March of Dimes

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June 2013

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WHY I MARCH

May 01, 2011 12:47am (EST)

Why I March for Babies

Four years ago we faced one of the worst nightmares parents can imagine. Our son was born 2 months early. He spent 28 long days in the NICU. Today, he is a healthy, happy four year old. I never would have imagined that the March of Dimes would become so important to me, but Tucker changed all of that.

I walk…

• Because Tucker was one of the lucky ones. Had it not been for Surfactant therapy, he may not have survived

• Because I have two angel babies.

• Because I have three living blessings - Hannah, Sam, and Tucker

• Because I care, for I have been there.

• Because I almost lost my faith.

• Because others walked before me.

• Because 500,000 babies are born prematurely each year.

• Because 120,000 are born with birth defects annually.

•Because 28,000 babies die before their first birthday each year.

• Because there is still work to be done.

• Because we ARE making a difference.

Tomorrow I will participate in my fourth March for Babies. I am so happy that I am able to help others as many others did before me.

Posted by ehbeagle | Comments: (1) | Permalink

UPDATES

Apr 01, 2011 08:17pm (EST)

Hannah-Hannah turned 12 in December. It is so hard to believe that my baby girl is going to be a teenager. She already looks like she is 16, and I am not handling it very well. She started middle school this year, is in all advanced classes, and I am proud to say, doing exceptionally well. She makes me so proud. She continues to a sweet, caring, energetic girl. She actually started a little movement here. A couple of weeks ago she put a red dot on her hand. When I asked her about it, her response was, “It is to remind me to pray for Japan.” After wearing it to church, a concert, and to school, several other people have sported their own red dot! She is still playing advanced soccer. Her position is goalie, and she plays very well! I am so glad that she has found a sport she loves. She is also in Girl Scouts and a club at church. To say that least, she stays busy. Oh, she also has a more active social life than me right now. All in all, she is doing very well and making me incredibly proud. I just wish she didn’t have to grow up. I want her to stay my sweet, little girl who used to want to be with me every minute of every day.

Sam-Sam is my darling. He also makes me laugh every day. He LOVES school. He is also doing very well, always ahead of his class. His teacher’s just love him, and have told me that Sam sets the example for all the other students. That’s my boy! He is involved in a club at church called Royal Rangers. It is a lot like Boy Scouts. He really likes it and can’t wait for their meetings every Sunday. Now days, he is addicted to the Wii or home computer. The jury is still out on this one. I haven’t decided how I feel about all the time he plays games. Some days I have to literally kick him out the door. I want him to explore nature, not get lost in a video game. His allergies are starting to kick in, poor boy. He is back on his meds and doing much better. I wanted to get him and Tucker on some kind of team this summer, but it looks like it will have to wait until next year. We just don’t have the money to pay for all three right now. Every day I look at him I am reminded of my father whom I miss dearly. Sam is so much like my dad. I am so grateful for him, and the peace he has brought to my heart.

Tucker-Tucker is GROWING. I can’t believe I am going to say this, but my 3 lb preemie is now bigger than his older brother! Tucker is taking after his daddy who is 6’3”! Tucker turned 4 in December. I look at him often and can’t believe how incredibly blessed I am. I can’t imagine not having him in my life. He has taught me so much about faith and love. He becoming quit inquisitive, and I am constantly surprised by his sharp, little mind. I have to admit that he tugs at my heartstrings often. I so wish I could stay home with him. He asked me every day if I have to go to work the next day. I have to tell him yes and explain that he is very lucky to have daddy stay with him, but I have to admit, that it breaks my heart sometimes. Tucker has a very interesting personality. On the one hand, he is very loving. He gives me many “Tucker” hugs and kisses. Lately he comes up to me, hugs me, and tells me that he is giving my all his love. So sweet! I will cherish those moments always. On the other hand, he is developing a defiant attitude that I could live without. He does NOT like to be told no. His “red head” syndrome really kicks in. We are working out way through the terrible fours. Tucker is FINALLY potty trained!!! Yeah!!! It took him forever, but he finally got it. Now he gets to go to pre-school next year. He is really looking forward to it.

Me-I am in my second year at a new school. I am teaching alternative ed. Again, and I LOVE it. I am so glad that I made the decision to change schools. Recently I was named Teacher of the Year. I am still in shock. I am so honored and humbled by it all. I am currently a semi-finalist for the division. I have to admit that it is nice to have my work recognized and appreciated. I am staying busy working 2 jobs, writing a book, writing curriculum, chairing a committee, acting as vice-president of the ladies ministries at my church, and trying to raise money for the MFB. I have to admit, that I am finding it hard this year to get motivated, but I am trying. On a sad note, my mother has moved out of state to take custody of my 17 year old nephew. It is a very long story, but the gist of it is that my sister and her husband just gave up on him. For a while, I didn’t talk to my sister, but we are slowly trying to rebuild our relationship. I miss my mom terribly. She is going to move back home for the summer and I can’t wait to see her again!

I am sorry that it has taken me so long to update, but as you can see, I am very busy. I have been “lurking” reading your post and occasionally making comments. Please know that you are all in my thoughts and prayers. God bless,

Elizabeth

Posted by ehbeagle | Comments: (4) | Permalink

FOUR YEARS AGO TODAY...

Dec 31, 2010 04:52pm (EST)

We finally brought home our miracle!

It is so hard to believe that it has been 4 years, yet on the other hand it seems like it was so long ago. I don't post here as much as I use to. I think it is because we are so removed from the effects of his premature birth. I know how lucky we are. There are so many babies born as early as Tucker who are still suffering. I often wonder why. Why were we so lucky when others we not? I wish I had the answers. In the meantime, I continue to pop in now and again to offer support. Please know that you are all in my thoughts and prayers.

Tucker reminds me everyday of the blessings we have. Just the other day when I asked what he was doing, he said, "Mommy, I am pretending!" Like I should have known, silly me. It is little things, like pretending, that I no longer take for granted. I try very hard to cherish these little things and not to sweat the small stuff. I still distinctly remember as I held my tiny miracle in the NICU if he would be "normal". Would he be able to walk, talk, pretend, etc. I am so truly blessed. He has taught me so much about what is really important. He keeps me grounded and is a constant reminder that I cannot control anything. Sometimes you just have to "let go and let God".

Anyway, sorry for the rambling. I just couldn't let this day go by without remembering my tiny miracle and all that he has taught me. Happy New Years! God bless,

Elizabeth

pics

#1 Can you see me? Tucker playing hide-n-seek
#2 Tucker enjoying snowcream for the first time.

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Posted by ehbeagle | Comments: (4) | Permalink

TRYING TO FIND THE LIGHT

Sep 28, 2010 02:10pm (EST)

I must first apologize for my absence . I have been present reading blogs and occasionally offering comments, but for the last couple of months I have been struggling to make sense out of so many tragedies. I thought I had this behind me. I thought that I found my answers only to discover that the questions are still there. Why?

A few months back I was reading blogs here on Share and became overwhelmed with the number of angels. I have my own angels, but I thought I had reconciled them. I thought I understood or at least was able to accept the whys. While reading Stacey’s (Emilyn and Hailey’s mom) blog, Shannon(Gunnar and Tristan’s mom) blogs, and Mike’s (Layla’s dad)blog the questions slipped back in like a dirty secret. I began to feel like a hypocrite because I am always that one assuring everyone that God is there holding them through all their misery. While I still believe this, it has become harder and harder to accept that God can’t do something about it.

A while back, I wrote a blog about how God doesn’t want us to suffer. Like an earthly father, our heavenly father wants nothing but the best for us. He does all he can to help guide us and steer us clear of hard times, but just like our earthly children, sometimes we don’t listen. Sometimes we make our own decisions and have to live with the consequences. I also went on to talk about “original sin” and how it was never God’s plan for us to suffer. While I still believe all of this, I have been questioning again. If God is all powerful, then why doesn’t he step in and help? As parents, when we see our children suffering we do everything we can to make it better. We would stop at nothing to make it all better. So why doesn’t He?

Growing up I belonged to a church (and still do) that believes in miracles. There are several in my congregation who have seen actual miracles first hand. My MIL often talks about seeing someone’s withered arm grow in front of her eyes. While I have never witnessed something of this magnitude, I have witnessed other miracles like my son. I call him my miracle all the time, but is he really? Maybe we just got lucky. Does God still perform miracle or does he sit back like the Deist believe and let us run our own lives? So you can see my dilemma.

As I began pondering these questions, more tragedy began to unfold. A little over a month ago, my faith was rocked again when my sister-in-law’s boyfriend was murdered by one of his family members. As I type this it is still so hard to believe that Dave is gone. A little history is needed here. He is the father of my nephew, but he and my sister-in-law never married. You see, Dave was not living a good life, mixed up in drugs, couldn’t keep a job, abusive, etc. My SIL finally broke it off with him about 6 years ago. Then last year Dave started going to church and straightened out his life. HE became a devoted and loved member of our church. He was leading our young boys program, and all the boys loved him including my own. Come to find out, my SIL and Dave had gotten back together and the night before he was murdered, they were picking our engagement rings. To make matters worse, his father died 2 weeks before Dave was murdered. Even more horrible is that his mother and 4 year old nephew witnessed the whole thing. You can imagine how difficult this has been. All I keep thinking is why? Why now?

Now Missy’s precious Sammy is gone too. It’s just too much. I can’t stop crying every time I think about that sweet little boy and the pain his family is going through right now. Although I never met Sammy in person, I did meet his mom and have grown to love their family. Why did he have to suffer only to lose his battle in the end? Why does his family have to suffer so much pain? It’s just too much.

A lot of people misquote a scripture in the Bile, First Corinthians 10:13 “…God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it.” What amazes me is that often times only part of the verse is recited. It does NOT say that we will be spared tragedy. It does NOT say that we won’t endure awful times. It ONLY promises that when we are TEMPTED God will provide a way to bear it. The death of a loved one is unbearable! It is just too much for anyone to bear.

I am sorry about this downer of a blog, but I know that this is a place where you all understand. I am struggling to find the light amidst all the darkness. Thanks for listening and understanding. Your prayers are desired. God bless,

Elizabeth

Posted by ehbeagle | Comments: (3) | Permalink

IT ALL CAME RUSHING BACK...

Jul 19, 2010 01:59pm (EST)

I should be paying my bills, but I just learned that a friend of mine delivered her baby last night 2 months early. Suddenly it all came rushing back. The fear. The pit in the bottom of my stomach. The questions. The guilt. I can't stop crying.

It is so sad that after 3 and a half years the emotions are still there, buried just under the surface reading to show their ugly head. I DON"T want to feel this again. I want to FORGET! I DON"T want anyone to go through it. There are just TOO many. WHY?

I feel ashamed. I am so blessed. My son is surprisingly healthy. He does not have ANY problems due to his early birth. We were so lucky. So, why am I still feeling all of this? Will it ever go away? Will there be a day when I can look at another preemie without tears in my eyes? I should be thinking of my friend, but all I can do is REMEMBER. I won't to be able to be support her, but how can I if I can't stop crying?

Please remember her and her miracle in your prayers. She was told some time ago that she would never have children. Then she discovered that she was 4 months preg.! This preg. has been difficult from the beginning. She has HB and diabetes. She went into preterm labor at 21 weeks and had a cerclage put in. This baby is already a miracle.

As always thanks for listening and God bless,

Elizabeth

Posted by ehbeagle | Comments: (3) | Permalink

MOTHER'S DAY

May 09, 2010 09:29pm (EST)

Today in Sunday school we had a lesson about mother's in the Bible. THere were the typical stories like Eve and Mary and Hannah, but as always, it was Hannah's story that got to me the most. I identify with Hannah in so many ways. As I was listening, I was reminded of the time when I also prayed for a child. When I was finally preg. again, my father died (named Samuel) and it just seemed fitting that we would name our son Samuel. Samuel means "asked of the Lord". If you don't know the story of Hannah here is a summary.

Hannah was barren and prayed almost daily for a child, specifically a male child. THe Bible says that God answered her prayers and opened her womb. Hannah promised to give the child back to God to work in his service. When Samuel turned 3 Hannah fulfilled her promise and took her son to live with the priest and to become a servant of God. Once a year Hannah visited her son.

A little family history...My grandmother had 11 children. One child died at 9 months of SIDS. Knowing that she was likely to get preg. again, she prayed to God for a son. She just didn't think that she could have another girl after loosing Mariam. GOd answered her prayers and sent her Samuel, my father.

Today as I listened to the story again, my thoughts were drawn to my boys. Sam is such a blessing and definatley sent to me by God. I have often referred to him as my healing child. His pregnancy and birth were so wonderful, even though fraught with worry and complications. THen I thought of my Tucker who is just 3. I can't imagine how difficult it must have been for Hannah to take her baby and leave him. To be honest, I don't know if I could have done it. I don't think God would have punished her if she did not keep her promise, but I think that it speaks volumes about her faith and love for her child. Because of her faithfulness, Hannah went on to have 5 more children, and Samuel became one of the most important prophets and judges in Jewish history.

On another notes, I had nursery duty today and was in awe as I watched my preemie play. I remember so clearly wondering if he would ever be like "other" children, if he would be "normal". He amazes me everyday. He was playing with his "girlfriend", and he was pretending! He was pretending to ring a door bell (ding dong). I just about burst out in tears. I know it is sappy, but I was reminded of the miracle that he is.

I can't sign off without mentioning my daughter, Hannah. She is turning into such a beautiful, young lady. I am so proud of her! She is an excellent student, a gifted singer and writer, and an awesome soccer guard! Yes, she is a preteen, and we have our moments, but all in all, she is such a blessing.

Today I celebrate mother's day with so much love and pride and yet with a little sadness that my angels are not with me. I often wonder what they would look like, what they might be doing, etc. My comfort comes in the knowledge that I will be re-united with them one day, until then, they are in heaven with all the other angels.

I hope all the mommies out there in Share have a great, blessed day. Happy Mother's day and God bless,

Elizabeth

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Posted by ehbeagle | Comments: (2) | Permalink

JUST NEED TO VENT

Apr 12, 2010 12:09am (EST)

As the title indicates, I need to vent and this is the only place where I can without being judged.

There is a young girl at my church who is expecting her 2nd child soon. She is 38 weeks along in a perfect pregnancy. She is over being pregnant and keeps posting things on her Facebook profile, like this "pray he comes EARLY." She has been doing this for weeks now. I know that she doesn't understand, but I just want to yell at her sometimes, "No, you don't want early!!!" Not even a few weeks. She is a really sweet person and doesn't wish any harm for her unborn child, but it just makes me mad and sad.

I NEVER had a perfect pregnancy. From the start I was always worried about losing the baby. My first pregnancy ended in miscarriage at 11 weeks. My naive ignorance was over. From that point on, I was never able to enjoy being pregnant. I was preg. 5 times and never enjoyed being pregnant. I was always a nervous wreck. Why?

Life is not fair and we were never promised a life free from sadness or tragedy. This is what I keep telling myself, but sometimes I just want to scream. I sit here at 41 years of age knowing that I will never have a chance to experience the "perfect pregnancy", never be filled with joy and innocence. I believe that there is a reason for everything otherwise my children died in vain and that is just not something I can accept. I am just sad that I was robbed. We were robbed, and it stinks.

THanks for letting me vent. You guys are great. God bless,

Elizabeth

Posted by ehbeagle | Comments: (4) | Permalink

WHY I MARCH

Mar 31, 2010 12:58am (EST)

Three years ago we faced one of the worst nightmares parents can imagine. Our son was born 2 months early. He spent 28 long days in the NICU. Today, he is a healthy, happy three year old. I never would have imagined that the March of Dimes would become so important to me, but Tucker changed all of that.

I walk…

• Because Tucker was one of the lucky ones. Had it not been for Surfactant therapy, he may not have survived

• Because I have two angel babies.

• Because I have three living blessings - Hannah, Sam, and Tucker

• Because I care, for I have been there.

• Because I almost lost my faith.

• Because others walked before me.

• Because 500,000 babies are born prematurely each year.

• Because 120,000 are born with birth defects annually.

•Because 28,000 babies die before their first birthday each year.

• Because there is still work to be done.

• Because we ARE making a difference.

Tucker

Tucker_now

Posted by ehbeagle | Comments: (1) | Permalink

RETURN TO THE NICU

Mar 02, 2010 02:56am (EST)

I have finally fulfilled my 2009 New Year’s Eve resolution. At the end of 2008, I made a resolution to finally volunteer at the NICU where Tucker stayed. While I have not spent as much time there as I wanted, I am proud to announce the completion of two projects that I started in 2009. The first was the gift bags that my girls group at church put together. The bags contained various items (preemie clothes, inspirational books, journals, etc) and were meant to bring some cheer and hope to the parents of recent preemies. I saw the culmination of this project when I delivered 15 gifts bags to the NICU on the anniversary of Tucker’s homecoming (Dec. 31st). Two days later I received an email from the charge nurse telling me that she gave one of the bags to a parent whose baby had a particularly hard day. The nurse told me that the bag gave her renewed hope and brought a smile to her tear-stained face. I was overcome when I received the news. This was EXACTLY what I was hoping for. We all know that it is easy to lose hope in the NICU and smiles fade fast while a parent watches helplessly as her child struggles. So, mission accomplished!

The next project was to get the Ladies Ministries group at my church to make blankets for the NICU. This took some doing, but after 2 months the ladies made 15 quilts. We had a special blessing ceremony at the church as our pastor anointed and prayed over each one. This weekend, me and my husband returned to the NICU to deliver these special gifts. Again, I was thrilled to know that the gift was appreciated, and we were assured that the blankets would go home with a family. This was the first time that my husband had been back. It brought back an overwhelming flood of unexpected emotions for him, and so we left rather quickly. All in all, I am again so proud to have accomplished my second mission.

My third mission is to work with the nurses and help support a parent’s support group. I was pleased when I received a call tonight from one of the nurses who leads the monthly nurses meetings. She wanted to know what my experience was and if I had any suggestions for improvement. I told her that I felt very isolated and alone and that this created fear. I stated that while I understand that the nurse’s first priority is the babies, I also felt it was necessary to help find support for the parents. She agreed with me and asked if she could call me back after their meeting to see what could be done. I said, “Absolutely!” I think at that point I was screaming and jumping up and down! It has taken me 3 years to finally give back, but I am pleased that I have been able to do this much and hope to do so much more.

On another note, my March for Babies team is NOT coming along like I would like. I have changed schools this year, and I have been trying to get approval to start a team. So far, I have not gotten anywhere. It looks like my team will be rather small this year, but every dime counts, right? I will post an update soon.

It has been a while since I updated on the kids so here is the quick and dirty…

Hannah is turning into a young woman right before my eyes. It is so hard to believe that 11 years ago, I brought home my first child. She continues to do well in school and is looking for to soccer season to begin in a couple of weeks. When I say “woman” I meant literally. She has started her journey with the arrival of her monthly cycle. She was prepared and knew exactly what was happening because I sat her down last summer and explained everything to her. Right now, she still thinks it is kind of cool, and it is, but I still cannot help but weep.

Sam is my sweetheart. He LOVES school and is so eager to get up and go every day. Again, I can’t believe how quickly he is growing up. He will start kindergarten next year! Where is my little baby? He has a great personality and continues to remind me of my DAD. Recently he was diagnosed with Allergies and we have started him on Allegra and Flonase. They seem to be helping. HE is looking forward to having a “big boy” birthday party in a few months and inviting all of her friends from school.

Tucker continues to be my stubborn little man. Right now bedtime has become a real issue. HE simply will not go to sleep! HE continues to get out of his bed, turn the light on, make all kinds of noise, and wake up Sam. Nothing seems to work. If anyone has any good suggestions on room sharing, I would gladly appreciate any advice you have to offer. I am at my wits end. On another note, he is HUGE! My little preemie is not a preemie anymore! As a matter of fact, he weighs 4 pounds more than his older brother! He is also quickly catching up to Sam in height as well. Currently he is sick fighting a bacterial virus and a cold. He has been on antibiotics for 5 days now and while the fever is gone, his cough and congestion is not. Another stubborn streak is his “undesired” to potty train. He wants nothing to do with it! I have decided to wait until summer to try again. He still has another year and a half before he even starts pre-school so I guess we have plenty of time. Besides knowing him, potty training will come on his time, lol.

SO that’s all for now. I have attached a couple of pics. God bless,

Elizabeth

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Posted by ehbeagle | Comments: (5) | Permalink

THREE YEARS AGO TODAY

Dec 31, 2009 03:44pm (EST)

Three years ago today was one of the happiest days of my life. It was the day we finally got to bring our tiny miracle home. I remember every detail of that day...

THe night before we were told that TUcker might get to go home the next day. He just had one hurdle, an echocardiagram of his heart. They wanted to ensure that his PDA had not re opened. He was to have the last scan done the next morning. I couldn't contain myself! Everything was ready, he had passed all the other test-carseat, eye test, hearing test, etc. I was desperate to bring him home and put the whole terrible nightmare behind us. Little did I know then that his early birth and NICU stay would remain with us forever. So, I went home around 12 am that night and could not sleep. I tossed and turned all night waiting for the call to come get my baby. Finally at 9:32 am the call came! We made arrangements for our other kids to go with grandparents to church so we would be free to pick Tucker up when the call came. As soon as we got the call, we were on our way.

When we got to the hospital we had to wait for the cardiologist to sign off on his release. It took over an hour! Finally she came by to speak to us and sign his papers. We were finally ready, but no, then we had to go through all the paper work with his charge nurse. Another delay! All I wanted to do was grab my son and run. She finally gave us the OK to start dressing him. She removed all his leads and for the first time, I got to hold my son, just my son. What an amazing feeling!

I dressed him in the special preemie outfit I had bought for this special day. I remember thinking in amazement that it was a little big even at 5 lb 10 oz. As we were preparing to leave my heart sank again when I was told that I could not carry my own son out of the hospital. It was hospital policy that the charge nurse escort us to the main entrance and SHE had to carry my baby. No fair, I was cheated again! I tried not to let it bother me and we began to say our good-byes. There were so many nurses and doctors that cared for our son. I will be forever thankful for them.

We walked to the car and placed our son in his car seat. He seemed to swim in the seat that was too large for him, but he seemed fine, all snuggely, warm, and safe. My husband loaded him in his seat as I jumped in the back next to him. I wanted to be able to see him because I was scared he would stop breathing or something.

We made it home and began our life together. Our other kids came home along with the rest of the family to celebrate Tucker's homecoming.

Tucker came home on new year's eve. We did not attend any year end bashes, nor did we stay up late to usher in the new year, but it was the best new years ever!

Today, in honor of Tucker's 3 year anniversary, we are taking the gift bags to the NICU where he stayed. I am so happy to finally see this to fruition. Thanks for celebrating we me and God bless,

Elizabeth

going home

home at last

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Posted by ehbeagle | Comments: (4) | Permalink

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