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WELCOME, GUEST |
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(3 members)
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jdadiaz16 |
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Barbara C.6 |
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stacyat6 |
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TRISTAN'S MOTHER
TrishloveTristan |
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| Category: Home | Sun | Mon | Tue | Wed | Thu | Fri | Sat | | | | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | | 24 | 25 | 26 | 27 | 28 | 29 | 30 | 31 |
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TOMORROW WILL BE TWO YEARS...
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Nov 21, 2010 08:52pm (EST)
I've been MIA from share for a couple of months... I don't know, maybe I've been trying to avoid the unavoidable; Tristan's second angelversary. I planned a little rememberance at this resting place tomorrow and my sister told me she would try to request half a day off from work so she could attend. My mother and step-father had also said they would come. But now, since my niece was sick and my sister had to leave early one day she can't request the time off, she can't afford it... and my mom said that she and her husband are working therefore not coming  so now its my friend Giselle, Elizabeth and my bf and myself going. It breaks my heart that my mother could not take the time off; my sister's situation I understand since she and her husband are now raising four children and I know in this economy every dollar counts. But my mother? My family is so screwed up.
My sister went to visit him today with all of his little cousins... i hope i'm not too emotional tomorrow. A few weeks i attended a bereavement group at a near by hospital and it was very emotional for me as it opened up the wound of not having him with me and to see other angel mommies that are experiencing this horrific pain for the first time. I gave a couple of mommies information about www.shareyourstory.org and told them how much it has helped me.
We will see how tomorrow treats me.
Tristan I love you my honey-bunny! Today and always.
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Posted by TrishloveTristan | Comments: (4) | Permalink
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22 MONTHS...
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Sep 22, 2010 08:01pm (EST)
I remember when i used to count the hours, then the days, and now months; in a couple of months I will be counting years. Almost two years since my Tristan was born an angel. I continue to miss him the pain i felt at the beginning was so raw, now i have a different kind of pain, a hole in my heart that will always have void.
I wonder how many poeple still remember Tristan on the 22nd of every month. I guess I will never know but what's important is that I remember him with all the love a mother could ever have for her child.
I miss you Tristan, you gave me hope and love; a love that I had only dream off and for that I will always be honor to be your mother.
Love you always
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Posted by TrishloveTristan | Comments: (2) | Permalink
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NEWS
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Sep 10, 2010 06:22pm (EST)
Hi all my share friends, I'm going through so many changes in my life right now. I met someone wonderful who treats me so well and we are taking a big step and are moving in together. My family and friends love him but my mother is pushing him asking him when he wants to have a child and how many  I want Tristan another baby will not replace him. And I'm not sure if I'm ready to have a baby, my insurance is not the best and I would need time off so that's not in the plan. Oh and great news my pap-smear are back to normal i'm super happy about that. I continue to miss Tristan and his baby smell but i'm living and i'm in a much better place. I'm enjoying my new nephew and I talk to him about Tristan, ask him if he met him or if he sees him; i believe babies can see things we can't. Just writing this makes my heart heavy with sadness and fear.
Tristan mommy is here wishing to see you again.
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Posted by TrishloveTristan | Comments: (7) | Permalink
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21 MONTHS
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Aug 23, 2010 02:03pm (EST)
21 months without my Tristan, where has time gone? has it really been this long? As the two year angelversary approaches, I feel like I'm gonna fall apart. I keep wondering what he would look like. I thought of him yesterday and I kept thinking if he would have looked like his father or me, when he was born he looked like his father but babies change so much and i guess I just want to have a clear picture of him. More and more people I know are having babies and i hope things go well for everyone, but I wish I was tht lucky, I wish Tristan was born a healthy baby. I wish for a miracle. I wish this was all a nightmare that I could wake up from. I wish I had Tristan in my arms now.
Tristan mommy loves you very much.
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Posted by TrishloveTristan | Comments: (6) | Permalink
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NO NOT AGAIN! 20 MONTHS IN HEAVEN.
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Jul 22, 2010 04:15pm (EST)
I knew today was coming, I felt sad yesterday all day and felt heavy with grieve. Today makes 20 months since I met my Angel Tristan here on earth. Although the pain is less raw now than when I first joined Share, I still wish this was all a bad dream and that my Tristan was with me. I can picture a happy little boy excited to have a baby cousin. Life can be so unfair sometimes I wonder what its like to be a mom of a living baby?
Hopefully one day i'll get to find out. I know that being a mom of an angelbaby is hard but he has given me so much, i've learned so much about myself and about the world. Life is not a romantic comedy... life can be good but also brings us so much heartache.
Missing you with all my heart my love, my heart my everything Tristan.
Love you mommy
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Posted by TrishloveTristan | Comments: (2) | Permalink
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UPDATE
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Jul 18, 2010 06:29pm (EST)
Good News-I decided to be the bigger person and texted my sister; I asked her to please call me when she goes into labor. I said that we have our differences but the children should not pay the price. She responded hours later and said "OK" lol... hey at least I'll be there for my new nephew  can't wait to meet the little boy.
I don't know if I mentioned it here before, but I have a boyfriend; he has been very supportive; for mother's day he got me flowers, when I'm sad he comforts me. He knows all about my Tristan and although he has never been through something like this he understands how important it is for me to talk about him and have pictures of Tristan all over my apartment. He is a great guy, we are taking things slow and see where things go.
Bad news- Tristan's father continues to try to bother me. I've told him a million times I want nothing to do with him and he continues to break into my FB account and emails. I've blocked him from my emails and phone but he is a jerk and continues to play games. I wish I could say that it doesn't bother me but it does. I found out that he was using Tristan's name to get sympathy from other women, saying how Tristan changed him  I hate it that he even mentions his name. He was no father to Tristan just a sperm donor... If he ever loved us he would just leave us alone. I ache for Tristan because I love him more than anything in this world, he didn't so he has not right to even say his name.
I love you Tristan my Angel, my Love and my sunshine...Kisses to you in heaven.
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Posted by TrishloveTristan | Comments: (7) | Permalink
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FAMILY ISSUES
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Jul 11, 2010 10:12pm (EST)
Where to start? I don’t know but it seems like there is no pleasing some people but what happens when the people you are trying to please are your family? Why, do we have to be the bigger person when someone does something hurtful to you? Well, let be begin on mother’s day it was my niece’s first communion party. Since I love my niece a lot I decided that I would go to the party; I knew that all the kids would be there and I prepared myself to be around it and make the best of the situation. Only my sister’s foster family showed up to the party; our biological mother did not go because she and my sister had an argument. In my personal opinion; I think about I was great. I played with the babies and took pictures with them. So when, I found out thru facebook that her foster family gave her a surprise baby shower and I was not invited I was shocked. And what hurt most is that she wrote “ my family gave me a wonderful surprise bb shower” I made a comment stating that it was funny since I’m her only biological sister and I was not there. Later on I wrote something on my FB account about how my own blood family doesn’t consider me family. My sister wrote me two emails. The first one stated that her foster family did not know how I would feel about being at her baby shower and that they did not want to upset me. I didn’t respond to her email and ten minutes later she wrote another one being really mean. She stated that she was sick of our biological mother and I ruining all that is good in her life!!! How dare she???/ she went on to say that I can’t be happy for the things that are happening in her life. Yes I did not go to the wedding but it was because I did not want to be alone with her foster family and she knows that. She claims that she was there for me when I loss Tristan. Yes I’m sure she thinks that but if she was truly there for me. She would have never picked her foster family over me; especially after they did not even offer their condolences after my loss and her loss for that matter. Tristan was her first nephew! When I was pregnant she got me a few things for Tristan that I gave back to her, since she is also having a boy and will need it. If that isn’t progress I don’t know what is. The only reason why I started talking to her again was because I wanted to be part of my new nephew’s life; I have a wonderful bond with my other nephew and niece that I want to have the same with the new baby. In her last email she went on to say that she does not want to be bother with either one of us ( mother and I) so what do I do? I don’t want to stress her on her last month of pregnancy but I can’t allow people to walk all over me and hurt my feelings. My life has been hard enough and if you can’t see how much my family means to me then I guess she doesn’t know me and doesn’t want me to be part of the kids lives. What do I do? Be the bigger person and say I’m sorry when I’m not? I stayed in the same apartment and commute 4 hours a day to get to and from work so I can be near her when she gives birth but she doesn’t see that. I have to do what’s best for me… I love the kids but if my sister sees me as a second class citizen why should I keep on begging to be part of her life? I guess the kids will get older and realize how much I love them and then they can make their own decisions as to what they would like and if they want to be part of my life.
I keep asking Tristan to show me somehow what to do but I really don’t know what to do.
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Posted by TrishloveTristan | Comments: (3) | Permalink
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19 MONTHS IN HEAVEN
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Jun 22, 2010 07:04pm (EST)
Dear Tristan,
I miss you so much, but you already know that since you are an angel in heaven Well, I want to thank you for showing me that no matter how much time passes by the love I feel for you will never lessen and it can only get stronger. You are an amazing little boy that continues to teach me what love is. I love you with all my heart and nobody could ever replace you because you are unique in every single way.
I love you Tristan
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Posted by TrishloveTristan | Comments: (2) | Permalink
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