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MADDIES JOURNEY
rhonda5 |
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MADDIES JOURNEY
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Mar 13, 2010 11:24pm (EST)
Well another good day.Miss her something fierce though.It makes me feel good when i can tell her story even though we have been without her 61 days.It feels like a dream and i had a hard time when we went for fish fry last night.Waited almost 2 hrs t eat and to many people in alittle place.Maeghan loved the baked fish and ate half of her daddy's while the other girls ate pretty good.We then went to a craft show and i bought Maddalynn a birth-stone angle,then her sisters wanted one so i got them one also.I hate it when people see you after and try to tell you it's for the best.I then think what is i dont have her and she's not with us.I also keep thinking what could i have changed to help her?Life is funny and we don't alway's have the answers but knowing she was safe in me and outside she was taken just makes me mad. But staying positive and not alway's worring is helping.
Maddalynn mommy loves and misses you so very much.Sleep well little one.Many hugs and kisses.
xxxxxxxooooooo
LOVE MOMMY
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Posted by rhonda5 | Comments: (3) | Permalink
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MADDIES JOURNEY
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Mar 10, 2010 12:16pm (EST)
How much rain can we get?They say at least 2in. can't wait to see what floods.Made banana bread and it actually turned out good.Meg has been eating so good but she only weighs 27pds for 5.She also is tiny but is her own person.We try to get her to eat some high calorie foods but she eats healthy.I think her metabolism runs very fast so she burns it.Myhusband is watching Major League 2 and is actually laughing.He has taken losing Maddie very hard so hes always moody and crabby.I will take these days.He gets upset because he feels she is missing all her first things with us.How do i help him understand?Maeghan is always smiling and her smile just melts you and all the bad things go away.It doesnt matter how long you have your kids ,for you will have a closeness that stays with you forever.We had Maddalynn for 11 days and for me that was life time that wont end.I might not cry all the time and maybe i will be moody but knowing i was choosen to be her mom for a brief time is a lifetime to me.And my other daughters are a blessing as well along with my sons.
My Maddalynn love knows no bounds and their isn't a time table for not missing you.We miss you but i will promise you all your firsts will be documented and we will make sure you are with us.I love you little doll.
LOVE MOMMY 
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Posted by rhonda5 | Comments: (2) | Permalink
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MADDIES JOURNEY
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Mar 09, 2010 11:17pm (EST)
It seems funny the thing's you do to keep you busy.I started playing Farmville when i was on maternity leave and i guess i am alitle addicted.I only go on to harvest but it's enough to keep my mind off of thing's.The weather was jst beautiful and we went walking with the girl's.Now they are talking rain but we know in WI anything goes.Found a dry sink that has 2 door's on made of decorative tin and the wood is amazing.So i made that Maddies personal memory area.And i wish everyone could see it but my pictures are to big to add.Though i have many pictures on Facebook.Had a good day despite the weather and Maeghan was alittle crabby but otherwise a feel good day.I know i will have day's where all is good and some that i hate everything so i cherish th good ones.My daughter Kate really wants to camp in tents and not the pop-up but i think ican talk my husband into some tent camping.I cant wait for the season to begin.To see the kids having fun and it is the only place to can walk around in your pjs outside and noone cares.
That and jr golf also starts and maybe i will learn how to play better.My husband doesn't need help.I was hoping that Meg was walking so she could start but in time we will get her playing.Memories are all we have and i know my husband is afarid he will forget but i told him we won't.We have to keep her with us in every shape possible.He wants her here to not miss a thing but i told him shes doing everything we are just not in a physical shape.Why do guys store things inside and not share?I wll never understand.
Well life goes on and so must we.To my Maddie i so wish i could hold you.In my dream i did and you were big and looking around and you kept staring at me.I am your mommy and until i can hold you i will never forget you.
I LOVE YOU MADDALYNN!!!!!
xxxxxxxooooooo
love mommy
must nd.
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Posted by rhonda5 | Comments: (0) | Permalink
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MADDIES JOURNEY
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Mar 05, 2010 11:00pm (EST)
You know sometimes when i write i feel like the weight of everything that has happened is lifted just that little bit to where you are great for a day.I know what we lost but i dont want us losing her to consume my life.I know that may sound alitte cold but i feel like a different person these days and i dont want to miss anything.And ive decided to go back to school and i am alittle nervous.My heart goes out to all that have lost a child at any age.And you don't think it will happen to you and then it does and a whole batch of emotions comes at you and how you think and act are completely different from how you were before.I have to be around positive people who aren't always crabby.And you notice the little things people complain about.This weekend the temps are going to be 40-45 both days and i can't wait.That and daylight saving's next weekend along with Easter coming.It's going to fast.And how can i forget about spring.As i said before the smells,warmth,and the feeling of new life is so calming.We have our pictures,memories,and little trinkets to hold on to her.I miss you Maddalynn and we love you so very much.
Until the day i see you again.I love you.
Love mommy!!!!!!!!!!!
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Posted by rhonda5 | Comments: (2) | Permalink
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MADDIES JOURNEY
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Mar 02, 2010 11:07pm (EST)
Seem's like spring will finally come and i can not wait.To be able to go out and plant flowers and just be out and not freeze would be nice.And then going to the cemetary won't be so bad.The green grass and the smell of fresh cut flowers will to me be so peaceful.That and i can't wait for her stone to come.We have so many pictures up of Maddie that it feels like a dream that we had her and then we didn't.I asked my son Matthew if he was okay and his reply was"if i dont think about what happened".I so wish i could take his pain away and replace it but i can't.I know for him it will get better.My son Michael won't bring it up at all.Like i said before being twins they are so different.Meg today was watching signing time and was teaching me some signs and just doing that with her was precious.She loves her books and always reads them to me.And thats when your day gets better.To our daughter Maddie we love you.
We will see you again.
Love mommy,daddy,maeghan.katie.jenna.matt.mike.xxxxxxxooooooo
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Posted by rhonda5 | Comments: (2) | Permalink
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MADDIES JOURNEY
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Mar 01, 2010 12:20pm (EST)
Another day of cold and really wanting warm weather to come.Can't believe it's been 48 day's since Maddalynn passed from NEC.I wish thing's would have been different and they would have caught it earlier.But everything keep's moving all round us.Maeghan finally has beaten i her cold hope.Her heart stop's us from giving her any type of cold medicine and i feel so sorry that she suffers.We are trying to plan thing's for summer and i feel like Maddie will miss out on everything but i think keeping her with us in our heart's wilmake it great.That and we wil take picture's with us.Life is crazy but it's our life and it goes on and on.I miss my little girl so much.I will see her again but for now i will take what i can.
I love you little doll.
LOVE MOMMY!!!!!!!!!!!!!
xxxxxxxooooooo
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Posted by rhonda5 | Comments: (3) | Permalink
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MADDIES JOURNEY
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Feb 24, 2010 10:40am (EST)
I feel like time move's so fast.Maddie would have been 43 day's old today and i wonder what she would be doing?And then reality come's back and real life settle's in.Everything has a purpose they say and trying to figure it out is so tiring.We know she is around us.The little thing's you wouldn't notice stand out,from a perfect day,to hearing a bird sing,to remembering her smell or even looking at her picture and smiling at a memory.We have alot of picture's and yesterday we decided to print some big one's ad put them up as she is a member of our family.I knew it was time to do this and couldn't resist.I am also thinking of starting a collection of item's that i would get as a memory.Like build-a-bear,angle's,and other trinkets that if i see i would pick up.I also asked my husband if this was obsesive and his commentwas"this is the way we start to heal"and that gave me comfort knowing this is also how he look's at it.
We went to our first session for loss ad knowing for him other's felt the same was good for him.I still find myself wishing for a different outcome and then i think.I know i am a different person and how i look at thing's.I treasure everythng from spending time with the kid's to laughing more,and just doing.I know it will get easier and i am very thankfull for everyone who listen's and responses.I know here i feel as if we are accepted an our understood.Had to snow today but it is
beautifu.
To my little doll i love you and miss you dearly.
I hope you like the picture's we put up .
Mommy loves you!!!!lxxxxxxxooooooo Sleep well my little butterfly!!!
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Posted by rhonda5 | Comments: (2) | Permalink
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MADDIES JOURNEY
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Feb 20, 2010 12:04am (EST)
I think i should change the name of my blog but at the same time it's still her journey except with us.We are going to our first support meeting on Mon. and i have to admit i am very nervous.Being able to talk about our loss has given me alot of comfort knowing your pain is understood.The night Maddie was passing i prayed to God that i was putting her in his hand's and as i sat holding her hand i felt an incrediable peace that overflooded me that to this day i still can't describe.And i knew she went home.Do i miss her?Yes every day.I do wish that thing's were different,but in the real world noone really know's what can go on.
Maeghan is doing excellent with her balance and we know she want's to run.I better start working out so i can catch her when she does.Went and picked up stuffed animals for Maddie.I will put them up on her wall.My husband didn't say anything so i pray he like's it.It's funny what you think of when your alone.When the house is quiet and you have time your mind goes over thing's that you want to forget.I know i can't change anything and all i can do is smile,remember to laugh,act not your age,and live.
Maddalynn your name say's it all.You are our beautiful little butterfly.We miss you so much and you are embedded in our heart's.As the sun shine's on us we know it's you smiling upon us.When we hear a bird sing we know it's your sweet song to us.And when we feel the warmth of the summer day we know it's your embrace.
Always know little one we can't wait to see you!!!!!! LOVE YOU SWEETIE.
LOVE AND HUGS AND KISSES!!!!!!
MOMMY,DADDY,MEG,JENNA,KATE,MATT,MIKE XXXXXXXOOOOOOO
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Posted by rhonda5 | Comments: (1) | Permalink
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MADDIES JOURNEY
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Feb 16, 2010 09:42pm (EST)
Went to see Maddie today.I wasn't sure if i could find where she was but i did.You could still see the flowers from her funeral.Really want the stone but iknow pretty soon.Still can't believe what that woman said!!!People don't think before they speak.Being rude is the in thing these day's.Just keep thnking about Madie today wishing she was here, but i know that's not possible.I do appreciate everyone who has given me kind word's.I feel for thoes who have lost and are trying to find answer's to why??I keep thinking what if they would have caught it earlier would it have mde a diffrene????And then i think this is what was supposed to happen.She was like a little bird who fluttered in for awhile and when she grew her wing's she flew out very quietly.And for this i will not forget it at all.
Got worried when i came home from work and the girl's put all the picture's of Maddie on the computer and didn't say anything so when i checked the camera it was blank.But got it figured out.Wish the weather was nice but then i alway's wish this.Did walk with Maeghan today and she enjoyed being outside.Fresh air is alway's good.We have been talking about the CHARGE conference next year in Florida and i think we are going.Then we can take the kid's to disney.That and i want to see the ocean.Been to the Gulf of Mexico, and the Bay in Californa,and now i need to see this.And the kid's will love it!!!Everything is now about taking them to see everything and i plan to see every town in Wisconsin from A-Z this summer and then writing about it's history.Should be fun.That and with cmping and going up north and going inner tubing along with the festivals.Family fun at it's best.As it was said this is a new norm.
To my daughter Maddalynn you are my little bird!!!! Mommy misses you very much and you will forever be with me.Sleep well little one..XXXXXXXOOOOOO
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Posted by rhonda5 | Comments: (1) | Permalink
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