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WELCOME, GUEST |
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(2 members)
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niylnnrae @a…6 |
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Akeelah's Mo…6 |
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ISABELLA GIANNA
Donnavie |
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| Category: Home | Sun | Mon | Tue | Wed | Thu | Fri | Sat | | | | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | | 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 | 27 | 28 | 29 | 30 | 31 |
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HORMONAL
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Sep 08, 2008 03:55am (EST)
Today I'm 28 weeks and I feel great!
Richard came by himself and we got to actually spend time together. We talked and had lunch. I miss him so much and I was sad to see him go even though he was going to come back later with Bella.
The past few days have been hard for me emotionally. I really miss Bella and Richard. For the first time in my long stay I cried. I cried for Bella and all the times that I'm missing. I cried for my husband and our new extended "vacation" from each other. I cried for wanting to be home with my family when I know my place is here at the hospital "growing" Sebastian. I'm so lonely sometimes it hurts. I worry all the time about what's to be and the what ifs. I worry about Sebastian all the time and I'm so mad at my body for doing this. I'm afraid to go into labor even though I'm much further along now and he has a larger chance of survival.
I don't want to be in the NICU again. I don't want to see my child all plugged up to monitors and being picked and prodded. I don't want to worry so much about things and I just want to be normal.
I feel like it's so unfair of me to be complaining about my situation when many of you have lost your darling angels. It's just that these days that I feel so sad and lonely are so few and when I do have one of these sad days it really hits me.
On Tuesday I have to take a 3 hr. glucose test because my sugars tested high again. Of course this sent me into a mini depression because I only want positive news.
Today I woke up feeling on top of the world. Out of my bleak mood and positive that everything will be ok with Sebastian. I think being pregnant makes you so hormonal. How can one day a person be so sad and the next day wake up with a smile and full of optimism??!!
Sorry for my weird blog  but I really needed to get these feelings out and I feel much better now.
Please continue to pray for more weeks of me being preggos and for my little Sebastian. Also please pray for Jenn, a fellow Share member and good friend of mine who's been here checking on me and keeping me sane. Her Bella is having major health issues with her heart (she's a transplant reciepient).
Donnavie
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Posted by Donnavie | Comments: (11) | Permalink
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27 WEEKS!!!!!
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Sep 02, 2008 04:01am (EST)
I'm glad to write that I'm 27 weeks!!!! I can't believe that I'm still here and pregnant. 7 whole weeks and I feel like I can go more.
This blog was supposed to be about Bella and since I'm in this position I really can't tell you much since she visits only once a day. She really has grown so much and is very much a little person. Today she told me she liked her grandpa "alot" and that she liked her grandma too, she loves her. This came out of no where, she must have been thinking of them.
My baby niece came with my sis this weekend and I finally got to see her for the first time. She's just 8 weeks and I've been here for 7. I was so excited to finally meet her. Bella loved her and was so good to her I was told. She also was very interested in breastfeeding and would say the baby was eating egg when she was nursing.
All my sisters were in town and I was so happy to see them and my nieces (my 8 wk niece and my 21 yr. old niece). I have 3 sisters but only 1 lives in town. They all came to my rm and we played scrabble and laughed and talked. I really miss my family and all the get togethers. My parents cooked bbq and invited the whole family over: aunts, uncles, grandparents, etc. and I was a little lonely and sad that I couldn't be there. Then I was missing Bella so much because I knew she was having so much fun and I wasn't there to see it.
Over all my spirits are high and I feel good. I'm keeping myself busy with my new hobby crocheting. I'm making a baby blanket for Sebastian so I'm not on the laptop as much as before.
Thank you to everybody who has kept me and Sebastian in your prayers. Thank you for the encouragement and the support. I don't know where I'd be without all my Share friends.
Donnavie
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Posted by Donnavie | Comments: (5) | Permalink
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ROUGH DAYS
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Aug 29, 2008 01:46am (EST)
I had a rough couple of days and I was in the funkiest of moods so I didn't get on Share because I didn't want to get anyone down. I feel like I always complain and I don't want to be known as the "whiner" of Share.
I had some breakthrough contracts. and I had to get a shot of brethine (I'm on procardia every 4 hrs.) and I have no cervix left so I was super scared. This was Tuesday and Richard had to go out of town for work on Wednesday and had no way to come to the hospital if I went into labor. Things finally calmed down but the next day my sugars were high (did the diabetes test) and on top of that I was told the Sebastian wasn't practicing breathing (had a BPP test). I've had enough bad news so I was pretty sad.
Today I'm better because they now said my sugars are fine and on the u/s today he was practicing breathing. He weighs 2 lbs. 6 oz and he's no longer breach!! This is good because I am terrified of having a c-section and an epidural. It kind of freaked me out also because I'm thinking maybe he's getting ready but I'll try not to think about that. I have NO bulging membranes and I feel good. So finally some good news and finally I can stop stressing just a little bit!
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Posted by Donnavie | Comments: (9) | Permalink
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26 WKS!!!!!
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Aug 25, 2008 05:03pm (EST)
I'm 26 weeks finally and I felt like I would never get here. It's been almost 6 weeks that I've been in the hospital. I really never thought that I would make it this far. It's been so hard and I miss Bella so much that my heart and chest actually hurt. She's doing well thanks to my mom and dad and of course Richard.
I have an u/s every Thursday and this past one was a bit of a let down. My cervix has been measuring 1.1 cm for the past 4 and 1/2 weeks which is small but at least there was no change. Thursday my u/s showed that I have no cervix left, I'm all thinned out. Obviously I was a little depressed because now it's just a waiting game. Luckily I'm not having contractions and my ob said that if I started contracting/laboring that she'd do everything possible to stop it or at least hold it off as much as possible.
I've bee thinking of everything that I'm going through in here. I feel so guilty about leaving Isabella. I remember when she came home from the NICU that I told myself I was never going to leave her alone, that I would never (at least until she got older) be a night without her again. Now it seems like I've broke my promise but I know it's for the best. Sometimes I get these thoughts where I think well if i go into labor then at least I get to go home and be with Isabella. Then I realize the implications of my thoughts and I feel so guilty. My heart feels like it's getting tugged in 2 different directions.
Sometimes I feel like it's all a dream. I would never have pictured that i would ever be in the hospital not even when I'm old. I always thought I'd be able to care for myself and now I have total strangers and Richard doing everything for me. I have no freedoms. I can't get up EVER, not until the baby is born. That means more days, possibly weeks of: bed baths and using a bed pan (yuck  ), being in trendelenberg (laying down with my bed at 45 degree angle so that Sebastian stays up high in my belly) and eating laying down. It sucks but I know that all this is worth it. Sebastian is worth all this sacrifice and more.
So although I have my days and it's hard being here I'm positive and optimistic that I can make it further. I want to be here for a long time. My new goal is 27 weeks and the big goal is 28 weeks. I'm taking it 1 day at a time and I'm keeping myself busy with Share, reading, and teaching myself to crochet. It may not seem like it but I'm happy. I'm so happy to have made it this far and to feel my little boy moving in my Belly. I'm so happy to see him every thursday, it gives me more motivation and hope.
So please keep me and Sebastian in your thoughts and prayers. He's growing strong and I'm growing too!
Donnavie
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Posted by Donnavie | Comments: (6) | Permalink
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IN THE HOSPITAL
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Aug 16, 2008 08:10pm (EST)
It's been a long time since I've been on Share. I've missed everyone. So here's the story.....
On July 17th I had my 20 wk check up. I felt something was wrong. I kept telling Richard that I was feeling pressure and that I was worried about the appt. When I went in for the sono I immediately told the tech that I was feeling pressure and if I was funnelling. Of course she didn't tell me but what she did say was that there was some fluid in my cervix. We're having a boy!! That was the only good news I got.
So then I see my ob afterwards and she tells me what I didn't want to here. I was funnelling and that I was going to have to be admitted to the hospital for the rest of my stay. I just nodded my head and she said they would do another sono to check my cervix the next day would go from there. Complete bedrest and IV antibiotics were also ordered. I cried on my way to the hospital. I just sat and the tears just poured out. I was so scared for my little boy. He wasn't even viable yet. If they couldn't stop my labor I would lose him. It was just so unthinkable.
How was I gonna do this??? What about Bella and how will she cope? All these questions kept going through my mind. The second day in the hospital it just got worse. My cervix went from 3.5 cm to 1.2 cm. I began having contractions and I got 3 shots of brethine every hr to stop them. I felt horrible, shaky and anxious but mostly scared that the contractions wouldn't stop and I would have this baby.
Finally everything calmed down and I was put on brethine every 3 hrs to prevent contractions. My cervix is a little thin but now I'm on procardia and I'm feeling better. The baby is doing well and he's finally reached viability. My cervix measures 0.7cm now but at least i'm not contracting so everyone is hopeful that I can at least make it to 26 wks. Please pray that I can make it and my little baby boy will be safe.
There is so much more to write but I have all the time in the world since I'm here in the hospital with nothing to do. Tomorrow I'm 25 wks and I hope to make it to my next goal. After that, I'll keep hoping for more time.
Donnavie
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Posted by Donnavie | Comments: (9) | Permalink
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BEING 2 YEARS OLD MAKES A DIFFERENCE
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Jul 11, 2008 03:47am (EST)
It seems like since Isabella turned 2 she has changed so much. Even though it's only been a few weeks or 10 days to be exact she just behaves different. Not a bad different just different, maybe even better....
For the longest time Isabella has been so scared of everything and everyone. I just figured it was because she was sheltered for the 1st year of her life. Even when she was little, she was always different. She wasn't one of those babies that just let anyone hold her. She only wanted me or Richard to hold her. She was always weary of new faces and any change in her return would completely throw her off causing her to having crying fits.
As she got older the behavior started to show more and be noticed by everyone who encountered her. Going to my grandma's house was a big thing and my grandpa would want to hold her as soon as we stepped in the door. Of course Bella wasn't having any of this and would just scream, cry, and tremble when he would get near her. This happened with a lot of people over time. Even with her ped. whom she had trusted was getting this treatment. New houses and places were hard and we always just went to the same places because she couldn't handle a new house with new people.
Places like the beach and chuckie cheese were off limits because she was terrified. She couldn't stand all the people and the sand. At Chuckie's she hated the rides and all the lights. She wanted to be held instead of walking because she just could handle all the noise of the kids running around along with the noise of the games. Fireworks were a no-no because of the loud noise. Places like a baseball game were off limits also because of the crowds and the noise.
The sad thing was that she was even afraid of kids her own age. At Barnes n Noble we went to the kids section and there were some playing around this little car thing. She wouldn't go over there unlesss me or Richard was holding her hand and she would just watch, not play. It was heart breaking to watch because I know she wanted to play but was just too scared.
Then there were times that she could handle crowds as long as no one was paying attention to her or would talk to her. We can go shopping and to Target, Walmart, the grocery store, and to the Mall. She even gets on the carousel and loves it despite all the lights and music. As soon as someone came up to us and talked to us and her she would cover her face. Hoping that if she couldn't see them then they couldn't see her.
Fast forward to today when she asked to go to Chuckie Cheese. She's been asking this for about 2 weeks and how she remembers this place I just don't know. It's been ages since we've taken her but since she was asking so much we decided to cave in. I was very weary as was my husband because of our previous experiences with Chuckie's.
It turned out great!! Isabella was walking all over the place and playing. She was laughing and just over all having a great time. I honestly wanted to cry. It was just such a different experience that finally she wasn't so afraid. She's even been a little better with strangers. We went to watch the fireworks on July 4th and there were a ton of people. We were far enough away that she didn't hear the loud noise and she really enjoyed herself.
I've always thought she had sensory issues but I knew with age that it would hopefully get better. But I never really examined how hard this was on Isabella, me, and Richard. Most of my family just thought/thinks she's spoiled or too coddled. They probably will never understand what it's like to worry about taking your child somewhere and being so afraid that she will be scared of normal things.
At 2 she is now more confident and sure of herself. She talks and bunch, runs, and can even get her feet off the ground when she jumps. She's learning her letters and can recognize all her shapes and progressing so well. I'm so proud of her and the hurdles that she has overcome not matter how small it may seem to others. I'm also proud of Richard and me for giving her all the room she needed to become comfortable with these things. I wanted to say to all those who read this that all though things may seem hard they do get better. With time things get easier and you see things differently. There is always hope.
Donnavie
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Copy of Bella 1st time 2_edited
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Posted by Donnavie | Comments: (3) | Permalink
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SHE'S HERE!!!
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Jul 06, 2008 10:25pm (EST)
Well as some of you know my sister was due this month. She's had a wonderful uncomplicated pregnancy. So uncomplicated that her baby wasn't ready to come out!
At her last appt. the ob said she still hadn't dialated or dropped. The baby was measuring big and if she didn't deliver by her due date that they would just perform a c-section. My sister was pretty bummed because she wanted to experience what it was like to have contractions and have a vaginal birth. She got over it quickly though and was happy that she was finally getting ready for her little one.
Today she called and said that she was finally in labor. Hours later my mom called me to tell me that my niece was born. She weighed in at 9 lbs. 7 oz!!! What a huge baby and this is her first! They took her by c-section and mommy and baby are doing well. My sis lives out of town so next weekend I'll be making the trip to see them both. I look forward to posting some pics soon.
Donnavie
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Posted by Donnavie | Comments: (5) | Permalink
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THANK GOODNESS JUNE IS OVER
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Jul 03, 2008 01:16am (EST)
June was a hard month on me and Isabella. Every week it was a different ailment and we were constantly visiting the dr. First she had an allergic reaction to the pool when we stayed at the hotel for our Faux vacation (see below if you're wondering what this is about). She's always had eczema and it's been pretty managable and we had no idea that the chlorine would not agree with her skin. So for 3 days she was in the pool and she had a blast. That is until the final day I noticed that she was getting another break out. Normally some hydrocortizone and plenty of lotion and it clears up. But this was no normal break out, it was everywhere. By day 2 it had spread from the back of her knees to her thighs and by night time it was covering her feet. After treating her for 3 days and no improvement and her eczema spreading all over her legs, stomach, and neck I finally decided that was enough. Richard thought it was some sort of skin disease (I couldn't blame him it looked awful) but I was certain it was her eczema and the dr. agreed. He gave us a more powerful cream to be put on twice a day along with some allergy medicine to help her sleep since she was uncomfortable.
Fast foward to a week later and it's all cleared up then we go to a party. The following day she has diahrea and she's actually never had the poops before. Just when she's gotten better and she gets the poops  . After a whole day of pooping she gets this horrible diaper rash. The diaper rash looks so raw by the 3rd day and I called the ped. hoping for some answers. Basically she says we just have to ride the virus out and to give her lots of fluids. The rash won't go away unless the poops do so on day 5 when the poops finally go away her bottom is so raw and red that it looks almost blistery. She wouldn't even bathe and changing her diaper is a battle. Finally by day 7 she's almost all better.
Now week 3 she started out fine. A whole 3 days she was healthy until she started getting a fever. She seemed fine and was playing all day but she had this fever that was really high. I took her to the dr. again and now she had an ear infection . What else could happen to my child??? So more medicine for 10 days.
The final week she developed a runny nose that aggravated her asthma. She had to go back on round the clock treatments and she couldn't even play with out having an asthma episode. She's feeling better now.
In the midst of all this my dad went through surgery and what was supposed to be a 2 day stay ended up being a week stay. He developed an infection and they were having trouble treating it since the bacteria that caused the infection was very resistant to antibiotics. Soon he will be home and I can be less stressed.
All in all this has been a super tiring month. I'm glad it's over and I hope July will be a better one. This month, July 1st was Bella's birthday. I was the only one in town so we celebrated it together with me and her making a cake. My sister is expecting her 1st baby on July 5th but she make come sooner. I will find out what the sex of our baby is on July 17th. This month sounds much promising than our last.
Donnavie
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Posted by Donnavie | Comments: (8) | Permalink
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SPECIAL FATHER'S PART II
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Jun 25, 2008 12:22am (EST)
I have been putting this Part II off for a while. My emotions are so strong right now and I fear that this blog may make me cry.
My father is not only a good person, he's an awesome grandfather. Currently there are 7 grandkids ranging from 21 to 2 and 2 on the way! He has a special bond with all of his grandchildren but a slightly different one with Bella.
Maybe it's because Isabella was born so early and had to go through so much. Maybe he has such a special bond with her because he saw her struggle in the NICU and when she got home. I really don't know but for some strange and wonderful reason Isabella is so close to her grandpa that she would rather be with him sometimes than me.
He does things for her that go way beyond the call of grandfatherhood. If Isabella wants an apple and we don't have one he'll go to the store just for her. Isabella likes chinese and mexican food so when we all go out to eat we only eat there because he wants her to eat and it's more important what she likes. If she even starts to get a runny nose he panics and is already telling me I need to take her to the peds because of her asthma. Always the constant watcher, he reminds me to put lotion on her to keep her skin moist for her eczema and to make sure if she goes outside to have on tons of sunblock. Not to mention that I won't even go outside in this 90 degree heat with Bella. But of couse if Bella asks to go he'll brave the heat even though we have a lot of shade and take her out for a few just until she's happy and had enough.
He loves her so much and it's wonderful to watch him interact with her. She'll go to his room and lay with him and watch old cowboy movies. Bella takes his hand and leads him to whatever she wants, knowing that her grandpa will probably give it to her even if her mommy has already said no.
We are so lucky to have him in our life. I'm am so happy that Isabella has this special bond with her grandpa that I can't explain how my heart melts when I see them together and her big smile on her face. He has a special nickname for her and now everyone calls her Bellaboo. She even calls herself that sometimes  .
The reason I write this tribute is because he deserves just as much praise as my hubby. He fills in for Rich when I need him to but in a totally different way. I'm thankful to have my dad in my life and Bella's.
My dad has incurable cancer. This Friday he will have surgery to remove the tumor in hopes of giving him a longer life. We are all worried and trying to stay strong and be the rock that my dad needs even though he doesn't even let you know that he may be worried. We are optimistic and hopeful that with this surgery and even chemo or whatever treatment is necessary that we will have my dad, Bella's granddad for a while longer. We also know that even though this surgery may be successful, the tumor may grow back somewhere else. Even though that's at the bottom of my mind, I will only think positive thoughts.
So please, pray for my father and for my family. That we all stay strong and get through this very stressful time. I will be in Houston as will the rest of my family for the surgery so I will not be on Share. I will post on how my dad is doing when I can.
Donnavie
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Posted by Donnavie | Comments: (4) | Permalink
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