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Trixie2310

May 2013

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PRAYERS NEEDED

Sep 20, 2011 05:39pm (EST)

A few weeks aog a woman I work with told me her 18 year old daughter was diganosed with preeclampsia. She was already 36 weeks I believe and at her drs apt just a week earlier they told her the baby was already so big they were considering inducing her or taking the baby c-section. Somehow after her blood preassure statred going up they decided not to. Instead they had her in the hospital for 3 days till her blood pressure was under control then released her having her come in every other day to get her pressure checked. Friday she went in for her check and the bottom # on her blood pressure was spiking over 100. They took the baby emergency c-section. Baby boy Rhyder was born not breathing, they revived him and he is currently still in the nicu. They released mom today on meds still trying to control her blood pressure.
I wanna ask everyone to keep both mom and baby in your thoughts a prayers as she begins a journey no one expects to have to take. I'll try to keep updating when I hear from the family on baby rhyder's condtion. Just breaks my heart to know they are going through this.

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ITS A...

Sep 09, 2011 10:54pm (EST)

GIRL!
Everyone, well almost everyone was sure it was a boy but nope. We're having another little girl. We're excited, just watching her move around yesterday was amazing. Her little mouth kept moving and her hand was right in front of her face. Hubby says she was trying to eat something. I think she was having a conversation with her hand lol.
baby's room almost has walls! Hubby is finishing the drywall tomorrow then we have to buy new carpet and start furnishing it.

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I REMEMBER THIS PLACE

Sep 08, 2011 12:37am (EST)

Tomorrow we go to the dr and get to see the baby. Hopefully we get to find out the sex of the baby, but I actually could care less about that right now. I'm just ready to see this little one again. Ready to see him/her wiggling around and hear the heartbeat. Just ready for physical proof that this little on is doing well. I'm a little scared at the same time. This apt was the last one we ever made it to with Skylar. I know I'm gonna be a mess this next month and my husband is well aware I may lose it a couple times.
The halfway point was my relief momment last time and I didn't make it much further than that into the pregnancy. I'm scared for a couple reasons. Obviously because I know everything can be fine today and completely change tomorrow also because if eerything is fine and I make it out of the next month... it's unknown territory. I dont know what to expect. Sheesh. this little one has me way more emotional then Skylar did.
I knew this pregnancy would be an emotional roller coaster, but sheesh. Sometimes just waking up makes me need a nap. lol 20 more weeks and this little one will be here with us and I'll have a whole new list of things to worry about.

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AND LET'S MELT DOWN

Sep 03, 2011 12:03am (EST)

I find myself looking up baby stuff yet again tonight. I find myself torn. Part of me is saying it's too early to be making plans and the other part is excited to do the things we never got to for Skylar, including registering for baby things. I just hit the halfway point, this is the time I started to feel safe with Skylar's pregnancy. We found out she was a girl, my husband and I moved our wedding up, we set a day for the baby shower. Then our lives changed forever. Something tells me the next 4 weeks are gonna be really hard.
I want to fell into a happy bliss with this pregnancy, I want to give it my all and believe... no to KNOW everything is gonna be ok, but everytime I try to plan ahead. My heart races and all I can hear is the Dr anouncing time of death. Everyone else is so excited and can't wait for all the normal pregnancy things to happen and I'm terrified past this current momment.
All I've heard since others found out I was pregnant again is how this time will be different, this time everything is going to work out right. HOW DO THEY KNOW? How can they be so sure? I just want some kind of assurance this pregnancy isn't gonna end in a cemetary. How do I stop being so scared? I just want to look at baby stuff and not panic.
With Skylar we were buying things everytime we went to the store. Little things like diapers and bottles. We picked out a crib just weeks into the pregnancy but never got to purchase it. After we found out she was a girl we started buying cute little outfits and imagining what she would look like in them. For this baby... we've bought a small package of wipes. We just started even looking at baby stuff last week. I dont know what;s wrong with me. This baby means just as much to us as Skylar so why can't I take that leap and plan for this baby to come home?

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FOLLOW UP

Aug 31, 2011 10:46pm (EST)

We had our follow up last friday and they didnt do an ultrasound

was really hoping they would. Dr said he doesnt feel the need for any extra mointioring. He says we will proceed like this is a normal pregnancy. I guess thats a good thing but I was kinda looking forward to extra peeks at the baby. We go next thursday for our next ultrasound and hopefully find out the baby's gender. I can't wait!

I know it's prolly horomones and I try to contorl myself but I think I'm goona have to wear ear plugs so people at work can't talk to me anymore. Most the women I work with are older than me in there 40's or 50's, but I swear it seems like I work with 5 year olds. Folllowing me around all day whining and asking stupid questions ( and yes there are stupid questions, asking me what time it is while staring at 3 different clocks just cause u dont wanna believe its right is a stupid question) Today was fine till the last 20 mins. Had one girl (who i actually like) follow me for 10 mins asking stupid questions and constantly whining. I asked her 3 times to stop asking me questions before I finally snapped and I told her to leave me alone. Then she told me I was a liar that she was asking me questions. So evidently im hearing things. grrrr.... I need to de-stress. Thinking im gonna treat myself to some fetticinni(sp) tomorrow. I could eat that forever yum yum.

One more thing to vent about my cercalge placement. When we went in they had one of the surgical nurses come in to get the baby's heartbeat. First of all she couldn't figure out how to turn the doppler on (should of been a sign) then she couldn't find the baby's heartbeat. Someone should explian to her what that does to a mother that's already lost one child. After she couldn't find the heatbeat she began to check for it in my pelvic bone. OK i'm no dr but WTH! She finally left to get a nurse for ob to come down. MY hubby was not happy I was less freaked cause I had felt the baby move not long before this. The ob nurse brings a different tip down for the doppler and found the heartbeat in seconds. HUbby told my dr about this and he was pissed. Evedently they tried to give him that doppler and he looked at them like they were crazy and went to ob and got a normal one. Shouldnt allow ppl that dont know how to check for a baby's heartbeat do it. Adds too much stress to mommy.

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UPDATE

Aug 13, 2011 10:52pm (EST)

Well I'm home

Yesterday was intresting to say the least. Found out right before they took me back for surgery that there would be no spinal. The guy that knocks ya out ( cant even thinnk of how to spell that right now) looked over the records from my back surgery and decided it wasn't gonna happen. Eveidently they operated in the exact spot they put the spinal.. which also means.... no epidural! Was not prepared for that and it throws off all our plans. I am not doing a natural birth. I was in horrific pain with Skylar and have no intentions of repeating that. So now we gotta have a converstaion with our Dr.
The cerclage went well. From what my husband tells me, I was kinda outta it since they decided to put me completely under for the procedure. Dr said if we had waited ne longer we would of been in trouble. My cervix and muscles had already started to soften, so dr put in a stitch up high and one low. I will be 17 weeks tomorrow and my body was already trying to get rid of my baby. I keep telling myself atleast we got it early but it's not really easing my worries.
Why does my body hate my children? I never thought my own body would be my worst enemy. How am I suppose to protect this child from me when I'm the one that has to carry the baby?

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TOMORROW IS ONLY A DAY AWAY

Aug 11, 2011 06:47pm (EST)

So tomorrow is the big day. My cerclage is scheduled for 1:30 pm. Found out once they take me back my hubby cant see me till after the procedure and recovery. Kinda guessed they were gonna do that but still don't like it. Already nervous and now I gotta do it by myself. Just keep reminding myself this has to happen, just not exactly how anyone pictures their pregnancy. Plus they don't want me to eat after midnight tonite. I'm gonna be one hungry momma. lol nothing after midnight and my surgery isnt till afternoon. Not gonna be a happy baby. Kinda wonder if they'll be able to tell me if it's a boy or girl. i know not why were there but if there gonna be looking at the baby ne way then why not? Trying to make this a little less scary and whats scary about finding out the sex of the baby?

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Aug 08, 2011 04:28pm (EST)

Missed worked today, randomly being sick is not fun. But as I sit here on the couch watching tv I can't help but feel peaceful. I can't explain it and not sure I want to. For once I can sit here and smile and actually think we're gonna be alright. Hopefully I cna hold onto this feeling especially with my cerclage coming up this weekend. It's a nice feeling, just thought I'd share. Hope all is well with everyone else.

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BEEN A WHILE

Aug 05, 2011 03:42pm (EST)

I havent written in a while. My cerclage is a week from today, I'm trying to not think about it. Trying to just relax, nothing I can do now just wait for it to get here and no reson to freak out about it. It'd be easier if everyone I know wasn't always asking me when it is. Just makes me bervous cause theyre gonna do a spinal block and numb me from the waist down and Ive never had that happen before. Kinda scary.

On a happier note, I think I can feel the baby kick. I'm not 100 percent sure it's the baby cause I'm only almost 16 weeks, but I like to think it is. The movements are still faint and I usually feel them when I'm sitting still watching tv at night and it's only every so often. It could be the baby right?

Everyone around me is so concerned with when we find out what sex the baby is. It makes me laugh cause I honestly don't care. I tell everyone it's a girl just cause eeryone else is saying boy, but my concern is more health related. I could honestly care less if we have a boy or a girl and I know everyone says that but I mean it. Yes I would love another little girl so mamybe someone could get to use some of this stuff we picked out and bought for Skylar but at the same time all I want is a healthy baby that I get to bring home. That's more important than ne thing else in the world.

It;s really hard to make plans for this baby too. With Skylar we were laready buyig things like diapers and bottles, I havent purchased one thing for this baby yet. With Skylar we were already plannig the baby shower and talking about what we would do after the baby is born, not this time. I just fell its too soon. To soon to make plans for this baby. How sad is that. Its still to soon to make plans cause I still don't know if I get to keep this baby. When will that feeling pass? Will I have to be holding my baby in my arms before I believe in this pregnancy. Don't get me wrong I already love this baby with all my heart, but i guess its still not real is the only way I can explain it.

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INHALE, EXHALE, REPEAT

Jul 18, 2011 05:37pm (EST)

Tomorrow I go back to the Dr. It's just routine bloodwork but I'm freaking out a little. Tomorrow we set the date for my cercalge. My tummy is in knots. I know I need to relax but its hard. I dont even know exactly whats gonna happen. I know the basics but I want specifics. I keep telling myself if i can plan everything then theres something I can do. When I know in all reality, there isn't. I never thought of myself as a control freak until we lost Skylar. I think that's the exact moment I realized how little we can actually control in this life. Now I research everything thinking the more informed I am the more I can prepare for. I'm so scared of the unknown. I know I know deep breaths and one day at a time. Why is that so much easier to say then actually do? Guess I just have to make it till tomorrow and then I;ll have all my answers huh? gonna try and relax now.. thanks for listening to my rant. All anyone in my everyday life wants to hear is everything is fine. When I have my momments of freak outs all I hear is to be optimistic, I cant think like that. I dont want to be optimistic I want to be realistic. NO ONE can garuntee me this pregnacy is gonna go according to plan and I wish theyd stop trying to. As I like to say, I'm cautiously excited.

thats the best I can give anyone right now.

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