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TRACI'S THOUGHTS

Trixie2310

May 2013

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GETTING CLOSER

Oct 27, 2011 08:16pm (EST)

Had my glucose test yeaterday. Dr says if I dont hear from him then everything is fine. If they do call I'll have to do a 3 hour study. I'm hoping they dont call. Not eating or drinking for that long threw me off all day. I just felt tired and light headed. I go back in 2 weeks for a regular check up and my 4d ultrasound! I'm excited. Can't wait to see all the details of this little one.

Dr says he also wants another regular ultrasound done at 32 weeks to check fluid level and make sure everything is still progressing like it's suppose to. He said since we never made it this far last time, we're just gonna check and make sure there aren't ne more surprises. Also I should start weekly non stress tests after 31 weeks. I think I'm gonna be spending alot of time with my dr here soon lol. Went from no need for extra monitoring to all these. Not complaining, if something is goona go wrong the sooner we know the better our chances.
Not been doing much besides working and I'm tired. Wish we were in a better postion finacially so I could turn down some of this overtime, but o well. Ill do whatever I have to. I just can't wait for this baby to be home safe. It seems like were getting closer to that dream

I'm almost 28 weeks. This baby is already older than her older sister. Boggles my mind sometimes.

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REMEMBER

Oct 13, 2011 11:36pm (EST)

Lord make me a rainbow, I'll shine down on my mother
She'll know I'm safe with you when she stands under my colors, oh and
Life ain't always what you think it ought to be, no
Ain't even grey, but she buries her baby....

Sometimes I wonder if I look for songs that strike colse to my heart or if they just find me. With this new pregnancy I sometimes feel like Skylar gets over looked. My worst nightmare is that the world moves on and Skylar is left in the past. I know it's not possible for me to ever forget her. She's my baby, my first born, sometimes it's nice to know I'm not the only one that remembers. I guess maybe that's why this song has stuck with me today, may not be talking about me but this song makes me remeber I'm unfortunately not alone on this journey and someone else does understand.

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DR APT

Oct 07, 2011 05:41pm (EST)

Went to the Dr today, just a normal checkup. All seems fine with me and baby

We go back in three weeks to do the glucose test and then it's every 2 weeks after that well every 2 weeks for about 2 weeks. He decided today that once we reach 31 weeks he wants to see me every week for non stress tests. He talked about how I need to be on alert for any sign of labor, the my cervix is not going to open but I can still go into labor so ne sign of cramping or contrations I am to find my way to the hospital.
Kinda scary but at the same time not like I havent already been doing it. I'm so not looking forward to this glucose test but it kinda made me happy to schedule it. Its an apt I've never gotten to make before. We also got the info on baby classes. Gotta call this lady and find out when we can start. HUbby says he thinks he already knows what he suppose to do but I want my tour of the nursery cause this baby is going to be in the nursery, plus its a different hospital then I delieverd skylar in so diffeent rules and such. I want to experience soemthing as close to normal as I can with this one.
we have set the date for my baby shower, time and place. That was such a big step for me. I went into labor the day we annouced Skylar's baby shower date. So this made me nervous. I"ve also started registering. So much happening so fast, but as of Sunday I'll be 25 weeks

Dr said he'll try to leave the cerclage in as long as possible with removal hopefully right after christmas. It's gonna be here before i know it and at the saem time seems like an eternity away.

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23 WEEKS

Sep 26, 2011 11:23pm (EST)

Well I found out today baby Rhyder went home on the 22nd. I guess that means he's better. Thanks everyone for your thoughts and prayers.

In other news. I'm 23 weeks this week. Kinda on edge. This is the last week I had with Skylar. I'm watching for every little thing to go wrong, freaking out if baby isn't moving as much as I think she should. I feel completely spastic. I keep telling myself I have to calm down, that worrying isn't going to do me ne good, but you know how that is.
I opened the stroller and bouncer and put them together this weekend. It was hard. That box has been a reminder of what I don't have for soo long now and I finally opened it. It was bittersweet. I was so happy to do something for this baby, but at the same time that should of been opened a year and a half ago. Is it always gonna be like this? Excited for new things with this baby while constantly reminded what I can never have with Skylar? well heres to making it through this week and starting the unknown part of this pregnancy.

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PRAYERS NEEDED

Sep 20, 2011 05:39pm (EST)

A few weeks aog a woman I work with told me her 18 year old daughter was diganosed with preeclampsia. She was already 36 weeks I believe and at her drs apt just a week earlier they told her the baby was already so big they were considering inducing her or taking the baby c-section. Somehow after her blood preassure statred going up they decided not to. Instead they had her in the hospital for 3 days till her blood pressure was under control then released her having her come in every other day to get her pressure checked. Friday she went in for her check and the bottom # on her blood pressure was spiking over 100. They took the baby emergency c-section. Baby boy Rhyder was born not breathing, they revived him and he is currently still in the nicu. They released mom today on meds still trying to control her blood pressure.
I wanna ask everyone to keep both mom and baby in your thoughts a prayers as she begins a journey no one expects to have to take. I'll try to keep updating when I hear from the family on baby rhyder's condtion. Just breaks my heart to know they are going through this.

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ITS A...

Sep 09, 2011 10:54pm (EST)

GIRL!
Everyone, well almost everyone was sure it was a boy but nope. We're having another little girl. We're excited, just watching her move around yesterday was amazing. Her little mouth kept moving and her hand was right in front of her face. Hubby says she was trying to eat something. I think she was having a conversation with her hand lol.
baby's room almost has walls! Hubby is finishing the drywall tomorrow then we have to buy new carpet and start furnishing it.

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I REMEMBER THIS PLACE

Sep 08, 2011 12:37am (EST)

Tomorrow we go to the dr and get to see the baby. Hopefully we get to find out the sex of the baby, but I actually could care less about that right now. I'm just ready to see this little one again. Ready to see him/her wiggling around and hear the heartbeat. Just ready for physical proof that this little on is doing well. I'm a little scared at the same time. This apt was the last one we ever made it to with Skylar. I know I'm gonna be a mess this next month and my husband is well aware I may lose it a couple times.
The halfway point was my relief momment last time and I didn't make it much further than that into the pregnancy. I'm scared for a couple reasons. Obviously because I know everything can be fine today and completely change tomorrow also because if eerything is fine and I make it out of the next month... it's unknown territory. I dont know what to expect. Sheesh. this little one has me way more emotional then Skylar did.
I knew this pregnancy would be an emotional roller coaster, but sheesh. Sometimes just waking up makes me need a nap. lol 20 more weeks and this little one will be here with us and I'll have a whole new list of things to worry about.

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AND LET'S MELT DOWN

Sep 03, 2011 12:03am (EST)

I find myself looking up baby stuff yet again tonight. I find myself torn. Part of me is saying it's too early to be making plans and the other part is excited to do the things we never got to for Skylar, including registering for baby things. I just hit the halfway point, this is the time I started to feel safe with Skylar's pregnancy. We found out she was a girl, my husband and I moved our wedding up, we set a day for the baby shower. Then our lives changed forever. Something tells me the next 4 weeks are gonna be really hard.
I want to fell into a happy bliss with this pregnancy, I want to give it my all and believe... no to KNOW everything is gonna be ok, but everytime I try to plan ahead. My heart races and all I can hear is the Dr anouncing time of death. Everyone else is so excited and can't wait for all the normal pregnancy things to happen and I'm terrified past this current momment.
All I've heard since others found out I was pregnant again is how this time will be different, this time everything is going to work out right. HOW DO THEY KNOW? How can they be so sure? I just want some kind of assurance this pregnancy isn't gonna end in a cemetary. How do I stop being so scared? I just want to look at baby stuff and not panic.
With Skylar we were buying things everytime we went to the store. Little things like diapers and bottles. We picked out a crib just weeks into the pregnancy but never got to purchase it. After we found out she was a girl we started buying cute little outfits and imagining what she would look like in them. For this baby... we've bought a small package of wipes. We just started even looking at baby stuff last week. I dont know what;s wrong with me. This baby means just as much to us as Skylar so why can't I take that leap and plan for this baby to come home?

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FOLLOW UP

Aug 31, 2011 10:46pm (EST)

We had our follow up last friday and they didnt do an ultrasound

was really hoping they would. Dr said he doesnt feel the need for any extra mointioring. He says we will proceed like this is a normal pregnancy. I guess thats a good thing but I was kinda looking forward to extra peeks at the baby. We go next thursday for our next ultrasound and hopefully find out the baby's gender. I can't wait!

I know it's prolly horomones and I try to contorl myself but I think I'm goona have to wear ear plugs so people at work can't talk to me anymore. Most the women I work with are older than me in there 40's or 50's, but I swear it seems like I work with 5 year olds. Folllowing me around all day whining and asking stupid questions ( and yes there are stupid questions, asking me what time it is while staring at 3 different clocks just cause u dont wanna believe its right is a stupid question) Today was fine till the last 20 mins. Had one girl (who i actually like) follow me for 10 mins asking stupid questions and constantly whining. I asked her 3 times to stop asking me questions before I finally snapped and I told her to leave me alone. Then she told me I was a liar that she was asking me questions. So evidently im hearing things. grrrr.... I need to de-stress. Thinking im gonna treat myself to some fetticinni(sp) tomorrow. I could eat that forever yum yum.

One more thing to vent about my cercalge placement. When we went in they had one of the surgical nurses come in to get the baby's heartbeat. First of all she couldn't figure out how to turn the doppler on (should of been a sign) then she couldn't find the baby's heartbeat. Someone should explian to her what that does to a mother that's already lost one child. After she couldn't find the heatbeat she began to check for it in my pelvic bone. OK i'm no dr but WTH! She finally left to get a nurse for ob to come down. MY hubby was not happy I was less freaked cause I had felt the baby move not long before this. The ob nurse brings a different tip down for the doppler and found the heartbeat in seconds. HUbby told my dr about this and he was pissed. Evedently they tried to give him that doppler and he looked at them like they were crazy and went to ob and got a normal one. Shouldnt allow ppl that dont know how to check for a baby's heartbeat do it. Adds too much stress to mommy.

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UPDATE

Aug 13, 2011 10:52pm (EST)

Well I'm home

Yesterday was intresting to say the least. Found out right before they took me back for surgery that there would be no spinal. The guy that knocks ya out ( cant even thinnk of how to spell that right now) looked over the records from my back surgery and decided it wasn't gonna happen. Eveidently they operated in the exact spot they put the spinal.. which also means.... no epidural! Was not prepared for that and it throws off all our plans. I am not doing a natural birth. I was in horrific pain with Skylar and have no intentions of repeating that. So now we gotta have a converstaion with our Dr.
The cerclage went well. From what my husband tells me, I was kinda outta it since they decided to put me completely under for the procedure. Dr said if we had waited ne longer we would of been in trouble. My cervix and muscles had already started to soften, so dr put in a stitch up high and one low. I will be 17 weeks tomorrow and my body was already trying to get rid of my baby. I keep telling myself atleast we got it early but it's not really easing my worries.
Why does my body hate my children? I never thought my own body would be my worst enemy. How am I suppose to protect this child from me when I'm the one that has to carry the baby?

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