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AMAZING GRACE - NICU JOURNEY - 127 DAYS

[Kathleen]

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Kathleen

March 2010
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NICU DAY #25 OF 127

Feb 23, 2007 08:10pm (EST)

I still have this icky heploc in my scalp. It’s not fun but I guess better than having to go through it again if I need another transfusion. My apnea seems to be under control, or at least the nurses say so. I’m not convinced – it’s pretty scary to stop breathing for no reason several times a day. All of the alarms and beeping noises scare me too. The day I had a cyanosis episode I thought mommy was going to faint! It was the loudest alarm I have ever heard. It scared mommy so bad that she wanted to call daddy immediately but couldn’t remember his phone number! When she reached him he came as fast as he could. The doctors keep reassuring mommy and daddy that ABC’s are completely normal for premature babies. It’s good to know, but doesn’t make any of us feel better.
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DAY #22 OF 127

Feb 20, 2007 10:22pm (EST)

OOUUCCHHHH! What now? The nurse is telling me that I have to have another blood transfusion. They can’t find any good veins, so they put the needle in my scalp. It doesn’t feel very good, where are my mommy and daddy?

I can feel mommy sitting near my box. There will be no holding today because of the transfusion. The doctors and nurses are adjusting my medicine because I started my ABC’s yesterday. A=Apnea (stop breathing for at least 20 seconds), B=Bradycardia (low heart rate) and C= Cyanosis (blue baby). This is normal they tell us, but it sure feels like my health is sliding backwards instead of making progress.

Mommy looks very sad. She opens up the portholes and touches my tummy. She is staring out the window next to my bed watching the rain and the wind. She says it’s a terrible autumn day, and that pretty soon it will be winter. She remembers checking into the hospital at the end of the summer and watching the summer turn to fall. She wonders aloud how many seasons will she witness while she sits at this window. When will I go home? Will I ever go home?
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NICU DAY #20 OF 127

Feb 19, 2007 10:14pm (EST)

I love to be held by my daddy. He feels very different than mommy. When he holds me skin to skin they call it “kangaroo care.” Daddy is pretty hairy and sometimes his hairs tickle my nose.

We like to sit in the rocking chair where he talks to me just like I’m a big girl. The Seattle Mariners are in the baseball playoffs against the New York Yankees. Daddy was given tickets to the first game of the series and he wants to make sure that I don’t mind if he goes. He also tells me about Christmas and all about my cousins and aunts and uncles and even a little bit about Santa. Daddy says I’ll be home before Christmas. I can’t wait!


Image020

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NICU DAY #19 OF 127

Feb 17, 2007 11:57am (EST)

I realized that there are other babies in this room too. Mommy has made friends with some of the other mommies and daddies. Griffen is next to me. He and I are almost the same size. His mommy lives far away, so she and his daddy can only visit sometimes. Griffen cries a lot when they are not here. He misses his mommy and daddy very much. Jaycee is a 28-weeker like me, but she is lots bigger. A new baby arrived today, her name is Amelia. Across the room is a baby named Grace. I think we might be friends some day.

Constance is next to me. Constance is very sick. OH NO!!!! Constance’s alarms are going off. “PLEASE HELP HER! Someone come quick! Constance needs your help! Constance’s alarms are all buzzing, something is very wrong!”

Okay, here comes a nurse – it feels like hours until they can get Constance breathing again, but I’m sure it’s probably just seconds. I am sad for Constance. Most of the time she is all alone. She still has the tube in her throat. The nurses say that she has been here a long time and they have no idea when she will go home, if ever.
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NICU DAY #17 OF 127

Feb 16, 2007 03:34pm (EST)

Two Pound Party!
My Aunt Maureen is so silly. She brought a 2 lb. pumpkin with a painted face and 2 lbs. of M&M’s to celebrate! Everyone is very happy that I am gaining weight. It seems to be one of the most important things right now.
Auntie MoMo brings a present almost every day. Yesterday she brought a little pink pig. She calls him piglet. He’s on top of my box so I can look him when I’m lying on my back. On the roof of my box is also a picture of my mommy and daddy. I love to look at them all day.
Every day my mommy and daddy can hold me – only once a day – but it’s wonderful!


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NICU DAY#12 OF 127

Feb 15, 2007 01:51am (EST)

Mommy and daddy are thrilled! The doctors say that my heart and brain look good.

Today I will meet my Grandma and Poppa for the first time. Auntie Mo has been here nearly every day, but she can’t hold me. Those are the rules. Grandma gets to hold me. I think she is as nervous as I am. “Don’t drop me Grandma!” She is a good holder. She’s warm and soft. Poppa doesn’t want to hold me yet. He says I’m too small.

They have both been so scared, afraid for me and my mommy. Grandma tells me that she is mommy’s mommy. She held mommy when she was a tiny baby too. She tells me that I have a huge number of people praying for me. I love my grandma. I can’t wait to get to know her better.


grace14

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NICU DAY #7 OF 127

Feb 15, 2007 01:44am (EST)

Today I am a week old! 1 pound and 10 ounces. It’s still pretty scary around here. The doctors have so many tests for me every day. They’ve told mommy and daddy that I’m about 70% viable – whatever that means. Mommy cries and daddy comforts her. The three holes in my heart will hopefully close in time, but if not, I will have to have heart surgery. I have an extra rib and an odd vertebrae. They are checking to see if I have chromosome and kidney abnormalities. The results won’t be here for weeks. Next I will have brain and heart ultrasounds. Mommy and daddy pray that the tests will be normal. Daddy laughs, “normal is so underrated!”
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NICU DAY #6 OF 127

Feb 05, 2007 09:37pm (EST)

Daddy is VERY excited. I’m not sure what they are saying… but it sounds like...I can hold my mommy today!! Daddy is going to tell her right now. Mommy is still healing and needs breaks to lie down. Daddy sweet talked one of the nurses into holding time. I know I have the best daddy ever, he makes things happen! The nurse told him that he can hold me first, but daddy says mommy needs to hold me more. He is so excited. He leans over and opens the porthole and whispers, “I’m going to get your mommy right now so she can hold you!”

Here is my mommy! Daddy keeps telling her, “Yes, yes, it’s true. The nurse said it would be okay!” I’m looking at mommy and she’s looking at me. I don’t think either of us can believe that this moment has finally arrived. The nurse settles mommy into a chair and talks about “kangaroo care.” Mommy will hold me skin to skin so she can keep me warm. Her body temperature will keep us both warm!

Here we go – the nurse opens up my box, detangles my wires, gently picks me up and brings me to my mommy. FINALLY!!!! We are holding each other. My mommy feels so good. I can feel her breathing in and out. I can hear her heart beat. Her heart! I remember the sound, it kept me company when I was inside and dreaming about this day.

Much too quickly it was over. Mommy reluctantly gave me back to the nurse. Daddy’s turn would be next, probably tomorrow. “I can’t wait to hold you daddy! It’s our special time. Just you and me!!!!”


grace11

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NICU DAY #5 OF 127

Feb 03, 2007 11:38am (EST)

Mommy was with me all day today. She sat close to my box and whenever the nurses allowed it, she would put her hands in and cup my head and bottom. She has such nice strong hands. She told me that daddy had to go back to work today, so it was just “us girls.” The hospital had found a room for her, so mommy and daddy can stay at the hospital with me all the time.

I’m sleeping a lot, I guess I always did. But now I know mommy and daddy are near me all the time so I don’t need to worry about them leaving. They will always be here for me. Even if they can’t be sitting next to my box, I am always in their hearts. Love is so good. I can’t see it, or touch it, but it is all around me.


grace7

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NICU DAY #4 OF 127

Jan 25, 2007 10:22pm (EST)

At last the patches are off of my eyes! The ceiling lights are agonizingly bright, but at least the lights on the top of my box are gone. I heard a nurse say that I’m no longer jaundice. Now I can really take a look around me.

TODAY IS THE DAY!!!!! I will see mommy and daddy for the very first time! I wonder if my eyes look like daddy’s or mommy’s? I have waited a long time to see them. I know they laugh. I’ll bet they have beautiful smiles. I can’t wait to see my mommy and daddy!

Here they are! My wonderful mommy and daddy! I have longed to see them. They are just like I pictured in my mind. Mommy has the most beautiful blue eyes. They are sparkling – oh no – those are tears sliding down her face. She never saw my eyes before today - we’ve never looked into each other’s eyes. I see so much love there. Now it’s daddy’s turn, he is looking at me and I’m looking right back at him! WOW – this is so great. I see him, I see him! “Mommy and daddy, I love you! Seeing is Believing. It’s you, it’s really you!”
 TODAY IS THE DAY!!!!!


grace5

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