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MADDY'S MOMMY

Jenn23

May 2013

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MY MADDY

Oct 09, 2011 07:34am (EST)

Hey there my sweet boy, I love you Maddox so so much, I have been thinking about you for days even though I haven't wrote you, I miss you so much baby. I just don't know how I am going to make it all these years without you, one year was enough. I hated this year, it was the worst year I have ever had, even worse than the year I got a DVT in my Subclavien vein and had two miscarriages...that was the second worse year of my life and was almost eight years ago...this year however I lost you baby almost full term and lost my job my home and almost lost myself along the way, I am still not sure if I am really found lol. Some days I feel like I just want to die and other days I feel like just maybe I can go on. Life will never be the same without you baby and I am starting to worry about your brother, what if I cant find that joy in life, what if I am ruining him....I am so sad all the time and hopeless, I don't want him to be like that. I want him to be happy and laugh and have fun, not mimic me, but he will if I cant change, I pretend for him, but is that enough... I don't think it is. I hate it, I just don't know what to do anymore. I hate life and I just cant make myself be happy, no matter how much I would like to be. I sound like a selfish sobby self loathing snob who feels sorry for myself, but I don't, I am truly worried about my son. I don't know what to do anymore, I am so ruined. I am not the mother I should be or that I use to be. I feel like I failed the day I lost you and there is nothing I can do to make it better. I will never be that girl anymore, I lost her somewhere along the way and only her shell remains. She is empty inside. It sounds so cliche' but it is the only way I can explain it. I am gone. Only my memories of who I once was remain. I am no one, I am nothing, I no longer exist, I just remain and go through the motions of living everyday, even though I am dead inside. Just because I don't know what else to do I go on day after day after lonely day. Without you Maddy my baby boy. I miss you so much Oh Maddox why us, why you, you were so loved, so wanted, you would have made our little family so complete and so happy, instead we have only heartbreak and misery out of what should have been one of the happiest times in our lives, raising our two wonderful boys together... now we are shattered, and I don't think Mom can fix it this time. I ran out of Duct tape baby...(I fix everything with duct tape for Tar, He thinks its great) I just don't feel like I am strong enough to do this day after day with no breaks and struggling all the way, I mean how am I supposed to afford a six hundred dollar a month apt with a car ins payment electric bill a TV bill an gas bill and all the other bills buy food and paper products and soap all on three hundred a week... How... and that is a good week....I really need to find a job but how do I do that when I live in a town where I know No one, have a three year old that is attached at the hip my husband works ten hours a day, and I have no one to watch my son even if I do get a job. How do you apply for jobs with a three year old, a very busy mischievous somewhat hyper three year old boy to boo that hasn't learned to listen yet lol. Yes he really is that bad lol. I love him to pieces and have a hard time denying him anything though, so he is a bit spoiled too... Ok you try and resist those Big Blue eyes, it is really hard, and well speaking of he just walked out of his room, I had to put him back in there lol. I totally forgot now, wow I love that boy, such a sweet sleepyness. I love you too Maddy so so much and I will write you more tomorrow. I had better try and go to sleep tonight I am starting to get really tired from not sleeping well, I love you Maddox Decimus, Good Night my darling angel. I will dream of you my baby love. Love and miss you my precious boy. Love you Maddy!!! XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

This is your brother being Super Stuntman Pooters again, Oh I'm sorry this is Captain Austin, lol that is who he said he is. He rolled down the Dikes in the background do many times he was covered in mud, had grass all in his hair,(even after his shower) and stunk like a dead fish so bad I could hardly take it lol He loved every minute of it!!!!

Captain Austin!!!

Posted by Jenn23 | Comments: (4) | Permalink

MY MADDY

Oct 06, 2011 07:25am (EST)

Hey there my sweet baby boy, mommy loves you so much, I think about you all the time, I cant sleep well lately and I have been up a lot at night again, I do however remember liking the insomnia better than the dragging but now that it is back to this I think maybe I change my mind lol. I love you little buddy, I just wanted to stop in and tell you so Maddy. I took Tar fishing today and we almost caught a fish today, we just haven't had any luck at all all summer. I cant believe it. I really wish we could catch just one at least before the summer is over. I have a lot of fun fishing but it would be so much more fun if we actually caught anything. But Tar likes to throw things in the water and he likes the reeling better than the sitting lol. I don't care if that is how he wants to fish, let him. Well my littlest man I am going to go try and go to sleep but I will write you more tomorrow I love you so much my darling angel, I miss you more than you will ever know. Good Night my baby love, I love you Maddox. XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Posted by Jenn23 | Comments: (2) | Permalink

MY MADDY

Oct 05, 2011 02:49am (EST)

Good Morning my sweet boy, I love you so much Maddox, I am missing you so,I wish we had the money so I could come and see you but we are really behind again, I hate it. It makes me feel so miserable. I already feel like such a failure and now I am unemployed and there is nothing I can do to help my family. I hate that my husband has to work six days a week, up to twelve hours a day, for us just to get by, not even make money, just barely live, it is really frustrating. Who made up rent anyways lol, I hate it and I pay ninety dollars for water every month, what is that my parents pay that every three months and they live about seventeen miles away, also I have to share my water, I think it is crazy and wonder if it is even legal... I don't think it is. Well baby I started writing this this morning and now it is almost eleven at night, I had a really bad day today too. Tar just could not behave today, I am so happy it was Daddy's turn to put him to bed, because I am so tired out, and I just wanted to write to you all day and I couldn't, lol your brother thought he was one funny little dude today, and he was not lol. I thought I was going to have to spank him and I hate to. It really bothers me lol I get all sick to my stomach and stuff lol. I have tried everything with him though, he just doesn't care if he is in trouble he just wants to do whatever he wants, Hmm reminds me of someone, oh ya me lol. My mom laughs at me, the other day though she said oh honey I think you have it a lot tougher with him lol. I said You think lol. Well Maddy Daddy and I rented a movie and I am going to go and relax and watch it, but I will write you more tomorrow my sweet baby love, I miss you so much Maddox and I think about you every moment, I will be dreaming sweet dreams of you baby boy, I love you Maddox!! Good Night my darling angel, I love you so. XOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Posted by Jenn23 | Comments: (0) | Permalink

MY MADDY

Oct 02, 2011 04:55am (EST)

Hey there my sweet sweet boy, I love you so much Maddox, I have been thinking a lot about you. I have been in a rotten mood all week, I am really nervous about paying all my bills, they are all due at the end of the month and my rent on the eleventh and I am freaking I have ten days to come up with three hundred more dollars and I still haven't paid my electric that was due on the thirtieth. Grrr Maddy I just don't know what to do we just cant keep up. The rent is just too high, I had a hell of a time finding this apt. though and really don't want to move again. I hate moving. I am so sick of never having any money, ever. It just is so annoying. I am still so mad at my MIL for letting us down like that when we trusted her with our lives pretty much... and she will never be trusted again, I hope to never see her meanie butt ever again lol. I told Tar what happened to his sandbox because he asked, I told him Granny Red took it, He called her a mean B word lol I told him we don't say those words, but inside I was dying laughing, haha I said she just wasn't thinking right baby maybe someday she will. We all still love you though I told him... We all still love you too Maddy and we miss you terribly. I know it is torture to live without you everyday baby. I hurt so much still. I don't ever think it will go away... I feel like it was last week, your sweet face echos in my head. I love you so much my darling angel. I only ever wanted a family to call my own to love and take care of, I never wanted anything else. I just wish I could have had you in it. It will never grow now, it saddens me more than you will ever know. I want a baby so badly, but not just a baby, I wanted you Maddy my love...I think sometimes that just maybe if I died now it would be better for everyone and my family would be better off without me, I am so miserable most of the time. I hate it. I hate myself, I feel so guilty about your loss baby and it doesn't ever go away, I feel like I failed you, your daddy and your brother all of you. I feel like you boys would have been better off if I had died that day and you had lived. I hate that I didn't. I hate that you did. I hate life and all it offers, the only thing good in it is the smile I see on your brothers face, it is the only thing that keeps me going day after day... and I see it less and less, am I making him miserable too, he plays and laughs and smiles but it seems like he knows something is not the way it should be, I feel like I am failing him as a mother, I am not the mommy I started out to be and I know this and I hate it... I hate myself for not being strong enough to change it now... I am so lost so confused and so so sad. I love you Maddy more than life itself. I want to take it all back, I want to go back and make the decision I should have made when I was asked...I am positive now I was given a choice that night...I didn't want to believe it before, because I didn't want to believe in God, I was so angry... But I believe now. Maybe that is what you came here to do, to bring me back to God, but if I told my old man that he'd think I'd really flipped my lid lol. I know though that night something touched me and gave me a choice, and I chose the one that I thought was right, but now I am doubting my choice greatly and wishing I was dead... I know it sounds weird or almost like I am crazy, but I am not, I know I am not... I am just so sad and so lonely. I hate this town and I hate my part in life, I just wish that for once I didn't have to fight every step of the way... that just maybe one day could be easy. That maybe I could get a break, just once. It seems like my whole life has been a struggle, always having to fight and struggle... I probably just sound like I am feeling sorry for myself, but if you knew me you would know what I am talking about... every time It seems I am getting ahead and life is going good BAM I get knocked down and have to start all over again. Like today with all the bills due and everything what has to happen, my Blazer has to have a new battery of course... and it has to cost almost a hundred dollars, the hundred I needed to pay for the electric and it had to be bought today because Justin need it to go out of town for a Tatt party, which he is still at and I am sitting here alone...like usual. He works so hard for us and I feel bad for him too, I know he misses us just as much but I don't know Maddy I wish I had a better attitude but I just don't and I cant. I am so sick of trying so hard and everything goes to sh** anyways. Life can change in seconds and everyone acts like they are going to live forever. I hate it. The last time I was truly happy was the day you were born, before it happened, I was so excited I was finally growing my family, and I was having another boy, just what I had wanted, I felt like life was GOOD, and it was finally going my way... I was beyond good I was ecstatic. No one or no thing could bring me down I was on top of the world. I was so so excited and I could count the days until your arrival. I had almost everything still from your brother and it was all clean and ready for you Maddox. I was crushed, my heart, my spirit and my body that night.. I still get sick when I think of it... how happy we all were and it was all taken away in series of moments... How? Why? Oh Maddy why us baby!!! I feel as though someone has put a spell on me and turned my heart to stone and it will never be normal again until we are together. I hate myself for feeling this way. I just want to die most days. I never tell anyone. I just keep living day after day hour after hour in agony. Is that a life Maddy, wouldn't my son be better off with a mommy who laughs and smiles and is truly happy, not just faking it so he wont feel bad... I know I am a horrible rotten person, I know and that is half of the reason I feel this way, Because I DO know. This move and getting fired from my job has really taken its toll on me and I just don't want to care anymore, but I do and it hurts so much, I just want to drown it all out... Somehow. I just don't know how...I wish that I had money to do something, to have a hobby, a yard to have a garden, something to focus on besides all the sadness and pain I feel. I love you Maddox so so much, I wish with all my heart that I could hold you just once more. I can still feel you in my arms, you felt so right in the crook of my arm, fit just perfectly. As I sat there and held you, I could imagine just for a second that it was all a dream...my Maddy, my sweet son, I love you more than life itself, I miss you so much my darling angel. I will always be with you Maddox Decimus, I miss you so, my Uncle Joey will be with you soon and he is a wonderful man, it is so sad, and so sad for his own family, it makes me want to cry to know what they are going through now, but he is very sick and hurting so much I just wish the best for all of them now. Oh Maddy I love you baby more than I could ever say with words. I cant wait to hold you again my baby love, I will see you one day too baby. I love you so much my precious son. I will try and write you again tomorrow baby but mommy has just been so sad lately and it hurts so much to think about everything that I have been having a hard time getting on here and writing to you, I am so sorry baby, it isn't fair to you that I am weak. I will try to be a stronger mommy for you and your brother... It is just so hard sometimes. I love you though so so much Maddy, I will just try and think of you and do what I think that you would want me to do. I will try harder I will... I love you baby boy so so much, you have taught me more than you will ever know. I had better go and try to relax before your Daddy gets home. I love you and miss you always my sweet son. Good Night my littlest man, you are forever in my heart and in my soul, every second of every day baby...XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Maddy

Posted by Jenn23 | Comments: (2) | Permalink

MY MADDY

Sep 30, 2011 08:19am (EST)

Hey there my sweet baby boy, mommy loves you so much, I had started writing you last night and then my computer didn't want to work and again earlier, I have been having a lot of problems with it lately, it is old I am hoping it lasts a little bit longer. I really like my laptop even though it is old. I guess I just am weird like that lol. I had fallen asleep on the bed and just woke up, actually a little while ago I woke up to your big brother crawling up into bed with me lol, I cuddled with him for a bit and took him potty and put him back to bed lol he is so cute, well baby I just wanted to say hi and tell you how much I love you baby, I will write you more tomorrow when I am more awake, I miss you always and love you so much Maddox, Good Night my darling angel, my swee'pea I love you so much baby, XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Posted by Jenn23 | Comments: (0) | Permalink

TO MADDY

Sep 28, 2011 04:32am (EST)

Hey there my sweet baby, I love you so much Maddy, I have been thinking about you all day, I took your brother fishing, it was really nice out, he was more interested in playing with the pine cones and rocks than he was fishing lol but I had a good time with it... maybe you would like it, I think he will as he gets older. I love you boys so so much, Maddy I wish you could have been with us baby. Tar and I also found a nice pond with ducks in it and there is a place to pullover and look at them, we got out and checked them out too baby and it was really cool, they were white with yellow bills just like in Tar's cartoon he likes so he really liked them lol. I bet you would have too... I love you Maddox more than I can ever say, I wish so much to have seen you grow, day by day year by year til you were taller than us all lol. You would have been too, you were so long lol tall and handsome, oh Maddy I will never stop missing you baby, I love you so much my darling angel. I would like to go and get some mums for your grave because they live all winter long and would be nice to keep the snow back from your name and off of your toys. I bet your getting sick of those, mommy will have to bring you some different ones... I love you baby. I have not been feeling very well lately, I think my teeth are so infected it is making me sick, I really need to get them pulled out, but when I moved from NY to Pa they took my health insurance, I couldn't believe it, I have DVT's, I need my health ins., that and I really wanted to get my teeth fixed they are really really really bad. I mean BAD. I couldn't put my finger on why I felt so horrible lol and that is what I came up with, which is probably true considering all the infection in them. Maybe I can reapply after I go and see the Dr about it. Well Maddy I never got to come to Olean this weekend but maybe I can come tomorrow or the next day. I am not sure. I really miss being able to come whenever I want, it bothers me that I cant. I am only like twenty or so miles away too, but it cost ten dollars in gas to get there in the Blazer lol so I cant come all the time anymore, like I use to... I love you baby. Mommy is super tired and cant think straight so I think I will go to bed soon, it is real quiet around here tonight Tar went to bed early because he was super tired and I miss him lol Silly huh lol. I do sometimes though, when he is sleeping. I miss you every second of every day Maddy.. I miss you when I am sleeping, I dream of you all the time, sometimes I wonder if it is real or not, is that really what you look like now or is it what my mind makes it. What my mind thinks you should look like or truly you... I don't know, I think it is odd I dream of an older you so maybe it is truly you, hmmm. That has me thinking now, I love you baby so so much I think that you and I were meant to be together, I don't understand what happened, I feel it deep down this is not how our life should have been... I don't know why or how I just do. I love you baby, I think I will head to bed buddy, I will write you tomorrow when my mind isn't so jumbled up and then maybe I will be able to write better lol. I love you Maddox so so much and I miss you every second, Good Night for now my darling son. I will write you some more soon baby boy, I love you sweat pea. XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

This is Daddy's Painting of Tarquin, done from a picture taken, last year I think...I just love it, I think it is perfect lol. You should see the real painting it is beautiful...

pootyssidebyside

Posted by Jenn23 | Comments: (3) | Permalink

MY MADDY

Sep 24, 2011 05:29am (EST)

Hey there my sweetness, mommy loves you so much my littlest man, I miss you so much everyday Maddy, I think about you all the time, I haven't been feeling very well and I am sorry I haven't been writing as much since we moved, but it is still a real struggle, to do anything actually, my head has been hurting a lot lately and I have been really tired, and moody lol. I just am not adjusting well to this move at all, I think because it is just close enough to my hometown that I just really miss the people I care about, and I really miss having a job too, I think I am going to freak if I don't do something soon, but then baby what would I do with Tar Tar, why would I want to pay more for daycare for him than I would make in a week. No I think Ill just stay home til I find something lol. I would be paying to work and that would just be dumb. Right? lol My head is actually pounding right now but I am really sad today and I snapped at Tarquin when he was going to sleep and I feel really bad now. I hate it I have a horrible temper and so does he lol so we clash a little sometimes, especially when we spend every waking moment together. LOL I am sure he gets sick of looking at my face. I have been trying to write every day again because it makes me feel better to be able to write you at least, even if I cant see you, or hold you, OH Maddy mommy misses you so much baby I hate missing you. I always get really sad when I don't write you every day too, it makes me miss you more. I love you Maddy so so much, I would give you the moon if I could, I would do anything for you baby, I would do anything to hold you just once more too. I love you Maddox, my baby love. Well Maddy mommy's head is really hurting I think I will go to bed now instead of falling asleep sitting up all funny, I think that might help with my head because it kind of starts in my neck. Idk but I think Sunday we are coming to Olean baby boy and I will be able to come and see you, I hope so I am trying to talk Daddy into it anyways. I want my Fridge I am so sick of the tiny one. It is really hard to feed a three year old with no freezer too. Well little Maddy mommy is going to bed because of my head but I will write you more tomorrow I love you so much my darling angel, I miss you more than ever but you are in my heart now and always Maddox I love you so so very much little man. Good Night for now my darling little one, I will dream sweet dreams of you til then Maddy. XOXOXOXOXOXO

Posted by Jenn23 | Comments: (2) | Permalink

MY BEAUTUIFUL SON

Sep 22, 2011 03:54am (EST)

I wanted to share your pics in a post just for them, before I do though I just want everyone to know what a little fighter you were, My placenta abrupted around nine thirty or ten o'clock at night, it took the doctors almost two and a half hours to get you out of mommy, you were not born until almost twelve thirty in the morning... The nurse told me that you did not breathe for them but that they did work on you for a long time I think that is why your little face looks swollen in the pics...I was also unconscious for two days and had to have between seven and ten blood transfusions, my mom said she lost count...I was not able to take pictures of you like I would have liked to, these are the only pics I have of you and the nurses took them, When I woke I was able to hold you for about half hour, then they made me release you to the funeral home because they had been waiting the two days for me to wake, I am still very angry about this...I know I almost died with you baby and some days I wish I had but I would do it all over again just for that half hour back.....I love you so much Maddy. You are my beautiful son. My son was moving around the morning of his birth and I felt a little tired and worn out but I had just worked all weekend serving tables so it was normal for me to be tired on Sundays...I wasn't sure if anything was wrong at first, I felt like I was having just one big contraction, then I passed out from the pain, and when I woke I was in shock and almost completely disorientated... I then talked my mother in law into not waiting for my husband and told her she had to take me to the hospital...I wish she had just taken me the first time I asked her and maybe you would be here now, I had asked her when I first got to her house which was about twenty minutes from mine and the hospital... she didn't want to drive in the rain. It was even worse when I did get to the hospital they tried to make me register, thought I was just being a baby, then my Dr. came and she knew I wasn't because I didn't make a peep during Tarquin's delivery and I was screaming in pain. I think that is when they finally got the clue. I just wish that they hadnt broke your water, I think that is what happened to you...I was so cold baby and it hurt so bad, I will never forget it. I will never forgive them all either. I would have my beautiful son here now if they were not so use to treating people like crap. I wish that all the nurses were as nice as the one that took my pics of you baby and talked to me afterward, no one would even tell me what happened, I hated it. I was in recovery and I can remember hearing them... It was awful.. I knew because I could hear them while I was still under the anesthetic and I couldn't move or do anything it was the worst moment of my life and I was alone.....in my head, crying. My family was all there but they didn't know I was awake, I can remember trying move but then they made my husband leave so I didn't try anymore. Oh Maddy it is so hard to remember when it hurts so much, but I never want to forget either. I just wanted everyone to know what you went through baby, how you were a trooper and fought for hours, you were still alive when I got to the hospital. I just wish they were faster, you were trying so hard to hold on. I love you baby and you fought all you could and I will always be proud of you. So everyone this is my beautiful son Maddox, my fighter, my heart, my soul, my love, my light and my life. I love you Maddy!!! XOXOXOXOXOXOXO
Oh ya guys check out the huge feet on my tiny man.... He was four pounds fifteen ounces and he was a whopping nineteen inches long, same as Tarquin who was a week overdue. The first pic is my favorite and the one I sleep with every night...The second picture is the only picture I have or ever will have of me holding my son...OK I have eight and I was going to post them all... but I just cant, not tonight, After I got them up there well it just kind of hit me, the first one wasn't so bad because that one I look at everyday and shared at Maddy's funeral but after the second one... I just cant see them all up there like that I m sorry, I ll have to do one at a time or something, I love you all and your like my family though so... I guess you'll understand...

Maddox 1

Maddox 2

Posted by Jenn23 | Comments: (6) | Permalink

MY MADDY

Sep 20, 2011 10:02pm (EST)

Hey there my sweet boy, I love you so so much, I have been thinking about you all day and I fell asleep last night before I could write you so I just wanted to tell you how much I love you Maddy, I think I will post your picture today, I just want everyone to see you and see how beautiful you are, I cant show you off like I can Tar, because well basically because people would think I was a crackhead. I know it has taken me a year to be able to do this, I always wanted to get a better picture, hmm maybe I can hook the scanner up and try it, see if it still works, hold on I will baby. Well that didn't work baby I have to get the software and I downloaded this thing for it but I have to restart my firefox, I don't want to lose this so I am going to post it baby and I will post your pic later when I can find the software. I love you so much Maddy, I will be back lol Love you so my little man, XOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Posted by Jenn23 | Comments: (3) | Permalink

MY MADDY

Sep 19, 2011 05:22am (EST)

Hey there my sweet baby boy, mommy loves you so much, I have been thinking about you all day. I miss you terribly baby. I have not had a good few days for some reason I have not been feeling very good... I don't know why either, I'm like all shaky and sore. It is like I drank to much coffee and got hit by a truck lol. I don't know but I don't like it. I have been super sleepy too and I hate that. I use to have so much energy, like enough for four people, I often wonder where it all went. I have not been very happy lately and I think you can probably tell my sweet son. I have not been writing that much, I have been falling asleep so early and waking to little man lol and he keeps me running from morning til night. I love you boys all so much you are my life my reason for living, I would not know what to do with out each and every one of you you are all so special in your own way to me. Your Daddy loves me no matter what and I'm your brothers hero in his eyes, and you Maddy, you have taught me to love beyond borders, without doubt and fear. I am forever grateful. I love you so much Maddox. I love you all so much, Oh my Maddy my little angel I still cry so many tears for you baby. I want to see your sweet little face again. You are so beautiful Maddox, so so handsome...you and your brother would have been quite the pair, stealing all the ladies. Your features were just gorgeous, and your complexion flawless..you were perfect in every way. I wish that I could have brought you into this world a healthy baby...I wish so much about that night, your birthday I guess it is now......hmmm I am just so lost lately Maddy. I miss you so much, this terrible sadness has taken me, and I know it has to be noticeable to my family, I feel really bad but I just feel like a Zombie lately. lol I know it sounds funny and well it is kind of but sometimes it really bothers me..I guess now is not one of those times lol but it happens. Maybe I am just tired and silly too I don't know, I sure didn't feel silly few minutes ago, but writing to you baby always makes me feel better. I feel like you can really hear me I don't know but it does. I love you baby boy, so so much. I hope so much to see your beautiful face once more, I just hope that I am not to far gone already, that there is mercy and forgiveness at the end. I love you Maddy and your brother so much, I worry so much about both of you all the time. I feel like I cant keep Tarquin safe, cant do my job, that I am failing him, because I have failed you Maddox. I think about this every day. I hate that I could not save you. I should have known. I should have done something. I should have you in my arms right now rocking you and kissing your sweet face....Oh Maddy my Maddy why us huh why cant we be together. I need you so my baby love. I always did. I always will. I keep you close though in a special place I have for you inside my heart, a little place I have created just for you baby, you have built a fortress around my heart and claimed it as your own. I love you sweetness. My darling boy, I miss you so much... I will forever love you and cherish every moment we did have...even if I never even looked into your beautiful eyes I am so glad for that time together baby, my sweet little baby boy.. I love you so much always and forever Maddy. I had better go to sleep baby but I will write you again soon. Good night for now my darling angel and sleep well. I will dream sweet dreams of holding you once more in my arms and laughing with you and crying with you and loving you. So good night for now my little one and dream sweet dreams until the sun.. I love you Maddox!!! So so much... XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Posted by Jenn23 | Comments: (2) | Permalink

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