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WELCOME, GUEST |
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(1 member)
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niylnnrae @a…6 |
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OUR FULL-TERM PREEMIE
AandO |
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| Category: Home | Sun | Mon | Tue | Wed | Thu | Fri | Sat | | | | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 | 27 | 28 | 29 | 30 | 31 |
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LETTING GO
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Sep 12, 2011 07:47pm (EST)
Olivia has been in preschool for three weeks now. She goes three hours a day, four days a week.
The first week of school, Tom took her to school and picked her up. We talked about the bus but it terrified me.
Yes, me. It terrified me. She's still so little. I was so worried about her getting off and on the bus. Who would help her at school?
Tom, on the other hand, after a week of driving four whole miles to the school and back twice a week, was just over it.
And guess what?
She's been fine. Seriously, truly fine. She gets to ride the same bus at Alyssa in the mornings and then rides a different bus to my mom's house when school is over.
And she loves it. She loves being big. She loves going to school, wearing a backpack, packing a snack bag, just being big.
Which makes me wonder...am I the one holding both her and Alyssa back? Alyssa didn't ride the bus unilt January of last year. I took her to school every single day from August until December. She was scared and I honored that.
Her first day riding the bus? She was fine. She freaking loved it, which is obviously even better than fine.
So I'm learning to let go. I'm learing to trust my kids as they make their way in a world that doesn't revolve around me anymore.
I'm lucky, though. Olivia still lets me rock her to sleep each night and Alyssa still whispers her worries and fears in the dark as we're drifting off to sleep. I'm holdning on to these things tight, trying to maintain the connection. The teenage years are just around the corner for Alyssa and they're a scary thing on our horizon. I want to help her through those as much as she'll let me.
I'm lucky to have Tom around, who is willing to put his own convenience first sometimes. If not for him, I'd still probably be taking Olivia to school and begging my mom to pick her up. Sometimes, I need the nudge as much as the girls do as they test their wings in this scary, big world.
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Posted by AandO | Comments: (6) | Permalink
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INDEPENDENCE
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Jul 25, 2011 05:59am (EST)
Olivia has experience serious growth this summer. Not so much in the physical arena (she's still holding pretty steady at 35 pounds) but rather in the independence category.
She's had this sudden burst of confidence.
As far as she's concerned, there isn't anything she can't do. It amuses me and scares the crap out of me all at the same time.
At the beginning of summer, my mom got her pool set up and ready to some seasonal frolicking. We all jumped in and Olivia clung to me as she had for the past couple of summers.
I took some vacation time during the week of the fourth of July and we headed to the community pool where there's a 'baby pool' that has all of a foot of water.
In that pool, Olivia discovered the ability to hold her breath. She could take a couple of deep breaths, dunk her head under water and come up triumphantly to applause and wonder.
By the end of that week, she was doing this same thing in my mom's pool, which is about three and a half feet deep, or chest level on O.
The next week, Olivia realized that if she lifts her feet off the bottom of the pool as she's putting her head underwater, she floated.
Last week, the floating evolved into actual swimming. She takes a deep breath, plunges beneath the water, swims several feet and comes up to take another breath and repeat, repeat, repeat.
In short, she taught herself to swim. I know!!
At this point, we'd obviously never leave her alone in the pool but knowing she can do this is pretty awesome.
Then, on Saturday, we attended the birthday party of one of Alyssa's friends. It was held at the local roller skating rink.
After an hour of watching her sister glide gracefully around the floor, I asked Olivia is she wanted to try it.
Back in January, we had Alyssa's birthday party at this very place and O wanted nothing at all to do with putting wheels on her feet.
Saturday? She was all for trying it.
I spent about ten minutes holding her hands and skating backward, letting her get a feel for the movement and way it was different when standing and balancing.
Then...she told me to let go. She pushed my hands away and said, "I can do it myself."
And she did! She skated. It wasn't all that smooth and she did fall a few times, but some of those falls were deliberate because she thought it was funny.
My baby, the one who didn't walk until she was over two years old, the one, had she been diagnosed at birth or before, who would have been told she probably wouldn't walk or talk, was out there with the big kids, skating, laughing, telling me, "I'm a good skater."
Give her a few more tries on that floor with those wheels on her feet and she will be right. She will be a good skater.
My girl doesn't know that she's not supposed to be able to do these things and I'm sure not going to be the one to tell her.
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Posted by AandO | Comments: (5) | Permalink
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SOMETIMES...
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Jun 02, 2011 08:28pm (EST)
Because we moved last fall, not just to a new house to to a new house (hello, OHIO!!) Alyssa had to go to a new school.
Yesterday was her last day of school. When I walked in the door after her very last day of second grade, she declared, "Edon school is WAY funner than Angola!"
Which...yay! Right? What's not to like about a school being 'way funner.' Especially when she's probably in this school for good.
The new school also challenged her far more than the old one did. She had homework every single night and had to think about it more carefully. I like that. I want my girl's brain to work, to grow, to develop to it's very fullest potential.
Speaking of potential...the move also brought us to a new preschool for Olivia.
Which means more forms for Mama to fill out. Forms, forms and more forms.
And as I filled out the forms last night, forms I feel like I started filling out when she was not quite a year old and starting early intervention, I asked Olivia questions, I challenged her, I tried to make sure I was being completely honest as I answered the questions on the forms.
See, they wanted to know a lot of things about her. It was no longer, does she sit unassisted, can she roll to both sides...etc.
This time, it was questions like:
Can she obey three unrelated instructions without having to have them repeated? Such as, "Go get a crayon. Then go look out the window. Then run around the living room like a loon."
And she can...someetimes.
I checked 'sometimes' a lot.
And it was okay.
You know, back when I was in my denial stage of all this. Back when I was all, "She'll catch up, she'll be fine. There's nothing really wrong with her that time won't fix..." Yeah, back then? It would have bothered me a lot that she isn't doing everything on that questionairre.
But now? Now that we've got our 5p- diagnosis, now that we KNOW she's amazing in her own right, I'm good with checking 'sometimes.'
Because I also got to check 'usually' in some of the areas of development. She could recognize all the numbers they asked about. She counts over twenty and not by rote. She knows that she's counting things such as steps, or rocks, or even toes.
Of course, in the effort for complete honest, I also had to check 'not yet' for a few things too. And again, it was okay.
This girl of mine? She's doing things the research that our developmental pediatrician told us not to read said she'd never do. She's running, she's jumping, she's doing gymnastics (last class of the season tonight) she's counting, she recognizes her own name in writing. So she can't write it yet herself, she will.
And she's doing all of these things with less genetic material than the rest of us.
So yeah, sometimes, she's not quite at the same point her peers are, so at certain areas she's not doing some things quite yet. She's come so far already. And she's four, for Pete Sakes (Ha, Julie will get that one) her brain is still developing, still soaking it all in.
And next year, at her new, way funner (tm Alyssa) preschool, she's going to do some amazing things. At least some of the time.
And that's good enough for me.
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Posted by AandO | Comments: (4) | Permalink
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BLOOMING
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Apr 30, 2011 01:24am (EST)
Last October at ShareUnion, tulip bulbs were given out at the Rememberance Ceremony. Each person there received about five bulbs in hopes that the bulbs would be planted and this spring would grow and bloom and remind us all of the support and love we receive here at Share.
Another reason we chose to give out tulips was because of the poem Welcome to Holland, which equates being the parent of a special needs child (be it frome prematurity or a birth anomoly) to be dropped in Holland after planning a trip to Italy.
Holland is BEAUTIFUL this time of year. At least my little slice of Holland here in Ohio.
The tulips aren't the only thing blooming around here. Olivia has found her feet. Her gymnastics class has not only given her an amazing sense of balance, it's given her such confidence. She runs, she laughs, she TALKS during class. Talking is such a big deal for 5p- kids.
I planted my bulbs in front of the house I bought last August. The blooming of those tulips makes this house that much more our HOME and that means so much. Alyssa's new school has been such an amazing move for her.
She's blooming too. She had to get a new, bigger bike recently because not only has she grown socially but it seems she's outgrown every pair of pants she owns as well as her bike.
We've been so blessed.
The tulips remind me to take each day and enjoy this world, this life. I didn't necessarily plan for this life but I'm so darned lucky to get to live it, here in Holland, among the blooming tulips and the blooming children.
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Posted by AandO | Comments: (3) | Permalink
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JUST LIKE THAT?
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Mar 07, 2011 01:58pm (EST)
Last Friday morning, Alyssa woke up and uttered the words, "I'm dry."
And she was. She was eight years, one month, two weeks and three days old.
Saturday morning, she was dry again. Sunday morning? Dry. This morning? Dry.
It happens just like that?
One morning a kid is eight years, one month, two weeks and two days old and she needs a pull up and the VERY next day? She doesn't?
The bladder matures over span of one day?
Okay, looking back, I realize that over the past couple of months, she's woken up most morning and needed to go to the bathroom right away. Before that, she rarely had to go first thing in the morning because she'd probably gone moments before waking.
This is a subject I won't post about on my other, more mainstream blog. I feel like the girl deserves a bit of privacy and while I know this site is open to the public, I also feel like it's safe, it's the place where we all know that even our full-term, mostly-typical kids are sometimes needier than others. Even the healthiest child can have issues.
And I know that here, people get that. So I had to post that, it appears that it happens just like that. At least this time, for this girl, in this family.
Of course, we'll see what tomorrow brings, won't we?
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Posted by AandO | Comments: (5) | Permalink
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BURN OUT
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Mar 04, 2011 09:41pm (EST)
When Alyssa was sick a few weeks ago I was ashamed of how relieved I was to not have to pack her lunch for the four days she was out of school.
My child was too ill to go to school and I was thinking about the fact that I got to sleep in for fifteen minutes because I didn't have to pack her lunch.
But there it is. I did feel that relief. I just did.
And then, the very next week, once she was healthy enough to go back to school, she only went on Wednesday. We had snow/ice days the other four days. Ahhh, no lunches needed to be packed on those days either.
I am here to tell you that eight days of not packing lunches is just the right amount of time to rejuvenate this mama.
I've been packing lunches for Alyssa since the beginning of time, oh wait, just since she started kindergarten three years ago. She takes her lunch every. single. day. She has never once eaten a lunch prepared in the school cafeteria. I hope you can read the drudgery in those words.
And it's a boring lunch that I pack her. She eats two slices of turkey breast, three Mickey Mouse-shaped cheese bites, whatever berries we have on hand, baby carrots and ranch dressing, either a half an apple or grapes, about eight cheese-flavored Pringles and whatever sweet I throw in there that day. Oh, and a small bottle of water.
It's so monotonous to pack that lunch every day.
Just last week, as we were all getting ready for the drive to my mom's I was doing a quick happy dance at not having to pack a lunch (yay for snow!!) and Alyssa attempted to look offended. I laughed at her and said, "I'm giving you fair warning. You are only getting five more years of lunches out of me. Once you're in the seventh grade, you're on your own."
She laughed until I amended, "But I get veto power of the lunches you pack even then."
But seriously, I hope that by seventh grade a bit of peer pressure will have made her at least TRY the lunches provided by the school. I know, I'm a mother hoping for peer pressure. You pack the same lunch for almost three years and see what you're wishing for.
I'm not the only one suffering from a bit of burn-out these days. This morning during drop off, I mentioned to my mom that Tom might not be around this afternoon when I take Olivia to gymnastics. I casually asked whether, if that was the case, if Alyssa could stay there, at my mom's, until either Olivia's gymnastics class was over or Tom got back.
Oooh, my mother is so tired. She's so very burned out. She didn't say no. She didn't actually have to say anything. She just gave me such a look of exhaustion. I said, "Ohh, you know what? She can wait in the waiting room for me and Olivia to get done."
My mom quickly said it wouldn't be a big deal for Alyssa to stay, it was just that she's tired, she needs a break and when 5pm rolls around, she just ready to have her house to herself.
I get that.
And Alyssa will be coming to gymnastics with me and Olivia tonight.
Thankfully, spring break is only three weeks away. If nothing else, it will give my mom a break from babysitting and it will give me a break from packing lunches.
We aren't actually going anywhere, unless you count the dentist. I made the appointment a week or so ago, once I'd confirmed when A's spring break was. The dentist the girls see is an hour away and if I were to take her during a school day, she'd have to miss a half a day of school. This way, she's not missing school.
So yeah, some people go on cruises or to Florida for spring break. We go to the dentist. We're wild like that.
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Posted by AandO | Comments: (4) | Permalink
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TIDBITS
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Feb 18, 2011 06:54pm (EST)
Olivia likes to ask me each morning, as I step out of the shower, "Are done chaking a chower?"
And I always answer in the affirmative. Because, duh, yeah, the water's off and I'm stepping out.
But I love that she talks so much. This is a child who isn't supposed to have much of a voice at all, a child, if born forty years ago, doctors would have strongly urged institutionalization.
So yeah, Sweetie, I'm done chaking a chower.
Alyssa's been sick enough to be out of school for the last four days. Yikes. She'd managed to get two certificates for not missing a day of school up to this week. And now? She's been pretty darned sick, obviously.
I called our doctor on Wednesday to see if he'd be able to see her. Because she'd never seen this doctor before the nurse told me that he wouldn't be able to see her until the next day, so if I really wanted her seen that day, I should take her to Urgent Care.
Our doctor was standing behind the nurse who was on the phone. He overruled her and instructed me to bring my feverish, achy child in to see him within the hour. LOVE that doctor.
This is the same doctor who told me that he was not capable of caring for my tiny, sick Olivia when she was three hours old and asked me which hospital I wanted her sent too. LOVE him for that too. He saved her life by being willing to say, "I can't help her. Let's find a doctor who can."
Wonder of wonders, Alyssa has ridden the bus for over a month and she still loves it. This has made my life so much easier. My mom's too. She catches the bus at my mom's in the morning and gets off there in the afternoon. Ohh, the freedom of getting to work on time. Holy cow, why didn't someone tell me about this wonderful thing called the bus years ago? 
On the other hand, mornings are still hectic. With Alyssa sick this week, I've actually had time to actually dry and DO my hair two of the four days she's been at home. I know!! My dad saw me one evening and asked if I'd done something different with my hair. I was all, "Yeah, it's not in a ponytail like it ALWAYS is."
So there's that.
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Posted by AandO | Comments: (2) | Permalink
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IN OTHER NEWS
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Jan 27, 2011 07:22pm (EST)
Olivia declared to my mother yesterday, "I don't want to pee in the toilet."
My mom had been lecturing Olivia on the proper place in which to deposit one's urine and O was quite tired of the lesson. She didn't want to hear any more about how 'big girls' pee on the potty. She wanted to play with her dolls and lay around in wet pants, thank you very much.
My mom asked her, "Where do you want to pee then?"
Olivia thought about it for a few seconds and decided, "The floor."
Not acceptable.
I suggested that I stop buying Pull-Ups for her and go back to diapers since they're cheaper. Olivia didn't like that idea any more than the one about peeing on the toilet.
We've regresses where potty training is concerned.
Last summer she was doing so well. She told us almost every time she had to go. She could stay dry for hours at a time.
These days? She can be put on the toilet every twenty minutes and still pee on the floor five minutes after getting off the pot.
It's gross. And frustrating. And really, really gross.
I don't know if this is just another aspect of the syndrome or what. Perhaps she just still has a very week bladder and doesn't feel the intensity of having to go like a typical child.
Then again, she's four. Four year olds are notoriously obnoxious (at least the two with which I have intimate knowledge are/have been), so there's always that.
On the other hand, putting aside all the grossness, I've got to admire her sass. She's thinking things through. She's developing arguments (sound or not, you decide) and retorts. I kind of love that.
Gymnastics is amazing for her. Not only has it boosted her overall physical strength, it's really helped her self-esteem.
We changed her class from a Mommy & Me class that took place during hours I was supposed to be at work to a time a little more convenient for me. I still have to leave work RIGHT at 4:30 to race to my mom's, pick up O and race back to town to get her to the class by 5:30.
And...it's not a Mommy & Me class. Or rather, it's not officially Mommy & Me class. Olivia and I have turned this Kindergym class into our very own Mommy & Me class.
I don't know what the other moms think as they sit in the waiting room and watch through the window at their adorable little four and five year old daughters prancing around, tumbling, jumping, flipping, dangling and flopping and there we are, me helping Olivia through the routines, directing her from one obstacle to the next and showing her body how to complete the desired action.
And quite honestly? I don't care what they think. Maybe they think, "What the hell? Why is she out there? What's so special about her kid that she gets to be out there?"
Or perhaps they think, "Wow, her kid needs a little extra help. I'm glad that mom goes out there to help her so that she doesn't take the instructors time away from my kid and all the other kids who just need a little help/guidance."
It could be none of the above or a combination of the above. Who knows?
Olivia's syndrome isn't written across her face. Most people aren't even aware that there is anything different about her. And I like it that way, even when I'm making her a little different by joining her on the gym floor as the only mommy in a kindergym class.
My point? I want moms who know their kids need something like gymnastics, ballet, dance, or even soccer but who also know that those same kids need a little extra help? Don't be afraid to give them the help. don't be afraid to ask the instructor if you can join the class if it will make his/her job easier. Don't be afraid of drawing attention to yourself or your child. In the long run, those few minutes each week won't matter except that they're helping your child get stronger, be more confident, more sure of their own place in the world. And that is priceless.
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Posted by AandO | Comments: (5) | Permalink
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LEARNING
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Jan 20, 2011 01:20pm (EST)
I am in constant awe of the women here. Those of you who went through day after day, week after week, month after month of having a baby in the NICU. Those who suffered the unimaginable pain of losing a child, you all amaze me.
People come to this website every single day, looking for comfort, for peace, or even just for company as they face another day in the NICU or another day without a piece of their heart.
I've learned so much from all of you. I've learned the courage and strength are sometimes invisible unless you know where to look.
I've learned that sometimes the smallest gesture can make the biggest difference.
Last week, we got a new employee where I work. As the HR coordinator, it was my job to do a quick orientation for her on her first day.
Ten minutes into our conversation, she let it be known that eleven years ago, she lost a daughter to leukemia. Her daughter was 20 months old when she was diagnosed and she died almost a year later.
Because I've learned from all of you, because I have had the honor of reading your words, hearing your pain, and knowing that this isn't something that ever goes away, I asked her what her daughter's name is.
Abby.
Abby died when she was two and a half years old and her mother, eleven years later, is still grieving.
I let her talk. I told her how sorry I am that her daughter is gone. And five minutes later, she gave me a watery smile and followed our safety director to another orientation.
I'm so grateful to all of you for teaching me how to say...not the 'right' thing, but perhaps how to not say the wrong thing. This mother didn't need me to say something trite like, "Well, at least she didn't suffer beyond that year."
I know that if my child were sick, I'd do anything, ANYTHING to give her one more day, one more hour in my arms.
I'm learning. Every single day, I learn from the parents here who have suffered in ways I will never understand, never comprehend.
But I'm grateful that Share exists so that everyone has a safe place to air grievences, to share proud moments from kids some doctors said would never have moments like that.
And I'm grateful that I'm able to give even a moment of comfort to any parent whose path I might cross and who might decide to share such a private pain with me.
Thank you. All of you. Thank you.
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Posted by AandO | Comments: (6) | Permalink
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