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MADDIES JOURNEY

rhonda5

September 2010

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MADDIE

Jul 22, 2010 01:50pm (EST)

I haven't been on for so long and i know it was good for me to find out what i needed to do so i could stay strong for everyone.It feel's like i had to learn and live all over again as far as not rethinking why this happened to us and how it impacted all of us.We never thought a time in our life would make you question everything you do and really make you look at the person you married and had a child with.We as a couple had to look at everything and all of our fault's and not let them dictate how we treated each other.I at time's would think he needed to find someone who could give him a child that was fine and he had to start not being so mad at the thing's he didn't have control of.I tell you it was a hard and difficult 7 month's and i know as a couple we made it for each other,and with our faith found each other all over again.For our other children we both had to rethink how much time we spent with each other and not worry about the hour's of the day.We just did thing's and still our enjoying every minute of it.I know our daughter wasn't ready to be here and she on her own terms made that decision to leave,and either you can let it control ythe reat of your time left here or you can have the time of your life with what is left.
If i had to think of what lesson i needed to learn i right now would have to say is keep your faith,dont blame yourself and god,LIVE,and love everything around you.I can't stay upset and want to remember the goods time's we had before she got sick.I know in my heart she watches and waits for us and the day i will be renited with her will be with such bliss.
We miss her but that's what keep's us strong as to not forgetting herMaddalynn you needed your angle wings and we finally got your garden to you.Have fun with with your cousin Braylon.We love you little bug.

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LIFE WITHOUT OUR MADDIE

Jul 21, 2010 05:35pm (EST)

Well it's been almost 7 month's since our daughter got her angle wings and alot has changed with myself and our family.Life is a adventure of which everything keep's going no matter what you do.When you loose a child thing's you thought were very important become less important like cleaning the house,warm weather that keep's you in thehouse,to making sure the wash is alway's done.My sister bless her made Maddie a beautiful flower garden and when i asked why she stated "this is to her so she can see and walk in her own garden",it make's me think that as she watches us i know she is good.I have done alot of research on NEC and know there was not alot we could do.Our daughter made the decision to leave and the term's she gave us even though were very sad i understand why.We keep her alive and with us in everything we do.For now we love you little one.

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MADDIES JOURNEY

May 09, 2010 04:46pm (EST)

It's been awhile since i have bloged but with moving and work along with putting he house together i haven't been on.Everything is good and the weather is finally getting nicer that i can actualy walk without feeling cold.Got a nice tan going from being out which is a bonus.Having a pretty great mother's day and i can't complain.Having a hard time goin to our support group though,only because everyone want's to be sad all the time and i am at time's but then i think what would Maddie want?That and my girl's need me as do my other family members.I did sign my daughter up for a sib shop which i know will be good for her.That golf is starting soon for my husband which will keep him busy.That and summer is right around the corner.Happy day's are around the next leaf.Any who i need to get are back redy for our garden so i will cut ths short.
My Maddalynn i love you soooooo much so be a good girl and listen to everybody for me.Love mommy with many hugs and kisses.

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OUR ANGLE

Apr 12, 2010 09:06am (EST)

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MADDIES JOURNEY

Apr 07, 2010 07:49pm (EST)

Well going from 70degree's to 38 and sleeting.Only in wisconsin can we see this.Yuck i want my warm weather back and sun.I think we have gotten a couple inche's of rain and now everything is too wet.Had a good day but was thinking of Maddalynn also.She would have been over 3 month's and blossiming with life.Now i get to decorate her stone and remember the time we had with her.I still have people acting weird around me and i really dislike it.And i do undestand they might not know how and what to say.Oh well i hope thing's on that aspect get better.Have decided to start classes in the fall and it will be good.we can't change what has happened to us,but to live in the change's that took place is what matter's now.
              Maddalynn,
                            You were taken to early from us,but the time i got to be your mommy was the most beautiful thing i have ever experienced in my life time and i thank you every day for being a part of it.You are missed so very much and you were loved with our whole heart's and we know you chose to be with your cousin's,gandma's, grandpa's, and many aunt's and uncle's.Also we know alittle girl that was waiting for you at the gate's singing as loud as she could until she could hold you.Have fun with everyone and be a good litte girl.
                        We love you and many hug's and kisses.
                              Mommyxxxxxxxooooooo

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MADDIES JOURNEY

Apr 06, 2010 10:43pm (EST)

Well things have changed since i last wrote.We moved because it was to hard to live where we were and all the memories that went with it.Work is good and the weather is great besides being nice and warm i love it.Found out Maddies stone will be put at the cemetary mid april to beginning of May.Can't wait for that day.We also are going to meet with the doctors and hear the results of her autopsy.Am very nervous about the findngs and what we don't want to know.The girls are good and are staying healthy for now which is a blessing.Still mss the little one very much and wish she was here,but she is in spirit and i can live with that.I am very thankful for all the things i have and wouldn't change anything.Life is way to short for regrets.
Love and miss you like crazy little one.Mommy will see you again.Sleep well with many hugs and kisses.xxxxxxxooooooo.

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MADDIES JOURNEY

Mar 13, 2010 11:24pm (EST)

Well another good day.Miss her something fierce though.It makes me feel good when i can tell her story even though we have been without her 61 days.It feels like a dream and i had a hard time when we went for fish fry last night.Waited almost 2 hrs t eat and to many people in alittle place.Maeghan loved the baked fish and ate half of her daddy's while the other girls ate pretty good.We then went to a craft show and i bought Maddalynn a birth-stone angle,then her sisters wanted one so i got them one also.I hate it when people see you after and try to tell you it's for the best.I then think what is i dont have her and she's not with us.I also keep thinking what could i have changed to help her?Life is funny and we don't alway's have the answers but knowing she was safe in me and outside she was taken just makes me mad. But staying positive and not alway's worring is helping.
                          Maddalynn mommy loves and misses you so very much.Sleep well little one.Many hugs and kisses.
                                    xxxxxxxooooooo
                                                 LOVE MOMMY

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MADDIES JOURNEY

Mar 10, 2010 12:16pm (EST)

How much rain can we get?They say at least 2in. can't wait to see what floods.Made banana bread and it actually turned out good.Meg has been eating so good but she only weighs 27pds for 5.She also is tiny but is her own person.We try to get her to eat some high calorie foods but she eats healthy.I think her metabolism runs very fast so she burns it.Myhusband is watching Major League 2 and is actually laughing.He has taken losing Maddie very hard so hes always moody and crabby.I will take these days.He gets upset because he feels she is missing all her first things with us.How do i help him understand?Maeghan is always smiling and her smile just melts you and all the bad things go away.It doesnt matter how long you have your kids ,for you will have a closeness that stays with you forever.We had Maddalynn for 11 days and for me that was life time that wont end.I might not cry all the time and maybe i will be moody but knowing i was choosen to be her mom for a brief time is a lifetime to me.And my other daughters are a blessing as well along with my sons.
My Maddalynn love knows no bounds and their isn't a time table for not missing you.We miss you but i will promise you all your firsts will be documented and we will make sure you are with us.I love you little doll.
LOVE MOMMY

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MADDIES JOURNEY

Mar 09, 2010 11:17pm (EST)

It seems funny the thing's you do to keep you busy.I started playing Farmville when i was on maternity leave and i guess i am alitle addicted.I only go on to harvest but it's enough to keep my mind off of thing's.The weather was jst beautiful and we went walking with the girl's.Now they are talking rain but we know in WI anything goes.Found a dry sink that has 2 door's on made of decorative tin and the wood is amazing.So i made that Maddies personal memory area.And i wish everyone could see it but my pictures are to big to add.Though i have many pictures on Facebook.Had a good day despite the weather and Maeghan was alittle crabby but otherwise a feel good day.I know i will have day's where all is good and some that i hate everything so i cherish th good ones.My daughter Kate really wants to camp in tents and not the pop-up but i think ican talk my husband into some tent camping.I cant wait for the season to begin.To see the kids having fun and it is the only place to can walk around in your pjs outside and noone cares.
                That and jr golf also starts and maybe i will learn how to play better.My husband doesn't need help.I was hoping that Meg was walking so she could start but in time we will get her playing.Memories are all we have and i know my husband is afarid he will forget but i told him we won't.We have to keep her with us in every shape possible.He wants her here to not miss a thing but i told him shes doing everything we are just not in a physical shape.Why do guys store things inside and not share?I wll never understand.
                    Well life goes on and so must we.To my Maddie i so wish i could hold you.In my dream i did and you were big and looking around and you kept staring at me.I am your mommy and until i can hold you i will never forget you.
                          I LOVE YOU MADDALYNN!!!!!
                                    xxxxxxxooooooo
                                           love mommy
must nd.

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MADDIES JOURNEY

Mar 05, 2010 11:00pm (EST)

You know sometimes when i write i feel like the weight of everything that has happened is lifted just that little bit to where you are great for a day.I know what we lost but i dont want us losing her to consume my life.I know that may sound alitte cold but i feel like a different person these days and i dont want to miss anything.And ive decided to go back to school and i am alittle nervous.My heart goes out to all that have lost a child at any age.And you don't think it will happen to you and then it does and a whole batch of emotions comes at you and how you think and act are completely different from how you were before.I have to be around positive people who aren't always crabby.And you notice the little things people complain about.This weekend the temps are going to be 40-45 both days and i can't wait.That and daylight saving's next weekend along with Easter coming.It's going to fast.And how can i forget about spring.As i said before the smells,warmth,and the feeling of new life is so calming.We have our pictures,memories,and little trinkets to hold on to her.I miss you Maddalynn and we love you so very much.
Until the day i see you again.I love you.
Love mommy!!!!!!!!!!!

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