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lvazquez

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I WISHED FOR AN INTERVIEW - I GOT TWO

Dec 16, 2010 12:40am (EST)

It's too funny. Just when I had sort of given up looking for a job this coming Spring. Boom! I saw a position for a P/T French teacher at a charter school. It's just two classes and it's a bit of a drive. I found the school today and clocked the mileage. I am interviewing tomorrow morning. The hours are fantastic, but I'll have to see.

Just as I am gearing up for that and thinking about the possible questions I'll be asked, the Principal of the other school calls me and wants to schedule an interview. Geez, cutting it really close. Both schools are closed for the two-week break, but one school heads back on 1/3 and the other starts on 1/5. This other school is much closer to my house and I'm familiar with public high schools and such.

In a nutshell, I have two interviews tomorrow and that's A LOT to take in for someone who hasn't taught for two years. The other is .8 FTE, so not full full-time, but enough to qualify for benefits and things. It's also super close to my son's school and I could pick him up like usual. I guess I'll go to both and just compare and contrast and look at those options.

I'm not too excited to have my little Tristyn in daycare. That just opens ups another can of worms. I'll let you know how it goes. Our budget has been getting tighter and so I feel the urge to get back out there, do something I love, and make the trek back to the teaching world, . . . I think.

I took this picture this morning. My boys are getting bigger! I wish that they could stay this age for awhile longer. I remember the baby days as if they were yesterday, but having an actual converstation with your kids and listening to their perspective is wonderful and funny!

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Posted by lvazquez | Comments: (5) | Permalink

UPDATES

Dec 10, 2010 04:50pm (EST)

Alrighty, well my last day at the preschool was this past Tuesday. It's really okay. I should have never taken the position to begin with, but I had to see I guess. I turned in my keys to the secretary and stopped by briefly to talk to some of the other office staff. I had one of those awkward moments.

I was talking to one of the gals who was trying to be positive for me as far as finding another teaching job or just a better part-time job. She was asking me if my son, the one who was with me, was in preschool yet. I told her no, but that he would be next year. I mentioned how my oldest is in early Kinder this year and then she asked it. "Where's your third? Don't you have a third?" I was shocked! I calmly said that I did and I pointed upwards. She said, "Oh, I know that you had one pass away, but I thought that you already had three." I didn't know what to say or do. I don't expect people to keep track, but I guess I thought it was common knowledge how many children we had. She didn't mean to be hurtful, but of course I had tears the whole way home.

Urgh, I was watching Oprah yesterday and I have been following the Petit family in the news and the conviction recently. One thing really struck me that he said. He said," When your parents die, you are considered an orphan. When your wife dies, you are a widower. When your husband dies, a widow. What do you call someone who has lost their child or their children?" I thought of that a lot yesterday and he's right. There are no words for it . . .

I picked up my pottery from that fundraiser I did a few weeks ago. It turned out alright. My kids are putting dimes in it of course:)

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Posted by lvazquez | Comments: (5) | Permalink

PRE-SCHOOL JOB

Dec 04, 2010 08:29pm (EST)

Oh, it's December already. Geez, if it wasn't for the tree or the turkey last month, I don't think it would faze me. I mentioned a job awhile back that was full of possibilities. Well, not so much come to find out. It was such a waiting game. I thought that I would've started weeks before, but it took such a long time to hear back from the administration. A few more weeks to hear anything back from HR. I've been doing it for awhile now and it's more trouble than it's worth.

The little kids are great! It's everything I do at home, but with a paycheck. The problem is that my little Tristyn is missing his afternoon nap which he and I both desperately need. I am allowed to bring him along, but he is more of a distraction for the other kids and students. My husband has so many school committments and it's been hard for him to go and pick-up our other son in Kinder too. He's driving back and forth and while we are both experts now at tag teaming, we're exhausted. I like the job and I'd like to keep it, but I'm not going to put my oldest in afterschool care till 5:30 or 6:00 p.m. to make a few bucks. The afterschool care is kind of ghetto, and I'm not comfortable. So, I let my supervisor know that they'll need to post the job once more because I won't be able to do it next semester. There is disappointment of course on both ends, but she understands.

Nobody expected me to take the job, but I thought I'd give it a try. I think I'll just look for more cuts out of our budget and focus on spending Spring at home. It's where I belong I suppose. I can go back to the classroom even as a sub next Fall if there are no teaching positions out there. I might have a small prospect coming. A family whose son I sat for in April/May called me recently to see if I could help them out a few days part-time. They figured I was teaching, so they didn't bother calling me. I had that interview in CA around that time and they assumed that it all worked out. They contacted me on sittercity and were really excited to know that I was still around. This couple was super nice and professional and they are willing to drive to me which makes things SO much easier.

So, that could be something for me. I tend not to get too excited about things until they actually happen. I feel like I've had so many alternate plans this year.

Positive note, my son's school did a little holiday concert this past week. He was a reindeer and they sang Rudolph. So proud!

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Posted by lvazquez | Comments: (3) | Permalink

THANKSGIVING

Nov 30, 2010 05:33pm (EST)

We had a nice Thanksgiving at the house. My husband cooked the bird and I did the dishes. It works! My parents do their own thing for the holiday, this one in particular. Every year around this time, I always go back to thinking that it was 5 years ago that my first son was born. I remember visiting him in the NICU and staying for hours. I remember getting the call for blood platelet transfusions and always that feeling in my stomach walking into the toasty NICU after singing the Happy Birthday song at the hand washing station. I do love that floor petal to turn the water on and off.

My oldest is now 5. I really can't believe it. There are still so many days where I just don't want to participate in life, but I have two little faces that need their mommmy and that's what keeps me going. I am so thankful for them and so sorry for the one who didn't get his chance at life. I don't feel as though it was God's will; it was my OB's negligence. There is nothing that I can do about it.

So, for my son's party, we had it at the little park near our house. This way, people could use the bathroom if they needed to. I hired a face painter again, ordered pizzas, and made a fruit salad. I've never done a pinata before, so I was able to find a dinosaur one and the kids loved it. I made cupcakes this time and put l'il plastic dinos on them. I wanted to mix it up a bit.

Urgh, I finally saw Sex in the City 2 and totally could relate to the part where Charlotte is crying in the closet. I was sort of laughing too. Totally fell apart when Aidan shows Carrie the pic of his 3 boys. I really was looking forward to that scenario. I am truly thankful for my boys and our angel above. I hope he knows just how much we miss him and think of him everyday.

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Posted by lvazquez | Comments: (4) | Permalink

MOD FUNDRAISER

Nov 18, 2010 05:12am (EST)

Alrighty, well I'm new at the fundraising as far as getting businesses onboard. In honor of Prematurity Awareness Day, I had a fundraiser today at As You Wish and Rubio's. It was at two locations and the idea being that folks would paint and then go eat. Donovyn had a half-day at school, so this was perfect! I picked him up, dropped off Tristyn to his daddy's classroom (not really allowed, but I do it anyway - 5th Hour who cares), and drove to the painting place.

Donovyn chose a dinosaur which is perfect with his dinosaur themed party this Saturday! I can't believe that my little boy is going to be 5! He painted it green and wanted pink spots on it. Initially he wanted a pink dinosaur, but I nudged him to go green. I know, I shouldn't have interefered with his color choice if the kid wanted pink, but I didn't want to stare at a pink dinosaur. We compromised and it turned out great! It will be ready to pick up this Saturday too which is great because then I can wrap it and give it to him Sunday (his actual birthday)!

Well, I'm just a little disappointed about the fundraiser. I was told that there would be a box clearly labeled MOD right there at the register so that any paying paint patron could drop their receipt in the box and have 20% go to MOD. I looked around at the register. There was no box. Nothing. When I asked, the gal showed me this clear box with no labels whatsoever. So, only the receipts of people who made reservations to paint for MOD went in there. This changes the whole fundraiser. So, yeah, disappointed. It took A LOT of energy and phone calls to do this and I realize that it might take a few to get the kinks worked out. I hope the next one I do is more successful. I did see some former work colleagues show up and that really meant a lot. One of these women shared with me that her sister was diagnosed with HELLP and lost her 26 weeker baby boy back in 2002. She went on to have a daughter, a 38 weeker, who was there painting tonight along with her auntie. I thought that was super special!

I'll post pics of the items when they're finished. I'm exhausted with all of the running around! My house is now quiet, it's late, and I should be heading off to bed myself. I am hoping that my son gets a few more invites to his party, but if not, it will be a small group. It's always interesting to see who reciprocates:)

Posted by lvazquez | Comments: (4) | Permalink

HALLOWEEN

Nov 04, 2010 08:01pm (EST)

Alrighty, so this time of year is tough for me because two years ago I was pregnant with Naethyn. In 2008, Donovyn was about to turn 3 and Tristyn was 14 months old. I had picked up a pumpkin at a local farm with kids along and I felt great! We carved the pumpkin and I took Donovyn out Trick-or-Treating. We had a nice time and I stopped at chatted with our neighbor and told her the good news. It feels like that day just happened. It's been two years and sometimes it feels like 2 years have gone by and sometimes it feels as though it just happened. That's what weird about it.

The kids went as Thomas the Train and James. My son is Donovyn James, so it fits perfectly. Trying to get my bang for my buck out of these costumes as much as possible. I did let go of the baby Yoda costume I had on Craigslist awhile back. I had so many great ideas for three little boys for costumes. It would've been a lot of fun. Sigh.

They were out for about an hour and came home with full pumpkins/treat bags. Tristyn doesn't seem to care for anything but Kit Kat. He's got a wide variety in there, but he just wants "K." That's what he calls it:) I'm glad that they had a good time and there were no smashed pumpking on our street the following morning.

Last week, I did get to chaperone a field trip with my son's Kinder class. It was really neat and it was his first time on a school bus. Parent chaperones had to have a fingerprint clearance card in order to go. I was so happy that I already had mine and jumped on the opportunity as seats were limited. We had a fun time carving the pumpkin Donovyn chose. I made sure that he chose one that he could carry.

I haven't started my job yet. I thought I would start this past Monday, but hasn't happened as of yet. I still need to go down to HR and sign my W-2, but I'm told to wait for a call from an administrator. I guess I'm in no hurry. I just know that whenever I do start, I won't get a check until 2 weeks out. Oh well, I did half of my x-mas shopping in October and now that I know where I am spending my holidays, I may have just cut my shopping list in half afterall:)

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Posted by lvazquez | Comments: (5) | Permalink

MY WEEKEND

Nov 03, 2010 02:22am (EST)

This past weekend was going really great until I answered the phone on Saturday afternoon. I was alone all day as hubby was off at swim regionals with his swim team (season is almost over) and so things were fine. The kids were even playing nicely with one another. I think that they miss each other during the week when one goes off to school. Side note, Donovyn gets to stay in early Kinder! He scored well on his tests and got a lot of really great feedback from his teacher a few weeks ago. We are very pleased. It's strange because I just learned that his teacher has a 4.5 year old son whose birthday is right around Donovyn's due date! Wow, yeah, he could've been born in Jan. '06, but my body had other plans . . .

So, the weekend. My mother starts in about this procedure she had on her stomach. She'll get more results in 2 weeks. She's worrying like crazy that it's something and I just don't even know what to say. We're not close the way most mothers and daughters are. So much has happened in 5 years for me and so many hurt feelings that I just don't even know anymore. She wants to hear concern in my voice and go on and on about what it could be, etc. So, I told her what she told me when I called with not so great news 20 months ago concerning my own health. I told her that it was probably nothing and that she really shouldn't worry until she has the facts. Worrying is just going to bring on stress which isn't helpful and while I'd like to know what those tests results are, please don't call me during one of my favorite shows. Nice. So, that started the next round of "WHERE ARE YOU GOING TO SPEND YOUR HOLIDAYS?"

My family hasn't eaten together for Thanksgiving since the week Donovyn was born back in November of 2005. What a lovely way to rally around your daughter. I came home on a Wed. night. I had no idea if my baby was going to be okay. My mother is calling me and asking me if I am going to be able to make it for turkey dinner the following day? Are you freaking kidding me?! My breasts hurt like you know what, my middle feels like someone just cut me open (because they did), and everything hurts. I was only in the hospital for a week, but it wasn't fun. I thought maybe they'd bring Thanksgiving to me, a plate, meet us at the hospital, visit in the NICU, lounge in the lobby, SOMETHING! No. I hobbled down the street to my neighbor's house (my realtor) and ate dinner with her family.

I LOVE this time of year and always have. However, with everything that has happened concerning my sister and my parents kind of taking her side, I feel like an outsider. Some might say that it's my fault or that this can be easily remedied. I don't think so. So, when my mother tells me that she is doing x-mas at her house, obviously it's undertstood that you know who will be there and I won't be coming. So, I get to choose the runnerup date to exchange gifts. And mind you, if they come to my house, the visit will only last a few hours before my dad starts to jingle his keys in his pocket which is code for "I'm ready to leave now." And God forbid they stay past 2 p.m. because of traffic. And because they can't keep their grandkids straight, I'll get asked questions as to whether or not Tristyn, who is 3, is still taking a bottle. I'm tired of it all. It's been this way every year for 5 years.

My mother got the best of me . . . again. I got angry and I still don't know what we're doing for x-mas, but hubby says that they can come here and drive or they can send the gifts in the mail. He doesn't want to do x-mas twice. He wants x-mas to be on x-mas and I do too. So, I guess we've decided.

Geez, no support when I had a baby in the NICU. No support when I got to bring one home. No support when I lost one. These feelings always hit me this time of year concerning my parents. It just reminds me constantly of the kind of parent that I hope I am for my kids. I can't imagine NOT being there for them. Again, everyone has moved on, but me. I can relive every moment as if it just happened. I remember every detail because it did happen to me and it's affected me in so many ways for the rest of my life. My birthday is next week. All I can think of is that I am one year closer to infertility and one year closer to seeing Naethyn. Urgh. I need a cocktail . . . maybe two.

With all of the conversation this weekend, I stayed home and passed out the treats. Hubby took the kids around and had a great time! I'll post pics in the next one.

Posted by lvazquez | Comments: (6) | Permalink

A NEW JOB

Oct 20, 2010 06:24pm (EST)

Toward the end of summer, I turned down a FT teaching position as I didn't think I was ready to go back to the classroom. Aside from the random care gigs I do here and there, I've been unemployed for 18 months now. There is a pre-school on my husband's high school campus for 4 year olds. In August, they were looking for someone part-time, but with that work schedule, my husband's coaching schedule, and our oldest in Kinder, there were too many conflicts. Well, that person didn't work out and they are looking, so I applied and will start the first of November.

I get to bring Tristyn with me (for free). He'll be there for just an hour or so until the bell rings at 2:20 p.m. I'm right across from my husband's classroom too, so daddy will come get him, get Donovyn, and head home. I'll be home a few hours later and if I'm lucky, maybe there will be dinner waiting for me at the table too and HW already completed? I would totally settle for one of the two, but it not at all, it's okay.

My oldest attended this pre-school last year and I taught at this school for a year, so it's comfortable for me. I know familiar faces. I was pregnant at this school with Naethyn 2 years ago and how those memories are flooding back! So, I had to renew my CPR as it expired this past March. I did the first class today, but I had a tiny moment in the beginning that just caught me off guard. I was walking over with another teacher to the med/science room and we were chatting away happily. I get introduced to the teacher who will be doing the training and then I see two plastic CPR babies on the table and the tears just came from out of nowhere! It was really crazy to see babies not moving even though I know they weren't real. Geez, I can't believe that I know what that's like. I pulled it together quickly thank goodness, wiped my tears with those lovely brown paper towels (ouch!) and got to work.

That's how it happens I guess. My brick fell out of my pocket (thanks for that Libby:)). Sometimes it takes you by surprise and it could be the smallest thing to bring back those moments. The teachers were really understanding and one knows what happened, so she spoke for me as I was collecting myself. Ahhh, breathe.

I am excited to be getting out of the house daily, a consistant job (19 hours/wk only) till the end of May, and it gives my 3 year old an opportunity to be around other kids and check out his future pre-school. The school loves the fact that they'll have someone certiifed in the classroom too. I am trying to squeeze a few more dollars for my teaching experience and years in the District, but we'll see. It's going to help and just in time for x-mas. My son showed me a Lego Star Wars Death Star the other day and I'm like, "Santa is on a budget. Maybe just the Hoth Wampa Cave or At-At Walker." It begins . . .

Posted by lvazquez | Comments: (7) | Permalink

SU2010 AND A COMPUTER VIRUS

Oct 09, 2010 08:02am (EST)

I have been without a working laptop for 5 days! That's some serious Share withdrawl! When I left for ATL, something funky happened and we contracted a computer virus. It's probably all the coupon clipping websites I'm on! So, hubby took it to Geek Squad through Best Buy and now it's back, my lifeline, and I can play catch up.

Share Union was an amazing weekend! It was so nice if only for 48 hours, to be around a group of people who "get it." It was a healing weekend for me and a much needed break from the daily. It exceeded my expectations and I felt so honored to meet so many fantastic people. I am still thinking about all of the conversations, the stories, the laughter, and the tears I shared with many.

To Julie, my roomate, you were so nice to meet me at my gate! I wasn't expecting that. You came to Share leaving literally a flood behind you and I hope that it had started to evaporate by the time you arrived home. Laura, I love hearing your son's name and coming over to say hello Friday night meant the world to me! Lauren, he is the cutest and I only saw him downstairs, but he's a happy baby. I know that you cherish every moment. Stacy and Zsuszi, I am thinking of you both with each new week and holding your hands from a distance. Lorena, quiero hablar mas espanol contigo por que necessito aprenderlo y usarlo. Shannon, I hope our angels have met one another. You know I have a son named Tristyn and I will be thinking of yours whenever I say his name. He is just beginning to say his own name and it's precious. I marvel at your strength and I hope that somehow you can work your "new normal" into your daily. I am still struggling with it too. I'll be thinking of you as you approach your walk date. Staaten Island ladies: Dawn, Jennifer, and Geri I love the accent and it was so nice chatting with you.

I met so many wonderful gals, guys, hubbys, nanas, and staffers. I truly felt honored to be with you all last weekend. I tend to cry a lot, normal I'm told, but the Holland poem as well as Lori's story and of course the video did me in. Niagra Falls! It is so neat to see one's kiddos on the big screen like that. I am so proud of them all and the before and afters are priceless! As the video highlighted our angels, I was holding my breath as to when I might see my little guy and then all of a sudden, he was there and the moments of that night and how it felt to kiss his little face all came back to me in an instant. I'll never forget those moments for as long as I live. Thank you to Tracy, Jackie, James, and all of the behind the scenes people in MOD offices for one of the best weekends of my life! Dr. Berns, good luck on the book! What a great way to kick off your LOA!

Thank you to EVERYONE! Merci mille fois! Je vais me souvenir ce weekend passe pour toujours! Es war eine schone Wochenende!

When my family came to pick me up, my oldest said, "I missed you mommy." It was music to my ears. I needed to hear him say that. He had school pics this past Wed. He got a lot of compliments. His daddy wore a tie in his Kinder pic and they are starting to look a lot alike! I had to have him dress like his daddy.

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Posted by lvazquez | Comments: (7) | Permalink

DECISIONS, DECISIONS

Sep 28, 2010 05:09pm (EST)

It's been awhile since I've posted. I've been trying to catch up on others' blogs and stories. I am really looking forward to Share Union this weekend and anticipating the weekend's events. I have NEVER been away from my kids since they were born (minus the NICU and a few hospital stays giving birth). I know that my husband is very capable and I'm not worrying about that. I think as the weekend slowly approaches, I am reminded of why I am on this site at all. I am reminded of my horrible night and my sons' death. I hate it. It's been a hard couple of weeks.

I've been doing care gigs here and there and I just can't seem to find anything permanent. I need something stable in my life right now. I'm tired of temporary. I feel like being a part-time provider is about all that I can handle. If people only knew just how difficult it is for me to open my home to strangers and judgement, care for someone else's infant, all the while wishing that it was my own. Seriously, sometimes I feel like I force myself to do these care gigs when I'd rather be doing something else. I want to help bring in some extra income to our household and being home, it's really the easiest thing. It's been hard to find someone whose schedule can work. I have to leave my house at a certain time to pick up my child and I don't have a vehicle that sits 3-4 carseats, etc. I don't blame people if they don't want me driving with their child. It's liability for me too. So, I have to be really choosy and realistic about which jobs I accept. It's just such a headache at this point and I am thinking about taking my profile off of my care sites.

The tube reversal center called yesterday to check in with me. We talked a bit more about procedures and surgery options. I wish that I qualified for the one that I want, but you have to be a certain BMI and well, I'm not there yet. I'm in my pool and I get on the Total Gym once in awhile, but it's so hot here still that I'm not out walking the way I could be. I feel as though AZ has led me to such an unhealthy lifestyle. I'm not really into hiking or camping. Girl Scouts kind of killed all of those activities for me. I miss the ocean, the breeze, and FOG! My skin and my body haven't been the same since I moved here. That was why I went for the interview in CA. I just feel like a need a fresh start.

Sometimes I feel like my opportunity to have more babies has already passed me by. I'm only 30 and I feel so old. What do you do when you want more kids and can't have them? I KNOW that I am lucky to have the little ones that I have. I just get it now more than ever that there are no guarantees. Even if we decide to do the surgery, there might not be enough tube to work with. If surgery is successful, I might not even be able to get pregnant and if I could, then there's the question of how long will I be able to carry the baby and will I have a team of knowledgeable OBs and peris watching out for me? It's seems so untouchable now this dream of having more. Believe me, I count my blessings each and every day. I guess whatever we decide, it will be one step at a time and I can only worry about the now.

So, I will find out next week whether or not my son will be allowed to continue on with his classmates. He's been on a probationary period for Kinder due to his young age. I'm prepared for whatever happens. You know, my son comes home from school sometimes with stamps on his hands. One day, he came home with little feet on it and it just stopped me in my tracks. Something so simple like that just reminds me of Naethyn. Of all of the stamps, why does it have to be feet? How about an apple, a star, a dragon, a smiley face. Feet, great.

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