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WELCOME, GUEST |
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(1 member)
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niylnnrae @a…6 |
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MY ANGEL LOVE
Angel Love |
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| Category: Home | Sun | Mon | Tue | Wed | Thu | Fri | Sat | |
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VACATION AND DRAMA
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Jul 09, 2012 09:30pm (EST)
After my last entry, you can see that the only proper thing to do would be to relax at the beach! 
Our annual beach trip began last weekend and we were able to enjoy beautiful weather and have a little fun in the process!! The temperatures here are nearly unbearable so we were very pleased to find the temperatures at the beach about 20 degrees cooler!! Aahhh.......! I wanted to do the whole bragging thing about getting to go, but hello---I didn't want burglars messing up my organized piles of mess while I was gone.
Of course I have pics, but none are downloaded....  Who am I kidding? Her birthday pics aren't downloaded either!! I'll try to do better in my sparest of spare time!
While we were away, my cousin celebrated her birthday and had a party last night at her house. Kids were enjoying the pool while adults were catching up on the latest and greatest from each house.
That's when satan with wings attacked me!!!! 
I was stung by a red wasp and I really thought a piece of metal from the chair I was sitting in had punctured my arm!!! Seriously----that junk HURT!!!!!
I know some of you are thinking...duh....it's a wasp, but I've never been stung before!!!!  Oh, now you're feeling sorry for me right?? I didn't know what to do. My bil suggested getting ice on it to help with the pain and that did help, but when my cousin realized I'd never been stung, they also brought out the Benadryl. Most of you know, I love a nap, but I don't need any help with sleeping. By the end of the party, I was basically curled up on the corner of the deck trying to keep myself awake!
Today the throbbing is over, but I have a lovely red circle about the size of a half dollar on my arm that still is super tender to the touch. I think we'll be able to save the arm after all!! 
Reframe: I'm not allergic to stings!!
In all seriousness, I need your thoughts and prayers as the summer goes on. It's a difficult time for me because there's a lot of time to just think. Most people think that would be wonderful, and I'm thankful for time off, but it also has it's "dangers". My depression wants to creep back in and I tend to look at the failures in my life instead of the accomplishments. I fall back into the "what ifs" that I have to stay away from in order to stay sane. I know that many of you know what I'm talking about in comparing to your own life, and others know more personally about MY life. Thank you for loving me even when I fail to step up to the plate.
Hugs for everyone!
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Posted by Angel Love | Comments: (7) | Permalink
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PHEW!!!!!!
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Jun 29, 2012 01:11am (EST)
PHEW!!!!!!!!!!
That's the only word that describes the feeling of my body after the past few weeks!
My classes were finishing up this week so the final projects, presentations, and experience logs had to be done and with other --more important--things coming up....I've been working my tail off every waking moment to complete the assignments.
Ansley and Taylor's birthdays were the 26th and a super fun lake party had to be planned and executed the Sunday before! Ansley chose black and pink with zebra stripes to decorate her party and must have invited everyone that she knows!!! We had a great time and looked forward to the upcoming "real" birthday on Tuesday. She chose to go shopping with her money and gift cards from the party and we spent all day enjoying all things that a 9 year old loves......
After a full day of shopping, we ate supper at a friend's restaurant where a cookie cake was a must! Needless to say, this girl has it made!!!!
I think I stayed so busy making the day special for Ansley, that I helped myself through the fact that Taylor wasn't celebrating here with us. I missed her terribly, but I didn't need to cry.
As most of you know, Taylor's life ended 15 hours after birth, therefore, her angelversary is the 27th.... Now, as great at their birthday was, the 27th was not. I woke up immediately feeling that need to cry. You know....the feeling that if anyone says anything to you like, "hey", you're gonna lose it?? Well, I went ahead and let it out because I had a presentation for class to get through and I knew it would give me at least a few minutes of no tears later.
I don't understand why some years are harder to get through than others.... It's been 9 years for me since I had to say goodbye to my little girl, why were the feelings overwelming now? I've had practice..... I don't miss her any less, don't get me wrong, but after 9 years, I've learned how to live with the "new normal" of not having her here.
Maybe it's because other areas of my life have been more than stressful. Maybe it's because when other areas fail it feels like a total failure. I don't know, but I needed to get the jumbled thoughts out of my head and you all get to be the "lucky ones" to try and translate it. LOL!!
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Posted by Angel Love | Comments: (4) | Permalink
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SECOND GUESSES....
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Jun 21, 2012 03:40pm (EST)
Have you ever done something that you feel like is for the "best" and later second guess it??
Lately, I've felt like this about grad school. (I know some of you are laughing your head off because I only have two classes to go and will be done with my second degree in two years.) I'm not quitting because that would be silly because of the money that I've already spent, but I question if I'm doing the right thing for Ansley.
She has been amazing throughout the whole thing, but in the last few weeks I've had to put her off too many times. She wants to go swimming, I have homework. She wants to invite friends over, I have homework. I am trying to finish it all before her party and birthday next week so I'm in overdrive, but seriously, I feel terrible!!! 
Anyway, I guess it's the time of year sneaking up on me again and feeling that I'm not making the most of every moment with Ansley when I never get that chance with Taylor......
Okay---life is playing tricks on my mind again I guess..... I just needed to get that out. Sorry for the explosion of all things not making sense.
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Posted by Angel Love | Comments: (6) | Permalink
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UPDATES
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Jun 13, 2012 09:10pm (EST)
Holy moly!!!!!!!
The nurse from yesterday called to give me the updates from blood draw #2......
TRIGLYCERIDES---114!!!!!! (  )
Seriously, a walk across the hall made that much of a difference!  The good news is that they went ahead and checked my calcium, thyroid, and Vitamin D levels and they're good too!!
A tiny bit of a negative is that the walk across the hall jacked my total number up from 180 to 199.
Hey---it's still less that 200 right??
Anyway, thanks for being grumpy with me last night and earlier today. I just needed the sympathy! 
Hugs everybody!
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Posted by Angel Love | Comments: (5) | Permalink
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KICK ME
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Jun 13, 2012 03:22am (EST)
Anyone remember those signs that were on the backs of unsuspecting "friends" when we were in school?? KICK ME!
In my world....it never worked. My friends never went around patting peope on the back and the "victim" always felt it immediately.
I think I have that sign on my back----I can't see it, but obviously to the world around me it's FLASHING NEON!!!
As some of you notice in the cafe' earlier, I went for a very basic finger prick today to get cholesterol and glucose information for the Wellness Plan for my insurance. Blood pressure and BMI were already listed so nothing major, but had to do it for the wellness benefits throughout the year.
Long story short....a finger prick turned into a full blood draw from the lab to see if they could find lower numbers to report!
Total Cholesterol = 180 (  )
Glucose = 88 ( )
"Lousy" Cholesterol = ????? (Why? Because of this.....)
Triglycerides = 581!!!!! (  )
How in the heck do you get good everything else and the triglycerides be so HIGH??? (Nurses....here's where you step in.)
We're hoping that the big blood draw will lend better results and that the first was just a flub. I'm not holding my breath though...
Let's not even get started on the list of things that have been less than great in my world. This might be added to my "only me" list. It's right underneath --MOVE YOUR CLASSROOM BACK TO THE SAME SCHOOL YOU JUST LEFT and --WE NEED TO DO ANOTHER MAMMOGRAM BECAUSE YOUR (nonexistant) BREASTS ARE TOO DENSE!
As always, I'll keep you updated on the latest and greatest when I find out.
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Posted by Angel Love | Comments: (4) | Permalink
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RANDOM RAMBLINGS SOUTHERN STYLE
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Jun 05, 2012 01:35am (EST)
First of all, have you ever had someone ask you a question that was absolutely HILARIOUS to you because you thought the answer was so obvious???
I had that experience today with a friend who is taking classes with me for this degree. She was sharing some conflict that she's going through with another friend and asking advice for how to best handle the situation and still remain friends. After a long conversation, she said, "Do you ever have bad things to happen in your life?"
I lost it!!!! I laughed so hard!!!!!! I mean really??? You have to ask ME that question??? Do I hide things that well?????
Sometimes you just need a good laugh to keep from crying I guess!!
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My nephew's team fought a good fight tonight, but lost the game 8-7.  They were winning the entire game, but in the end, silly mistakes cost them the game. I try to remember that they're only kids and that they're learning the game, but good grief....I wanted to shake some of those boys to wake them up!!!
I'm so use to having games to go to each week and something to get excited about........kind of a let down for me when others are celebrating the fact that the season is FINALLY over.
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21 days and counting till the girls' birthday!!!!!!!!!!
These things are coming way too fast these days......
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Posted by Angel Love | Comments: (6) | Permalink
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IN A BLINK
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May 28, 2012 01:11am (EST)
Nine years ago Memorial Day weekend my life changed forever. I lost the innocense of thinking that pregnancy was always perfect for everyone.
My complications began on this weekend.....I moved into the hospital not knowing what our future would hold.
I'm thankful for the doctors and nurses that shared the knowledge that allowed us six more weeks of growing time for my twins.
I'm thankful for my family who was by my side constantly knowing how scared I was of the unknown.
I'm thankful for the NICU staff from two different hospitals who put every bit of knowledge, love and care into my little girls like they were the only babies there.
I'm thankful for the nurse who rocked my Taylor until God came to get her.....and comforted her daddy when he realized that he didn't make it in time.
I'm thankful for the nurses who helped me to understand all of the beeps, alarms, wires, and gadgets attached to my tiny little survivor.
I'm thankful for the strength that God has given me to sit here 9 years later and be thankful. My precious tiny survivor will be celebrating her 9th birthday in a month!! Although her sister will not be here on earth with us, she's definately planning a big party in Heaven!! (I'm sure all foods there are fat free and super good too!! )
In addition to the thoughts of 9 years ago, I think of the families who are making sacrifices now. I think of the mommies who are in the same scary world that I was 9 years ago, but without her husband's loving arms nearby because of his service for our country.
My heart goes out to all military families!! I'm so thankful for your sacrifice for my family!! Hugs to you all!!!
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Posted by Angel Love | Comments: (10) | Permalink
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WHAT TO DO....WHAT TO DO....
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May 20, 2012 06:21pm (EST)
I'm tired of several things.....
I'm tired of being tired.
I'm tired of being sad.
I'm tired of feeling alone in so many things.
I'm just TIRED!
Ever have those feelings that hit you like a ton of bricks and you have no idea where they came from?? I'm dealing with those right now.
As much as I enjoy my summer vacation, it's been a tough time for me. Emotionally, I've exhausted myself with the thoughts of whether there'd be a job for me, if so what position, and where. Now that I know those answers, I'm thankful, but there is such sadness surrounding it.
My school building will be closing as well as the elementary school that I attended as a child. Memories are there forever, but it's still so hard to let go of the physical reminders.
My new challenge is what to do to get past these feelings in my mind..... I'm still a momma, I'm still taking classes, I've still got to put one foot in front of the other. BUT.....I'm tired.
Sorry for the downer blog, but I'm hoping that by getting it out of my head, I can focus on getting past this. Stinkin' thinkin' is never good!
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Posted by Angel Love | Comments: (7) | Permalink
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FINALLY--- NEWS!
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May 17, 2012 01:52am (EST)
We finally have news for our grade assignments for next year!! Yep, this afternoon, we received word of where we'll be "tentatively".
I know that there are some positions to fill and people may shift around, but for now, I'll be camping out in 2nd grade!!
Yeppers.....2nd grade.
I use to teach 2nd grade, but not since Ansley was born.... I can readjust I'm sure, but I wasn't expecting it at all.
My only "problem" is that almost everyone across the county stayed in the grade that they were in and I was bumped and someone who couldn't work in the middle school due to administration took my 4th grade position. Really??? Why couldn't she take 2nd???
I'm cool with 2nd, but it gripes me when someone else seems to always get what they want and I always have to move.
Oh well....I'm off my venting soapbox because it's totally not worth it! I have a job and, for that, I'm so very thankful!!
Now off to get some rest so that I can manage these kiddos for 2 more days and then pack up my stuff.....again.
Thanks for the prayers and thoughts!!!
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Posted by Angel Love | Comments: (6) | Permalink
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REALLY?? 4 MORE???
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May 14, 2012 08:26pm (EST)
Life goes so quickly.....along with that some things change quickly and some things never seem to change.
Ansley has 4 more days of school.....4 MORE! Where did the time go?? It seems that just yesterday I was "whining" about going to my new school and having to make the transition for her. Now, we're finishing the year and we'll be moving again.
How can my baby be finishing 3rd grade and going to 4th??? She's not "big enough" for that.....that's the kids that I teach. Oh dear!!!!
Speaking of moving, we've not heard which school or grade level we'll be heading to for next year, but hopefully we'll find that out in the next day or so. I'm still thankful for the opportunity to continue working!!
Now for the "never change"..... Mother's Day......
As most of you know, I have one of my children here with me and the other waits for me in Heaven. I know that Taylor's love is always in my heart, but there's something about hearing all of the "Mother's Day complaints" from moms who just don't get that the true gift is every day... Don't get me wrong, I know that some moms get no acknowledgement at all for all of their hard work, but have they ever stopped to think of those who don't have their children in their arms for whatever reason??? It's just sad...
I love my daughters with all of my heart and can only imagine what Mother's Days in the future will hold when we're all together again.
I hope that all of you have remembered and loved your little ones in the way that works best for you.
Hugs to you all!
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Posted by Angel Love | Comments: (6) | Permalink
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