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MADDIES JOURNEY
rhonda5 |
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MADDIES JOURNEY
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Mar 01, 2010 12:20pm (EST)
Another day of cold and really wanting warm weather to come.Can't believe it's been 48 day's since Maddalynn passed from NEC.I wish thing's would have been different and they would have caught it earlier.But everything keep's moving all round us.Maeghan finally has beaten i her cold hope.Her heart stop's us from giving her any type of cold medicine and i feel so sorry that she suffers.We are trying to plan thing's for summer and i feel like Maddie will miss out on everything but i think keeping her with us in our heart's wilmake it great.That and we wil take picture's with us.Life is crazy but it's our life and it goes on and on.I miss my little girl so much.I will see her again but for now i will take what i can.
I love you little doll.
LOVE MOMMY!!!!!!!!!!!!!
xxxxxxxooooooo
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Posted by rhonda5 | Comments: (3) | Permalink
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MADDIES JOURNEY
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Feb 24, 2010 10:40am (EST)
I feel like time move's so fast.Maddie would have been 43 day's old today and i wonder what she would be doing?And then reality come's back and real life settle's in.Everything has a purpose they say and trying to figure it out is so tiring.We know she is around us.The little thing's you wouldn't notice stand out,from a perfect day,to hearing a bird sing,to remembering her smell or even looking at her picture and smiling at a memory.We have alot of picture's and yesterday we decided to print some big one's ad put them up as she is a member of our family.I knew it was time to do this and couldn't resist.I am also thinking of starting a collection of item's that i would get as a memory.Like build-a-bear,angle's,and other trinkets that if i see i would pick up.I also asked my husband if this was obsesive and his commentwas"this is the way we start to heal"and that gave me comfort knowing this is also how he look's at it.
We went to our first session for loss ad knowing for him other's felt the same was good for him.I still find myself wishing for a different outcome and then i think.I know i am a different person and how i look at thing's.I treasure everythng from spending time with the kid's to laughing more,and just doing.I know it will get easier and i am very thankfull for everyone who listen's and responses.I know here i feel as if we are accepted an our understood.Had to snow today but it is
beautifu.
To my little doll i love you and miss you dearly.
I hope you like the picture's we put up .
Mommy loves you!!!!lxxxxxxxooooooo Sleep well my little butterfly!!!
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Posted by rhonda5 | Comments: (2) | Permalink
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MADDIES JOURNEY
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Feb 20, 2010 12:04am (EST)
I think i should change the name of my blog but at the same time it's still her journey except with us.We are going to our first support meeting on Mon. and i have to admit i am very nervous.Being able to talk about our loss has given me alot of comfort knowing your pain is understood.The night Maddie was passing i prayed to God that i was putting her in his hand's and as i sat holding her hand i felt an incrediable peace that overflooded me that to this day i still can't describe.And i knew she went home.Do i miss her?Yes every day.I do wish that thing's were different,but in the real world noone really know's what can go on.
Maeghan is doing excellent with her balance and we know she want's to run.I better start working out so i can catch her when she does.Went and picked up stuffed animals for Maddie.I will put them up on her wall.My husband didn't say anything so i pray he like's it.It's funny what you think of when your alone.When the house is quiet and you have time your mind goes over thing's that you want to forget.I know i can't change anything and all i can do is smile,remember to laugh,act not your age,and live.
Maddalynn your name say's it all.You are our beautiful little butterfly.We miss you so much and you are embedded in our heart's.As the sun shine's on us we know it's you smiling upon us.When we hear a bird sing we know it's your sweet song to us.And when we feel the warmth of the summer day we know it's your embrace.
Always know little one we can't wait to see you!!!!!! LOVE YOU SWEETIE.
LOVE AND HUGS AND KISSES!!!!!!
MOMMY,DADDY,MEG,JENNA,KATE,MATT,MIKE XXXXXXXOOOOOOO
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Posted by rhonda5 | Comments: (1) | Permalink
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MADDIES JOURNEY
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Feb 16, 2010 09:42pm (EST)
Went to see Maddie today.I wasn't sure if i could find where she was but i did.You could still see the flowers from her funeral.Really want the stone but iknow pretty soon.Still can't believe what that woman said!!!People don't think before they speak.Being rude is the in thing these day's.Just keep thnking about Madie today wishing she was here, but i know that's not possible.I do appreciate everyone who has given me kind word's.I feel for thoes who have lost and are trying to find answer's to why??I keep thinking what if they would have caught it earlier would it have mde a diffrene????And then i think this is what was supposed to happen.She was like a little bird who fluttered in for awhile and when she grew her wing's she flew out very quietly.And for this i will not forget it at all.
Got worried when i came home from work and the girl's put all the picture's of Maddie on the computer and didn't say anything so when i checked the camera it was blank.But got it figured out.Wish the weather was nice but then i alway's wish this.Did walk with Maeghan today and she enjoyed being outside.Fresh air is alway's good.We have been talking about the CHARGE conference next year in Florida and i think we are going.Then we can take the kid's to disney.That and i want to see the ocean.Been to the Gulf of Mexico, and the Bay in Californa,and now i need to see this.And the kid's will love it!!!Everything is now about taking them to see everything and i plan to see every town in Wisconsin from A-Z this summer and then writing about it's history.Should be fun.That and with cmping and going up north and going inner tubing along with the festivals.Family fun at it's best.As it was said this is a new norm.
To my daughter Maddalynn you are my little bird!!!! Mommy misses you very much and you will forever be with me.Sleep well little one..XXXXXXXOOOOOO
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Posted by rhonda5 | Comments: (1) | Permalink
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MADDIES JOURNEY
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Feb 15, 2010 10:46am (EST)
Pretty good weekend nice and sunny and the temps weren't bad.Ended up going bowling and sucked.Then to top everything off a mom of one of Maeghan classmates stopped to chat and we brought up the baby and her reply very snoty was"what baby" as she looked around for her.I just looked away and didn't say a word.Finally her comment was that's terriable and she walked away.Ruined my day.People are so rude and i swear they don't think before they speak.Finished Maddie's wall and took pictures of it.Beautiful and when the sun came in it was awesome.Spent time with my son Matt and it was nice.Really miss little one today and i think it's because of the weather.So cold and gloomy.I will see how work is today hopefully a great day.
With all that has happened life goes on.
Maddie we love you very much and i hope you liked what i did with your wall.Lot's of hugs and kisses.xxxxxxxooooooo
Love mommy,daddy matt,mike,jenna,kate,and meg.
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Posted by rhonda5 | Comments: (2) | Permalink
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MADDIES JOURNEY
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Feb 12, 2010 11:57am (EST)
THE DAY HAS STARTED OUT GREAT.THE SUN IS SHINING,STILL COLD BUT THE BIRD'S ARE SINGING,AND THE SNOW IS MELTING.LAST NIGHT WE DID HIT 4 DEGREES WHICH WAS COLD.SOMETIMES I WONDER WHAT IT WOULD BE LIKE TO LIVE SOME WHERE WARM,BUT THEN I WOULD MISS SNOW,AND THE CRISPNESS OF FALL.HAD A NICE TALK WITH MY DAUHTERS TEACHER TODAY ABOUT HOW I FEEL LIKE GETTING BACK INTO THE SWING OF THINGS IS SO HARD.I FORGET WHERE I PUT ITEMS,NEED TO FINISH THANK-YOU CARDS,AND START GOING THROUGH SUMMER CLOTHES TO FIND OUT WHAT MEG HAS OUT GROWN.I AM VERY THANKFUL FOR EVRYONE WHO READS MY BLOG.UNLESS FAMILY MEMBERS KNOW EXACTLY HOW YOU FEEL ITS NOT THE SAME.HERE I CAN WRITE,COMPLAIN,AND TALK ABOUT WORRIES AND YOU GUYS UNDERSTAND.
STILL CANT FIGURE HOW TOPUT PHOTOS UP.I SAYS THEY ARE TO BIG BUT I WILL MESS WIH IT.GRANDMA RETURNES FROM MEXICO TOMORROW AND ITS GOING TO BE COLD.ON THE OTHER HAND I KNOW MY FATHER-LAW GOT A BIG FISH(HE ALWAYS GETS THE LITTLE ONE).THE POEM THAT I WROTE REALLY HELPED ME UNDERSTAND AND THATS WHY I PUT IT IN MY WRITINGS.CANT BELIEVE HOW BIG MEG IS GETTING,IT JUST GOES SO FAST AND BEFORE YOU KNOW IT THEY DO THINGS YOU CANT BELIEVE.HAVE TO BOWL TOMORROW IN A 9-PIN TAP HAVENT BOWLED SINCE LAST YEAR.SHOULD BE FUN THAT AND I WILL BE LUCKY TO SCORE.MY HUSBAND ON THE OTHER HAND BOWLS GREAT ALONG WITH MY SISTER.AND GOLF THATS ANOTHER STORY FOR ME BUT HE PLAYS ALSO GREAT.I CANT EVER FIND MY BALL EVEN WHEN ITS PINK.I HAVE TO STAY BUSY WTHOUT THINKING SO MUCH ON THINGS YOU CANT CHANGE.INSTEAD MAKE BETTER.AND I CAN LIVE WITH THAT.
MADDALYNN THANK YOU FOR SHINING DOWN ON US TODAY AS YOU ARE AND WILL BE WITH US FOREVER.WE MISS AND LOVE YOU VERY MUCH.SLEEP WELL AN I WILL SEE YOU AGAIN LITTLE DOLL.
LOTS OF HUGS AND KISSES
LOVE MOMMY,DADDY,MATT,MIKE,JENNA,AND KATE AND MAEGHAN XXXXXXXOOOOOOO
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Posted by rhonda5 | Comments: (3) | Permalink
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MADDIES JOURNEY
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Feb 11, 2010 06:51pm (EST)
OUR PRAYER
I SAID"GOD I HURT"
GOD SAID"I KNOW"
I SAID"GOD I CRY ALOT"
GOD SAID"THATS WHY I GAVE YOU TEARS"
I SAID"GOD I'M SO DEPRESSED"
GOD SAID"THATS WHY I GAVE YOU SUNSHINE"
I SAID"GOD LIFE IS SO HARD"
GOD SAID"THATS WHY I GAVE YOU LOVED ONES"
I SAID"BUT MY LOVED ONE DIED"
GOD SAID"SO DID MINE"
I SAID "GOD IT IS SUCH A LOSS"
GOD SAID"YES,I SAW MINE NAILED TO THE CROSS"
I SAID"BUT GOD YOUR LOVED ONE LIVES"
GOD SAID"AND SO DOES YOURS"
This is a poem that was sent to us by a woman in albama who heard of us losing our daugher and thought it would bring us comfort as it did her.I wanted to share.My husband and i have this by Maddies pictures and shelf which hold her memories.
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Posted by rhonda5 | Comments: (1) | Permalink
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MADDIES JOURNEY
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Feb 11, 2010 12:33pm (EST)
well bloged after work and for some reason it didn't show.Anyway i talked about my husband finally talking about what he thought was the most memoriable moment's with Maddie as we walked in the snowstorm we had.With the cold,wind.and snow flying all around you we talked and it felt good to hear what he thought.I wish men would just open more and let us know what they were thinking.But we talked and even though it was cold it meant alot.I feel for my son's at the age of 21 are seeing that they don't alway's have control of certain thing's that happen.Being twins they are as different as can be,They didn't make it to say good-bye to their sister and while Matt will talk about how he feel's Mike stay's quiet and Matt made a comment about keeping her memory alive and wanting her picture so he can put it up,while Mike wont ask for it,but i will ask him if he want's one.Matt visit's her with friend's that know us,but Mike goes alone and got upset when her area was covered by snow.But they are close to each other and i know losing their sister was hard ,but i am happy they also have each other.Today is actuallly 1month since she left us and the sun was shining an today it is shining so i know she is smiling down on us.Make's me feel great.Though i miss her i also have to think about the effects of her passing on her sisters,and brothers.That and i want to take pictures of everything so we dont miss a thing.Cant wait for spring and daylight savings which is in March. To our little doll we love and miss you very much!!!!!Many kisses and hugs love MOMMY,DADDY,MATT,MIKE,JENNA,KATE,AND MAEGHANXXXXXXXOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Posted by rhonda5 | Comments: (1) | Permalink
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MADDIES JOURNEY
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Feb 09, 2010 05:23pm (EST)
All talk is about the weather and how much more snow we are getting.I think we have 7-8 in. now and we expect more already shoveled once and are out doing it again.Doing alot of thinking about Maddie the last few day's but i think that's normal.That and it will be a month since she left us so i do feel alittle depressed about it.Otherwise i am doing good and hanging in there.What others say about leaving the hospital without your baby and all you have are the bill's and nothing more.And then you have to explain to the insurance co. that your child passed and i actually got a woman that only wanted the bill taken care of.Finally i said the bill was revised and they needed to wait for their money.Anyway started going through baby thing's and that also made me sad,but i know it has to be done.You do feel empty like your forgetting something and then you remember what happened.I told my husband it was like a dream and did it really happen.We are getting the girl's picture done and i will add a picture of Maddie so she can be with her sister's and i pray it turn's out.Enough feeling sorry for myself,iam focusing on my family and yes i miss her.well to our little Maddie we love you and miss you,and we wait for the day we meet again and hold you in our arm's.Sleep well little doll.LOT"S OF LOVE!!!!!!!!!!!! LOVE MOMMY,DADDY,JENNA,KATE,MAEGHAN,MATT,AMD.MIKE.XXXXXXXOOOOOOO.
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Posted by rhonda5 | Comments: (1) | Permalink
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