have missed a couple years because he can't be almost 5 already! I'm so thankful everyday for our experience. As I've gotten older (and maybe a little wiser) I've learned to embrace this challenge I was given and do my very best to give my son the best life I possibly can. Without this experience I wouldn't have met some of the most amazing people. My friends here at SHARE and others we've met along the way! As far as dad I go, things are getting better. We are getting married in august!

Posted by Janell0805 | Comments: (2) | Permalink

4 1/2 YEARS AND STILL GOING STRONG!

Jan 04, 2010 02:34pm (EST)

So it really has been forever this time, but things are alright. Lots has changed. His dad and I decided to give things another shot in July and here we are in January and have been living together since end of August. We moved to Wisconsin, Dad got a job here in Little Chute, and I am struggling to find steady work, but am going back to school this month. His new school is everything short of what I had hoped for. They do not have school of choice here nor do they have a special ed preschool. They have a pre-k but only for students who need it (which he does) and they are OBVIOUSLY not used to working with kids with special needs. Oh the upside his teacher has been as accomadating as she can be but they dont have bus transportation, and if he is not right in the school district the bus that would pick him up (they have buses available for kids with an IEP) wont pick him up so when I have to work, he misses school unless I can find someone to bring him to school, but when your sitter lives 20 minutes away and he only goes to school for 2 hrs its pointless. Ok deep breath. Sorry but I felt I needed to vent. Wyatt went to a camp for kids with special needs for 3 1/2 weeks this past June and is now brushing his teeth with a little help, walking up AND down stairs holding onto the railing.He learned "gentle touches" but has since seemed to forget. He is having a LOT of behavior problems lately. He pulled a chunk of his hair out last week. I was at He is constantly chewing on things...EVERYTHING in sight, worse than a puppy. Still working on potty training. He is nowhere near ready but he does sit on the potty and occasionally goes "pee pee" on the potty. He has been refusing to sleep in his bed for some time now. Will only sleep on the couch. We've tried all the usual tricks...puttting them to bed checking on them every few minutes and let them cry. He doesn't just cry, he screams, at the top of his lungs, and kicks the walls and is just unbearable some days. He NEVER used to be this bad and I just don't understand what is going on. I know he gets frustrated and I'm trying to be patient but I just want to scream.

Posted by Janell0805 | Comments: (2) | Permalink

UPDATE!!

Mar 18, 2009 06:03pm (EST)

So It's been forever and a day and then some since ive updated this. But here we go....

Today we had a follow up appointment at the multi handicap clinic. Wyatt's fine motor skills are at a level of a 9 month old. I guess it could be worse right? We've been referred to a behavioral therapist, there is concern he might be ADD. They want to redo a sweat chloride test but they cant do a very good on here so one more trip to add to my ever growing list of things "to do". I've been working full time since January which is good but doesn't leave much time for doctors appointments and working on wyatt's "needs". His dad has been taking him weekends that I work. We saw all the specialists minus his neurosurgeon who we will see in april. I have to make him an appointment with the pediatric dentist, they're also concerned about his hearing so off to the ENT doc we go. on a better note wyatt is doing well in school...or making progress I guess whichever way you want to look at it. He is unzipping and zipping his coat. Potty training is still a no he refuses but again, oh well. But I read a poem today that was hanging on the wall of the waiting room and I want to share it with everyone..

Welcome to Holland
I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......

When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."

"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."

But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.

But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.

DSC01079

100_0159

Posted by Janell0805 | Comments: (5) | Permalink

3 YEAR UPDATE

Sep 06, 2008 06:33am (EST)

Well, Wyatt's birthday came and went. It turned out very well. He had a great time and my mom found a playset just in time so the kids had a blast on the swings and the slide. I thought for sure with his birthday coming up I would hear from his father or his family....well not quite like I expected. I got a card from his father's parents saying "We love you and we miss you, we hope to see you soon, your presents are at our house" ANOTHER TWO CARDS CAME a few days after his bday...one signed "Love daddy and sam" the other signed "Love daddy trisha and sam" BOTH of which were in the girlfriends handwriting... I was so furious I almost sent them back. If they loved him SOOOOOO much and wanted so badly to see him, then why not pick up the phone and call...or call the friend of the court for that matter...it makes me so angry. In better news we or I should say I signed a lease on a house..however im sorry I did. I'm paying for a house I can't move into because I have nobody to help me move my furniture. MY bed doesn't fit up the stairs so now I have to have someone haul it to my moms and she's letting me use her smaller bed. One more headache and everyone works and nobody has time, plus I'm working as much as I can and right after I signed the lease they cut my hours. I was scheduled ONE day in the next two weeks. So it's just one thing after another. And he started school on tuesday. I went back to school the 29th and its a pain even with just one class. I can't study or take the time I did last year because I don't have a babysitter. The Babysitter I had, I fired because I had to work midnights and she was supposed to watch him the next day while I slept and she didn't answer the phone, I drove all the way to her house and she didn't answer the door. She called me about a half hour after I had left and asked where I was at and I blew up at her. Again, on a better note, Wyatt is doing well with his new braces. He is running and jumping and we still need LOTS of work with fine motor skills but I'm hoping that they can work with him in school. His daycare provider has been wonderful. Being the mother of preemies herself its nice to not have to explain myself till I'm blue in the face about things. We talked for a half hour the other night and I was just venting some frustration and she told me that her 10 year old daughter had been outside that afternoon riding her bike with training wheels. I'm nervous now that summer is over and cold and flu season is right around the corner. I think he's just got some allergies going on right now with the runny nose and he sounds congested...poor thing. But no cough so I guess I should be thankful for that much. Moving is so stressful I swear the next time I move I'm selling all of my furniture and buying new stuff when I get settled. This way they can come deliver it all and I don't have to worry about it!
I still haven't tried potty training yet again, he refuses to have anything to do with it and with us moving I figured it might be better to wait until we are settled. He doesn't like to walk for me much these days. I was so mad the other day we were walking out of the resteraunt and he threw himself down and refused to walk..not like screaming and crying but just let himself fall to the ground and sat there and laughed. The biting issue is becoming a problem with other children now that he has graduated from biting me and my mother to biting everyone. I don't know what there is to do. He doesn't listen, time out doesn't work, telling him no thats not nice doesn't work. I even tried biting him back (as awful as it sounds) and that doesn't phase him one bit! But other than the normal toddler issues I guess we are doing alright. Hope everyone had a great summer!

Copy of DSC00820

Copy of DSC00810

Copy of DSC00828

Posted by Janell0805 | Comments: (1) | Permalink

ALMOST 3!!!

Aug 02, 2008 06:38am (EST)

Well, it's that time of year again. Yet another year older and another year crazier I get haha! I must say I love being a mom but life brings changes for all of us! I guess you could say I've pretty much been a stay at home mom (single mom at that)/college student for the past 3 years. My fingerprints and backround check were FINALLY completed and I'm starting my job on Wednesday, August 6th, which just so happens to be Wyatt's 3rd Bday! What a day to celebrate. We are having his party tomorrow. He's been such an angel the past few days, slept almost 12 hrs the other night, I'm beginning to think maybe its time to cut out the nap but on the other hand he gets extremely crabby if he doesnt have a nap. Among the changes around here I am looking for our own place. I'm SO dissapointed... I found the CUTEST 2 bedroom house for Wyatt and I and I told the lady I could give her half the security now and the other half when I get paid in two weeks, but she wanted to rent the house out immediately so she said she would keep my name in mind and if she can't rent it before then she would call me. It was the cutest little house...2 bdrm 1.5 bath, BRAND NEW washer and dryer, plus a dishwashwer, a little fenced in front yard. So I'm keeping my fingers crossed. Wyatt is walking up the stairs with minimal assistance. His eye doctor feels his eyes are more together so he changed his prescription so its not as strong...these are all marvelous things and im so happy that I had to share it with everyone. And is it true? Are the terrible threes really worse than the terrible twos? I think I'm in for it...I'll be sure to post pictures from the party!

DSC00787

Posted by Janell0805 | Comments: (3) | Permalink

YET ANOTHER UPDATE!

Jul 11, 2008 08:58am (EST)

Well it's official! I am an LPN...I took my boards last thursday and passed. I have a job lined up already they are just waiting for my fingerprints to come back. I'm so happy. I feel like my life is finally starting to look up. Still no word from his father...nor did I expect it. But with Wyatt's birthday a few weeks away I had kind of hoped the grandparents would send a birthday card...but no such luck. So much for the xmas presents they were supposedly sending last xmas too that we never got. Wyatt is just the happiest little guy and doing fabulous. We just got fitted for a new pair of braces and his glasses *sigh* just broke. But thankfully they are still under warranty so I'm glad they broke now. He has been such a well behaved little boy lately. It's hard to believe he's going to be 3 already. Time sure does fly. He is doing well in PT and is all signed up for preschool in the fall. I just found a new daycare and the lady is FABULOUS. She is a mother of two surviving 26 week triplets herself and understands a lot of his issues. Her daughter apparently had 14 eye surgeries for ROP. But it's a home daycare right off the highway on my way to work ( I have nearly an hour commute to work each day. Well just thought I would let everyone know how things are going. I don't get on here much these days!

Posted by Janell0805 | Comments: (3) | Permalink

WHAT A DAY!

Jun 06, 2008 10:20pm (EST)

Boy oh boy is my child going to give me a run for my money. I'm sure those of you reading this that have been through this stage already are probably laughing and I'll even admit it was a little funny. So I changed a poopy diaper and went about my business, a few minutes later he came up to me and said "take diaper off". I said no Wyatt we need to leave our diaper on. I was on the phone and he was in the living room watching cartoons so when I noticed his diaper on the floor I just thought oh well, until I came pick it up and the POOP in his diaper fell out onto the living room carpet...UGH! To make matters worse I went to throw it away and came back and he had his hands in it! He refuses to go on the potty despite several attempts. yet he insists on taking his diaper off. Other than that things are ok I guess. I'm taking a summer class, Wyatt is in daycare 3 days a week and loves it. He's adjusting well. The whole dad thing depresses me. I know Wyatt misses him. I know he does. But again, my hands are tied. I feel like I'm trapped in my own life and I can't change it. All I ever wanted and I think all every parent wants is to give their child everything they never had. For me that was a family, a mom and a dad. Even if "we" didn't work out. I guess my plan backfired, I tried so hard to keep him from leaving. I was determined he was going to be a father to the child he helped bring into this world. Today Wyatt said "My daddy come fix diego?" He has a diego power wheels that I need to find the battery charger for, so we've told him that Diego is broke and we need to fix it. And I debated writing a letter to the friend of the court. But again the whole dilemma...whats worse? NOT fighting my childs father to be a part of his life? I mean its not like im preventing him. He knows my number. He knows where I live. He chooses not to call claiming that "he can't get along with me" I have so much guilt. I can't help but feel like maybe I could have done something different, but I couldn't. I'm getting so desperate for a break, for some relief for something, don't get me wrong my son is my life but lately I just don't think I can do this anymore. The physical therapy and the occupational therapy and getting his glasses adjusted ,making sure he gets his breathing treatments, taking him to the doctor every time i turn around for something, paying for daycare, I'm so overwhelmed and I just don't know what to do. Since I moved back to my moms for the summer things have been horrible. She hates having us here, yet she is the one that invited me to come stay with her for the summer to save money. I've thought about picking up the phone and calling his dad and begging him. But again, should I really have to BEG my childs own flesh and blood to see him? Should I have to call him and BEG him to take him for a couple of days? Or do I take the blame when wyatt asks about his dad? I just don't know anymore.

Posted by Janell0805 | Comments: (2) | Permalink

ALMOST 3!

May 18, 2008 05:47pm (EST)

Sometimes its hard to believe it was almost 3 years ago already. Time has flown by! From a little baby that came home at 5 months old, unable to hold his head up, unable to roll over, a little boy who nobody ever thought would walk, let alone be the rambunctious toddler he is today. I'm so happy with his progress but im so frustrated with the fact that his feet are still inverted really bad, he almost like drags his left foot, and I live in such a remote area that I don't have many resources and to get what little resources I can for him is a strugge. I stopped his PT/OT at the hospital, I felt they were too impersonal, they never had 3 minutes to tell me his improvements and weaknesses. I never knew what skills he was working on and what he wasn't. Enough is enough I was not happy so I just hope I'm making the right decision. We are meeting tuesday with a guy from early on who is going to help me get him set up for preschool (which means therapy) and the OT that used to see him when he was a baby works there so I'm really excited that we'll be working with him again. In other news, still nothing from his father, not like I expected otherwise. I got a job offer, well I won't start until after I pass my nursing boards, but it pays good and until I can get in full-time we are going to stay with my mom and try to save money. Wyatt is getting his molars in and is chewing on everything including me. He is talking like crazy! We finally had some nice weather and went to the park. So far the ear infection has not come back...yes wyatt had two ear infections within the past 6 weeks, which worried me because he already ahs the tubes, and he wasn't running a fever but there was blood coming out of his left ear. Apparently thats normal for kids with tubes? does anyone have any advice for potty training? I know it takes time and patience but he REFUSES to even sit on the potty chair. Oh I know I'm rambling but a funny story. We were eating out at Arby's about a week ago, and out of the blue Wyatt yells out "I have to go poo poo" not once, but like 3 times. I was absolutely mortified, but at the same time kids will be kids and I couldn't help but laugh. His new thing is going down the stairs on his butt, he will come up to me and say "Go boom?" He has learned how to go down the stairs on his own, which is a mixed blessing. Anyways, thats all for now I guess, just a little update!

Posted by Janell0805 | Comments: (1) | Permalink

HEARTBROKEN

May 10, 2008 08:34am (EST)

So my mom kept Wyatt overnight so I could home back to our apartment and pack up as much of our things as I could. Well I called this morning and she told me that Wyatt woke up this morning and said "My daddy come pick me up?" She told him that Daddy was at work. I never thought I could hate anyone but for him I can make an exception. I'm sick of lying and telling him daddy's at work but what am I supposed to say? Your dad is a selfish pig who only cares about himself? It's sad because the only one who has done nothing wrong in this situation is Wyatt, and he's the one getting hurt. The Friend of the Court could care less. They can't enforce visitation yet they wont "bastardize" a child, but they will allow his father to come and go as he so chooses. None of this fair. I just give up. I'm stuck and there is nothing I can do!

Posted by Janell0805 | Comments: (2) | Permalink

SOME PEACE?

May 08, 2008 05:57pm (EST)

Well, it's been a peaceful sort of two weeks without a word from dad. Apparently I have to put it writing in our parenting time order that he has to return my phone calls. It's sad because I've been saying for the past year he intentionally ignores my phone calls...this just proves he did. And his parents too. I grew up without a father. I swore my son wouldn't and sometimes I feel like its my fault. I feel like I let myself down, and my mother who tried so hard to make sure I didn't make the same mistake she did. I look into those big beautiful brown eyes of his every single morning and thank GOD for bringing him into my life. He has brought so much joy to everyone in our family I don't understand how someone could not love an innocent little boy! I'm the one that has to be there when he's sad, or upset or hurt. I'm the one making all the sacrifices for him to have a good life. What hurts the most is knowing that he has another child that he sees every single day. There's a little boy out there thats living the kind of life my son was supposed to have. I had it all planned out when I was pregnant. But unfortunately nothing worked out the way I wanted. My child never sleeps. I don't sleep, I'm too tired to care anymore. I've been staying with my mom and all she ever does is yell at me for something that she can't do. Everything is my fault. I could not be here and it would still be my fault, she's my mother and I love her but I honestly hate to be around her. I hate it and I hate the way she flips out and starts swearing when wyatts around and then tries to correct me when I slip up. I'm 26 years old...STOP trying to run my life. It drives me insane...I know she loves him, and he's such a grammas boy, and then lecturing me about all this harrassment stuff with his dad, as if I don't have enough stress...AHHH! And with the price of gas, I think a vacation is out of the question!

100_0023

100_0024

Posted by Janell0805 | Comments: (1) | Permalink

Archives