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AS REQUESTED - POSTPARTUM DEPRESSION CHAT LOG
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Aug 09, 2007 09:09am (EST)
Below is a transcript from the chat. You'll notice that some chat participants have no log at all (what they wrote is missing, only their name appears). This is because they are on chat via html rather than Java. Stay tuned - I will soon be releasing a chat tutorial to get all regular chat participants using Java. This will better allow us to capture the entire dialogue of these great chats for our members who would like to be part of the topics, but can't make the designated chat times. I advice you all to keep in mind that all chats are recorded and chat logs are kept backstage.
Also, I removed some of the early/late dialogue which was mostly hellos and goodbyes. We had 6:29 pages that were only greetings. We are a friendly bunch. 
00:31:36 Karri Well shall we get started?
00:31:38 kel_jacksons_mom Hello Birdie. Thanks for you time. :O) Much appreciated
00:31:41 mommy_meg 2
00:31:49 Darcy Milder Yes, you will have to do that.
00:31:52 Aileigh Hi Birdie! Thanks for coming!
00:32:04 Karri
I would like to take a moment and Welcome Birdie and Thank her for joining us today.
00:32:15 mommy_meg 2
00:32:25 Birdie Meyer glad to be here....hello to all
00:32:34 Karri
Birdie is a nurse, has worked with NICU Moms, and specializes in Mood Disorders
00:32:38 Braden's Mommy
Hi Birdie, thanks so much for joining us!
00:32:44 makcalla
Look in the menu drop-down
00:32:44
kel_jacksons_mom
brb, Jack is going outside. I gotta get myself situated so I can see him.
00:32:47
roozroo
Hello,Birdie
00:32:57
McTriplet Mommy
Birdie - thanks *so much* for joining us!
00:33:02
Karri
She also volunteers with Post Partum International. Birdie would you like to take a moment and share a bit about yourself with all of us?
00:34:21
Karri
So the first topic I'd like to talk about today is just what type of emotional toll the NICU experience has on each of us.
00:34:22
kel_jacksons_mom
I'm ready, out of breath but ready.
00:34:24
Birdie Meyer
I didn't have PPD myself...but, I am a RN and counselor and started a group/program at my hospital...and here I am an "expert" 10 years later...it has been so rewarding and I've learned everything from all the women I've met
00:34:25
Braden's Mommy
? Maybe
00:34:36
mommy_meg 2
00:34:44
Karri
Thank you Birdie.
00:34:54
kel_jacksons_mom
My NICU expeirence wasn't what you called bad. Scary nonetheless, but not horrible. Jack was 33 weeks.
00:34:54
Birdie Meyer
I am a lactation counselor, childbirth educator, and previously a mommy-baby nurse
00:35:10
kel_jacksons_mom
Still leaving him there made me feel like a failure. I didn't get to have a vaginal delivery, his mouth was too little to breastfeed. My dreams were shattered.
00:35:11
Aileigh
For me, I didn't start until after I got home. I was in survival mode until then.
00:35:16
Birdie Meyer
I have 2 daughters--18 and 22...2 step-kids and 6 grandkids
00:35:28
Karri
So, Birdie your experience is a bit diverse... but all surrounding Mother/Baby... what a great background
00:35:37
mommy_meg 2
00:35:37
lesleylynn
00:35:51
McTriplet Mommy
Like Aimee, I feel like I was living in what I call "crisis" mode until things "settled down" - that's when things hit me.
00:36:14
Karri
I blogged last week about the fact that I don't think I had PPD.. I was in "survival" mode.. just get through the day.
00:36:16
makcalla
my greatest frustration was pumping/nursing. More than anything, I felt like a failure in that area.
00:36:22
kel_jacksons_mom
I felt the same too Aimee.
00:36:31
lesleylynn
00:36:37
Birdie Meyer
I find that most NICU moms don't "fall apart" till they take the baby home....survival mode until then
00:36:41
kel_jacksons_mom
I did too in the nursing area. It was so frustrating.
00:37:00
Karri
Birdie do you see a great coorelation between PPD, and a NICU experience?
00:37:01
kel_jacksons_mom
Exactly Birdie. When Jack came home I was like okay, how do I handle such a little baby. What am I to do now. I can't do this...
00:37:01
pj'smom 2
00:37:15
McTriplet Mommy
That's interesting to know, Birdie - I almost wondered if something was wrong with me because I didn't really feel *so* horrible while the boys were in the hospital and things were touch and go - it was when we got home!
00:37:29
Aileigh
When I was sent home, I wasn't given the all clear to breastfeed. So I had to continue to pump.
00:37:54
Karri
Kara.. I find I experienced the same thing. I woke one day when the girls were 9mos old, and suddenly realized.. the could have died.. at any turn.
00:38:11
kel_jacksons_mom
You were also dealing with some major issues yourself weren't you Aimee. Your health was in bad shape at that time. That must have ben hard.
00:38:20
Karri
Denial.. a beautiful, and scary thing all at the same time.
00:38:26
Birdie Meyer
It's a very common feeling to feel like you didn't get to have the "baby channel" delivery...it's really like a "loss" of the delivery and bab you dreamed ofy, and experience you wanted to have
00:38:54
kel_jacksons_mom
At the time all I could think of was unfair.
00:38:59
McTriplet Mommy
I almost felt guilty then - like things were so much "better" now - why in the world am I so upset about it??
00:39:00
Aileigh
I found that I could no longer watch Baby Story
00:39:05
Karri
We are forced to both celebrate, and mourn at the same time.. how confusing emotionally. What is "right" to feel?
00:39:14
roozroo
I was the same way. Auto pilot with my first one. After trying so hard the second time to get pregnant and stay pregnant I was kind of let down when it was all over. I knew that this would be my last time and I was real down.
00:39:26
mommy_meg 2
00:39:31
Braden's Mommy
When Braden was about 15 months old and his first anniversary of coming home came around, I think that is when it really hit me and I didn't want to get out of bed and didn't know what was wrong with me, I think I kept it all bottled in until then
00:39:38
Leonardo's Mom
has joined the chat.
00:39:42
lesleylynn
00:39:42
kel_jacksons_mom
I felt robbed too.
00:39:52
Birdie Meyer
The womwn in my support group actually say they "Hate" baby channel now and want to throw things at the tv (LOL)
00:39:58
Aileigh
Robbed is one of the words I have used often
00:40:09
Karri
LOL
00:40:13
McTriplet Mommy
Oh, I've certainly wanted to throw things at the women on Baby Story!
00:40:13
makcalla
I stopped watching baby channel with my high-rish pregnancy. Too jealous
00:40:20
pj'smom 2
00:40:28
kel_jacksons_mom
I never watched it. I don't know why. It was too perfect for me.
00:40:30
Aileigh
And the Duggars.... Don't get me started!
00:40:37
Aileigh
lol
00:40:37
kel_jacksons_mom
hahaha. The Duggars.
00:40:37
McTriplet Mommy
I find use "cheated" a lot - that I was "cheated" out of what I was "supposed" to have.
00:40:40
mommy_meg 2
00:41:16
roozroo
I felt like i was cheated out of normal.
00:41:21
Birdie Meyer
almost "paranoid" feelings are very common....such as not trusting what people are telling you or thinking the nurses were against you...you're so out of control
00:41:28
makcalla
Birdie, do you ever give your mothers "permission" to stop pumping/breastfeeding?
00:41:30
Karri
I think all we've struggled through.. you find people stating all the cliches.. "oh you just love more.. deeper" I'd take just regular old love to have missed teh NICU experience.
00:41:32
Braden's Mommy
yes, Kara, cheated is a good way to describe it too...now that my sister is going through the *perfect* pregnancy I am so happy for her and jealous at the same time
00:41:43
dinamarie
I think I have been going through it since losing my daughter in November. Even though I lost her at 20 1/2 weeks.
00:41:52
lesleylynn
00:42:00
kel_jacksons_mom
Jealous is a great word.
00:42:20
mommy_meg 2
00:42:25
Karri
That's what Share has done for me.. Validated every feeling I've ever had about this entire experience
00:42:27
mommy_meg 2
00:42:32
makcalla
Dina, I went through it from the point I lost my first baby at 22 weeks to the point my second daughter came home - over a year later.
00:42:37
kel_jacksons_mom
and not feel like I'm nuts too Karri.
00:42:46
Karri
Exactly!
00:42:58
McTriplet Mommy
Ab-so-lutely, Karri. I felt like such a freak and those old cliches about "not given more than we can handle" and "appreciate things more" and blah blah blah... until I found people who really *got* it here!
00:43:02
lesleylynn
00:43:26
kel_jacksons_mom
I remember being at a park just a couple of weeks ago and people asking how old Jack was and they're amazed at how tall he is. Then I mention he was a preemie and they will actually tell me I was lucky to not be uncomfortable those last seven weeks.
00:43:31
Aileigh
How do you respond to loved ones who try to tell you look at the bright side. I wanted to hit everyone who said that! They didn't go through it. They didn't have to leave their baby
00:43:33
Gabby & Abby
00:43:52
Birdie Meyer
there is still much misunderstading around what's "common" with the new emotions of motherhood...everyone gets labled as "psychotic" if they try to say they have tearfulness or anxiety...which would be so "normal" for a NICU mom...or having a loss at 20 wks
00:43:52
makcalla
I lost it at a random point in the NICU experience. I was upset Lily was getting a central line. Nothing major. But the loss of my dream she would make it through wihtout getting cut.
00:43:58
lesleylynn
00:44:21
kel_jacksons_mom
Don't even get me started. LOL I felt like saying. "yes it was awesome he got to stay in the hospital for 12 whole days without me. loads of fun"
00:44:26
Birdie Meyer
Yes...I give people permission to quit breastfeeding if they want....I support women whichever way they want to go
00:44:32
pj'smom 2
00:44:34
Karri
As a society.. we're told to be strong.. sometimes strong is overrated.
00:44:40
McTriplet Mommy
Oh, Kelly - that is one of my *biggest* things that I will get into people over - how I didn't have to get so uncomfortable getting really big with triplets and how I don't have that extra skin from getting . UGH!!!!huge
00:45:16
Karri
Melissa.. GREAT question.. difference between the baby blues, and true PPD.
00:45:20
Aileigh
I didn't get to bring Ryan home. And it still tears me up to this day
00:45:29
mommy_meg 2
00:45:58
dinamarie
and what about post tramatic stress syndrome?
00:46:18
mommy_meg
00:46:18
Braden's Mommy
I know that nurses get attached to the babies but I really think that they need to be told that that is not what a mom wants to hear...she is the mom!
00:46:27
McTriplet Mommy
One of the few times I really "lost it" in the NICU was the first time I got to hold Lorne - I was terrified and the nurse (the sweetest - our *favorite* nurse) said, "Don't forget to hold the tube this way so it doesn't pull on him" and I *totally* lost it. Like I can't even hold my kid right.
00:46:34
Gabby & Abby
00:46:41
kel_jacksons_mom
I think I've suffered more PTSD since Kate was born. the whole birth was very traumatic. To deliver a baby who is already dead is hard. A lot of people think its easier that I didn't get to know her, but if she had just breathed one time I feel like it would be easier. Probably not though.
00:46:46
Birdie Meyer
the blues are transient...2 days-2 weeks of adjusting mild anxiety, tearfulness....PPD lasts longer...symptoms are more severe...increased depression, anxiety, over-eating or undereating, oversleeping or can't sleep...can be anxiety, panic, obsesssing, flashbacks...all of that is PPD
00:46:54
PHOENIX'S MOM
has joined the chat.
00:47:02
kel_jacksons_mom
Welcome Angi! Glad your here.
00:47:05
roozroo
I think that was the hardest part. Not bringing a baby home with you. I thought it was horriable the first time, the second time really hit me hard. All I kept saying to myself was nobody should have to do this twice,
00:47:12
kel_jacksons_mom
Using that internet to its fullest I see. hehehe
00:47:20
Karri
I just blogged about my girlfriend MaryAnn.. she was NOT sleeping.. up for days on end.
00:47:35
Gabby & Abby
00:47:48
Birdie Meyer
It's all so unique when your baby's in NICU....the emotions are on a roller coaster....or just "stuffed" for a while and come out later
00:47:50
lesleylynn
00:47:54
kel_jacksons_mom
Me too. I thought it was just the blahs. I see now I probably suffered from that with Jack and probably Kate to an extent.
00:47:56
makcalla
How do you handle PPD that might be masked by grief from a loss?
00:48:06
kel_jacksons_mom
Perfect question.
00:48:23
Karri
Birdie.. can PPD surface down the road.. say weeks after discharge? Or would they appear sooner?
00:48:41
kel_jacksons_mom
I know that some girls in my support group who have lost their babies are on medicine now because its been months after the loss and they still really can't function.
00:49:11
Gabby & Abby
00:49:16
Birdie Meyer
The media portrays only the moms who kill their babies...and, that is Postpartum "Psychosis"...it only affect 1 in 1000 women...yet that's what we all think when we hear PPD...that keeps people from coming forward
00:49:18
kel_jacksons_mom
Most definltely Colleen.
00:49:24
mommy_meg
now this is better, I had to download JAVA
00:49:40
kel_jacksons_mom
Sha re helps me get this out between my support group visits. I don't know what I would do without you guys.
00:49:42
Aileigh
I didn't know about the Psychosis
00:49:51
Karri
The media has done a disservice to woman... they've made them to feel they have something to be ashamed of.
00:50:01
Birdie Meyer
PPD can show up anytime in the first year....it can be triggered by going home....stopping breastfeeding or pumping....being overwhelmed...sleep loss
00:50:01
kel_jacksons_mom
They have Karri. That is exactly what has happened.
00:50:04
Aileigh
I totally agree Karri
00:50:15
Aileigh
They have also given a bad name to meds
00:50:16
pj'smom 2
00:50:38
Braden's Mommy
Then you have people like Tom Cruise saying there is no such thing as PPD and it can be fixed with vegetables and exercise....????
00:50:39
dinamarie
I keep getting told if I think positive I will feel better but its not happening.
00:50:39
mommy_meg
sure
00:50:39
Karri
MaryAnn was so ashamed at herself.. no matter the number of times we told her, and she heard it wasn't her fault.. she'd done nothing wrong. she swore me to secrecy
00:50:46
lesleylynn
00:50:50
kel_jacksons_mom
They girls in my support group I could tell didn't want to say they were on medicine. I told they've been through a lot and sometimes you just need that to help get you balanced. Everyone is different.
00:50:51
Marina's mom 2
has joined the chat.
00:51:24
Aileigh
I was ashamed of being on meds at first, but you know, they worked for me. Now I don't feel like I have to justify it.
00:51:29
Gabby & Abby
00:51:34
kel_jacksons_mom
I can't believe I'm doing this again after having a preemie and then a stillborn and then I'm kocked up again. Sometimes I really wonder whats going through my head.
00:51:35
McTriplet Mommy
Yeah - I know when I started seeing a therapist and taking meds that I swore my husband to secrecy - mostly, I didn't want his family to know and think I couldn't handle things.
00:51:35
Karri
Sounds like we all have another mission to crusade!
00:51:37
kel_jacksons_mom
He was hot in Top Gun though.
00:51:40
Birdie Meyer
We also have a "i'm strong...I can handle this" mentality....hard to ask for help till we fall apart....."Just be happy you're OK and you're baby's ok"....you have so much to be happy about....why would you be sad?....all those messages that aren't helpful and keep us denying
00:51:58
lesleylynn
00:52:01
kel_jacksons_mom
I'm bad about that Birdie. I hate to ask. I want my family and people to say or just do it.
00:52:14
Karri
Birdie.. ABSOLUTELY!!! I'd be rich if I had a dime for everytime I still hear that!!!
00:52:17
kel_jacksons_mom
It would be great for my parents to come and stay for a few days and help me out.
00:52:27
McTriplet Mommy
Wow - looks like I was reading Bidie's mind! Like I didn't want people to know I couldn't handle things or the fact that all three of my babies are here, etc.
00:52:48
Karri
It's hard to ask for, and then actually accept help.
00:53:01
kel_jacksons_mom
Yeah I don't want people to know that I would love to have the help. Just to let me relax. Cook a meal for me. I have found that cooking, what I used to love to do for my family, I just don't feel like it anymore.
00:53:02
Karri
Birdie do certain personality traits lend themselves to PPPD?
00:53:05
Aileigh
One thing I did, I warned my husband ahead of time. I wanted him to let me know if things seemed off to him
00:53:13
kel_jacksons_mom
It could be it's been so hot but I'm just no in the mood. I'm drained in the evenings anymore.
00:53:13
mommy_meg
I rarely ask Brian for help with Camryn, I like to do things my way!
00:53:15
Birdie Meyer
people really want to help.....and, remember that you like helping others.....so, ASK for help.....you'll be able to help others in the future
00:53:17
pj'smom 2
00:54:17
Karri
It's taken me years.. more than 6 to acutally accept help.. and even now it's hard. I'm Mom.. this is my responsibility.
00:54:22
Birdie Meyer
We don't have to tell everyone when we're on meds.....but, why so much shame??? Diabetic? we don't say...I'm going to try to do this without meds..ha!! we have a double standard about physical illnesses that "occur above the neck"
00:54:23
Kena
00:54:28
dinamarie
I don't feel like people around me actually want to help. I think they want me to forget. To be strong like I once was.
00:54:38
Gabby & Abby
00:54:44
Braden's Mommy
I think as moms we definitely put our needs on the back burner especially in the NICU...all the focus is on the baby...and usually everyone elses focus is there too so moms problems get left out
00:54:45
kel_jacksons_mom
I finally sucked it up and went to my doctor and told her I wasn't sleeping, I was tired and had horrible dreams. She said to give it a month and lo and behold I am sleeping fine. She said its just something you go through after losing a child.
00:54:48
McTriplet Mommy
It's so "funny" to me how *good* it feels to help others - but we are so resistant to accept that others want to give. I try to think of the fact that I am denying my friends that feeling!
00:54:48
Karri
Dina.. I'm very sorry for that.
00:55:01
Karri
Great point Kara!
00:55:04
kel_jacksons_mom
I love helping people. Share is perfect for me. People help me and I hope I help them.
00:55:13
Karri
Kelly.. you do!
00:55:14
Aileigh
Great point Birdie and Kara!
00:55:27
kel_jacksons_mom
Thanks Karri.
00:55:35
Karri
Birdie... Do certain personality traits lend themselves to PPD?
00:55:40
kel_jacksons_mom
After I lost Kate I just felt like I had to do things and since I couldn't do them for her I would do them for other people.
00:55:44
Aileigh
I am a type A
00:55:50
kel_jacksons_mom
What is a type A exactly.
00:55:54
Aileigh
Control
00:55:54
mommy_meg
Is PPD genetic?
00:55:56
Karri
Me...LOL
00:55:59
Gabby & Abby
00:56:16
pj'smom 2
00:56:47
kel_jacksons_mom
I wasn't put on anything but I'm doing good now. I'm even cooking dinner more because I feel like it now. I am cooking spaghetti sauce as we speak.
00:57:08
mommy_meg
Like if I had it, could that be carried down to my daughter?
00:57:28
Karri
Good question
00:57:48
kel_jacksons_mom
I wonder that. My MIL (oh lord help me) she is depressed. She says she feels like she has nothing to live her. But of course hers isn't PPD, she would say otherwise. I worry about my husband and it being genetic. He seems okay though.
00:57:50
pj'smom 2
00:57:50
Birdie Meyer
More prone to PPD if family history, personal history of mental illness...we inherit and get what we get...but, inheriting an anxiety disorder puts us at risk PP..."contol freaks" have problems...and those who are trying to be super-everything...also, "negative " thinkers are more prone
00:57:53
Gabby & Abby
00:58:25
Birdie Meyer
But, you can do everything right and still get PPD....it's not your fault, you're not to blame....and it's 100% treatable
00:58:40
Karri
My girlfriend had anxiety with finding she was pregnant.. in hindsight we feel these might have been some early warning signs. Is that possible?
00:58:45
Aileigh
I had been depressed before
00:58:51
pj'smom 2
00:59:18
kel_jacksons_mom
My MIL was quick to diagnose me after Kate died. I told her I had been to the doctor and its the blues. I lost my daughter. She doesn't understand PPD though. I think I had it with Jack but left untreated. I felt different then than with Kate. Kate was a grief, Jack's was a blah sadness that wouldn't go away.
00:59:55
mommy_meg
Kel your MIL crack me up!
01:00:20
Karri
Lesson here would be.. talk about our feelings.. make someone listen.. keep talking to anyone
01:01:01
Gabby & Abby
01:01:01
kel_jacksons_mom
Share helps with that for a lot of us I think. And I encourage everyone to go to a support group if you can. Either loss of a child or NICU support. It's really beneficial to be face to face with someone. That is if you can't get it here.
01:01:01
Birdie Meyer
I can't type fast enough to answer everything I want to...grief is different than PPD....PPD can last up to a year....3-5 years if left untreated....anxiety and depression can start during pregnancy and puts you at higher risk for PPD if left untreated
01:01:01
makcalla
I think I fell into the "it's not genetic" category.
01:01:23
Karri
If PPD is left untreated is that when it manifest into the pychosis.. or is that just come on on it's own?
01:01:37
Gabby & Abby
01:01:37
Aileigh
good question karri
01:01:53
Karri
Birdie.. it's okay.. take your time. We'll try to slow downa bit, and meet in the middle.
01:02:35
Birdie Meyer
there's are really many risk factors...couldn't beging to type them all.....but, having a difficult or disappointing birthing experience is a major one....breastfeeding failures when moms really wanted to breastfeed affects us emotionally and chemically
01:02:44
kel_jacksons_mom
Biride, I am 10 weeks pregnant after having a preemie at 33 weeks four years ago, a stillborn in January of this year and now pregnant and I am so tired. I am not overly sad and very excited about this pregnancy but I worry about the tiredness. I am absolutely exhaused. Is that a sign of grief, PPD or just normal pregnancy stuff you think.
01:03:34
kel_jacksons_mom
It probably doesn't help that I have an almost 4-year-old running around the house but he's a great kid and understands to a point. I am about go back to my doctor for an appointment and will talk to him but thought I would bring it up here.
01:03:42
makcalla
Kelly, I was very tired during the first trimester of my first pregnancy. No PPD or grief for that one....
01:03:50
Birdie Meyer
and, then, just the overwhelming adjustment to parenthood...change in relationship with spouse....and, let's not forget.....the baby didn't get to go home with you....or the OVERWHELMING tasks involved with a premie and multiples
01:04:03
mommy_meg
Kelly- Will yall find out what yall are having? Or suprise?
01:04:11
Aileigh
How does it affect the spouse? Any suggestions on that?
01:04:14
kel_jacksons_mom
I guess I was just worried. This is my third pregnancy and I've never been this tired.
01:04:22
Karri
I'm exhausted just reading all that.. I still don't know how I survived it.
01:04:46
kel_jacksons_mom
We will find out. I'm awful about that. My husband can't by Christmas presents until the day before or I'll open them. I've learned the art of opening presents, putting the outfit on or look at the thing and wrap it back up in the same paper. I'm awful.
01:04:46
Aileigh
I almost felt angry with mine. Is that normal?
01:05:10
mommy_meg
haha, I need to learn that trick lol
01:05:29
Karri
Aimee... you were angry with your spouse?
01:05:32
kel_jacksons_mom
trick is a knife
01:05:33
makcalla
I felt guilt with my spouse. Like I was the only one getting to work through my feelings. I felt like I didn't give him the chance to do the same....
01:05:42
kel_jacksons_mom
I was angry with Brett because he wasn't feeling the same way as me.
01:06:15
Birdie Meyer
PPD with severe sleep deprivation, not eating, etc can lead to psychosis....that's why treatment is so necessary....but, psychosis usually happs on it's own...ususally in the first 2-7 days...it's a medical emergency
01:06:20
Gabby & Abby
01:06:29
McTriplet Mommy
I felt guilty, too, like I was the only one "allowed" to show any feelings.
01:06:37
Karri
Birdie.. thank you for clarifying that.
01:06:45
Karri
We have about 20 mins left..
01:06:48
kel_jacksons_mom
I do sleep good at night except the one bathroom trip. It's the middle of the day that is geting me. I don't drink caffeine so maybe I need to throw in a Dr. Pepper about noon.
01:07:12
Karri
I want to be sure to cover the resources and how to find help.. if we need it.. or know someone who may need it.
01:07:12
makcalla
I found taking a nap helped soooo much. By the second trimester, I was past the nap stage....
01:07:21
Braden's Mommy
I kind of felt like I shouldn't feel any emotions, I had to be strong...I lost it a week before Braden came home and he wasn't doing good and he wasn't coming home...that was the first time I broke down, Id ont' think the nurses knew what to do
01:07:22
Birdie Meyer
normal to be exhausted in first trimester...but, take good car of yourself....no extra duties...just the usual wears us out
01:07:38
kel_jacksons_mom
Yes it does. Jack starts school soon and goes three days a week so I think that little break will help.
01:07:58
pj'smom 2
01:08:10
Karri
Birdie.. do all L&D departments have list of PPDgroups?
01:08:10
kel_jacksons_mom
If we are feeling overly blue and want to talk to somebody is there someone you can recommend in the hospital or should we just talk to our doctor?
01:08:20
kel_jacksons_mom
Look at us throwing out questions left and right. Sorry Birdie
01:08:29
Braden's Mommy
Yeah, it would be a great thing to know where to point ourselves or others who might need a little help
01:08:34
Aileigh
Yes, Karri, my spouse, sorry
01:08:50
Karri
Okay.. let's take a break.. give Birdie time to process this.. and begin to answer..
01:09:18
McTriplet Mommy
anyone else secretly humming the "Jeopardy!" theme song???!!!
01:09:18
makcalla
There was a kiosk outside our NICU that had a flyer on PPD - complete with national hotline numbers and symptoms.
01:09:29
kel_jacksons_mom
lol Kara
01:09:43
LilyGrace'sMom
I was Kara! LOL
01:09:43
mommy_meg
Well gal's I have to run, I am at work. Thanks for everything Birdie, bye everyone!
01:10:10
Karri
Mary.. that's great!
01:10:21
pj'smom 2
01:10:25
makcalla
Kelly - your hospital and OB should both have phone numbers for you.
01:10:45
Birdie Meyer
Postpartum support international has a coordinator (or more) in each state....go to www.postpartum.net and see the resources....there's a map...and it'll show you each state's coordiantor...I am co-coordiantor of Indiana...and, I am in touch with every resource in the state.....PSI is a great resource
01:11:03
kel_jacksons_mom
My doctor after losing Kate and even after Jack was born would call me and make sure I was okay. He's great. he still asks me now.
01:11:06
kel_jacksons_mom
THanks for the info Birdie.
01:11:15
Karri
We'll be sure to post that web address on the site
01:11:43
Gabby & Abby
01:11:48
Karri
What other resources would be available.. and a good place to start. My friends OB wanted to just put her on meds..
01:12:18
Aileigh
Meds aren't the answer when you are breastfeeding
01:12:19
Karri
Her OB didn't even take the time to meet and discuss with her what was going on.. her Pediatrician is who directed her to a therapist.
01:12:29
makcalla
My OB warned me that alcohol and caffeine would have a big effect. It helped to know that.
01:12:46
kel_jacksons_mom
I haven't drank caffeine in years and I've heard that has a big effect on it.
01:12:47
Karri
She did eventually begin meds.. she HAD too.. butshe wasn't at that place yet.. and he didn't take the time to get there with her.
01:12:57
Birdie Meyer
There aren't always resources in every community...there's an on-line support group thru PSI....just be sure to have the "facts"....I 've seen many well-meaning OB's, Psych, etc give the wrong advice because they don't really know the facts about PPD
01:13:25
kel_jacksons_mom
How would you go about suggesting to a friend that they talk to someone without hurting their feelings?
01:13:32
Karri
My thoughts exactly Birdie.. her OB... just said.. well you know where to get the script if you want it...
01:13:45
Karri
he abandoned her.. in so many ways.
01:13:48
kel_jacksons_mom
I don't want them to think I'm saying "you should be over this" because you'll never be over this.
01:14:12
Gabby & Abby
01:14:36
Birdie Meyer
You actually can take meds and breastfeed....some are safer than others...again...ask a lactation person...they know the FACTS on meds and breastfeeding....having a depressed mom without meds if needed isn't good
01:14:44
Karri
She's moved on.. has been medicated and has healed.. this was more than 18 months ago.. Thankfully she did have other options... BUT what if she hadn't
01:14:55
Aileigh
I had a friend that had it way worse than me. I just told her whatever she needed I would be there for her. I reassured her that I love her.
01:15:12
Gabby & Abby
01:15:21
Karri
I came out and said..MaryAnn.. I'm very worried about you.. have you talked to your doctor
01:15:24
Aileigh
Birdie, I got so many conflicting answers to that question
01:15:32
Aileigh
Even the pharmacists didn't know
01:15:45
Birdie Meyer
It's hard to point it out to a freind...especially if they're trying to deny it....you might share your own feelings....and say "do you ever feel that way"?.....
01:15:46
Aileigh
I never asked the lactation consultant
01:16:27
makcalla
Birdie - great idea. It helped me accept what my husband had to say knowing he'd been depressed before. He "knew" what he was talking about and could relate.
01:16:27
Birdie Meyer
If you want to see a great blog for PPD...stories, etc....see www.postpartumprogress.typepad.net
01:16:27
Karri
My girlfriend was told it was safe to do both but she was in such a dark place.. that she couldn't allow herself to take that chance.. ."what if they are wrong" yet again another hurdle she had to work through
01:16:55
kel_jacksons_mom
Thats a great idea. "Do you ever feel like this." Perfect.
01:16:55
dinamarie
My doctor worked with me to find a medication that was safe while breastfeeding if we needed that option after my son was born.
01:17:14
Gabby & Abby
01:17:26
Aileigh
It might even be a good idea to consult with the doc before baby comes...Wish I had thought of that
01:18:00
kel_jacksons_mom
I've read lots of books about losing a baby, Empty Arms, Pregnancy Loss, Pregnancy after a Loss. They've helped me tons.
01:18:00
Karri
MaryAnn.. got to a place where she knew she need to reach out for more professional help.. but was so disappointed in herself.. it took us more than 2 weeks to get medication started.. she had to work towards accepting, and forgiving herself..
01:18:06
Birdie Meyer
remeber that men want to "fix us"..and they grief and adjust differently than we do.....so, they aren't always the best sounding board
01:18:31
dinamarie
Thats my husband =)
01:18:33
Gabby & Abby
01:18:36
Karri
Even though she had nothing to forgive
01:18:37
kel_jacksons_mom
Thats why I have Share too. LOL
01:18:49
kel_jacksons_mom
Thanks Colleen. I may go check that out. I'm a regular at the library anymore. hehehe
01:19:22
Karri
My husband moved on years ago.. in the beginning of my time here at Share.. he had trouble understanding why I would want to go back to that time.. I explained to him.. I had never left it.
01:19:28
makcalla
I know there is a celebrity out there who wrote about her journey with PPD, but I can't remember who.
01:19:47
Aileigh
Brooke Sheilds?
01:19:50
Karri
Brooke Sheilds
01:19:50
roozroo
Brook Shields
01:19:52
Aileigh
Down came the Rain
01:19:53
Karri
LOL
01:20:01
kel_jacksons_mom
My husband didn't know about Share until the NICU Reunion. This is private for me and my mom knows about it too. He just likes that I have someone or people to go to.
01:20:04
Birdie Meyer
so many ggod PPD books...."this isn't what I expected"...MOM-to-Mom support book" "beyond the blues".....the list goes on and on.....I do national training on PPD....so, I have to keep up with all the books....they're coming out 3-5 a month
01:20:06
Karri
Birdie.. would you recommend this book?
01:21:02
Karri
Birdie.. one last question:
01:21:13
makcalla
Karri - can you post those book, also?
01:21:23
makcalla
sorry - books.
01:21:30
Karri
For those that don't have specific PPD groups in their area.. Where is the best place to find help? OB? Family Doc?
01:21:55
Birdie Meyer
Down came the rain is a great book....it's her experience and it's so real...very eye-opening to people....all that money and support....and, she still got ppd and anxiety
01:22:21
Karri
Funny.. how a mental illness has no stereotype
01:22:42
Aileigh
She also didn't get PPD with her second. So there is hope for us, yes?
01:22:51
kel_jacksons_mom
GOod question Aimee
01:23:10
makcalla
Aimme - I know my second bout was much easier simply cause I knew to expect it
01:23:33
Birdie Meyer
Honestly, unless the OB, pediatrician is up-to-date on PPD...knows the facts....they may not be helpful....know the facts by reading, internet, etc...see your dr for meds if needed...and, if the treatment doesn't seem right....keep searching till you get the help you need
01:23:44
lesleylynn
01:23:46
Karri
Thank you!
01:23:59
Karri
great question Tracy!
01:24:05
Birdie Meyer
Not all therapists even know the facts...we're working hard on educating...and, it's better than 10 years ago...but, a long way to go
01:24:16
McTriplet Mommy
Darn - got to go, the monkeys are awake! Great chat - thanks, Birdie and Karri!!
01:24:28
Karri
Amen for what you've done this far.. and if we all keep talking about it.. it will help
01:24:32
makcalla
For me - knowing the signs and how to control the depression made it easier.
01:24:52
kel_jacksons_mom
I'm glad I know the signs now. My doctor gave me pamphlets and asked me questions but I said no, thinking I didn't have it. I look back and think I may have.
01:24:52
makcalla
It kept me from being blindsided with the emotions.
01:25:06
Birdie Meyer
Get onto online support groups on PSI....also...I have a list of wome who are willing to "tal" with other moms with PPD....most state coordinators know of others to help...."been there" kind of women
01:25:06
Karri
Birdie.. I want to Thank You once again for joining us. Your knowledge, and expertise has been invaluable.
01:25:23
Aileigh
Thank you Birdie and Karri!
01:25:27
makcalla
Thank you!
01:25:36
kel_jacksons_mom
Thanks Birdie and Karri. This was a lot of help.
01:25:39
Braden's Mommy
Thank you so much Birdie! I'm sure it has helped many out there, and we will get the info out!!
01:25:42
Aileigh
Where can we expect to find the links to the resources Karri?
01:25:44
LilyGrace'sMom
Thank you both. Great chat!
01:25:49
Karri
Thank you all for joining us today. I hope you each can take something with you.. healing, knowledge..
01:26:18
Karri
Aimee.. great question.. Darcy will let me know, and I'll be sure to let you all know!
01:26:21
Darcy Milder
I can post them in the Community BLog once the Chat committee has given me the notes.
01:26:30
Aileigh
Thanks Darcy!
01:26:35
Karri
Darcy.. Perfect.. THANK YOU!
01:26:43
Birdie Meyer
Good point...you're not blind-sided the 2nd time....but, you are at a 50% chance of getting PPD after having it once...there's a great book by K.Kleiman called "what am I thing...having another baby after PPD?"...it has checklists, etc
01:26:44
kel_jacksons_mom
Thanks Darcy, that would be great.
01:26:47
Darcy Milder
My pleasure! Thank you Birdie, Karri and the chat committee for putting together this chat!
01:27:52
Karri
Wow.. that's some pretty big odds. We'll be sure to include that book in the list of resources.
01:28:06
Birdie Meyer
thanks for having me...it was fun for me..
01:28:48
Darcy Milder
Thank you all for your time and participation!
01:28:52
Karri
And THANK YOU for joining us!! You have been a wealth of information. I hope you enjoyed.
01:29:16
Karri
Take care everyone. S
01:29:22
Karri
Bye
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Posted by Darcy Milder | Comments: (2) | Permalink
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CHATTING ABOUT MATTERS THAT MATTER
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Aug 01, 2007 09:32am (EST)
We have a special treat for our Share members! Next week, we are hosting our monthly Live Chat as we do each month. But this month we are honored to have a special guest "speaker" to join us.
We will be chatting about PPD - Postpartum Depression. Our chat committee asked Postpartum Support International if they could lend us an expert in the field.
I am pleased to announce that Birdie Gunyon Meyer, RN,MA,CLC Coordinator, Women's Mood Disorders will join our live chat to discuss postpartum depression.
We will be discussing:
Beyond the Baby Blues-- A Look at Postpartum Depression How the trauma of the NICU affects your Mood How do you know it's not "just" the Baby Blues Where you can find help
The chat will be held here in the Community Center on Tuesday, August 7th at:
3 pm est
2 pm cst
1 pm mst
12 noon pst
Please mark your calendars and join us for this special occasion.
See you there!
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Posted by Darcy Milder | Comments: (4) | Permalink
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TIME FOR A LIVE CHAT!
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Jun 29, 2007 10:12am (EST)
That's right - mark your calendars! It's time, once again, for one of our Share Your Story Live Chats. This Sunday evening, July 1st, log on to Share and come participate in live-time discussion.
Sunday, July 1
9:00 pm Eastern
8:00 pm Central
7:00 pm Mountain
6:00 pm Pacific
This month we're talking about dads. The fathers have their own burdens and their own ways to cope. Invite your husbands, or come talk about how the dads in your lives have dealt with, honored, celebrated their extraordinary children. Our guest speaker will be Todd, author of Share blog, Fragments of Fatherhood.
The chat room will open a few minutes prior to chat here in the Community Center. Hope you see YOU there!
In sticking with the dad theme, here are some of Share's daddies in action posted this week on the site:
mctriplets
steve cheyenne
webdesSepia
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Posted by Darcy Milder | Comments: (2) | Permalink
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HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!
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Jun 13, 2007 04:09pm (EST)
Anyone who has spent some time browsing Share Your Story will see that the overwhelming majority of Share’s regular posters are women. But among these wonderful mothers, grandmothers and aunts we have found some really wonderful dads who have contributed beautifully to the site.
In honor of Father’s Day on Sunday, Karen ( DNASMOM ) has helped me collect some beautiful quotes from the Men of Share.
Happy Father’s Day, dads! Thanks for helping to keep the /Y/ chromosome represented with your wisdom and wisecracks, your heart and your humor, and most of all for your love for these amazing children.
From Todd, Elliot’s Dad, in his blog, “Fragments of Fatherhood ”:
"The kid doesn't need me yet. All she wants is food. It's just hard, with no purpose.
“Until yesterday or today...
Now she seems to like lying around on me and looking at my face. I play with her and she notices. She's ticklish. She has put her hand on my scratchy face a few times now, and her eyes get all big. She seems to be studying me. And she doesn't cry immediately upon waking. She hangs out with me now.
“I was feeling pretty useless. And now...
I'm in love all over again.
I get to be a dad all over again. This is so cool!”
From David, dloewenstein, in his short story :
“One of the most poignant lessons that I have learned based on Rachel’s heroic struggles is that we often never appreciate a blessing until the moment that it is lost. We have today to extend both love, appreciation and acceptance to others and to make our lives matter. We must also accept that life is not fair and that bitterness about the past is the corrosive that consumes the container which holds it.”
From Steve, gavinsdaddy, in his blog, “Hitting the Trails with Daddy and his Little Campers”:
“… I'm learning to stand in the shadow and guide them. Let them be independent but be there to give them help when they need it. Yes they grow too fast and when I'm 50 they will still be my baby boys! I will always be there to guide and protect them. That’s my duty as their dad.”
From Jason, spence, in his blog, “A Day in the Life of Spence J. Vitaliano! ”:
“This kid is so tough - makes me look like a pansy! He's quickly become quite the role model and well he gives me so much strength seeing him go through so much and then fight so hard to get back up - he just loves life and wants to be off this vent. I hope he gets his wish soon.”
From Rick, MarksTwins, in his blog "Charles and Lawrence Marks ":
"We know that Lawrence is now safe, healthy and comfortable. Thank you for caring about our little son and for keeping us all in your thoughts and prayers. We forever have two holes in our hearts for our twin boys but they are together again.
We now have two angels watching over us. Thank you Charles and Lawrence."
From Chris, ffemtp628, in Parent to Parent:
“Barb and I have, many times, wondered what if anything we could have done as parents to prevent this pain and stress in all three of our lives. We have seen so many other parents at the hospital who ignore all the do's and dont's of pregnancy, yet have healthy kids. Its hard not to ask why, that's just human nature… Even when it’s hard to see the positive in a situation, that doesn't mean that it’s not there waiting for the right moment.”
From Steve Chandler in his blog “Miracle Cheyenne ”:
“Could I handle seeing her? Could I be strong enough to see how small and fragile she was? Sometimes though it is best to not think and just react. I knew the answer as soon as he asked. I said yes, we walked over and there she was. Dark haired, very red and extremely small. I touched her. My first touch with my new daughter. She grabbed my finger. I could see her hands and feet were like mine. Long and gorgeous, she was gorgeous. I went back with Sherry and before the bay was whisked away Sherry saw her all swaddled up except her cheeks. Our miracle was just beginning.”
From Brett, Quad-Dad , in Parent to Parent:
“Growing up, my understanding of what Fathers do was formed by being around my own dad. They provide, protect, and care for their families in any and every possible way. That is their job.
“But in the NICU, that doesn’t feel like it amounts to much. I visited our children’s beds every morning before driving an hour and half to work; then turned around and drove back to see them late at night. Afterwards, I tried to spend a few moments of relative peace with their mother, before collapsing exhausted- only to repeat it all again tomorrow.”
From Michael, mignolan (editor of Miracles, MOD's e-newletter), in Parent to Parent:
"It some ways, the anguish of Will's early birth is more vivid to me now than it was as it was happening. When he was so new and so sudden, and as a baby so unlike what we had expected, he was in some way abstract, and so was the pain. As a nearly-three-year-old, I now know him, and I have an understanding of what it is to be a father, and for him to be my son. If I had any sense at the time of how magnificent a little boy he might become I don't know that I could have kept myself together. He's beyond my dreams of who a boy of mine might be."
From HawkeyeDAD, in his blog, “HawkeyeDad Space”.
“One of the highlights of my day is putting him to bed with his big orange blanket that he has to sleep with reading "The Cat in the Hat" for the millionth time, getting a hug and a kiss and knowing I will get to do it again the next day.”
And last but never least, our very own Share Community Host, James SooHoo on fatherhood:
“I was just sitting here wondering when I got so sappy. Yes, I have the Giants/Cowboys game on the tv (as an Eagle die-hard, I'm hoping they both somehow lose)....but I'm not really paying attention. I've gone in to Julien's room at least hundred times just to look at him.
“I used to roll my eyes at parents who said they never loved anyone as much as their children. Honestly, I just thought they were all twits. How silly was I? I'm not sure where that James went...but I don't miss him.”
Happy Father's Day to all the men of Share!
jason spence
Mike and Meek
pote guys
Todd Mall Elliot
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Posted by Darcy Milder | Comments: (12) | Permalink
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THANKS FOR THE WELCOME!
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Jun 03, 2007 07:05pm (EST)
Share Community Coordinator here - reporting for duty!
Thank you all for the warm welcome and kind words. I appreciate the comments. I can't think of a community I adore more; I am really looking forward to serving Share and helping to maintain the kind of warm and supportive atmosphere that was there for me when I first arrived here in 2004.
Techno-geek at your service!
With warm sincerity,
Darcy
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Posted by Darcy Milder | Comments: (5) | Permalink
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DARCY: THANKS SO MUCH
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May 31, 2007 01:43pm (EST)
You are such a wonderful person, and the March of Dimes is so very fortunate to have you as part of our family. Best wishes in this new endeavor.
Pam
Education & Health Promotion Dept.
March of Dimes
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Posted by moderator | Comments: (0) | Permalink
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ANNOUNCING OUR NEW SHARE YOUR STORY COMMUNITY COORDINATOR!
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May 31, 2007 12:40pm (EST)
I’m thrilled to announce that Darcy Milder has accepted the March of Dimes staff position of Share Your Story Community Coordinator, reporting to me.
Before being hired for her new position, Darcy was a shining star as a March of Dimes volunteer. She started as a team captain for “Logan’s Angels” at the Quad Cities WalkAmerica in 2003. She then became their Ambassador Family in 2004. She was a Mission Speaker at numerous March of Dimes events in Iowa, such as Team Captain Kick-Offs, WalkAmerica, Chef’s Auction, a Baby Shower Luncheon, and the FCCLA state conference. She served as the Family Teams Chair for the Central Division as well as Chair of the State Chapter, before becoming the Iowa Mission Volunteer Liaison. She also served on the National Mission Volunteers Advisory Council.
Last year Darcy was approached by her chapter to write a Prematurity Curriculum to be utilized in the schools as an educational component to supplement human reproduction. As it turns out, Darcy had written curriculum before as a professor. Ideas were shot to Darcy and she took them and ran a full-out sprint! She included real life stories of preemies, and created interactive stations so the students would know what it was like to lug around an oxygen tank, figure out family finances with the costs of Prematurity, and what it might be like to be visually-impaired.
Darcy, of course, has also been a leading Share Your Story participant. Share Your Story and Darcy Milder have been intertwined from the beginning. As a stay at home mom who home-schools her three boys, she has found the online community to be an amazing support system where she has found a community, warm and compassionate, just like her. Darcy has posted over 7000 times, each touching a family in crisis, providing them a wealth of support and comfort.
Darcy’s participation has been multi-faceted, and always exceeds expectations when called upon. She has worked really hard to find ways for others to volunteer to help manage and maintain the quality of the site. In addition, she has often been asked to speak to March of Dimes staff around the country on why and how to promote the site in their communities.
In her new role, she will be a tremendous asset to me in providing technical assistance to you all as well as keeping the site on the cutting edge of community technology. She will assist me in marketing the site and will help provide logistical support for the annual Share Reunion held in October.
Please join me in welcoming Darcy!
- James
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Posted by James SooHoo | Comments: (35) | Permalink
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ASK OPRAH TO DO A SHOW ON PREMATURITY!
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May 16, 2007 02:28pm (EST)
Hi everyone,
Just wanted to let you know that we have a proposal in to the producers of Oprah on doing a show on premature birth as a silent crisis. Can you imagine how much exposure on Oprah would do to raise awareness of prematurity in the United States?
Help us convince them that is indeed a show worth doing! Please write in at: Oprah show ideas.
Each email submission should be their own personal story of premature birth and suggest that they include a March of Dimes spokesperson because of our Prematurity Campaign.
Thanks much!
James
Share Your Story Community Host
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Posted by James SooHoo | Comments: (7) | Permalink
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VOTE FOR SHARE!
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Apr 11, 2007 10:06am (EST)
Hi everyone,
I’m pleased to announce that Share Your Story is up for a Net2Innovation Award. The project is now up for vote…so please cast yours! The Deadline is this Saturday!
You can do so by going to:
Projects/Vote
you’ll need to register on the site (it takes just two minutes). Then, you’ll need to pick at least 5 different projects. Make sure that SHARE is one of them!
You can find the full list at:
proposals
As an fyi…here is the link to our proposal: Share Your Story
Thanks much!
James
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Posted by James SooHoo | Comments: (1) | Permalink
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