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WELCOME, GUEST |
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(1 member)
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niylnnrae @a…6 |
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TRISTAN'S MOTHER
TrishloveTristan |
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| Category: Home | Sun | Mon | Tue | Wed | Thu | Fri | Sat | | | | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 | 27 | 28 | 29 | 30 | 31 |
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HAPPY 3RD BIRTHDAY IN HEAVEN
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Nov 22, 2011 07:02pm (EST)
My little angel, its been a long three years without you, not a day goes by that you are not in my thoughts! I want to thank you for being my son and for showing me that there are great things in the world. I continue to grow and learn from you, thanks to you I have this amazing support system called Share. Thanks to you I’ve been able to learn about forgiveness and humility. I know you are in heaven keeping me safe here on earth until we have the opportunity to meet again. We all miss you and love you. Your aunt, uncle and your nephews and your nieces dedicated a mass for you today. I hope they made you proud and that you can feel their love for you. I love you Always <3
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Posted by TrishloveTristan | Comments: (6) | Permalink
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CONFUSE AND ANGRY
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Oct 18, 2011 06:57pm (EST)
In 35 days Tristan's 3rd angelversary will be here. This has always been very difficult for me and on top of dealing with the contant reminder that my only son is not here, I'm getting paranoid about ever being a mom to a living child. My bf and I broke up; I've done research about sperm banks and was really thinking about doing it, until I read an article about a sperm donor who fathered 150 kids from his donations. So I'm scared to do it because I don't want my child to suffer later on in life because something like this could happen again since there are not "real" regulations regarding sperm banks. Everyone is having babies. My youngest nephew Luke is already one and walking and giving kisses, I love him so much but I get angry that I was robbed of happiness with my Tristan. I don't even know if I can get pregnant, my period has been getting longer and longer every month. At first it was coming every 33 days then 36 days and my last cycle lasted 39 days. I don't understand? The last few days have been hell, I was in a small car accident no damage to the cars but the people infront of my are claiming injury; my car got towed while I was at work and had to pay so much money to get it back. This is not how I thought my life was going to be. I'm a therapist and i'm suppose to help people but I feel like such a fake because I do too feel hopeless, when will my luck change? I wish life would have taken me with Tristan instead of leaving me behind without him. My sister has four kids and she stresses so much about things but the joy you see on her face when she is with her kids is priceless. I don't even know what to think or do at this point. Sorry be such a downer.
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Posted by TrishloveTristan | Comments: (5) | Permalink
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2 YEARS 9 MONTHS WITHOUT MY SON.
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Aug 22, 2011 03:36pm (EST)
I've been MIA for a while now; feeling selfish today, I logged on to complain about how much I miss Tristan and how unfair life really is. For the past few months i've been working at a women's clinic and I thought it was going to be healing for me because it would allow me to give back and help women who have experienced a loss; but it backfired. This job has left me drained; after one of my pt.'s loss her baby, I became a mess, wondering if this was my fate and that I would never be a mom of a living baby. Today marks 2 years and 9 months since Tristan was born an angel and I can't shake this terrible feeling. I'm at work crying wishing for the day to end, so i can go home and cry freedly. Tristan Mommy misses you, I wish I could be like the other momies on FB and on here that show off their babies in beautiful pictures but the only pictures i have are of him sleeping and they are so old; I wonder what you would look like now? Would you be speaking none stop? What would your personality be like? I miss you my love.
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Posted by TrishloveTristan | Comments: (4) | Permalink
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HI
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Jan 14, 2011 07:11pm (EST)
Tristan's Angelversity was great! my friends and bf attended we released balloons; we each wrote a wish in the balloon and released them; As we were doing that the wind became really strong and I saw it as a sign that he was there with us <3 This year has been so good so far that I'm so afraid something will happen. My boyfriend and I had the "talk" and he understands that I'm ready to have another baby... and so far he is on board! However, I first want to get 100% healthy with no medications in my system. I don't want to risk anything this time around; I don't think I could handle lossing another baby; I was thinking about maybe start trying in Sep or Oct. but only time will tell. I feel that although I continue to struggle with my family things are coming together; I wish Tristan was here but I know he is watching over me and guiding me in the right direction. I hope everyone is having a good year so far. Miss you so much my love Tristan.
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Posted by TrishloveTristan | Comments: (2) | Permalink
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TOMORROW WILL BE TWO YEARS...
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Nov 21, 2010 08:52pm (EST)
I've been MIA from share for a couple of months... I don't know, maybe I've been trying to avoid the unavoidable; Tristan's second angelversary. I planned a little rememberance at this resting place tomorrow and my sister told me she would try to request half a day off from work so she could attend. My mother and step-father had also said they would come. But now, since my niece was sick and my sister had to leave early one day she can't request the time off, she can't afford it... and my mom said that she and her husband are working therefore not coming  so now its my friend Giselle, Elizabeth and my bf and myself going. It breaks my heart that my mother could not take the time off; my sister's situation I understand since she and her husband are now raising four children and I know in this economy every dollar counts. But my mother? My family is so screwed up.
My sister went to visit him today with all of his little cousins... i hope i'm not too emotional tomorrow. A few weeks i attended a bereavement group at a near by hospital and it was very emotional for me as it opened up the wound of not having him with me and to see other angel mommies that are experiencing this horrific pain for the first time. I gave a couple of mommies information about www.shareyourstory.org and told them how much it has helped me.
We will see how tomorrow treats me.
Tristan I love you my honey-bunny! Today and always.
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Posted by TrishloveTristan | Comments: (4) | Permalink
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22 MONTHS...
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Sep 22, 2010 08:01pm (EST)
I remember when i used to count the hours, then the days, and now months; in a couple of months I will be counting years. Almost two years since my Tristan was born an angel. I continue to miss him the pain i felt at the beginning was so raw, now i have a different kind of pain, a hole in my heart that will always have void.
I wonder how many poeple still remember Tristan on the 22nd of every month. I guess I will never know but what's important is that I remember him with all the love a mother could ever have for her child.
I miss you Tristan, you gave me hope and love; a love that I had only dream off and for that I will always be honor to be your mother.
Love you always
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Posted by TrishloveTristan | Comments: (2) | Permalink
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NEWS
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Sep 10, 2010 06:22pm (EST)
Hi all my share friends, I'm going through so many changes in my life right now. I met someone wonderful who treats me so well and we are taking a big step and are moving in together. My family and friends love him but my mother is pushing him asking him when he wants to have a child and how many  I want Tristan another baby will not replace him. And I'm not sure if I'm ready to have a baby, my insurance is not the best and I would need time off so that's not in the plan. Oh and great news my pap-smear are back to normal i'm super happy about that. I continue to miss Tristan and his baby smell but i'm living and i'm in a much better place. I'm enjoying my new nephew and I talk to him about Tristan, ask him if he met him or if he sees him; i believe babies can see things we can't. Just writing this makes my heart heavy with sadness and fear.
Tristan mommy is here wishing to see you again.
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Posted by TrishloveTristan | Comments: (7) | Permalink
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21 MONTHS
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Aug 23, 2010 02:03pm (EST)
21 months without my Tristan, where has time gone? has it really been this long? As the two year angelversary approaches, I feel like I'm gonna fall apart. I keep wondering what he would look like. I thought of him yesterday and I kept thinking if he would have looked like his father or me, when he was born he looked like his father but babies change so much and i guess I just want to have a clear picture of him. More and more people I know are having babies and i hope things go well for everyone, but I wish I was tht lucky, I wish Tristan was born a healthy baby. I wish for a miracle. I wish this was all a nightmare that I could wake up from. I wish I had Tristan in my arms now.
Tristan mommy loves you very much.
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Posted by TrishloveTristan | Comments: (6) | Permalink
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NO NOT AGAIN! 20 MONTHS IN HEAVEN.
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Jul 22, 2010 04:15pm (EST)
I knew today was coming, I felt sad yesterday all day and felt heavy with grieve. Today makes 20 months since I met my Angel Tristan here on earth. Although the pain is less raw now than when I first joined Share, I still wish this was all a bad dream and that my Tristan was with me. I can picture a happy little boy excited to have a baby cousin. Life can be so unfair sometimes I wonder what its like to be a mom of a living baby?
Hopefully one day i'll get to find out. I know that being a mom of an angelbaby is hard but he has given me so much, i've learned so much about myself and about the world. Life is not a romantic comedy... life can be good but also brings us so much heartache.
Missing you with all my heart my love, my heart my everything Tristan.
Love you mommy
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Posted by TrishloveTristan | Comments: (2) | Permalink
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