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LOTS IN COMMON WITH STRANGERS
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Aug 30, 2010 02:26pm (EST)
As I was dropping my oldest son off at school Friday (my 32-weeker in early Kinder), a fellow classmate's mom stopped me. She said that her daughter just raves about my son, thinks he's neat, and wants to have a playdate! It was so nice to hear! Yeah, someone else thinks my son is amazing too and she's 4.5 years old! Her daughter is in early Kinder as well. Their b-days are about one month apart and bigger shocker - she lives in my neighborhood! They've been living there for 7 years too just like us! Long story short, the mom asked a few more questions and we put things together and apparently, she's met my hubby at the park a few times and recognized my youngest with this blonde almost white hair. Wow! So, then we get to talking and I reveal my reason behind my staying home decision and the tears came rolling down my face. Here this mom is so excited to meet the mom of this little boy her daughter keeps talking about and she's probably thinking - freak, emotionally unstable, no playdate for you little one:) Well, we talk more and as it turns out her oldest was a 32-weeker and was delivered by the same fabulous peri! Just when you think no one gets it, that there is no one out there in your own neighborhood even who could possibly understand your pain, you meet her and it's in the school parking lot!
We had a great chat. My little one just kept himself busy with fishy crackers and rocks. Thank goodness for some weird monsoon weather, otherwise that conversation would've been cut way short. It's too hot to stay outside talking for too long when you live in a desert. I saw this parent again this morning and it was neat to walk in with someone. I even got to meet the classroom TA who is super sweet. She said that my son just makes her laugh and loves his smile! I guess I should leave the house more because I haven't heard these words and it's really nice when people say GOOD things about your kids.
My little one had his third dental cleaning this morning. Nothing like a few primal screams from the back room to make everyone wish it was Happy Hour already! When it was over, the tears stopped almost immediately and he even high fived the hygenist. The tools sound scary, I know. He got his reward coin and chose choking hazard #2, a bounce ball. I'm watching him with it like a hawk. I took him to Target afterwards for a cold drink. He slurped on that while mom browsed the kids' clearance racks. Yes, a swim suit 4t for $1.68! Score! That's for next year and I've never done this before, but I'm going to take my kids in for a Fall photo. I always wait and do a x-mas one, but I'm going to mix it up this year. Also, found two great matching shirts (they'll hate me for this when they're older) that will look oh so cute for the picture!
It's just nice to know that you're not alone.
Lindsay
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Posted by lvazquez | Comments: (1) | Permalink
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ANOTHER VISIT TO SEE GIGI
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Aug 22, 2010 02:55pm (EST)
I am doing some occasional before school care for a family, so after dropping off at school this past Friday, I drove down with Tristyn to see his great-grandmother, Gigi, who has been in assisted living for almost a year now. She had a birthday on August 10th and with my parents out of town, I thought that she would appreciate a little surprise visit. I brought her a Wendy's frosty and some toys along for Tristyn to play with. Right as I am about to turn onto the street that will take me to the place, a white hearse makes a turn onto the same road. I tried not to, but I could feel my face flush and tears just started coming. I mean, I know what that means - death, pain, grief, goodbye, sick feeling, etc. Here I am about to visit my grandmother and death is all I can think about. Apparently, I'm not the only one.
I arrived right at 10 a.m. When I knocked on her door and peered in, she was asleep in her wheelchair. I rubbed her shoulder and when she woke up, she recognized us and was so thankful that we came to see her! She asked where my husband was and I said that he was working. "Someone has to", she said. Then she started in about how she can't wait till my parents get back in to town and that she wanted to make sure of something. She told me that in her will or a document with witnesses, that she did not want any artificial means keeping her alive. Last September, she was unconscious, had suffered a stroke, and had a pacemaker put in. She said that all of that was artificial and that my mother shouldn't have done that. If she hadn't and had just been let go, my grandmother wouldn't have to live the way she is living now. These are her words, not mine. She feels bad that my mother is going around and having to do so many things for her and is worrying about her. Gigi thinks that with all of this stress, it will cause her daughter, my mother, to have a stroke. Now high BP runs in my family and I'm the last one to NOT be on meds for it. I'd like it to stay that way, but I tend to get excited easily too, so breathing techniques are helping.
My grandmother hates where she's living. She says that people come there to die. She wishes that she was gone. She wishes that someone could just give her a shot. I feel SO bad for her. I don't know what to say when she tells me all of this stuff. Thank goodness Tristyn is too young to know what's going on, but still it's hard. I pretty much just listened to what she has to say. She used to take care of me when my elementary school was on year-round breaks. I feel like I spent more time with my grandparents than my sister ever did. Even as an adult, I visited more and made it a point to see them. I'm so glad I did. I got married in 2002 and a few months later, my grandfather had passed away. I'm so glad that he was there for my wedding. He missed seeing his great grandson by a few years, but I know that he is holding another one in heaven. My Naethyn is not alone wherever he is.
When I was there visiting my grandmother, an assitant came in to check on her. The assistant says, "Hey, where's your baby?" I was in shock for a second and then I realized that she thought I was my sister, so I said, "Mine didn't make it." You are thinking of my sister. The lady quickly realized that she had made a mistake, apologized, and quickly left. What are you going to do? It just comes from out of nowhere and you don't know what to do. I was a little angry even though it clearly was a mistake. With the white hearse I had just seen and death conversation, it was getting to be overwhelming. Before I knew it, I had been there for an hour and a half, so I decided to pack up and leave. Everytime we visit her, she is more awake and responsive. I wish that I could visit her more often. I will try to. She stays in that room all day long and she's miserable. I don't know what else to do for her. I scrapbook cards with the kids' pictures and I bring her treats. It's just hard. I saw this documentary on PBS about assisted suicide in Switzerland - it's legal there, but with A LOT of rules/procedures to follow. I can't imagine my grandmother ever wanting to do something like that. I will never bring that up. I guess all I can do is just try to visit more often and show her that we care and love her. It's so depressing you guys.
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Posted by lvazquez | Comments: (4) | Permalink
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WEIRD STUFF
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Aug 16, 2010 11:11pm (EST)
I was able to pop out to Hallmark earlier in the evening. I know, how exciting! I'm in there with all of these grandmas and I just know that will be me in the future. I needed to get a few cards and I actually got a great deal on some clearance stuff. Bargain shopping always puts me in a better mood. And then I heard the name Nathan. A mom was calling to her son in the store and I smiled and thought, really, of all the names it's this one. Okay. Then the mom calls out another name and this time it's Katelyn, Catelyn, Kaitlin, etc. I'm not sure how she spelled it, but you get the idea. If I ever had a girl, Katelyn was it. I just thought it was weird.
Then, I stopped in to visit my salon friend who's son started school today. I asked him how his first day of 5th grade was and he told me that he was in 6th grade! Ugh, what? Oh yeah, that's right I remembered. He was in 4th when I was pregnant and where was I last year? Who knows???!!!! I mean, I was present, but honestly not thinking about anything else. It's like I went from Dec. of 2008, skipped 2009, and here we are in 2010. I was expecting to be doing so many different things too. I'm starting to get sad again.
The one thing about going out in public is seeing all of the pregnant women or families of five! I treated my kids to frozen yogurt afterschool and the lady next to me had 2 boys and then a third baby boy in a stroller. I just smiled, but it made me feel so uncomfortable. It was an afternoon filled with weird stuff like that.
Well, this week I've volunteered to talk about the March of Dimes, Beanies4Babies, and Camp Soaring Eagles at a local high school. I hope that I can get the words out and get some of the kids excited to volunteer and raise money for these organizations. I won't be in front of a huge audience, but the students will be coming up to my tables for info. It should be exciting!
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Posted by lvazquez | Comments: (4) | Permalink
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MY FIRST PREEMIE IS IN EARLY KINDER
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Aug 12, 2010 04:14pm (EST)
Today was Donovyn's first day of Kindergarten! He really isn't supposed to be going until the following year so says our state and district cut off dates, but we had him tested and his teacher-to-be thought that he was ready! He's on a probationary period which means they can still decide to not let him through come October in the event he isn't performing as he should. I'm hoping for the best! If we were in CA, he'd be in Kinder anyway, so I just say, to each his own.
He did great! We were both a little confused with the morning routine. We met at the basketball court and there were kids and hovering parents everywhere. Classic! Even at 8:00 a.m. it's extremely hot and I was so glad that his teacher came out with clipboard and whistle only after 5 minutes of waiting. As she was telling her class to line up, I quickly gave him a hug and told him to have fun and that I'd pick him up at 3:00. He looked so confused as I walked away and I could feel the tears start to well up, but I didn't cry:) Today was a good day. It was a good thing for him to be there. He needs this, he's ready for this, and I was hoping it would go well.
I was nervous for him the entire day! I couldn't wait to get in the car and get him. The parking lot was a zoo again and there were many eager parents and grandparents waiting patiently. I decided to wait outside the fence and let him walk out to me. They let the classrooms out in 5 min. intervals it seems, and then we saw him. I had to call his name a few times, but when he saw Tristyn and I, he was all smiles and came walking. Lots of parents and people to wade through on the one walking path, but he said "excuse me" and found us. He game me a big hug and was happy! I watched a few kids come out in tears (and boys too). I was hoping that he would be happy and he was:)
I had a cold drink and snack for him in the car and he appreciated that. I always try to do for them what I would want someone to do for me. Yes, I love it if and when my husband brings me some lemon loaf and Starbucks! Yummy! Hey, we all have vices! We got home and Tristyn crashed. Donovyn is just playing with his toys and enjoying "Word Girl" on PBS. I checked his Star Wars lunch bag and he ate everything! It's a peanut-free school, so I packed him a jelly sandwich and some other snack items. I had a feeling that he wouldn't be able to get his Capri Sun opened, so that didn't happen, but thankfully I packed him a water bottle and that was almost gone. He said the other kids had water at lunch time, so water is good and better for him anyway.
Overall, I'm pleased. It was a little crazy with the confusion in the morning and the no parking, but picking up was way more enjoyable of course! I asked him if he was ready to go back tomorrow and he said "no." He gets to dress down tomorrow (no uniforms), so he'll like that. Whew! It hit me this morning that it's going to be 5 years since he was born and it's gone by REALLY fast! It was nice to have a good day for a change:)
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Posted by lvazquez | Comments: (4) | Permalink
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DECISION AND A BIRTHDAY
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Aug 02, 2010 05:19pm (EST)
Today is Tristyn's 3rd birthday. Tonight at 6:44 p.m. to be exact! I remember it as if it just happened. I was 34 weeks along, going in for a routine ultrasound (had my NST 2 days prior at the hospital not feeling great) when the ultrasound technician turned the machine on and off and said I have to call your doctor. I had lost a bunch of amniotic fluid and I needed to go the hospital ASAP! Hmm, that's probably why I wasn't feeling too great. Here we go again I thought!
I drove myself to the hospital, a familiar routine this would become, and there was my OB. He was on call that day already there at the hospital, shaking his head as I came through maternity upstairs. We waited for my husband to meet us and a few hours later, we delivered Tristyn Charles. He weighed 4 lbs. 11 oz. and was super cute! One thing about having a c-section, the head is pretty round and untouched. He was taken away to be checked out and to our surprise after NICU #1, he was doing great and was even able to room in with us. This was something we didn't get to experience with our first. It was all new to us. He came home with us 2 days later, but was orange for 2 months even after the at-home bili blanket and heal pricks. By October of 2007, he was a normal color. Wow, that went by fast! He's now 3 years old and singing "Happy Birthday" to himself. He can count 1-10 in French, 1-20 in English, knows his ABC/s, and he is just amazing. Really, so lucky to have any children at all with the way my pregnancies tend to go downhill. I keep thinking, if I didn't have the appointment on that day, so many things could've been worse, way worse. I wish I had had an appointment for Naethyn on my day of need as I had with my other two. Urgh.
Decisions, decisions. I called the HR department for the school district and I declined the position. I could have been an easy fix, but I wasn't comfortable making last minute decisions about daycare and I kind of told myself in late June after the CA interview, that I would be home for another year. So, that's what I'm doing and I'll just keep doing care gigs as they come and continue to cut those coupons! FYI, sign up at Baskin Robbins and your kids can get a coupon for a free cone. Maybe Coldstone has the same thing, but it's something. We had a small party for him yesterday and took him to Chuck E. Cheese's earlier to play unlimited ski ball!
I'm breathing a lot easier now. It was a hard decision. Hopefully there will be something next year. I'll worry about that in the Spring.
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Posted by lvazquez | Comments: (0) | Permalink
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THE OFFER
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Jul 29, 2010 04:46pm (EST)
The HR department just called me to offer the position. I knew it was them. They called our house phone and I let it go to the machine and then immediately afterward my cell phone rang. So, we talked salary and units and it's all very tempting. I asked if I could have the weekend to think it over and they agreed. I've been thinking about everything for several days now. I guess I'll take a few more days to think it all over again and weigh the pros and cons. One thing I do know;I really like being home. Our budget is extremely tight, but I'm happy. I think I'd rather be home and broke, then working and miserable. I guess I just feel like I have the rest of my life to work, so why not enjoy just one more year being only MOM.
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Posted by lvazquez | Comments: (1) | Permalink
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WHAT TO DO?
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Jul 28, 2010 08:26pm (EST)
I think there's a good chance that I'm going to get that first hour prep. I sort of expected a call from HR by now, but they are really wanting references within the last 2-3 years and I just don't have that many. I've been off of work for 17 months now and the people who were once Principals or Assistant Principals have switched schools or retired. I still need to talk salary with this district. I hope that I hear something by tomorrow. If not, this is going to carry into next week just one week before new teachers are to report back. This is so fast that I am really wondering if I am ready for this? It's hard because I think to myself that the last time I was teaching, I was pregnant. In a lot of ways, making the decision to go back to work is another step forward in this unknown, unplanned, unwanted direction.
It stirs up a lot. My main concern is the whole full-time daycare thing. I really hate to pay that cost when I'm the one who would rather be taking care of my little one. I paid $305/wk for 2 kiddos one semester and the care wasn't that great. I vowed to never do it again. I LOVE the fact that I have been able to avoid this stressor in my life this past year. I was going to stay home with Naethyn anyway and when he came too soon, I just knew that I had to stay with that plan. For so many semesters and years I lied to myself and forced myself to go back for the sake of my career and so that students could get their credit. After each maternity leave, I went back to save my program and what did it do for me? Nothing, but heartache. My programs were cut in the end anyway. And all the while, trying to grow a family and deal with premature births! Three pregnancies in 3.5 years is a lot and so much has happened that I am afraid I still might need more time to process it all.
One positive thing to share - I toured another daycare center for possibly part-time care in the event I keep with my intended plan to stay home. I want my youngest to be around kids his own age for a few hours each week. He really needs that social interaction. He has an older brother, but it's not the same. My oldest was in daycare for periods of time, so he has had more social opportunities that way. I don't have a moms group and won't be at the park until October when it cools off. So, if I'm home, I'm going to do that for him. It was neat to see him interact with the other children. He went in there no problem and was SO interested and excited about it all. I'm happy for him! It will also give me a few hours to myself. I'm so on the fence here and I said that on the interview. I wish this could all be happening this time next year. Next year, I'd be ready. My youngest would be going to the on-campus school with his daddy. Everyone will be in school, but will there be a job for mommy if she sits one more year out? Who knows? I thought there wouldn't be anything this year either and schools are calling me.
I don't know what will happen to this school's program if I don't take the position. Is this really my worry? I mean, I'm not the one who waited all summer long to decide to finally resign. The former teacher has left her school in a pickle and I am the easy fix. It doesn't even mean that I am the best candidate as there are no other valid applicants. I get the job by default. I feel some pressure to rescue this school for the good of the students, but I feel like I have enough on my plate here at home. I hope I can sleep tonight. I'm exhausted from all of this back and forth.
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Posted by lvazquez | Comments: (0) | Permalink
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RESULTS
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Jul 26, 2010 05:14pm (EST)
Well, the interview went VERY well. So well in fact that the Principal told me that she was recommending me for hire to HR and that I should be receiving a call in a few days after checking references, etc. Am I excited? I want to be. This school is AWESOME! They support foreign languages which means that I might potentially be employed long enough to be able to afford sending my kids to college! WOW! So, why am I not jumping up and down? Well, because this school is 45 minutes away and I have a conflict.
My oldest son got an early admit to Kinder and they offer before school care, but not before 7:00 a.m. I am going to be the one dropping off the kids and there's no way that I can do this unless I have first hour prep. If not, I may be running late trying to make my 7:40 start time. I called my son's school to see if other working parents had called with the same concerns and some have, but they've worked them out I guess. I need about 15 more minutes in the morning to be able to make this realistically work. I've thought about other schools and things, but believe me, they're aren't too many schools doing early Kinder and this is what's best for our guy.
As I look at before and afterschool care schedules, extended day programs, and daycare center rates, I feel a migraine coming on. When you stay home, you don't have to worry about this stuff. I mean, I LOVE teaching, but, I had kind of made up my mind that I was going to be home for another year. I get to drop off/pick up and have that one-on-one time with my soon to be 3 year old (next Monday 8/2)! This interview is so last minute and I can only take the job if they can work out the prep hour. I owe my son his chance at an earlier elementary school start. He's ready for it!
I know that I could easily toss him into daycare with his younger brother as an easy fix, but I'm done doing that. We had this planned well before I got the call for an interview. I'm not about to change my life around. Money isn't everything. It helps, but it isn't everything. I'll know officially what I'm doing in a few days . . . EXCITING . . .
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Posted by lvazquez | Comments: (1) | Permalink
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ANOTHER INTERVIEW
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Jul 23, 2010 05:49pm (EST)
We were on vacation last week, a quick trip to San Diego. We stay with friends. It's the only way we can afford this sort of thing. We were about to head out the door one morning, when the cell phone rang. My husband took the call and from the words full-time and French, I knew that it was a school calling. He relayed the message and we talked about it on our drive. I e-mailed the school back and told them that I was looking for something a little closer to home, etc. With the school year starting in just a few weeks, I had made up my mind that I would just stay home (at least for another year). Well, the school e-mailed back and was letting me know that I could call them again if I should change my mind.
I get another e-mail again yesterday just checking to see if I had done just that and to contact them if I wanted to interview. So, my hubby and I got the kids in the car and we did a dry run to check out the area, the school, and gage the mileage. It's not a bad drive afterall.
I called and I set up an interview for this Monday. I figure that an interview can't hurt. I have a few demands I guess if I were to take the job: salary, my own classroom, and first hour prep if I can swing that. It has to be a good fit. If I get offered the position, that will mean daycare expenses again and all of the emotions that go with it. I've been there and I hated it. It's all so unexpected. I really wasn't planning on any calls for jobs this late in the game. We'll see . . .
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Posted by lvazquez | Comments: (5) | Permalink
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