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LUCKY LUKE

Page's7

May 2013

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Mar 31, 2011 08:18pm (EST)

This is my 3rd attempt at this today, so I guess you all get lucky. I’m going to give you a condensed version! 

We’ve been pretty busy, but I’m afraid it’s just the beginning.
Bethany is in JO Volleyball (Junior Olympic) and that has occupied at least 2 weekends per month. Her team is doing very well, playing and winning consistently against older teams. But… well.. If you know anything about JOs, it’s A LOT of travel and some hotel stays and it’s all around pretty darn expensive. We can’t really afford it, but here we are mid-season. Plus I’m realizing the competitiveness of other parents and coaches and I’m NOT excited aout it. We won’t likely do this again next year. The last tournament is in June (Father’s Day weekend!) and I’m looking forward to being done with it. However, she’s still going to Volleyball Camp in July. PLUS, she starts driver’s ed next month!!! Heaven help me.

Grace’s back is doing okay. She’s wearing her brace and it helps quite a bit while she’s wearing it. She goes back to the doctor in a couple weeks. She’s all signed up for a week at camp at a local Christian Camp. She’s pretty excited. It will be good for her to get out on her own. She doesn’t really know anyone signed up for her week and she’s excited to make some new friends. If all goes well with her back, she’ll be going to a tennis day camp in June and starting school tennis in August. Yikes! I’m not sure if I’m ready to have two in sports! And if all goes well still, she’d like to go out for school golf next spring. My husband is excited about that one! I can’t golf for anything!

Luke has a CP Clinic appointment coming up in May. This includes a urology consult since he’s still having issues there. Right now we have him on a toileting schedule, which is going okay. They also want me to start him on a laxative and keep him on it until the appointment. They seem more concerned about his colon than his bladder. They think that may be what the issues are, and the more we try before the appointment, the faster we can get down to business. We will also find out about when the surgery will be for his leg. His attitude/behavior has been a HUGE challenge for me and the entire family lately. It breaks my heart, but I actually am starting to dread mornings and evenings with him. He’s so bitter and… old. I don’t know whether to ground him or put him in a nursing home. Please don’t judge me too harshly for saying that… But, seriously. Of course, at school, it’s still all good. We’ve tried a small dose of meds when he gets home from school, but he gets almost combative when he starts “coming down” from it. This summer, he will again be going to camp for a week. He will also be joining the local children’s theater in a production of “Aladdin” in June. I think he’ll have a great time with that.

Nora. She’s getting so big. She’s all signed up for preschool in the fall! Twists my heart just a bit. I’m also looking into gymnastics classes for her. Hopefully, we’ll start those soon. There’s also a gymnastics ½ day camp for her age group this summer. She so desperately needs to be with other kids her age! And no. I’m not going to think about her spinal issues. She will be fine. She *will* be fine.

My husband’s just about done with school and starting to apply for “real” work. Though he’s blessed to have a full time job with the school if he doesn’t find something else.

Me? Trying to eat right, exercising, still doing the daycare thing. I’ve got ideas for another little side business, but I don’t want to jinx anything, so I’m keeping that one to myself for now. However, my outlook is bright and positive come what may.
Okay. Maybe it wasn’t condensed… Thanks for hanging in there! 

Posted by Page's7 | Comments: (4) | Permalink

CARB LOADING

Mar 09, 2011 02:23am (EST)

It's no secret that I'm an "emotional eater". I hate that phrase with everything in me, but it is what it is. I get stressed, or anxious, I want to eat. Carbs of any variety. I've been working on that and doing pretty darn well over the last couple of weeks. In fact, I've cut pretty much all empty carbs and sugar out of my diet and have been feeling pretty good about it. I've been working on my attitude and changing my thought patterns and all of that good stuff.

But today... Today has been rough on those little newborn habits. If you remember, back in December sometime, Grace took a nasty fall down the basement stairs and injured her lower back. The area where she has those more worrisome spinal defects. She was taken to the ER by ambulance and after an xray, it was determined that the xrays were essentially unchanged. She was given oxycodone and told to take naproxen regularly until she was feeling better.

Here we are in March and better has yet to come. Sure, she's back to most activities, but always with pain. The swelling around her tailbone area is still there. SO we finally got in to see the ortho team at the clinic. We were scheduled to see our favorite nurse practitioner instead of the surgeon because his schedule was out for another month or so. Since the NP works very closely with Dr. S, we were not concerned about quality of care. Plus, we've known her from the beginning of our orthopedic needs.

The whole floor seemed to be running behind, so we had quite a wait after the xrays. She did stop in and let us know that she knew we were there and she was waiting to talk to Dr. S about the case. That got me thinking something was up.

She came in a few minutes later and said the Dr. S was with a patient and it would be a bit before she could get to him. She took the history (again) and did an exam. She pulled up the xrays from October and the ones from today and put them side by side on a split screen. She explained that she believed there was a difference, although slight, and she REALLY needed Dr. S. to review before she could start to tell us what to do next.

After a while longer,

she and Dr. S (surprise!) came in together. He did an exam, looked at the xrays and determined that it her vertebrae which has been slipped forward 25% previously was now at 30%. Not much of a difference, really. But enough to want to give a back brace a try and start a more serious conversation about surgery.

They would go in and stabilize the defective vertebrae with either a steel rod and screws or by using a bone graft. The latter is the more common procedure for children, however, it's also the more difficult recovery.

Thinking about someone going in and messing with my child's spine... Well... we know how well it went with Luke...

Granted, that was a different procedure with a different surgeon, but at the same hospital and recovery on the same floor... I don't know if I'm ready to face that again... Poor Gracie. She has a mom that's probably more scared of it than she is!

Anyway. That's all talk right now. We're giving the brace a month to see if it helps at all. After that, it's surgery. Well, there is one more thing we can try before that, but it's not a fix, exactly. More like a bandaid. Injections through the "crack" in her spine and into the affected area to relieve some of the pain. But again, wouldn't fix anything and isn't guaranteed to work.

So it was a fries at lunch and waffles for supper kind of day. Tomorrow will be better.

P.S. Luke has his well child check up yesterday. Everything looked good, except his growth (there wasn't any), but blood work all came back fine, so we'll increase vitamins and not worry about the growth just yet. He *is* still on the charts- not by much, but he's there.

P.P.S. I mentioned Luke's bladder issues to the Dr. yesterday. He was more than willing to set up appointments with urology, but suggested we might try a toileting schedule first... Eh, it could work... We shall find out.

Posted by Page's7 | Comments: (3) | Permalink

SICKY MCSICKERSON

Feb 18, 2011 08:18pm (EST)

Luke came home from school with a fever and cough on Wednesday. This is the second time in 3 weeks. 2 weeks ago he missed 3 days of school because of it. Hmmm. Nothing else hurts, no wheezing, lungs sound clear (yes, I do have a stethoscope... duh.)

Anyway... It seems like a cold, but with a icky stubborn fever. He also has a runny nose. I'll likely take him in tonight.

He has another issue going on lately too, though. He's been having increasing "accidents". He says he doesn't realize he wet them, or he doesn't remember when it happened, or he must have "dribbled" a little... But it's not just a little dribble - it's a lot of dribble... So... I'm sure trips to urology and/or neurology will be in short order.

I don't even want to speculate on what the issues might be right now. I think I'm actually doing a good job of avoiding thinking very far into it. That's a big step.

Yup. Because he didn't have enough on his plate, right?

Posted by Page's7 | Comments: (3) | Permalink

DECADE

Feb 10, 2011 04:42pm (EST)

Luke turns 10 tomorrow. Double digits. He's so excited. Me? I've been thinking about the last 10 years quite a bit lately. Who was I on this day 10 years ago? Who did I become at 8:39am 10 years ago tomorrow?

10 years ago today, it was day 4 in the hospital, upsidedown, after my water broke. Trying to keep my baby boy safe. I was a tearful mess. Later today (10 years ago) I would know that there was no stopping it, labor would begin. On that day... I was simply a 22 year old mom who was fearful knowing that her son would be arriving too soon. Lord, sometimes I wish I could go back there and... I don't know... what could I do differently? Insist that the Drs. and nurses listen to me? Tell them what I needed because I knew. Yeah... Let's try to make them listen to a 22 year old who is preggo with her 3rd child... To them, I suppose I looked stupid and irresponsible. Perhaps they thought I must have done something wrong to cause this to happen... I don't know. I suppose it all would have ended the same whether they listened or not.

Tomorrow (10 years ago) I would be a different person. I would find my inner mama bear and she would grow stronger by the hour. I would learn that I wasn't a "normal" mom anymore and that my life as I knew it would never again be one of normalcy, never be predictable... I guess in a way, I grew up that day.

Since then I've lived in a different world. Full of people and places and feelings I never knew existed. Full of abbreviations of which otherwise I would have no knowledge. Specialists, medications, therapies, IEPs., adaptive equipment and technology. These are all normal.

It's hard for me to remember who I was before 10 years ago. What did I worry about? What did I put all my energy into? What filled the little spaces in my mind? Of course I had my girls and my husband and the house. Surely they kept me occupied. But man oh man.. I sure wished I would have realized how blessed I was just to have everyone safe and healthy.

Well. I realize it now. I know how incredibly lucky I am to have my four kids all here with me. I know how blessed I am to have the opportunity to take my son to therapies and go to IEP meetings. I know that every day I walked into the NICU and every night I've ever spent at his bedside in a hospital or at home is a gift.

With his struggles, and his challenges and his amazing attitude, he's taught me more about how to live than anyone else ever could...

I love you, My Boy. Happy 10th Birthday.

self portrait

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Posted by Page's7 | Comments: (2) | Permalink

THREE AGAIN

Feb 08, 2011 05:35pm (EST)

Nora's 3. Omagarsh is she ever three!!!

I've found the entire 3rd year of children's lives (my kids anyway) to be the most challenging thus far. Keep in mind that I do have a teenage girl. (That's saying a lot.

) No matter that I have been through this dreaded 3rd year three times before. Nope. This tiny-ish, picky, fit-throwing, bossy, changes-her-clothes-at-least-50-times-per-day, refuses-to-eat-even-when-she-chose-every-aspect-of-the-meal, tiara wearing, cat squishing, bedtime fighting, brother hitting 3 year old has taught me this: That I have learned nothing in the past 15 years of parenting that can help me in the 3rd year of any child's life.

P.S. the pic title should be Nora AFTER her first haircut.

Nora before her first haircut 010

Posted by Page's7 | Comments: (3) | Permalink

SORRY...

Jan 26, 2011 01:54am (EST)

I've been having a hard time dealing with... well... me lately. If anyone knows how to completely delete a post after you've already hit the post button, would you kindly let me know?

Here's today's post from my other blog. It may be boring, but it helps me to keep track of what the Dr. says and when.

Tuesday, January 25, 2011What's "Bugging" Him?

We had an appointment with Luke's psych. this morning. We talked about how he's the model student at school and how none of the teachers or paras working with him saw anything to be concerned about.

We talked about him having very rigid thinking and how it affected him and my mom and me when we went to Disney World at the beginning of this month. And how it affects his everyday home life. We talked about his obsessions and the fears he has that don't seem to make sense at all. Take as an example the meltdown he had when we went to the "Bug's Life" production at Animal Kingdom. He started pitching a fit before we even got close to it because he was afraid he might hear buzzing. And the earplugging and screaming as we waited in line because he did indeed hear buzzing. Luke's not really afraid of bugs- just the noises they make. When asked if he understands what the noises are, how they're made, and that they are just noises coming from a speaker, well, of course he did, but it wasn't enough to calm him down.

I've often wondered and thought that it was true that he has sensory issues, (he did receive OT for sensory concerns when he was a baby) but testing never reaveals enough of an issue to approve therapies. However, his psych. thinks it may not be a sensory issue, but more of an anxiety issue that he can work on. She may be right. All of Luke's "quirks" were worse when we were at Disney. They also get worse on weekends. I believe it's a lack of knowing what was going to happen next. He could/would not make eye contact even with me almost the whole time we were there. He had tantrums. He obsessed over the map and where we would go next. He was rude and seemed agitated most of the time. (Except when we were at the thing he wanted to do next, but as soon as we did it, he was back to the grumpy old man-baby syndrome.)

Since we've been home, things have been better, but when we go somewhere more unpredictable, I notice these things getting worse again. SO, we talked about increasing his meds and maybe adding in some therapy for anxiety. However, she also mentioned that we could try him on an antidepressant for the anxiety issues. First, though, we'll wait until we get the re-eval back from the school OT and see what they have to say about the sensory portion of the test.

While we were in the waiting room before his appointment, he was reading a comic strip in a magazine (what else?) and I noticed that his hands were shaking like someone who'd had too much coffee. I didn't think too much of it. I thought maybe he was just tired. (happens to me sometimes when I'm overtired) He needed a weight/height/vitals check when we got there and the doctor noted that he had grown half an inch since last time, but had not gained a significant amount of weight. No surprises there. She said his bloodpressure was normal, but his pulse was 120 where it's normally at around 88. I pointed out the shakiness to her and she said sometimes the meds will build up in the system and cause that to happen, but that's almost always in the afternoon or evening, not in the morning shortly after taking the meds. SO, she wants me to do pulse checks 3 to 4 times a day over the next few days and see how it goes.

I would hate to find out that his medicine is causing bigger health issues. They really do help him keep focused and more in control. (and the last thing he needs is more health problems!)

I guess that's all for me right now. I have two babies and a toddler all starting to cry right now... Fun. Fun...

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WHAT'S IN MY HEAD

Jan 11, 2011 05:31pm (EST)

I have a constant blog running through my head all day long most days, but when I finally sit down to write it out, it disintegrates... Why is that? Maybe it's because every time I sit down, my kids and babies think I must be bored and find something for me to do.

I took on a full-time infant boy (cousin's son) starting yesterday. My brother also brought my nephew, so... Wow. A 6 week old and a 6 month old along with Nora... exhausting, to say the least. Thankfully, I don't have them both every day. My nephew only comes about 3 days a week. It's nice having babies around to cuddle on, but A LOT of work. It's forcing me to get more organized, which can only be a good thing. Slow progress, but progress nonetheless.

I'm continuing to struggle with trying to understand how to help Luke better navigate in his world and ours. It's hard when there's no map to follow. It feels like we're in a maze, but the maze keeps shifting so that just when you think you've found the right path, WHAM!, another dead end.

It's so frustrating. Sometimes, he seems SO typical that I think that I must look like an idiot when I talk about issues we struggle with. But then there are the times when the issues are out there to be seen by all. Ironically, I also feel like an idiot at these times because I haven't yet figured out a way to help. I'm still 95% sure he has high functioning Aspergers, but because of the spectrum of behaviors, it seems a diagnosis of that sort is unreachable. If he were diagnosed, it would open up another realm of services for him. As it stands, it's like we're seeing that realm, but through a thick, unbreakable window. Just out of reach.

He has a re-evaluation coming up. They will be doing several tests including more IQ tests and some social/speech/language testing. We'll have his annual IEP meeting at the end of February and discuss the results and anything new he may qualify for. I'm just hoping that he doesn't lose any of the few services he has now.

Last week, Luke and I went to Disney World with my mom. There were definitely some ups, but also a good dose of disappointment. Not in Disney World, that was awesome. I was disappointed because I had preconceived ideas of how wonderful and how much fun it would be to be able to spend all this time with Luke (and Mom), and how much he would enjoy it. What I didn't think about is that it's Luke. Luke is Luke no matter where we are. Disney is Magical alright, but not so much that it could change his behaviors or fears. So - I wasn't disappointed in Luke, or Disney... just in my own irrational expectations. There was one point where *I* had a bit of a meltdown and felt like the WORST parent ever. It still makes me cry to think of it... On the upside, I now know that I have a partner to go on all the big rollercoasters with! He LOVES the big rides! He also got to lead the conga line with Minnie Mouse in the Celebration Parade. That was probably the high point of the whole trip. She held his hand the whole time and loved on him quite a bit. Unfortunately, I haven't figured out how to share those photos yet.

Well, the little one beckons... Thanks for being here, Share.

Posted by Page's7 | Comments: (1) | Permalink

THE FINAL TWO

Dec 27, 2010 05:56am (EST)

I just tucked in my last two year old. Just typing that almost physically hurts. Tomorrow, at 12:01 p.m. my bitty baby girl turns three. I can't wrap my mind around how fast it's gone and I can't find words to describe the emotions around it all.

She brings so much joy, woven together with miracles and peace and wonder and also with strands of fear and heartache and tears that random memories bring of the road that leads from the twinkle in my eye through her homecoming and even up to tonight. A blink of an eye, and yet in ways what seems an eternity...

Eh.. like I said, the words aren't there.

We were going to have a Birthday Tea Party for her, but decided that it would likely be lost on her this year. We'll save it for when she has little princess friends to invite. This year, we took her into the party store and let her choose. She picked a Strawberry Shortcake theme. She's just been getting into that over the last few months. It's fun to watch her get excited and really know what the whole Birthday thing is all about.

Her party should be fun, we've invited several family members to celebrate with us. My little nephew and a cousin's brand new little boy will be here, and my very pregnant sister in law. She's due January 13th. (a girl this time) Just and aside: It's amazing how many babies are coming along right now. My nephew this past July, then a cousin's in November, another cousin's in December, s-i-l due in January, step-sister due in February, close friend due in March. It's like I've joined the Baby of the Month Club! Bittersweet, really. They've all been healthy babies/mommas so far, and I pray that it stays that way-- but it makes me wonder again why they can have that so easily and I wasn't able to... Oh well. I don't know why I bother questioning something there will not be an answer to.

Anyway, it will be a happy, baby filled Nora Day party and that's all that counts. I'll post pics when I'm able. I got a video camera for Christmas, so I may even be able to figure out how to share some footage!

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FEELING DECEMBER

Dec 14, 2010 03:51pm (EST)

In so many ways! Brrrrr, for one thing. It's very cold here! I know it's MN, but c'mon! Our high yesterday was supposed to be 0. We didn't make it. Today we're supposed to see single digits, it's not happening yet! The nice think layer of ice under the 16+ inches of new snow is not in a hurry to melt off the roads, either. I HATE driving on ice, so I've not gone anywhere since we got home on Sunday.

Saturday afternoon, as the blizzard was in full swing, Grace mis-stepped at the top of the stairs and fell down nearly the full flight. She hurt her lower back badly. It was swelling and she was unable to move without excruciating pain. Because of her spinal deformities, we were not willing to take a risk, and decided to call an ambulance. (Good thing, because our van never would have made it the 15 miles to the hospital it that storm.) Poor baby was in so much pain...

They did xrays almost immediately and they showed no fractures. They offered to keep her in the hospital for pain control, but she seemed to be doing okay with the oral meds.

Thank goodness my husband has a 4 wheel drive truck, otherwise he wouldn't have made it to pick us up. It's small, but it was enough to get us the 3 miles to my mom's house. The highways were closed by the time he got to the hospital, so there was no going home even if we wanted to- which we didn't.

She's been in pain since. She wanted to go back to school today, so I let her - she couldn't even carry her own books... I'm a bit worried. The school nurse just called and wanted to know what happened to her back that she had to stay in the hospital. What??? "She didn't have to stay in the hospital." The nurse then told me that Grace was in this morning and told her that she'd been in the hospital for 3 days.

Lordy... I don't know what I'm gonna do with that girl...

________________________________________________________________________________

Christmas is soon to be here. We have most of the shopping done. I did a lot of it online. We didn't get a whole lot of gifts, but what we got for the kids will make it worth it to them. The tree has been up for a week, but doesn't have any lights or decorations on it. I've half a mind to take it back down and forget it this year... I would if it weren't for the kids. The only other things we have up to suggest it may be Christmas time is the Nativity scene and the Christmas countdown calendar. ... I'm trying to get on the ball. There have been so many things that seem so overwhelming that there are days where I can scarcely get out of bed, but I'll pull through- I always do. There is no other option.

I've also been trying to plan Nora's birthday party. She's going to be 3 already. I can't believe it. I feel like we're so far away from her baby-ness. It makes me heartsick for the days that I could and would spend an hour or more rocking and singing her to sleep. When she fit snug in my arms rather than spilling over my lap... I'd hold her and just stare at her after she'd gone to sleep, thanking God that she's real and she's mine. She'll still snuggle up with me once in a while, (and believe me, I hang on to every second I'm given!) but mostly, she's busy being a "big girl". I still thank God for her of course.

Our new dog is fitting into the family nicely. Like he's always been here. He's one of the few "common grounds" that our family has. I'll take any I can get at this point.

There's more, but I've written a book already, so I'll keep the rest.

Love!

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IT'S JUST ME

Nov 30, 2010 02:44pm (EST)

There are so many things going through my heart… I’m not sure where this entry is going, so bear with me if you will.

We had the kids’ conferences a couple of weeks ago. Luke’s teacher had nothing but good things to say about Luke. All of his grades are good, some even exceptional. He is bright, involved, stays on task, keeps others around him on task, does everything asked of him and doesn’t complain about anything. Mr. M. said that if he had a whole classroom full of Lukes, they’d be halfway through their course material for the year without issues.

The only concern was Luke’s final math grade. It was a B-. He does extremely well on his homework, but not on his tests. Ben and I knew right away what the likely cause was. He hates to be last, so we figured he’s seeing other kids finishing and hurries to keep up causing him to make mistakes. Mr. M. said that now that we mention it, he’s sure that’s what’s happening. He made arrangements for Luke to test in a different room and it seems to be working. (This accommodation is on his IEP on an “as needed” basis.) Oh, another “negative” (if you can call it that) was that Luke’s reading/language scores are so high, it leaves little room for improvement. I’m guessing there will soon be talk of placing Luke in an accelerated program for that. In fact, if he wasn’t in special ed. I suspect he would already be in one.

The conference left me feeling proud, of course, but also like the worst parent ever. Why is he perfect at school? Why does he not have issues there? (Aside from social stuff, that is.)

The answer is clearly… me. I am the problem. Luke needs a strict schedule and very clear expectations to function at his highest abilities. Even if I think I’m giving him clear expectations, apparently I’m not doing it in a way that works for him. And a strict schedule? Forget about it. He doesn’t get that here. The battles with him here at home have been getting bigger and more difficult. This morning, I woke him up 4 minutes later than usual. The morning was shot. He shut down before he even got his legs over the side of the bed. The bus ended up having to wait for him while he walked at turtle speed down the driveway because the wind touched the back of his neck and made him cold. … Yeah. But you see, it was ME who woke him up 4 minutes late.

I always try explaining to him that the whole world doesn’t run on an exact schedule and that he can’t expect everything to be exactly the same thing every day. I tell him that real life isn’t like that and he needs to learn how to deal with changes… Even as I write that, it doesn’t seem like such a bad thing to say… But I think about it… I’m trying to get Luke ready for a “normal” life. I’m trying to help him succeed in *our* world, *our* society. But that’s not really the world he lives in. These concepts are foreign to him. The chaotic patterns of our everyday lives may be functional, and even beautiful to us, but they make no sense to him. They never will.

I get so upset when I feel like someone doesn’t “get” him. But it’s me. It’s been me all along. Instead of helping him walk through his world, I’ve been forcing him to stumble through mine. This epiphany is immense… and so is the heartache that comes with it.

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