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PREEMIEMAMA DRAMA

*fingers crossed*

July 2012

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UPDATES....

Jul 04, 2012 12:56pm (EST)

I haven't been on here much. Well, actually, I've been strolling but haven't posted. I just feel like every time I post anything I'm in a woe is me state, and I'm not trying to always seem that way.

I went to my EVMS appt with the MFM on Monday. My endo has finally put me on Synthoid, so that should bump my thyroid hormones to a healthy level again. I'm thankful that since nuking my thyroid my heart problems have pretty much gone away-- which means I no longer have to take my heart meds. I have, unfortunantly, continued to put on weight. I've joined Weight Watchers and everything, but my doc said until this med gets in my system good, it's pretty much pointless. I'm still doing it though. It's a good habit to get into.

I've had this rash that won't go away for about 2 months or so. It's pretty miserable. I've been to 3 doctors. I went to the doctor after I had it and it wouldn't go away. My first doc (PCP) said it was just a heat rash (which I've never heard of lasting that long), but then I heard him say he wasn't sure. I tried all sorts of meds and creams... and it's still there. The second doc (my endo) actually asked me if I got a rash saying that sometimes people who go through the thyroid ablation develop one since their body is going through hormonal turmoil. Apparently your skin can become hyper sensitive. What probably started out as a slight heat rash has now turned into a form of eczema (which I've never had my entire life). So he gave me some steriod cream and sent me on my way. That appointment was mid June. It's now July 4th and it's still here. One place my calm down, only for another spot to pop up somewhere else. It's on my arms to my wrists, my legs to my knees and all over my stomach. DH says I have cooties (because he's so sweet)...

I'm starting to get depressed. I just want to cry I itch all the time. Being outside in the heat definantly doesn't help. I can go swimming, but I have to take a shower right away or that bothers my skin. And we've been having crazy hot days with heat index's at 110+ The doctors did say that once my levels get back to normal, my skin should too, so I have that to look forward to at least!!!

The MFM said that now my free T4 levels are too low. I guess back in April when I got the letter from my doc saying that my levels were "almost normal" my levels were where she wants them for me to be pregnant. Thankfully I'm not super low on the hypo scale so I should be around normal in like 2-3 weeks or so. She wants me to hold off til Sept to TTC so she can get my lab work back seeing if I'm at normal levels or not. I'm so bummed. September will mark 2 years since we started TTC. I know I have to do what I have to do. I get that. The last thing I want to do is get pregnant and something not work right (which happens alot with thyroid issues). I've waited this long, what's 2 more months, right? She told me I don't have to come back until I'm actually pregnant... not sure how to take that one.

Sorry this is so jumbled. It's just been awhile. I don't want to post on FB that I have this rash because I don't want people thinking I'm gross, but it's driving me nuts. Thanks for listening. I can't wait to finally be able to post: I'm Pregnant!!!! Until then...

Posted by *fingers crossed* | Comments: (4) | Permalink

RED CLOVER, RED CLOVER...

May 15, 2012 05:53pm (EST)

So last night at our small group (for church) I found out another girl is pregant. That brings the total up to 3. We only have 7 ladies in our group! One just had a baby, one has an 8 month old, and one is too old to have anymore. That just leaves me. I'm super happy for them all. Especially this last one because she's been trying for awhile, it's her first, and she's been crushed by every AF. She seemed a little worried on how I'd take it. It's funny. I feel like I've really hit a turning point. Having my friend Kelly have Baby Caysen (now my Godson) has been so healing for me. I don't feel the angry and jealously. I have peace... finally!!! Don't get me wrong, I still really want to have a baby, but it's just not controlling my life anymore.

My DH has started a new testosterone thearapy. The Androgel wasn't working. His doctor took him off. He's been incredibly unhappy. Sooooo.... now he's on some stupid stuff for 3 months that may or may not kill off his swimmers. Like usually it does, but he's also taking HCG (like the pregancy hormone) along with it. This should boost his body into making his own T and he *fingers crossed* won't have to take meds forever anymore!!! He's supposed to be talking to his doc about it. After this is over (ie end of August sometime) he'll be on HCG on it's own which should (hoping against hope) make him super fertile and boost his sperm count. I guess we'll see what happens with all that.

His mom keeps pushing all these homiopathic drugs my way and swears I should start taking Red Clover because it's supposed to be an awesome supplement to boost fertility. I was wondering if any of you have ever heard of it. She said she was taking it when she got pregnant with his sister (when she was in her mid to late 40's)- why she was taking it then, I don't know. I did some research online, and apparently it's 'sweeping through the fertility community' although I've never caught wind of it myself. Any ideas? Have any of you tried it and did it seem to do anything?? Just curious, I guess. Let me know what you think!!!

Posted by *fingers crossed* | Comments: (2) | Permalink

I NEED YOUR HELP...

May 08, 2012 05:58pm (EST)

Hi ladies. I need your help. As part of an outreach for SHARE, some ladies I've started a small group with some ladies from our church who have a heart for babies. As most of you know, during my march for babies, I auction off sleepers and preemie hats to raise money for my walk. Each sleeper and hat is occupanied by a tag stating the name of the person who sponsored my walk. Well, we're wanting to go beyond just helping parents of preemies and on to parents who have lost a baby.

It's a tough subject. I don't want to be careless or take for granted anything. We've made some small blanket pouches and hats and booties to go with them. I know that hospitals supply parents with keepsake boxes, but I know that our hospital (the one closest to me) doesn't have any information on SHARE for the families. It seems like such a supportive resource to share!

So, as I was saying, we've made little blanket bundles to donate to the hospital in hopes that it will provide comfort to parents in need. I also made up some tags to accompany the blankets. I'd like your input as to whether you think they're appropriate or not. Like I said, I don't want to be ignorant in my giving and do something that may be seen as thoughtless or hurtful.

I'm attaching a link to the tags so you can give me feedback. They're side by side, but when printed are glued front to back (I couldn't get it to line up any other way!). Let me know what you think, if there's any way to improve on them and any other ideas that may help. Thanks

Attachments	angel tags.doc (89 KB) (511 downloads)
	angel tags 2.doc (155 KB) (496 downloads)

Posted by *fingers crossed* | Comments: (7) | Permalink

MORE APPOINTMENTS, NOT DISAPOINTMENTS!!

May 01, 2012 03:20pm (EST)

I know I've been complaining alot about my doctor appt's and how bummed I've been that it seems like I never get any answers or good news. Well- I finally had an appointment with some sort of resolution

Yesterday, I had my 'pre-pregnancy consult' appointment at EVMS. I thought it was dumb to go, since I wasn't even sure what I was going for. The wait took forever- like almost 2 hours AFTER my appt time I was finally being seen. It was worth it though

The MFM doc they gave me specializes in fetal/maturnal endocrinology (I know, right!). She was very informed in the field of thyroid issues and ablations. She answered ALL my questions!!

1. How long do I have to wait before my levels bottom out? (my
     endo said I can't start TTC until my meds are adjusted).
          A: Some women's thyroids are still in the normal range
              3 years after having the ablation and they don't have
              to take meds (please God, let that be me!!!)

2. How long do I have to wait before it's safe to start TTC after
    the radioactive Iodine procedure?
           A: They say 6 months, just to be sure that there isn't 1
               single molecule left in the system, however, by 3
               months, you should be all clear!! (my 3 month mark
               is May 9th!)

3. How do I know that it's safe to get pregant if even a tiny
    molecule is left, can't it harm the baby?
            A: Doctors give a 6 month window to be safe, however,
                if you got pregnant today the baby would be fine.
                Babies don't start using iodine (which is the only thing
                in my system that's radioactive) until they're about 14- 16 weeks along. That would mean that if I got
                pregnant now, I'd be past the 7 month mark from
                when I took the radioactive iodine, and completely
                safe.

As you can tell by this tidbit, I was super excited when I left the doctor's office yesterday

I have my next endocrynologist appt on June 21 to go over more recent labs. My MFM scheduled an appt for July 2 to go over the same results. She said she wouldn't see why by then I couldn't start trying again!! She said it's best to wait until that appointment, but that if I accidentally got pregant before then, it would be fine.

The one bummer is that because I have Graves Disease, my body apparently makes an antibody that tries to force my thyroid to over produce (this is info my current endo didn't tell me) and that just because I no longer have a functioning thyroid, doesn't mean my body won't still produce that antibody. This being said, when I do get pregnant, my antibodies can cross the placenta, causing the baby's thyroid to hyper produce. Once the baby is delivered and on its own, it will all go back to normal because it's my antibodies and not the babies (if that makes sense).

The up side to this (if you want to think of it like that) is that I'll get ultrasounds about every 5-8 weeks throughout my pregnancy to check the baby's thyroid and make sure it isn't swollen (because apparently babies in utero can get goiters)

So, that's basically the info I got yesterday. I was so happy leaving that doctor's office! I've got 2 months to go-- wooo hoooo!!! Just thought I'd share this super cool news!

Posted by *fingers crossed* | Comments: (6) | Permalink

OH HAPPY DAY!

Apr 20, 2012 06:07pm (EST)

Got some stress relief at last! Leia's eye ulcer is doing well and she's home today for the first day in a week

Yesterday I realized I was 5 days late. 5 days. Now, on most occassions, I'd be elated. But in my current situation, knowing how important it is NOT to get pregant, I was kinda freaking out! At this point, the radiation is still enough in my system that it could do permanant damage to a baby. So- last night, I ran to the store, bought a pregnancy test, and it was negative!! *shweeeeww* Big relief!!

I got my labs back (in the mail) from my recent bloodwork, and all it said was, 'labs are almost normal.' That's it. I'm really hoping that it doesn't mean I'm not hypo yet.. cause I'm already gaining weight and it sucks enough as it is. I can't go on any meds until I am hypo, and I have my DH asking me every freaking day when I go back to the doctor so I can get meds to lose some weight. 'gee- thanks' I feel like I killed my thyroid to save my heart- and that's great- but it's killing my self esteem to go from a size 6ish to like a 14 in less than a year. (Keep in mind I'm only 4'11" so it shows different on my frame). It sucks.

I have a friend having a 40th surprize party, and I don't want to go. I know I'll run into my ex there. Big drama to begin with, but it definantly doesn't help to already be super self conscience to begin with. I feel like I need to explain it to everyone. Like people who haven't seen me in awhile must thing I just swelled up, you know? I hate it. I think I must have been more vain than I gave myself credit for. I don't think it helps that my hubby's always bringing it up. Like seriously. Everyday. At least once a day, maybe 2, 3... like he forgot he already said something.

Sorry for complaining. It always ends up here, doesn't it? I'm just so frustrated with my weight. I had to go to the thrift store to buy work clothes because nothing fits. DH had me throw away my 'fat clothes' when I got skinny last year so I couldn't go back to them as easy. I'm tired and just feel 'yucky' inside (which the doc said is normal after this ablation). I want to P90x myself to death. Maybe that's what I should do....

Posted by *fingers crossed* | Comments: (3) | Permalink

FRUSTRATED

Apr 16, 2012 05:55pm (EST)

This past week, I celebrated that fact that spring break was upon me. We (my hubby and I) went to Williamsburg for the weekend as a belated anniversary getaway. It was alot of fun. Monday- Friday blew by as I had at least one appt everyday of the week.. some an hour's drive away.

I went to my OB on Tuesday to see about getting put on some kind of birth control. The Endo was very clear that I am not allowed to get pregant at this point. Dennis, my husband, thought the idea of birth control was crazy being that we only have to wait 6 months from the radiation and we're already 2 months into it. So I go to my appt (which my lovely insurance has changed to a $40 copay). After going through all the options and my previous history, he doesn't want to prescribe me any kind of hormonal birth control. He said I have too many red flags or causes for concerns... so he suggested what we're already doing: over the counter stuff. Great. So I left that appt feeling somewhat let down. Not only because it defeated the purpose of the appt, but I paid $40 to hear him say "NO." We could have done that over the phone!!! I get a call later in the day from the office saying they finally got my results from blood tests done like a year ago at EVMS... no lupis!! yay! She also said that they told her the earliest you can TTC after thyroid ablation is 2 months. Well, I've never read that. Everything I read says 6 months to a year.

Thursday, I finally had my much awaited follow up appt to see my endo and see how my body responded to the radiation. I haven't seen him since February. I go in there and he asks me if I've had any blood work and if I have the results yet. Hello? I can't just walk into a lab and request blood work. Since the doctor never gave me a write up. He sent me to get my blood taken, and said since he didn't have a reading on my levels, he didn't know what the levels were, so he couldn't go forward and start the Synthroid medicine. He scheduled my next follow up for June 21st. Ummm... let me get this straight: I have NO working thyroid - thus my metabolism is stuck on sucks and I don't get meds for 2 more months??? I'm so frustrated!! I'm getting fatter. If I eat, I feel like it appears on me like the next day. He also said that you can't start TTC until at least 6 months, and that's IF they have your medicine levels right. Right now, being severely Hypo, I probably won't even ovulate.

Frustrated. So I have the bombed appt at the OB's office Tuesday, The bombed appt at the Endo's office Thursday, and on top of all of this stress, My dog's got a 'melting ulcer' in her eye... which I guess I can say the last 2 weeks of appt's at the vet's office were bombed as well being that she was misdiagnosed. She's currently up in Greenbrier at a eye care facility in hopes of saving her cornea from rupturing. She's got 5 drops for her eyes... and some she has to get every 2 hours 24 hours a day- through the night. I'm so tired.. and cranky... and frustrated!!

Breathe*

Okay. So I have to end this on a positive note because I have being so negative, even when the week is just blah (my worst spring break on record).

I had put in my last post about my best friend being in the hospital about to have her baby.. Well Caysen Rex was born later that night. He's beautiful and I love him so much. The day before she was to be induced, she asked Dennis and I to be his Godparents!! I am so blessed. He holds such a special place in my heart. Well, yesterday at church, he was dedicated to the Lord. We're not catholic, so they didn't have him Christened, but they had a little ceremony in front of the church and we were a special part. It was such an honor to know that his parents trust us so much to be such a big part of his little life. We already share a special bond. When he's screaming his cute little head off and no one can calm him, I can pick him up and within like5 minutes he's asleep. It's a little joke I have with his mom. I told her it's because he knows my boobs don't work so crying won't get him anywhere

Anyhow, I just felt like I had to add in something positive. I feel like this past week has been overwhelming. I feel like I have someone sitting on my chest... I need to refocus. Thanks for letting me get it all out. I feel a little better already!!

Posted by *fingers crossed* | Comments: (5) | Permalink

HE'S COMING!!

Mar 26, 2012 06:22pm (EST)

SOOO. My best friend whose having baby Caysen is in the hospital!!! She went in last night to be induced (at 41 weeks) and her water broke on it's own shortly after arrival. I guess he was planning that all along. We're keeping the boys for them while they're in the hospital. (and I'm so blessed they're well behaved). Kaitlyn loves them, and they play with her even though she's 3 and they're 9 and 7... such good sports! I'll post pics when he makes his grand arrival! Praying she has a easy delivery. This is her first (the other 3 are from her husband's first marriage).

I got a pleasant surprize Friday when my OB called me out of the blue. He sounded almost frantic when he called... he said he saw my name down for an appointment with the words "radiation treatment" next to it. He thought I had cancer. When I was pregnant with Kaitlyn, we had a cervical cancer scare, which is probably what he was thinking about. It was nice talking to him. He was really torn up about everything. I guess the weight of what happened that awful day and the days since. He's been talking to a hospital a little north of where we live who want him to work there. He said he has to move. His kids are in grade school and some kids in the town are telling them their dad is a baby killer. Like I said, small town.

The reports came back from Chapel Hill (at Duke University). The doctors involved with the case said they're going to testify at his trial in April on his behalf. I guess I'll see what happens then. It's such an awful thing to happen. I can't imagine what the family is going through, but I do know he's still the mom's OB doctor. That has to be saying something.

To top all this off, I've started getting a pain in one of my breasts. It started over the weekend. It feels deep down in the side and I'm hoping it just goes away. I thought I might have felt something, but maybe not. Dennis said he couldn't be certain either. For now, I'm keeping an eye on it. I have that appt in April anyway, so he can officially check it then I guess (if it's still bothering me). I can't imagine that if it was something like that it would start hurting all of a sudden like that. I feel like I'm freakin falling apart!!!

For now I'm going to focus all my thoughts and positive energy on my sweet baby boy Caysen who's on his way. That's enough to make any gloomy day bright!!

Posted by *fingers crossed* | Comments: (3) | Permalink

...

Mar 22, 2012 06:25pm (EST)

So I've been a little shy posting after the last couple of posts. I feel like if I say anything regarding my OB, I'm going to upset someone. So I've been trying to keep to myself. Today, however, I've made the decision to call the office and try set up an appointment to get on some birth control. I never thought I'd make that call... EVER. But I'm scared that something's going to happen and I'll get pregnant while the radiation is still alive in my system. We already are doing over the counter protection and stuff, but still. Maybe I'm just being overly paranoid or something. I don't know.

To top all this off, I've been going through massive mood swings since the radiation. Like I'm never happy. I always feel frustrated and upset about everything. Someone can say the most innocent comment and I automatically take it the wrong way. I'm driving my hubby so crazy he said he want's to send me to the pool house!! (which in my case is like the size of a big shed...). I don't have a follow up appt with my endo until April 12 (by that time it will be 2 months since I saw him for the treatment). I know that anxiety is a symtom of this condition, but it seems like it's getting worse instead of better. I feel like I'm going crazy or something... like my body isn't balanced anymore. (Not sure if that makes sense).

Still having heart issues, still having a racing heartbeat. I'm just so frustrated. The other day I was sitting on the couch watching a movie and all of a sudden it started feeling like I couldn't catch my breath. l felt like a ran or something. My heart was thumping like it was really struggling and hard. I counted it to be over 120 beats a minute.. pounding. And in that minute, it restarted its rhythem 10 times. Dennis wanted to take me to the hospital, but I remembered my doctor saying it was going to get worse before it got better. I wish he would have told me when the worse was bad enough to send me to the hospital. It was really scary! And now I get all these crazy hot flashes. Like I won't be doing anything and I'll just start sweating like crazy and my face will be all red. I don't understand it, but I'm hoping it will all just go away in the end!!

Please say a prayer for me, if you think about it. I could really use all of them I can get!!! thanks!

Posted by *fingers crossed* | Comments: (5) | Permalink

CLARIFICATION...

Mar 14, 2012 07:52pm (EST)

I wanted to clarify that my heart definately breaks for the family involved. I can't imagine what they are going through. I wasn't trying to belittle their terrible loss. That was so not my intention. I'm just hoping that things work out the way God intends, either way. Having the previous experience with my OB, it breaks my heart not having him (probably because I've been thinking about it for the past year and a half). My prayers are with the family involved and with my doctor too. I just wanted to make sure everyone knew that

Posted by *fingers crossed* | Comments: (4) | Permalink

TODAY...

Mar 09, 2012 08:42pm (EST)

Today marks 1 month since my thyroid pill/radiation treatment. I don't really feel much different. Tired, but not sickly- which makes me happy!! I only have 5 more months to go!! what- what!

So I found out that my OB's liscense has been suspended. I'm so upset. It goes back awhile. I live in a small town, so when a 'scandal' arises, everyone hears. Several years ago, he was in a practice/partnership with another OB in our area. They had a nasty split several years ago. Everyone took sides (so small town, right?) Anyhow, he (my doc) went on to be on the schoolboard down here in NC. He built an awesome 3 story facility across from the hospital so everything is super convienient. Well, he had a delivery about a month or so ago that went terribly bad. The mother was progressing along okay, but then the baby showed signs of distress. He rushed her into surgery (emergency C-section) and got the baby out in under 12 minutes from wipe to out. The baby still didn't make it. I can't imagine how devestating that must have been.

Guess who the chair is at the hospital? His old pal and partner that he split from. That guy suspended him from deliveries at the hospital. The records from that delivery were sent to 3 different agencies for review. Big places, like Duke. If the findings were the same, he was supposed to lose his liscense to practice. Not sure how all that works. Well, the findings all differed. The chair at the hospital told him he would allow him to practice, but not deliver babies, in return, he had to give up his right to appeal. I glad that he refused that deal. He's going to appeal it, thankfully. I'm hoping that everything works out.

He was the best doctor I've ever had. When I first started developing the Pre eclampsia, I didn't feel sick. He made me stay in the hospital. I argued with him and was so mad, thinking that it was so silly since I felt fine. He told me that things could change really fast and he wasn't willing to risk it. In the end, he was right. My bedrest in the hospital lasted 4 days before I had to be induced. Things really did change drastically in a day. I am forever grateful to his diligence and concern for me and my baby. I can't imagine how crushed he is. Babies are his life, not just because he makes his money from delivering babies, but because that's where his heart truly is.

So I'm not allowed to get pregnant for at least 5 more months. I'm so selfish in that I want him for my doctor again. Ever since I had to have Kaitlyn in another hospital, in another state, I've made it a goal to make it to 34 weeks (next time around) so he can deliver me. I have so much faith in his skills and his love for his patients. If you're the praying type, please say a prayer for him!! Kaitlyn and I are going to send him an encouraging card or something give him some support.

Posted by *fingers crossed* | Comments: (3) | Permalink

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