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WELCOME, GUEST |
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(2 members)
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lvazquez6 |
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Angel Bella …6 |
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AMAZING GRACE - NICU JOURNEY - 127 DAYS
Kathleen |
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| Category: Home | Sun | Mon | Tue | Wed | Thu | Fri | Sat | | | | 1 | | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 | 27 | 28 | 29 | 30 |
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NICU DAY #19 OF 127
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Feb 17, 2007 11:57am (EST)
I realized that there are other babies in this room too. Mommy has made friends with some of the other mommies and daddies. Griffen is next to me. He and I are almost the same size. His mommy lives far away, so she and his daddy can only visit sometimes. Griffen cries a lot when they are not here. He misses his mommy and daddy very much. Jaycee is a 28-weeker like me, but she is lots bigger. A new baby arrived today, her name is Amelia. Across the room is a baby named Grace. I think we might be friends some day.
Constance is next to me. Constance is very sick. OH NO!!!! Constance’s alarms are going off. “PLEASE HELP HER! Someone come quick! Constance needs your help! Constance’s alarms are all buzzing, something is very wrong!”
Okay, here comes a nurse – it feels like hours until they can get Constance breathing again, but I’m sure it’s probably just seconds. I am sad for Constance. Most of the time she is all alone. She still has the tube in her throat. The nurses say that she has been here a long time and they have no idea when she will go home, if ever.
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Posted by Kathleen | Comments: (1) | Permalink
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NICU DAY #7 OF 127
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Feb 15, 2007 01:44am (EST)
Today I am a week old! 1 pound and 10 ounces. It’s still pretty scary around here. The doctors have so many tests for me every day. They’ve told mommy and daddy that I’m about 70% viable – whatever that means. Mommy cries and daddy comforts her. The three holes in my heart will hopefully close in time, but if not, I will have to have heart surgery. I have an extra rib and an odd vertebrae. They are checking to see if I have chromosome and kidney abnormalities. The results won’t be here for weeks. Next I will have brain and heart ultrasounds. Mommy and daddy pray that the tests will be normal. Daddy laughs, “normal is so underrated!”
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Posted by Kathleen | Comments: (0) | Permalink
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NICU DAY #6 OF 127
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Feb 05, 2007 09:37pm (EST)
Daddy is VERY excited. I’m not sure what they are saying… but it sounds like...I can hold my mommy today!! Daddy is going to tell her right now. Mommy is still healing and needs breaks to lie down. Daddy sweet talked one of the nurses into holding time. I know I have the best daddy ever, he makes things happen! The nurse told him that he can hold me first, but daddy says mommy needs to hold me more. He is so excited. He leans over and opens the porthole and whispers, “I’m going to get your mommy right now so she can hold you!”
Here is my mommy! Daddy keeps telling her, “Yes, yes, it’s true. The nurse said it would be okay!” I’m looking at mommy and she’s looking at me. I don’t think either of us can believe that this moment has finally arrived. The nurse settles mommy into a chair and talks about “kangaroo care.” Mommy will hold me skin to skin so she can keep me warm. Her body temperature will keep us both warm!
Here we go – the nurse opens up my box, detangles my wires, gently picks me up and brings me to my mommy. FINALLY!!!! We are holding each other. My mommy feels so good. I can feel her breathing in and out. I can hear her heart beat. Her heart! I remember the sound, it kept me company when I was inside and dreaming about this day.
Much too quickly it was over. Mommy reluctantly gave me back to the nurse. Daddy’s turn would be next, probably tomorrow. “I can’t wait to hold you daddy! It’s our special time. Just you and me!!!!”
grace11
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Posted by Kathleen | Comments: (6) | Permalink
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NICU DAY #2 OF 127
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Jan 22, 2007 08:04pm (EST)
So much going on around me. So many voices, I’ve never heard so many people talking at once. Where are mommy and daddy? I can’t hear their voices. Did they just leave me here in this cold awful place?
I still can’t see anything because of the eye patches, but at least I’m beginning to feel warm again. Not warm like in mommy’s tummy, but my skin is warm again. This awful tube is still in my throat, it goes deep inside me. I feel air whooshing in and then out again. So many wires and tubes are strapped to me! I can’t even move because they are so heavy, the ones on my belly are sticky. On my foot there is a scratchy material thing with a light inside, and my other arm is strapped to a board with a needle inserted into me. I can’t even suck my thumb. These people keep poking me. OUCH! They are taking my blood – why? What for? Leave me alone…. Please leave me alone!
My new home is a huge plastic box. I’ve only had a glimpse when the nurse moved me around. It’s weird in here. Sounds are muffled, I feel like I’m inside again, but the box has two round circles that open and when that happens the noise is deafening!
People keep bugging me. They open the portholes to change a wire or move me around. Oh no… this time they are opening the box from the top! What’s going on here? I feel the nurse moving me again, she is pulling me into the cold space. She is laying me on a freezing scale, my wires are pulling on my skin, it feels like they are going to rip me apart. Okay, now she’s putting me back into my box. She’s putting new pads around my bottom and moving wires and stuff around. Finally she closed the box. I’m cold. I hate being cold! Where are mommy and daddy?
Later I wake and hear daddy’s voice. He’s talking to someone. I think he’s talking to the nurse about me. Daddy asks when he can hold me, but the nurse says it’s too soon to know. She says the next few days are critical for me. I want to scream, “Daddy, please hold me NOW! Where is mommy? Please don’t leave me. They are hurting me.”
I can’t see daddy, but I know he’s there. Just outside my box. I know he loves me and wants me to be brave. We pray together that God will heal my body and that daddy and I can be together soon. It makes me so sad. I begin to cry, but no one can hear me because the tube stops the sound. I’m wailing now, but only I can hear it. My chest is heaving up and down it is getting harder to breathe. Okay, I need to calm down. Daddy is near. He sits quietly beside my box. I hope he is daydreaming about what fun we will have together. IF we have a life together.
I wake up to a wonderful dream. Mommy is here! I can sense her and smell her just like I did when I was in her tummy. Someone is opening the portholes, I’m hoping, hoping, hoping… yes! It is mommy. The nurse is telling her how to touch me! Mommy cuddles the top of my head with her palm. I feel her fingers around the top of me and then her other hand other cups my bottom. They tell her not to move her hands. She cannot stroke my skin because it overloads my nervous system. I love my mommy touching me! I feel so much better now. I can hardly feel the pain. My mommy is here and she loves me. I know she is saying prayers too. Prayers that one day we can go home together. I want that too. More than anything I just want to be with my mommy and daddy. Stay here with me mommy. Stay here daddy. Promise you’ll stay.
Grace1
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Posted by Kathleen | Comments: (7) | Permalink
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DAY 1 - SEPTEMBER 30, 2001
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Jan 11, 2007 01:14pm (EST)
At 2:34 pm I was pulled from my mommy’s warm cocoon into a cold sterile space unlike anything I could have ever imagined. I wanted to stay inside longer… but I knew I couldn’t because I could feel myself getting sicker. My heart had been thudding loudly in my chest and I was getting weaker. Mommy was sick too and her body just couldn’t provide me enough nutrition. It was time for me to leave the only home I had ever known.
I don’t remember much about those first few moments - I wasn’t able to breathe until I felt a tube going down my throat. I really wanted to cry, but the tube was too big. I remember just being so scared. Where was mommy? Where was daddy?
When I woke up later, I couldn’t see anything because I had patches on my eyes to protect me from the burning lights above. I felt needles going into my arms, umbilical cord, and leg, there was a stinging feeling everywhere that I was poked. The tube was still in my throat and there were odd rumbling noises around me, alarms, loud voices and lots of people. I was afraid. “Where am I? What is going on?”
Then I heard the whispers… mommy and daddy will be coming to see me soon! The nurses and doctors were just trying to “stabilize” me. I hoped it wouldn’t take too long. I wanted to be with my mommy and daddy. I knew they loved me absolutely and completely. I knew in my heart that they would love me and take care of me forever.
Then came the silence, someone was coming my way… a nurse’s voice said, “She is stable right now.” I couldn’t see anything, but I sensed their presence. “Hello Mommy & Daddy!” I yelled but knew they couldn’t hear me because of the awful breathing tube. And then I heard the beautiful music of my daddy’s voice. He was right next to me! I wanted the blinders taken off so I could look into my wonderful daddy’s face. He had entertained me with stories and silly songs for so many months. He was asking a question – I was so distracted by the purity of his voice that I didn’t hear the question. And then my mommy… my gentle, loving mommy asked, and I heard this very, very, clearly “Can I touch her?” The nurse answered “not now.” I could hear her quiet tears because I too was crying deep in my heart. The only thing I wanted in this world was to be held and comforted by my mommy. I heard the soft voice of my Aunt Maureen as she murmured something and then the peaceful, and yet strong voice of Fr. John Whitney as he led them in the Lord’s Prayer. They prayed for strength while I lay on a flat table under the sterile lights. Strength for them. Strength for me. “I love you mommy and daddy, I’m fighting to stay with you.”
Then I slept.
grace3
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Posted by Kathleen | Comments: (4) | Permalink
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