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MY ANGEL LOVE

Angel Love

May 2013

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SPRING BREAK AND WINTER TEMPS

Mar 29, 2011 12:32am (EST)

I made it!!! It's spring break.....finally!

Sometimes I'm amazed at how much one can really need a break. I feel like my brain is too full to think sometimes, and therefore, it's time for a break!

Our temperatures have been in the 80's the past few weeks and the weather beautiful. This past weekend gave us highs in the 40's with rain---

I want to be bummed by that since my plans were to work in the yard and enjoy being outside, but my reframe is this---at least I don't have to go to work!!

In other news....tis the season that I feel the "funk" approaching again. It usually happens around Christmas for obvious reasons, but spring and summer are just as hard. The time when kids are playing ball and playing in the sun. When I have more time with Ansley and wish so much that Taylor was here with us. I want to have that playmate here for Ansley. I want to marvel at their differences even though they're identical. I know that it's been almost 8 years since the girls' birth and Taylor's death, but it's still tough.

I think that the birth of my friend's daughter has brought back so many memories. Her daughter was diagnosed at 18 weeks gest. with a herniated diaphram. They weren't sure what this would be for Baby Clara, but were urged to continue to love her and plan for her arrival. She was born at 8 lbs. 4 oz. --full term! That's great news, but with the organs being out of place, her body quickly tired out and she needed the help of ECMO for rest. This is common for CDH babies, but difficult for her parents to stomach. She's responding well and the drs. are pleased with her progress, but the prayers are still needed. Hopefully she will continue to do well enough that they can get to her surgery this week and get those organs back in the right place. I hear updates of her parents reading to her and singing to her. I see the things that they planned to do for her while she was in the NICU (since they knew ahead of time) and I wish that I'd had those precious moments with Taylor before she died. I was just so shocked by the whole situation that I didn't do half of what I could have done to cherish the memories for either girls' early moments. I don't remember a lot of it myself and sometimes that eats at me.

I'm trying to get myself motivated with something to keep my mind occupied so that I don't crash for the season, but with the weather turning cold again, I'm facing the challenge of getting off the couch again. Keep me in your thoughts and prayers as well as Baby Clara. It's tough!

Posted by Angel Love | Comments: (6) | Permalink

WEEKEND EVENTS

Mar 07, 2011 01:46am (EST)

Most of my weekends involve my hanging out on my couch catching up on the rest that I've missed during the week, but this weekend brought about some fun things to do.

Friday: We have an organization here in our town called T.J. & Friends Foundation. This organization does fundraisers throughout the year to help people with cancer in the immediate area to pay for the needs that they may have. The fundraiser this weekend was a dinner and auction at a nice restaurant. It was a ton of fun, and I got to meet a "celebrity" while I was there. For those who follow college football, there was a cute furry friend with the University of Georgia recruits when they were on ESPN. This little guy was there, on Friday, along with his owner, Mike "Big Dawg" Wood. Mr. Mike paints his head for all Bulldog functions and is well known in this area!! I asked if I could take a pic with him to let Ansley see the puppy and the puppy kissed me right when we were posing! So sweet!!!

Saturday: I awoke to rain....yes, the beautiful sound that makes you want to stay in bed just a little bit longer....if you didn't have a 7 year old and a puppy.

Anyway, after I finally dragged myself out of bed, Ansley asked if we could "do something". She picked a movie so off we went! Gnomeo and Juliet in 3D was the movie of choice and it was a great day for us!! My mom went with us and we looked so beautiful in our 3D glasses that I had to have a pic!!

Sunday: My sister called to see if we wanted to have lunch at her house. Hmmmm....YES!!

I'm all about going somewhere that I don't have to cook, so after church, we spent some time with my family and good food. Ansley enjoyed playing with the boys since the rain went away, and all this was followed by an afternoon nap!

Tomorrow starts another week.... Master's classes, Benchmark testing for my students, and a tree planting ceremony for my friend's baby that she lost at 8 weeks. Spring Break is coming in a few weeks, and I must say that I look forward to it more than I should.

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Posted by Angel Love | Comments: (10) | Permalink

GRAND RAPIDS

Feb 09, 2011 02:05am (EST)

No not Michigan......my backyard!!!!

I came home today to find that I had no water. I called the city to see if they'd turned the water off to do some work nearby only to find out that they hadn't....... Um, yeah!

I went out to the meter and it was spinning so fast that I coudn't even keep up with it. I quickly turned off the valve so that it would not allow water to my house until I found the problem. It didn't take long because as I walked around the corner of my house, there were RAPIDS of water coming from underneath my house!!!!

When you open the crawlspace door, there is a step down about 2 1/2 feet.....the water was all the way to the top of that "hole" and flowing out the door!!! Seriously....I was so overwelmed. I called my dad and explained what was going on and he soon showed up to help me pump the water out.

Afterwards, I had to head back to school for PTO, and my dad and my uncle fixed the broken pipe. Thankfully, by the time we were done, so were they.

On top of that....I went inside before returning to school and checked my email. There was a notification that due to some legal mumbo jumbo that I've been dealing with, my loans have been frozen!

WHAT??? I am suppose to graduate with my Masters in July and begin my Specialist degree after that. All of my loans are "service cancellable" because of my teaching in a Title I school. I never even had to make a single payment so I'm waiting to hear back from the school financial aid dept. to find out what's going on. My head feels like it might explode any time now!

I've said this before, but what did I do to deserve every single thing to happen to me??? For some of you...you know that the list is getting long!! For others....just scroll back and read my blogs for more information. I never remember breaking a mirror, but really this all started 7 years ago. (7 years of bad luck...?) So is this all over when Ansley turns 8??

Posted by Angel Love | Comments: (14) | Permalink

CLIFF NOTE VERSION

Feb 05, 2011 02:17am (EST)

This week has been a doosey! This is the "cliff note version":

Monday: Work -- Two co-workers out due to medical emergencies with their children. I'm left to help subs know what the lessons for the day are and monitor the grade level. Master's classes

Tuesday: Work - Different co-worker out for family member's surgery. Faculty Meeting. MOD Kickoff at 6:30, but headed straight to site to begin setup after school.

Wednesday: Work - Same co-worker out for surgery, one co-worker from Monday out 1/2 day. Church.

Thursday: Work - Same two co-workers from Monday out again for work related conferences. Repeat of Monday complete with Master's classes.

Friday: Work - One co-worker still out for work related conference. Chose a movie for the afternoon and called it a day! EXHAUSTED!!

I don't know what I did to earn such a week, but I'm extremely glad that it's FRIDAY!!

Someone mentioned that "good things" must be on the way....I'm counting on it!! In the midst of this crazy week, I got to spend some AMAZING time with one of my best friends!!! We don't get to talk much, but when we do....it's always great and always late when we're done.

Those are the best conversations!! I'm hoping that more "good things" are around the corner because I can sure use some reasons to smile! I never knew that a few minutes with someone special to you could make a terrible week seem a little more tolerable.

Posted by Angel Love | Comments: (2) | Permalink

GIGGLES AND GRINS

Feb 01, 2011 01:16am (EST)

FINALLY---we had some Georgia temperatures roll in for the weekend! Saturday brought a windy version of the 60's and Sunday brought 73 degrees!!!

My nephew's 3rd birthday was on Saturday, and after a few fun things then, we were able to celebrate at his party on Sunday! Who knew that it'd be warm enough for an OUTDOOR party in January!? The kids had a blast playing outside and not having to worry about jackets! The adults enjoyed the patio and a lazy afternoon as well!!

I was hoping that the temps would stick around for a while, but no such luck. Today was in the low 40's (which I know is not cold for some of you), but after 73 degrees it's heartbreaking! We're suppose to have rain this week too, but hey---I can celebrate those few warm days, right?!

Thank you all for your kind words at the news of my friend's loss. She and her husband are doing well, and are taking it one day at a time....sometimes one breath at a time. You're encouragement held me up one more time....

Posted by Angel Love | Comments: (4) | Permalink

MY HEART

Jan 25, 2011 03:20am (EST)

Today my heart is heavy...

My best friend, the one who has been by my side through everything, lost her baby today. She was 11 weeks exactly.

Many people would say, 11 weeks....that's soon. Yep, but at 11 weeks she had heard her child's heartbeat. She'd seen those images of the arms and legs going a mile a minute with every wiggle. They'd fallen in love with their precious child.

They have a 13 month old and many of the insensitive comments have already started.....

you're young and can have more

you still have Carson

everything happens for a reason Yes, we've all heard those comments. We know that the person means well, but really---we never needed those words.

Her question today was, "How do I figure out my new normal?" I hate that I have to help her navigate this path. I hate that I know how she feels. I can take the pain and the heartache, but I never wanted her to have to feel this pain and know the depth that heartbreak can really be.

Please remember my friend and her husband and son as they learn their new normal and find ways to honor the short life of their precious child.

Posted by Angel Love | Comments: (9) | Permalink

NORTH OR SOUTH??

Jan 12, 2011 01:24am (EST)

This is the question....Do I live in the North or the South?? Looking at my weather lately, you'd have to wonder.

Sunday brought another arctic treat for us and with that cold, cold air came SNOW!!! Yep, this is the second time since Christmas!

Our state gets snow, but very little and it's never this early in the season.... Because of that, there are many folks scratching their heads wondering if we got transplanted to the north or something.... My friend's parents live in northern Maine and they haven't had snow to amount to anything yet....

Don't get me wrong--I'm enjoying the snow because: 1.) Watching Ansley in the snow is just fun!

2.) I get off work!!

(Tomorrow will be Day #3!!) 3.) It's just beautiful...so calm and quiet!

Along with the enjoyment comes a lot of time to think. Sounds like a blessing, but sometimes it can be hard to have extra time on your hands. I'm sure that there are some of you who want to knock me over the head because I've said this, but I'm just doing what I know to do, and get you guys in on my thoughts.

I think of where I've come from and where I am now. Yes, I've "survived" it, but what do I have to show for it? For everything I've "survived", I've had something taken away. I find myself looking for what to look forward to, and I can't find anything... I see myself years from now still hanging out on this couch watching TV and checking in on my Share friends.

Yes, the snow is beautiful, my daughter is beautiful, and the days off are wonderful, but I need something else. I'm just tired of being tired, ya know?

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Posted by Angel Love | Comments: (5) | Permalink

LOOKING BACK

Jan 04, 2011 03:13am (EST)

Looking back....I've focused on a lot of negative things that have happened to me, and not a lot on the positive things.

-- My 27 weeker only visited the dr. in 2010 for her 7 year well check!

-- I found the courage to start my Master's courses after 13 years in "the business".

-- Shareunion was in HOT-LANTA!!

-- I was able to hug some of the great women who have led me through some very difficult times (again)!!

-- Ansley was able to meet my "Share friends" for real, and I got to meet Micah!

-- I had the most AMAZING summer ever!!! One of my best friends made it super special for me, and showed me what it means when someone really cares for you!!

-- I moved into a "new-to-me" house!!

There are many more precious moments like my daughter's beautiful blue eyes shining through her new glasses, and her quiet whisper when she found out her Christmas gift was a puppy. Those times mean more to me than anyone will ever know because she's with me and I don't take that blessing lightly. All too many times I forget because I'm so caught up in what I don't have and what I long for in life, but I'm going to be sure to enjoy my time with her more in 2011 and celebrate the great moments in the end.

Posted by Angel Love | Comments: (12) | Permalink

1-1-11

Jan 01, 2011 03:09pm (EST)

Yeah....I just like saying it! 1-1-11!!!

I can't believe it's January already. A new year means a new start, right? New goals, new, new, new.... I don't know what's suppose to be happening in my life for 2011 and quite frankly, I'm scared! Everything is different for me and the goals that I was sure would be there for the new year are no longer there. So many things changed in the last few months of 2010 and the scars are still fresh. I don't want to say that there's nothing that can happen to take me down further because I'm sure that the few things that I haven't endured would meet me the next day, but I've gotten knocked down pretty far, and I hope that 2011 won't bring anything that will take me down any more.

I rang in the new year in my bed dozing as the celebration in Time Square played out on my TV. Ansley called and woke me up after 12 to tell me Happy New Year! Is it sad that my 7 year old was celebrating with friends and I wasn't??? Tibbles and I thought it best to begin our new year with plenty of sleep!

I hope that each of you have mini goals that will help you to feel great for these first days of the new year. My first mini goal is to take this Christmas tree down and get it packed away....

Sounds funny, but it hasn't happened yet so it's a goal.

Posted by Angel Love | Comments: (5) | Permalink

DEEP BREATH

Dec 27, 2010 02:18am (EST)

Okay---Deep breath, I did it again! I'm talking about Christmas...I've tried explaining it to others, but they just don't get it. I'm talking about the loneliness and the extreme heartache without one of my daughters here. I know you guys get it and not only that, most of you know the additional struggles for me this year which made the excitement of Christmas a bit elusive for me.

My main goal was to make it great for Ansley. I can be sad and feel sorry for myself all I want when she's not here, but when she's here....it was my goal for Christmas joy for her.

She's always enjoyed opening one gift on Christmas Eve, and this year was no different. I was fortunate enough to be able to get her a puppy! Yes, I have a puppy to take care of now, and she was so excited that she was speechless!!!

Love it when it's that kind of surprise. Our little guy's name is Tibbles and I must say, he's a cutie! Just check him out in the pic!!

Santa brought tons and tons of things for Ansley, and my family spoiled her that much more! Christmas night, we were at a family gathering at my uncle's house which is about 30 mins. north of here. It started to snow!! Yep--SNOW--on CHRISTMAS!! (Can you tell we don't get that??) Anyway, it was sticking to everything and still snowing when we left, but was just getting started when we got home. This morning, I awoke to this phone call.....

A: "Hey Momma! It's snowing like crazy and the ground is all white!!" Me: "Wow--I'll have to look out the window and see it..." A: "Momma, Get your butt out of the bed! It's SNOWING!!"

Yeah---I love hearing her that excited, but I missed seeing her plastered against the window to watch it fall. She did come by around lunchtime for more clothes for layered warmth, but headed off again with her dad to play some more. They'd already built a snowman over 6 feet tall, and were planning on a big snowball fight.

Tomorrow most of the snow will be gone, but it was such a great Christmas surprise for everyone!! I took a couple of pics to share with those who didn't have a White Christmas...and day after!

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Posted by Angel Love | Comments: (3) | Permalink

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