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Angel Love

May 2013

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A MONTH LATER

Oct 30, 2011 09:05pm (EST)

A month has gone by since I last blogged..... It's hard to believe another month of my life and Ansley's life has gone by so quickly.

A month ago, I was overwelmed with an 8 year old having "hot flashes" and planning something that means the world to me, SU2011. Today.....both have passed and it's time to prepare for what lies ahead for the next year.

I'm sure there are more things to overwelm me. It seems that those things come way too often, but I do know that when things get crazy that I have ya'll to back me up and be there. It's just like the poem that was read during the Remembrance Ceremony....when you don't know what to do, you're still the friends that are always here.

Thanks for always being here!

Posted by Angel Love | Comments: (5) | Permalink

REALLY?????

Sep 28, 2011 12:58am (EST)

I came here years ago to talk to others who understood my heart. I also came here to cheer others on and let them know that they're not alone.

How many times have I been the one telling others to live each day without worrying about the "other shoe" dropping on them???

I thought of that today......on my way to the pediatrician.

Ansley has had some weird issue lately. She's having "hot flashes"!!! Really???!!!! Yeah! She's 8!!!!!!

Nothing hurt, nothing else strange, just random hot flashes and sweating like she'd run a race only she hadn't........ After having another one last night and then one at school this morning, it was time to call the peds office and quit making excuses for what I thought it was.

I HATE doing that...... Why can't we have common junk like everyone else???

We went over today and talked with her ped. We checked hemoglobin, checked for Mono, and checked for strep. We checked lymph nodes (found one larger than necessary) and waited..........the results of the day----STREP!!! What???????

Dr. thinks that her body was trying to fight it off without meds and that there really was a low fever that I wasn't noticing because it's still so hot down here and she's not acting different. When those fevers were breaking, she was having the "flash" and sweating.

Antibiotics for 10 days.

If after 3 days the hot flashes still happen then go for further testing....thyroid, etc. He thinks this will knock it out though. I sure hope so. I tell ya, if it's weird or out of character, it's going to happen to me.

I'm praying that there is no "other shoe" in our life.....guess all there is to do is watch and see.

Hugs! T

Posted by Angel Love | Comments: (10) | Permalink

OHHHHHH.......STILL THERE

Sep 21, 2011 11:29pm (EST)

When I have those moments in life that just feel too overwelming, I have to stay busy so that I can deal with it best.

Lately, I've been overly busy---teaching, taking classes myself, shuttling Ansley to the different activities that she's a part of, getting laundry done, haircuts, etc., etc., etc......

This past weekend, I started feeling blah....No explanation just blah! I have so much on my mind and yet nothing productive. I just can't keep focused on anything and don't want to be bothered.

Today, it hit me that my EDD is Sunday............yep, it's still there! Do I ask myself all the "what ifs" again? NO---there's no point, but I'll always remember what should've been.

It just goes to show that no matter how busy you are, the important things in life will always make it to the top and my girls are the most important things that ever happened to me...even though their arrival was 3 months early.

I guess this is for those who ask will they ever feel better---- it gets easier, but it's always going to be there in your heart!!

Posted by Angel Love | Comments: (10) | Permalink

WHERE WERE YOU??

Sep 05, 2011 03:01am (EST)

There are several times in my life that I can remember like they were yesterday. One of these being the 15 hours of Taylor's life. Time references are a blur, but the sights, sounds, smells, etc. are still very fresh. Even 8 years later, they're still very fresh.

Ten years ago, another event happened that changed my life. One that I will never forget....the terrorist attacks on the United States. MY United States!

I was teaching Kindergarten at the time and had gone to the office to speak to my boss about one of my students. He was watching TV in his office and I glanced at the TV and saw one tower with flames coming out. I asked what was happening and he said that a plane had crashed into the building. I remember telling him that it must've been a terrible accident. I stood there and watched for a few minutes and it was at that time that we watched the second plane hit the second tower.

I remember us both saying, that it was not an accident. We continued to hear updates and heard the news of the Pentagon, and I remember feeling so sick! What was next...? I was in charge of 20 five year olds during that time. Was something going to happen to our school too?? Terrified doesn't begin to decribe it.

My students were way too young to see what was happening in their "perfect" world, but they weren't too young to feel the tension throughout the building and know that something was not right. Adults looked concerned and that's all it takes for kids.....

After getting in touch with my loved ones, I felt better, but couldn't wait to get my hands on them for hugs at home. I remember clearly watching the coverage all night long. I remember climbing out of bed the following day to watch the coverage. I cried for those people, I cried for people that I didn't even know......they could've been me. They could've been my family....

This past May, I had the opportunity to visit NY. One destination that I had on my "list" was the site of the WTC. I knew that it was a ton of construction now, but I had to go there...to see where this horrible event took place. To pay my respects to those who had lost and given their lives on that day in September, 10 years earlier.

As I walked down the street, I kept thinking of all the people who may have been doing the same things that I was doing....site seeing. I thought of the people who were reporting to work on that beautiful morning thinking about how their clothes fit, an upcoming meeting, or what they were going to do for lunch.... I thought about what it must've felt like on the days following when air traffic was once again allowed to fly over NY.

So many things changed that day in MY United States.....life continued despite the horror that many families were experiencing. New appreciations were formed for those who volunteer their services in the armed forces for our protection as well as those who protect us locally each and every day.

Ten years later, I remember.....where I was, what I saw, and how I felt. I hope that all of you will also stop and remember the changes in OUR America on that day.

Honoring those who have gone before us is a gift that we can give. Take the time to do so next Sunday, September 11, 2011.

Posted by Angel Love | Comments: (5) | Permalink

REASSESSMENT

Aug 28, 2011 10:09pm (EST)

Okay---so my last post was the sadness of my heart as my daughter adjusted to a new school. I'm happy to say that in reassessing the situation---she's doing much better!

Things aren't great, but she's making new friends and understands that it's going to take time to feel as comfy there as she did at our old school.

Our new schedule is more than overwelming to me....7:30-5:00 four days a week. Sounds pretty good considering that Mondays are "free days", but since school started, I've had training on Mondays. Even though there are lots of people who work till 5:00 each day, there are few who don't get a lunch break away from their job. Makes for interesting days in paying bills, getting haircuts, etc.

Next week, Ansley starts tennis! I'm hoping that this will be a great outlet for her and that she'll really enjoy it. It breaks my heart that she doesn't follow her momma's footsteps and play softball, but at least this is active and if she enjoys it....I'm happy! Who knows....this might lead to a scholarship in her future!

In other news....high school football kicked off this past Friday and next week kicks off college football for the SEC! You girls know how my heart flutters at the thought of college football so be ready for my silliness! .....for Jackie, let's have a moment of silence as her hubby is a referee and stays quite busy this time of year....

In true Tracy fashion and with full southern drawl.....

GOOOOOOO DAWGS!!!!!!

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Posted by Angel Love | Comments: (7) | Permalink

DAY 2

Aug 10, 2011 12:41am (EST)

Okay---so most of you know that Ansley and I are at a different school this year. This move was not by either of our choosing, but was happening all the same.

Day 1 was okay....

Ansley's teacher from last year also got transferred to this school so she is going to have Ansley again this year (she changed grades). This helped TREMENDOUSLY on the first day---to have the familiar face in a strange surrounding. For Ansley, I'd give Day 1 two thumbs up.

For me----Not so great.... Don't get me wrong, the children were fine, but the first few weeks are always difficult as you get everyone accustomed to the new procedures and "ways of life", and when you're not sure about the procedures outside of your classroom either.....it's TOUGH! I had that chaotic, out of control feeling all day long. By the end of the day, I was EXHAUSTED!!!

Now for Day 2....

From a teaching perspective -- MUCH better!

From a mommy perspective --Not good

!! Ansley had mentioned several times over the weekend that she missed her friends from her old school. I always reminded her that they can come over to play sometime and turned the conversation to some of the fun things that she told me about her new friends. Well, that seemed to "fix" the problem, but today she just wasn't herself. She was super quiet and held my hand all the way to school......then when it was time to go to class she wanted me to walk her again. I did only to get to her door and the brakes were locked!! When I looked down she was crying!!

Seriously, I can not take it when my baby isn't happy because of me, and I take this move as "my fault" even though it wasn't my choice. She went on in after her teacher came to reassure her that she was nervous too, and was fine the rest of the day, but I was off to a tearful start at that point too. My boss came to my classroom about 30 minutes later and said that she was doing great and was smiling and spoke to him when he went into the classroom. I was happy to hear that, but my heart breaks for her still.......

Preemie problem?? Maybe---I think I'm way more protective of her after all that she's gone through than I might be if she'd not been so close to death in the beginning, but maybe it's just momma being momma and has nothing to do with it.

If your the "praying kind", please remember us as we adjust to our new surroundings. The school is a GREAT SCHOOL, but it's all new and change is so hard!!

Posted by Angel Love | Comments: (9) | Permalink

NO SUBJECT....

Aug 02, 2011 12:58am (EST)

I don't have a "title" or subject for this entry, and yes, I know I never downloaded the pics from graduation....Sorry! I'm hoping to get to that in the near future, but many of you know how "near" my "near future" is.

My brain is somewhat scattered over the last week and I guess that's going to be obvious in this entry....

First of all, I go back to work tomorrow. I'm walking into a new school and a new school year and I'm not really excited about it. Now don't get me wrong....I REALLY enjoy being a lazy bum so I enjoy my days off, but I usually handle the new year with a tingle of excitement at having structure to life again. This year, not so much. I'm scared! Why in the world am I scared after 14 years of the same job? I'm only changing buildings, not states, not grade levels, not counties......I'm seriously freaked out though.

I worry about Ansley's adjustment to the new school. Thankfully her teacher from last year also had to transfer and will be her teacher again this year. (Huge thanks to my new boss!!) I want her to have a great set of friends through her school years and now she's having to start over. Hopefully the transition will be easier for her than it is for me.

In a few weeks, I'll be starting on my Specialist degree. I know! I know!! I just finished my Master's program, but if I don't keep going, I'll never go back. Two years and two degrees seems doable to me right now.

The exciting ideas that are floating around all center around Shareunion!! I can't wait to meet up with all of my Share girls (and James and hopefully Dr. Berns!) and hang out, but with that comes the planning too! I need a huge notepad that hangs on the wall like in my classroom with all of the "to do" lists that are rolling around in my poor little brain.

I know that I just rambled out a few paragraphs and probably made a bunch of you grit your teeth and roll your eyes, but hey--I can't help it!

.....and I'll try to do better with the camer downloads.

Posted by Angel Love | Comments: (9) | Permalink

BIG ENOUGH...

Jul 17, 2011 03:36pm (EST)

I find that even now, at age 8, I tell Ansley that she's not "big enough" to do some things. Many of these things are simply because I don't like cleaning up major spills or peeling a hyper child off the wall from too much sugar, but some of these things are because I'm afraid for her.

Last week, she and her dad went to Six Flags for a fun day of riding rides and hanging out with friends. Well....many of the "thrill rides" have a minimum of 54" for height requirements. Yes--FIFTY FOUR INCHES!!!! Needless to say, I thought that they'd spend most of the day in the kiddie section of the park and call it a day.......

.....Um NO! She called at lunchtime reporting to me that she'd ridden the biggest ride there!!! It's called Acrophobia---check it out online....it's so much fun, but my baby was up there!!!

She loved every single ride there and returned home at midnight!!

Can you be proud and sad at the same time?? My baby rode the rides that was made for adults and walked past her friend who is 11 and several adults to get on the rides. (Her friend was too afraid...

) She screamed and held on tight and had the best time!! At the same time.....she's not my tiny girl who needed me at every turn.

I know that time can't stand still or I would miss out on all the great things to come, but boy when I think of the days that she fit in my lap for nighttime rocks, and the silly little ways that she'd say things I just want to go back for just a few minutes.

Sorry....no pics of the day because I wasn't invited for the fun, but trust me, the sound of her voice when she called to tell me, showed me a great big smile on that little girl's face!!

My how time flies.....

Posted by Angel Love | Comments: (11) | Permalink

RAT RACE

Jul 10, 2011 03:31pm (EST)

My life has been very much a rat race the past month. It all started with the news of moving schools, then continued with completing my Master's program, Ansley's cheer camp, Ansley's birthday, Taylor's death date, and vacation....

Thankfully, we're finding time to breathe and slow down a bit now. I don't have any appts. or "must dos" this coming week at all....

I'm even making time to go out with friends to a movie and dinner this week. How about that??!

Let's start with the most important part of June....the girls' birthday!!! Although it's always bittersweet, we managed to celebrate the best way we know how!!

Ansley wanted a "beach party", but unfortunately the pool liner was torn and unable to be replaced without a complete new liner....SO---last minute changes saved the day!! Ansley invited a few friends over for a slumber party and the rest of the family came another day for a party. She was super happy with everything, but like us....I'm sure she wished her sister was part of the festivities here.

The following week, we quickly made preparations for our vacation and headed to the beach for a week!! We always go with my entire family which has its perks and sometimes its negative effects as well.

My nephews are 7 and 3 and are live wires!!! Throw Ansley in the mix and sometimes I just wanted to run away screaming. They had a great time and were totally not wanting to come home.

Now, I have a few weeks to breathe....before I begin my next degree program and also my new year of children at my new "beep".

(No, Shannon, that wasn't a typo...students return on the 5th of AUGUST!!

) I'm just going to try and relax for a few weeks and enjoy some time without deadlines.

I hope that the rest of you are enjoying your summer!!

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Posted by Angel Love | Comments: (6) | Permalink

JULY????!!!!!!!

Jul 09, 2011 03:36pm (EST)

When did July sneak up on us???? I tell ya...time flies when you don't need it to!

There is so much to update on, but most updates require pics too so I'll save the bulk of the updates for tomorrow when I get a chance to unpack things a bit.

Here's a preview....

June 26th---Ansley and Taylor's BIRTHDAY!! Yep--again!!!

June 27th---Taylor's death date

....and my Capstone Presentation for my Master's degree.

Week of the 4th---VACATION!!! Ahhh....time sure flew then!

Upcoming events....

Dr.'s appts. for both of us....just checkups, but---UGH!!

SUMMER BREAK!!!!!

Girls' day out to movie and dinner! (like grown-up girls...not kids! Shoot, I'll bet the movie won't even be a cartoon!!)

We won't talk about what comes at the beginning of next month. It's a "dirty word" and not Share friendly.... SCH__L. Let's just call it "BEEP" like they do on TV.

OCTOBER-----SHAREUNION 2011!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I hope you're all coming!!!! Save the dates! (October 21-23)

Posted by Angel Love | Comments: (3) | Permalink

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