March of Dimes

SHARE HOME > SHARE YOUR STORY > ALL SHORT STORIES > BLOGS

KADEN'S MOMMY

Iaccai2001

March 2010

Category: Home

Sun

Mon

Tue

Wed

Thu

Fri

Sat

ROUGH COUPLE OF DAYS

Feb 04, 2010 07:45am (EST)

I think about Jaden every day. but some days are worse then other and it seems like this week is a rough one for me. Everytime I see twins it just breaks my heart. I buy Kaden a toy and I think i am supposed to be buying 2 of these. When I hear kids say I love you mommy on a show or a commercial I totally break down cuz I know I will never hear that from Jaden. I want to hear that so bad. I still have moments where I say this is not fair at all. I still have anger inside of me about losing Jaden. It is just not FAIR. Ugh no one deserves this pain. I yearn for him to just appear and be in my life. I feel so incomplete without him. I blame myself for his death, no being able to carry him and his brother to term.

On a good note

Kaden is doing so well. He is 11 month adjused and 15 1/2 month actual. He went to his 15 month check up and he is 23.7 lb and 29 3/4in tall. He is growing so well. he is still going to PT 2x a week. Going well I can really see how that help his delvelopment.
I am a little scared now. my mother has been watching Kaden since she been unemployed since feb of last year. She is going back to work and with me an Daddy work schedule we are going to have to put Kaden in Day Care center. Ick 1st thing that comes to mind is Germs and leaving him with strangers. I wanted him to be at home untill he can at least talk and tell me what going on but it looks like that is not going to happen. God willing he will be okay.

Posted by Iaccai2001 | Comments: (4) | Permalink

CHRISTMAS PARTY

Dec 05, 2009 01:23pm (EST)

There was a NICU Christmas party that we were invited to and Kaden and I went. We had so much fun. Kaden was his lovable sweet self. He was laughing and playing with all of his old nursing and the church member who hosted the party. They loved seeing him, they all said how big he has gotten and how good he looks. It felt good to return and of course thank them for everything, because they all had a hand in how good he is doing now. Kaden seen one of his primary nurse, our favorite nurse. It was so sweet Kaden reach for her, he remembered her, it melted my heart. She was so good with Kaden she went above her Job as a Nurse. I love her she made my time at the NICU a little less stressful knowing she was taken care of him at night.

Kaden is now 20lbs 12oz. He is in the 15% for weight and 5% for his height for his actual age. Doctor says he is doing great. He is still going to PT 2 a week. He is still not crawling on all 4 but does the commando crawl on his belly, so he is making progress. Everything is on Kaden time and I am okay with that. I feel so blessed that he is doing so well. Jaden is on my mind every day, it even harder when I seen twins, I just break down completely. Even with Kaden he never wants to be alone, he always wants to be around someone. I feel bad like he knows his brother is missing, like he is missing something. I hope not. I feel like I failed as Kaden mother as well by not being able to go full term now he has to live his life without his Twin. Oh God. This is so hard. I hate that we mother’s have to go thru losing a Child. I think it is one of the worst if not the worst pain ever. I just take it day by day and try make it thru.

Here are some pictures of Kaden from the party and his Birthday pictures ( we went to Wal-Mart and got them done)

santa

birthdayangel5

birthday7

Posted by Iaccai2001 | Comments: (3) | Permalink

12 MONTHS

Oct 25, 2009 05:29pm (EST)

Kaden is 12 months old as of yesterday. OMG I can't believe 12 months has past by. I feel like just yesterday I was going back and forth to the NICU. Worrying what I would hear when I walk in the NICU from the Nurses. I thank God for getting him thru his 1st year of life. It was a bittersweet day. I went to get his picture done at Walmart and got him a chain and cake and ice cream. I took off 5 days I knew I would need it. Tomorrow is 12 months as well for Jaden passing, it has been a rough week. When we took the picture Daddy and I and Grandma went and they took a shot they call a candle shot were he looks as if he is looking into the sky. I feel like he was looking at his brother, and they were both crying. Oh God 12 months later and it is still hard. Hard to accept. Hard to go on. Hard to be happy. Hard not to cry, its just HARD. I thought by now I have come to terms and was learning to handle losing him better. But I cry just as hard as if it was October 26, 2008.

Here are some pictures of kaden eating his cake

kadencake

bday7

bday5

Posted by Iaccai2001 | Comments: (3) | Permalink

UPDATE

Sep 17, 2009 07:34am (EST)

Kaden is going to be 11 months on the 24th of this month. I can't believe it he will be 1 next month. Excited and sad at the same time I know next month will be rough for me with the 1 year anniversary of Jaden passing, but I will try to get thru it the best way I can.

Kaden is getting so big so fast. He is now 19lb 3oz and 26in long. All The doctor say he is doing great. I am very blessed. Thank you God. About 1 month or so ago we went for the development center appt and they wanted him to get an eval for PT therapy, so now he goes 2x a week. I am happy because he was boarder line and they did not want him to fall below his adjusted age which at the time was 5 months. So with there help he is now rolling over and sitting up unsupported. We are working on crawling now I am very grateful for PT, and all they therapy that help our preemies. Here are some updated pictures of Kaden

Reppin his Daddy's team

Kaden in swing

in stroller

Posted by Iaccai2001 | Comments: (7) | Permalink

JAIDEN 5TH BIRTHDAY PARTY

Jul 27, 2009 09:16am (EST)

Kaden went on his 1st outing yesterday. My co worker/friend has a party for her son Jaiden. This is also 9 months to the day my Jaden past away. I figure the day might have been a little rough, but I was excited to take Kaden out and show him off. I am proud of myself for making it thru the day without crying. We did not get to the pary till about after 3pm Jaden past away at 2:30pm so I had a moment drop a tear but did not break down completly. The party was fun, then it came to the sing Happy Birthday, and it just hit me when they said his name that I will never get to sing that to him and see his reaction or throw him a party or anything, but i did not cry or anything. my supervisor that has been did totally for me was also at the party and she looked at me like " you can make it thru everything will be okay. I am so proud of myself for making it thru the day. Still hurt so bad but i did not break down it front of everyone. I was so nervous I was going to and did not want to have to excuse myself or anything.

Posted by Iaccai2001 | Comments: (5) | Permalink

NO MORE OXYGEN

Jul 01, 2009 05:29pm (EST)

Kaden has been off oxygen for about 2 weeks right now. I am so happy and thankful to God that he is doing so well. Here is a picture of him without oxygen. Oh an I caught him laughing/smiling.

Laughing

Posted by Iaccai2001 | Comments: (6) | Permalink

SHOCKED

May 27, 2009 06:01am (EST)

Yesterday 05/26/09 makes it 7 months since Jaden left this world, and i am still shocked that I lost my child. Still hurting and question why? I am still am not able to cope with this lost. No one should have to feel this pain. You are supposed to die before your children. It is so crazy. Its like this has change the way I feel about like I do not have any feelings left in me, only for Kaden but nothing else bother me or annoys me or make me happy. Everything just rolls off my back. I want to get to the point where I can be happy about things in life happy about life itself. I do know If I will every get to that point.

Posted by Iaccai2001 | Comments: (3) | Permalink

DEVELOPMENTAL CENTER PT. 2

May 06, 2009 05:09pm (EST)

Kaden appt went so well. He is 2 months adjusted and 6 months corrected. They check to see if he is at a 2 month old level and above. As time goes buy they want him to catch to his corrected age. They looked at fine and gross motor skills. Also speech since he is so young they really just asked me question but with all the skills he is on a 3 month old level. I am so proud of him. He will go back in 3 months to check again how he is doing. For his weight he is in the 95 percentile for his adjusted age and 75 percentile for his height.

Posted by Iaccai2001 | Comments: (3) | Permalink

DEVELOPMENTAL CENTER

May 01, 2009 05:07pm (EST)

Kaden has his 1st appt with developmental center on Wednesday. I am excited to see what they look at to see where he is at developmentally. I will up update you guys and let you know how it went.

Posted by Iaccai2001 | Comments: (4) | Permalink

MORE PICTURE OF KADEN

May 01, 2009 09:59am (EST)

I finally figure out how to post my picture so here is kaden when he was 2 days old. and so more random pictures. I take picture of him almost every day.

Kaden 2 days old

Five month old 6wks adjusted

Kaden in swing3

Posted by Iaccai2001 | Comments: (1) | Permalink

Archives