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BRI'S FAMILY

Bri

June 2013

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THE NICU

Mar 12, 2007 07:38pm (EST)

With my husband and mom I enter the NICU to see my babies. We take off our rings and scrub our hands and forearms at the sink across from the receptionists desk. We are told that the twins are in separate rooms. Bryce is closest so we decide to see him first. In the back of the room is my little boy. He weighs 2 pounds 12 ounces. He is 15 inches long. He is in an open bed under billi lights and on a billi blanket for jaundice. He is wearing a little mask to shield his eyes from the billi lights. He is naked , I can see through his thin red skin and all sorts of wires are coming out of his belly button that lead to his I.V. I approach him a little
timidly at first. I ask the nurse if I can touch him. She says yes and comes over to take off his mask so I can see his face. One side of his head is swollen with fluid and his eyes are shut. I am overwhelmed with emotions. My heart ached to hold my him and comfort him but I know that I can not. I hold his hand and just look at him tears welling up in my eyes. An overwhelming feeling of love for him fills my heart.

After seeing Bryce we go down the hall to see Kaitlynn. She is 2 pounds and 7 ounces. She is 15 inches long. She too is wearing a mask and under billi lights, on a billi blanket, with umbilical lines leading to her I.V. Her thin red skin is very bruised from the delivery. the nurse removes her mask and I see that her face and head are bruised even worse than her body. I reach in and hold her hand. She is sleeping but seems restless. I hear a beeping sound and it is her apnea and heart monitor alerting us that she is having an apnea and bradycardia spell. I back away from her so the nurses can check on her. She recovers quickly and I return to her bed side. Looking down at her an overwhelming feeling of love for her fills my heart.

Our first visit to the NICU was only a couple hours long. My mind, body and soul are exhausted. When we get home I fall asleep with thoughts of my babies turning in my head. I am awakened by the phone ringing. It is the NICU calling. They tell me both babies are having blood transfusions. Kaitlynn is off the ventilator and breathing on her own with oxygen. Bryce was off the ventilator for a little while but had to be put back on. I hang up the phone and begin crying. I wish I was still the one in the hospital feeling all the pain for them with them safe in my belly. I felt empty with out them.

Bryce was taken off the ventilator after 1 more day then was on a cpap for 5 more days. He had to have oxygen for 4 weeks and then breathed on his own. He had a small brain hemorrage during his delivery but it was getting better. He had several apnea and bradycardia spells daily. I was able to hold him for the first time when he was 2 1/2 weeks old. He stayed in an isolation room away from his sister because he got MRSA. I had to always see him last and had to leave after to not spread the MRSA. He was able to start eating from a bottle or nurse for 1 feeding after 5 weeks. Within days he was taking all his feedings by bottle or breast. He steadily gained weight and was able to go to a basinett instead of isolette. after 5 weeks.

Kaitlynn was able to breath without oxygen after 4 weeks. She had even more apnea and bradycardia than her brother. I was able to hold her for the first time when she was 2 weeks old, She started taking feedings by bottle or breast after 5 weeks. She went into a bassinet next to her brothers room after 5 weeks.

Being a NICU mom was difficult for me especially in the beginning. My husband had trouble going but went a few times. He felt like we were in the way. I wanted to bond with my babies but it was hard with all the hospital equipment and staff in the way. I hated to have to ask to touch or hold my own babies. They just looked like they hurt all over and I wanted them to get better and go home where they wouldn't hurt any more.

Days and weeks went by and I watched them grow bigger and stronger. Finally they were 6 weeks old. Bryce weighed 4 pounds and 3 ounces and Kaitlynn weighed 4 pounds and 1 ounce. Since they were born 12 weeks early we were told they would be in the NICU for 12 weeks but my little super stars wouldn't have it. On October 1st 2004 they went home after only 6 weeks in the NICU. We were finally going to be a real family.......

bnicu2

knicu2

Posted by Bri | Comments: (6) | Permalink

THE TWINS PREGANANY

Mar 09, 2007 06:34pm (EST)

I found out I was pregnant again on March 3rd 2004. I had been taking clomid to become pregnant because I had not been able to become pregnant since the 2 pregnancies I'd lost in the 1st trimester 2 years prior. This was the 6th and last cycle of clomid we were going to try and I was so excited that it had finally worked. Fear of losing the baby kicked in right away as I called my husband to let him know I was pregnant. I went to my OB right away to have a progesterone and HCG blood level drawn. At the time I worked in the lab as a phlebotomist in the Hospital so when my results came in I knew the progesterone was to low. My OB put me on oral progesterone and wanted me on bed rest at home until the 12th week of pregnancy. I was only 4 weeks along and being on bed rest would use all of my paid time off before I even had the baby.

2 weeks into my bed rest at home I started to bleed about the amount of a period and called my OB in a panic. He told me to come in so he could do a vaginal ultrasound. I called my husband in tears and told him to come home from work so he could go to the hospital with me. I was sure I was losing the baby and I felt scared and angry at the same time. When I got to the OB office he started the ultrasound I didn't want to look at first because I was sure the baby was gone. He said he saw 2 sacs and that one (baby A) had a heart beat but the other (baby

was surrounded by fluid and he could not make out a heart beat. He said if I lost baby B I would most likely lose baby A too because baby B was above baby A. He sent me home to wait and see what would happen.

The next week I went back to the OB for another ultrasound. The bleeding never did stop and I was sure I would hear bad news. This time both babies had a heart beat but fluid, most likely blood was still in my uterus. Again I went home to wait and see what would happen.

I went home wanting to be excited that I had 2 babies in my belly but to scared to be after all I knew I could lose them. I had weekly ultrasounds and at each one there was less and less blood and the babies were growing fine. At last I was not seeing any more blood and was able to stop taking progesterone at 14 weeks. I finally was excited!!! I felt I was out of the woods and that the pregnancy would be normal from then on.

It started to hit me that we were going to be having 2 babies and that they were going to need a lot of stuff!. At 17 weeks my OB gave me the okay to work light duty. I was unable to return to my old job because there was nothing light duty that I could do. So I took a job at an outpatient lab. Within days of starting my new job I was sure I was feeling contractions. I would call my OB office and was always told to drink a lot of water and keep my feet up as much as possible. I could not shake the feeling that something was not right but the OB office always blew it off as braxton hicks that are more frequent in twin pregnancies. I continued to work and looking back now I wish I would have trusted my instincts and stopped.

At 22 weeks I had an ultrasound. My husband and I were thrilled to discover we were having a boy and a girl!!! How perfect! I asked the ultrasound tech if she could check my cervix length because I had been having braxton hicks. She began the vaginal ultrasound to look at my cervix and became silent. Then started asking if I felt contractions now. I said I think so. She left the room and came back with a High Risk OB. He said I needed to be admitted into the hospital immediately because my cervix was 90% effaced.

I was sent to labor and delivery where a contraction monitor showed regular contractions at 3 minute intervals. I was absolutely frightened. I new there was really not much chance of my babies survival if they were born now. The nurses gave me a shot of trubutalin and started a magnesium sulfate drip and gave me a pill called procardia. I began vomiting from the magnesium, my vision was so blurry and I had a splitting headache. I was given steroid shots to help mature the babies lungs. The contractions spaced to 15 minute intervals and were much weaker. My cervix had not changed any thank god. I spent 6 days in the hospital when the High Risk OB decided I needed to be transferred to a hospital that had a NICU because although labor had not progressed the contractions would not stop and it would not take much for true labor to begin. I liked the hospital I was at it was where I had planned to deliver, I was in my own room and I knew a lot of the staff but I understood why I needed to go to a different hospital.

I arrived at the antepartum unit of the new hospital by ambulance. I was put in a room with a roommate. She had been there a few days already and was 28 weeks along with twins. I was 23 weeks along at this point. We were both pretty out of it due to all the meds we were on but managed to talk and give each other support. I discovered I was the least far along of all the woman on the floor at the time and felt envious of all of them that there babies already had a better chance than mine if born now. Many of the girls were allowed to walk around my roommate and I were not. A couple of the other woman would come say hello to us and complain about how tired they were of being there. I could not help feeling annoyed after all they were able to walk around and were already at least at the beginning of the 3rd trimester or further. I was as friendly as possible but really just wanted to be left alone. I only wanted my husband and mom. This new hospital was an hour away from my home but my husband would come visit after work as much as possible. My mom would be coming from California in 4 weeks. I marked the day she would be arriving in my calender and thought to myself I at least had to make it that far.

The next 4 weeks in the hospital are a blur. I was on the strongest dose of Magnesium that I could be given and was taking procardia every 3 hours and when my contractions would get a little stronger or closer together I would be given a shot of trubutalin. I had a catheter which I hated but was to weak from the meds to get up to go to the bathroom. The babies were continuously monitored and hearing there heartbeats and feeling them move gave me strength and helped me not lose my mind. I was angry that I could not control my own body. I was angry that my babies were in danger and scared of losing them. I had irrational thoughts that this was punishment for messing with nature because the twins were conceived using a fertility drug and maybe I was not meant to be a mother. I felt sorry for myself. I was scared my husband would not love me if I lost our babies. I felt that I would hate myself if I lost our babies. I tried to sleep most of the time or read about preemies to prepare myself. I was becoming very depressed until finally it was the day my mom was to arrive.

It had been 5 weeks since I was first admitted into the hospital I was now 27 weeks pregnant and starting to feel hopeful that my babies were going to have a chance. I was excited that my husband was about to arrive with my mom who I only see about once a year. I needed there support so badly. I had started to get used to the medications and convinced the nurses to take my catheter out and let me take a real shower(sitting in a bath chair of course) it felt great. My husband and mom arrived and told me how proud they were that I had made it this long. My mom was only supposed to be able to stay 1 week but at the end of that week she decided to stay 1 more.

It was the first day of my moms 2nd week to visit and I was finally 28 weeks pregnant. We wanted to celebrate because 28 weeks was a big deal and I had spent exactly 6 weeks in the hospital. My mom and husband helped me put some maternity clothes on and stand up for a minute to take the first and only picture of my pregnant belly. I didn't recognize myself. My belly was the size of a watermelon, I was swollen, my eyes were blood shot and my face was a mess! That night I was very uncomfortable and tossed and turned. The contraction monitor showed I was contracting every 2 minutes and they were beginning to hurt a bit more that normal. I also began to see bloody show. The nurses said they wanted to add one more medication I think it was called indomethacin or something to stop labor. Within an hour I could not move. My arms and legs felt so heavy. An alarm went off when my automatic blood pressure cup took my blood pressure. The nurses and doctors came in and I heard them say my blood pressure was 60/30 and I had no reflexes. They were shutting my magnesium off immediatley.I fell asleep.

I woke the next morning more alert than I had been in weeks since the magnesium was off. The contraction monitor was not registering any contractions for the first time since I was first admitted. My back was killing me and I felt sick to my stomach. One of the OBs came to check me and I was 3 centimeters dilated so he decided to start me on Magnesium again. My mom and husband went to the cafeteria to eat lunch and they were going to bring back some strawberry ice cream for me when they were done. The nurse got the magnesium started and said she would be back in an hour to check on me. A few minutes later I had to go to the bathroom really bad. I pushed my nurse button and she said it would be a minute. I was not supposed to go to the bathroom by myself but someone had left a bedside toilet by my bed and since I had not felt any contractions I decided to try to use it and not wait for the nurse. I got out of bed carefully. My legs were shaking from not being used in so long. I sat on the toilet by my bed and all of a sudden realized I did not have to go to the bathroom I was about to have a baby!!!! I used my hand to keep the baby from coming out while I got to the nurse button and when she came over the speaker told her I was having a baby. She said I was not having any contractions but she would send the OB on call in right away to check. The OB came in and said he felt the baby coming out and I needed to deliver.

I had not planned on a vaginal delivery even though it was what I wanted. I was glad I would not be having a c-section but scared that I wouldn't know how to push. The nurses assured me I would know what to do. My mom and husband returned just in time for my husband to change into scrubs and rush to the O.R. where I was being rushed to deliver just in case a c-section was needed for the other baby B who was transverse above baby A.

The room was full of Dr's and nurses. They told me to push and out came baby A. A boy! He made a raspy cry and was held up briefly and whisked away. My husbands eyes teared up as he said "we're parents". Baby B would not turn head down. One Dr. pushed the outside of my stomach while another Dr. Grabbed her from inside me to try to turn her. It hurt so bad! Finally 26 minutes later she was head down and I was able to push baby B out. A girl! She was not moving and I barely caught a glimpse of her purple limp body as she was whisked away.

The rest of the night is a blur. The Dr's were making me stay in bed due to blood loss and all I wanted was to see my babies. They were not yet stable I was told. This hospital had an NICU but had decided to take the twins to a better one by helicopter as soon as they were stable. 4 hours later my baby boy was brought to my room for 5 minutes before being put on the helicopter. I stood up against the nurses wishes to touch him in his isolette. I was bleeding every where but didn't care. My focus was on my little boy. "He is so small "I whispered to my husband. We embraced each other as we gazed at our little boy. My mom wanted to cry I could see it on her face but she held it in and took a picture of him before he was taken away. We named him Bryce.

Finally 9 hours after her delivery baby B was stable enough to come to my room before being put on the helicopter. She was even smaller. Her face was very bruised from the delivery. I reached in her isolette. to hold her hand briefly. We named her Kaitlynn.

That night I called the NICU they were sent to a couple times to make sure they were still stable. I was told they were on ventilators and receiving blood transfusions, antibiotics and blood pressure meds.
It was a sleepless night. The next morning I insisted on being discharged. The Dr's told me I had lost a lot of blood and wanted me to stay. I refused after all I'd been there for an eternity it seemed. I wanted to be with my babies. I pushed until I was finally discharged that day. My husband, mom and I were on our way to see my babies in the NICU. I did not know what to expect and it is hard to put in words what it is like but I will try in my next entry.....

preg

bnicu

knicu

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THE TWINS PREGANANY

Mar 09, 2007 06:32pm (EST)

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THE TWINS PREGANANY

Mar 09, 2007 06:29pm (EST)

Posted by Bri | Comments: (0) | Permalink

INTRO

Mar 09, 2007 03:12pm (EST)

My name is Brianna I am 25 years old and have been married to my loving husband Ryan for 6 1/2 years. We have 3 beautiful children. Bryce and Kaitlynn are twins. They are my preemies born at 28 weeks and 1 day gestation. Tyler is 3 months old and is a full termer. I live in the lovely state of Missouri but was born and raised in California and that is where the rest of my relatives still live.A couple months ago I wrote Bryce and Kaitlynns short story and did not return to this site until recently. I was pregnant again at the time and have since been adjusting to being a mom of 3. Writing the short story made me feel better kinda a release I guess. I've decided to strart a journal now and I suppose I will start at the beggining again and elaborate on our experience with premature birth and work my way up to how our family is today.

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