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WELCOME, GUEST |
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(1 member)
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niylnnrae @a…6 |
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LIL MISS J
Jenj248 |
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| Category: Home | Sun | Mon | Tue | Wed | Thu | Fri | Sat | | | | | | | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 | 27 | 28 | 29 | 30 |
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PARANOIA
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May 08, 2011 12:18am (EST)
Things have been going good. I get really tired often but do not get sick. Nausea occasionally but it goes away rather quickly. But this fear in the back of my head remains the same. I'm so afraid for something to go wrong. Something to not turn out quite how i want or need it to. I want this baby. I want to expand my family and for everything to go great, I want this baby to come home and not have to experience any time at all in the NICU.
At my apointment my doctor was amazing. She had checked on me a few times while i was in on bedrest with my daughter and I remembered her. She understands my fear. I'm so grateful to have someone know. Someone who cares. She had me go for an ultrasound to get an exact date and exact length and how everything is with the baby. Heart rate was 169 and the little 'peanut shaped' baby in my belly on the monitor was beautiful. Such an amazing picture. An amazing thing to see.
I'm afraid of everything. Every lil wierd feeling. Am i too tired? Is it ok to have bellyaches? Did this happen last time will everything be the same? I just want everything to be ok. ...
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Posted by Jenj248 | Comments: (1) | Permalink
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8 WEEKS 6DAYS
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Apr 18, 2011 12:57am (EST)
How exciting. How scary. I'm expecting a new lil bundle of joy. Im really very excited but my anxiety truly does get the best of me. I feel if I get too excited something is bound to go wrong, if i begin to plan something may go even worse. Im one of the lucky ones I have a beautiful intelligent 3 year old miracle. A lil girl that tried to come at 21.6 days and I managed to stay on bedrest in the hospital for 9 1/2 weeks. My lil miracle came out at 31 weeks; and did amazingly well. I should just be positive but my fear gets that best of me 9 times out of 10.
I'm afraid to tell people. Is it too soon? If I don't feel well is that a sign somethings wrong? stomach ache headache all these things make me question everything. I feel like a neurotic mess. I drive my boyfriend nuts but im at a loss on how to feel. The doctor I had with my daughter moved really far away, will this one understand? All the uncertainties and paranoia that control my every thought. I have an ultrasound/appt on Wednesday. I'm really hoping everything is fine and it gives me some kind of relief. The first appt i had with J they couldn't find a heartbeat, had me sit in a room for 44 min to wait for an ultrasound machine to be free. Will all these fears go away ? Or will I just keep getting/feeling crazier..
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Posted by Jenj248 | Comments: (2) | Permalink
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A MISCARRIAGE IS OK??
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Apr 23, 2010 08:37pm (EST)
My title makes me mad. A miscarriage is okay. How do people say this with a calm demeanor? Nurses or a doctor, what the hell is wrong with them??
My pregnancy with J started out as such, 'your HCG levels are low your early or you'll have a miscarriage'. Ya no big deal right? Excuse my language but Fcuk off. Are you kidding me Ya that's nothing to fear or be worried about. No big deal.
I found out i was pregnant again recently and I heard the same thing. I went to the hospital cause I had had a 24 hour stomach bug and my body ached. I wanted to make sure everything was okay.
I didn't get overly upset i tried to remain calm I had heard this before, figured I found out early.
I called my high risk doctor that I used wit j and I started thinking, names, bedding colors; who doesn't get excited !?
I got blood taken a few days later and waited... Im in class and I get a voicemail so I ran to the bathroom to check. Some FOOLISH doctor 'hi your levels came back normal no need to set up another appt'. Can you really leave a message like that? Is it ok to leave a lab work message or something that important? I called back to talk to someone. Yeah your not pregnant. Click.
Im sorry if Im complaining I know there are so many issues, so many babies that are sick. I had a premature baby who is a wonderful healthy 2 year old. She is my world. But I've cried a lot these past couple days. I was so excited to be pregnant, expand our family; see J be a big sister, i wanted that baby, i wanted to see my belly grow and hopefully know what its like to have a full term baby what everyone thinks is 'normal'. I had my normal pregnancy, a 9wk hospital bedrest stay and a 31 wk old baby grl. My thoughts are mumbled and its just a blahzay day .
ill write more later..
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Posted by Jenj248 | Comments: (2) | Permalink
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JUMBLED THOUGHTS
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Sep 22, 2009 06:41am (EST)
Javiana runs me around all day long and I'm always tired, yet can never seem to ssleep go figure! LoL i love every moment tho, of everything she sees, learns, and can do=)
One specific thing that has been on my mind lately is another lil one, i would love one. I have always love children and wanted them. My boyfriend actually brings it up more than I do. We both love them, but whenever the dicsussion comes up I get a wierd feeling inside. Does he not remember how J came to be?
She was so early so tiny, and I was in a hospital for so long. I mean nothing bad by that, not a thing. I would do it again for her in a heartbeat. But it happened. Theres not a day that goes by when I don't look at her and say wow, you were so tiny, gave mommy such a scare. I am so proud of you and that you are mommys lil grl.
Almost two years later, it continues to marinate in my mind. Will that ever go away. What if i happened to get pregnant and had to remain on bedrest inpatient once again?? I have my lil girl to think about. I have her all day everyday. Maybe once or twice a month I will let someone take her for a lil while or overnight. I am a lil anal and overprotective on who I let take her but she is my lil miracle and I do not trust many or easily. What would I do with her? who would care for my baby? her dad sure, but he works and even so we are always together, not the two of them without me.
Idk wha the point of this entry is really. I don't. It doesnt seem to make much sense. Jumbled thoughts is what I will call it. We want our children to be close in age though. Before the age of 4 have another. I just really don't know how or what to feel. As much as I want more, I am scared...
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Posted by Jenj248 | Comments: (1) | Permalink
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LOOOVVEEE HERRR
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Sep 17, 2009 02:26am (EST)
Turns out Javiana's flu was due to some rash she had. Funny not quite but when I had asked about it they said it was nothing...Hmm...She's good though, back to her funny smart fun lil self=).
Her new thing lately is her obsession with Dora, she knows the song and dances up a storm "d-d-d-d-d-doraa' or as J calls her 'Dorda' shes too cute I looovvvee her, she makes my life great.. I'm working on teaching her the alphabet, she loves anything at all with a tune!
I have also been looking for some new toys for her, everything we buy her for her age she gets so bored with, or everything else is more interesting! She is and i think always will b a girl on the run, so much to do! Any ideas would be awesome!
We do the coloring, the singing, the park, we read all the time, play with the spoons and pots and pans! Along with all the toys shes gathered since she's been a baby baby. Blocks, walkers, playhouse, puzzles, dolls, the list goes on and on!!
On a less peppier note, I went to breakfast with her friend and her mom the other day. Fun I guess I've known them forever and dont see them much anymore, but I get the little comment thrown in there "oh yeah jess says how crazy with the baby you are'. Crazy? Hmm interesting choice of words. Im crazy because I like hand sanitizer, and for people to wash their hands before they touch her. Umm..I have a cart adventures, for shopping carts and she is not allowed in one without it. I have table toppers with me and she needs one on the table for when we go out to eat. When we leave places, parks ect, i wash her hands. And I do not allow just anyone to take her.
So all that puts me in a crazy cateogory huh? wow, i want to have a healthy lil girl , and take care of her to the best of my ability. Sure i may be a neat clean freak a lil esp for my age as people like to say but guess what. My lil miracle changed me she made me better, and in result of that I wanna make opportunities and everything in her life I can better for her. I will not bring her around people that feel the need to drink and smoke and curse all the time, why? She is better than that, she deserves better than that. If I do not completely trust someone they will not be allowed to take her. Sorry.
So crazy no, more responsible, yes. She helped me grow up, I don't drink and go out as much, I take better care of myself, and that only helps me take better care of her I just only wanna bring my j around the best of people and things, after all, with everything in the world, so wrong, why should she deserve anything but the best..... 
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Posted by Jenj248 | Comments: (4) | Permalink
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ONE HOT LIL BABY
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Sep 03, 2009 02:07am (EST)
So Javiana has had a fever the past 2days, nothing too bad I'm told, 101. She is just so hot, we brought her to the ER last night and they said that if it lasts longer than 5days to come back, 5days??? my poor lil grl, I wish i could be sick for her. She has watery eyes, a very runny nose, and a pretty bad cough. I just am at a loss on what to do for her. She doesnt wanna eat. It's been baths, popsicles, and whatever she will drink. None of us have slept in 2days, I dont know how to get her to sleep, I know she is tired. Any advice I would greatly appreciate, Im sure we'll be headed to to PCP tommorrow, but I will def be up all night tonight...
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Posted by Jenj248 | Comments: (4) | Permalink
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SUMMER♥
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Aug 16, 2009 02:12am (EST)
hello everyone...geez it seems like it's been forever. Javiana is 18 months now. 18 months and 11 days to be exact and boy does she keep me busy. Such a happy funny little burst of energy. Every day she does something new and everyday I am just amazed at how little my baby girl was, and how old she is getting. She is so smart. She is still tiny skinny but tall. 21 lbs and 32 in, but she sure doesnt seem to let that stop her from doing anything! J feels that she can do and pick up anything! Things that weigh more than she does, and she can. I am just amazed by her. Our summer adventures have taught us that she truly will be a beach bum and she loves it so, the water, the sand, the shells, and she fears nothing!
We went to visit the hospital 2wks ago. I love to go there, I want J to know these people I think of often and always. The nurses on the floor where I stayed for 9 long wks, the NICU nurses that took excellent care of her. I just love them so. They gave me hope, they couldnt wait to see my little girl, and showed love to the both of us. I am eternally greatful. The bittersweet part of it all is how I am never certain on who will be there and who will not. There is one nurse I would love to catch up with. She was my admitting nurse and was there for me all the way through. She gave me her address and sometimes I think to write to her, send her photos, she unfortunately is usually not there when we decide to visit. I don't want to seem creepy, or anything though. I;ve waited so long, Im just not that bubbly outgoing person I guess, lol, idk.
Nothing else is really new, just in search of a job. Oh this economy is terrible!..The share union is in DC this year correct?..I truly would love to make it one year. I love reading others stories and how everyone is there for one another. I've been trying to catch up, reading some happy stories some sad. But noone ever ceases to amaze me in the support we share with one another. God bless you all, I will update sooner!! I hope you can see the pictures!
♥♥Jen♥♥
summer09 141
summer09 039
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Posted by Jenj248 | Comments: (6) | Permalink
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SUNSHINE:)
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May 10, 2009 02:08pm (EST)
Happy Mother's Day!!!* Hope everyone has a great day!
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Posted by Jenj248 | Comments: (3) | Permalink
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