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my nine month journy

janellk - 04:03am Nov 14, 2011 EST

I was shocked and happy to learn I was pregnant. After failed fertility treatments and miscarrages over 5 years ago I gave up hope. I felt great and had a text book pregnancy. at 33 weeks I was put on bedrest due to being 1cm dialated which i was told was perfectly normal. at 39 weeks I was told any day now. I went in to the doctor on october 4th of 2011 (the day before my due date. that day was as usual, got up ate, showered. felt her move all around. 3 hours later at the doctors we talked about being induced and when he checked me he said i was almost 5cm and get to the hospital.
upon our arrival in l&d the doctor came in with and ultrasound machine. my heart sank.... no heart beat. Cassandra Paige was born via c-section on her due date of october 5th. she was 8lb 4oz, perfect in every way. The only reason given was clots in the cord. How could life be so fragile? I miss my angel every day and pray no one has to ever go thru that kind of hurt and pain ever.

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Hunter and Randi's Mom - Nov 14, 2011 1:52 pm (#1 Total: 12)  

 

Hi and welcome to Share. I am so sorry for your loss of your daughter Cassandra Paige. I know the heartache of losing a child too. My daughter Randi Harper was born at 26 weeks and passed away 3 days later. It is a pain no parent should ever have to go through. We are here for you whenever you need the support of those who have been in your shoes.
Thinking of you.
Marissa

brookeg - Nov 14, 2011 4:51 pm (#2 Total: 12)  

 

Hello and welcome to share. I am so sorry for the loss of Cassandra Paige, she is beautiful. It breaks my heart every time someone new comes to this site. I am also a angel mommy, I lost my son Baron at 30 wks, nothing can prepare you for loss. And it's true, you realize how fragile life is. I am 18 months out in my grief and things have gotten easier but there is not a day that goes by that I don't think of my son, and there never will be a day.
Share has helped me get thru my grief. My husband and I also started therapy and we are slowly learning to grieve in a "productive" way.
I hope you continue to blog and I am thinking of your family
Brooke

NathansMom13 - Nov 14, 2011 6:48 pm (#3 Total: 12)  

Come to ShareUnion 2012: It's the BEST weekend ever!!!  

Hi and welcome to Share. I am so very sorry for the loss of Cassandra. No parent should ever know the pain of losing a child. I hope all of us here on Share are able to provide some comfort and support to you during this very difficult time.
Laura

lvazquez - Nov 14, 2011 10:18 pm (#4 Total: 12)  

Mom to Donovyn (32 weeker), Tristyn (34 weeker), and Naethyn (30 weeker born sleeping)  

Welcome to Share. I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your precious baby girl Cassandra. What a beautiful name and sweet little girl:) Thank you for sharing her picture with us. I'm an angel mom too. We lost our son at 30 weeks in March of 2009. I also received that terrible news that there was no heartbeat and he was born sleeping. No parent should ever have to endure this much pain, but here we are. I hope that you are taking things easy. I found Share a few weeks after our loss and it's been a tremendous line of support when I needed it the most. I hope that it can do the same for you.

Lindsay

mrsmaxson - Nov 15, 2011 12:55 am (#5 Total: 12)  

Heartbroken  

I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm glad you have found Share, which has been my lifeline since I lost my twin sons to premature labor in December of 2009. The pain is unimaginable...unless you've been there. My husband and I have struggled with infertility, too. It seems too unfair that you would struggle to get pregnant then lose your child. Remember - take one breath at a time. You WILL get through this! I wish there were more I could say to ease your pain. Blogging helped me a lot, especially in the early days of our loss. I hope you can find a moment's peace here in the company of those of us who understand your indescribable loss.

Wishing you hope and healing,
Shannon

mrsmaxson - Nov 15, 2011 1:08 am (#6 Total: 12)  

Heartbroken  

I just don't understand how one person can be made to suffer so much. My heart is just breaking for you! I will be keeping you close in my thoughts. I am just haunted by your story.

Hugs,
Shannon

brennifer88@aol.com - Nov 16, 2011 3:21 am (#7 Total: 12)  

 

I am so sory for your loss. My first born son was stillborn at 38 weeks. I went in for a scheduled c-section and they could not find his heartbeat. I didn't believe it at first. I wanted them to check again. I had just been to the Dr.'s office 2 days before that. I think about him all the time. He would have been 4 years old in September. I will keep you in my prayers. I know it's hard, but stay strong.

jhope - Nov 16, 2011 11:41 pm (#8 Total: 12)  

 

Hudson 09/22/2011 Angel

I am sorry for your loss, my story is kinda similar after 9 years of not having a child, I got pregant for Hudson. Everything was normal until i did not feel movement, so I went into the docs office to find that my son did not have a heart beat they sent me to the hospital and i had a c-section as well. I know what it is like to miss your child everyday. Hudson was stillborn at 34 weeks. He had a cord accident and its so rare but why did it have to happen to me? why did we have to lose our babies?

You are in my prayers!

EPetho - Nov 18, 2011 5:21 am (#9 Total: 12)  

 

Hello,
         Welcome to Share, I'm glad you found the site. I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your Cassandra Paige. It is so hard to be an angel mommy. I lost my son Lawrence when I was 22 weeks pregnant with him, due to a placental abruption. It's been so hard in so many ways, but one thing that has helped me is the other people on this site. At first I read the stories of other mom's, and their blogs, and now I keep a blog of my own. I hope you find some comfort here.

Erin

KHolley - Nov 20, 2011 2:54 am (#10 Total: 12)  

 

Welcome to Share. My heart just broke when I read your story. This is a great place to find comfort and healing from others that "get it."

Katie

TrishloveTristan - Nov 21, 2011 2:14 am (#11 Total: 12)  

 

Welcome to Share. I'm sorry for your loss, Cassandra Paige is a beautiful name for such a beautiful baby-girl. My son was stillborn at 27 weeks on 11/22/08, its almost three years. He is very much part of my life and there are days that I struggle, the road is not easy but Share does help. This community has been a lifesaver for me. I hope you can find comfort here.
Hugs,
Trish

nicholas2009 - Nov 22, 2011 8:59 pm (#12 Total: 12)  

Angel Mom  

I'm so sorry for your loss - I'm glad you found Share. Its the 1 year anniversary of my loss at 20 weeks (day before Thanksgiving) and no one should have to bear this burden alone. PLease keep posting here....in some small way - it does help.



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