Have you seen the "realistic" preemie doll by Ashton-Drake????

Ah yes, exactly what it's really like.

I think there should be a beanie-baby next to her that is at least as large as she. Or maybe the wedding ring on her bicep.

Or the scalp IV is just sooo darling.

About the only thing they forgot was the price! Let's see I think it should be at least $500,000 but unexpectedly the cost could jump to as high as $1,000,000 and then you will have yearly costs incurred and will be required to send them an additional $200 per month until at least the age of 3....sheesh!

I do have to say that I cried when I saw the "realistic" depiction of the preemie doll. I hope that Ashton Drake and the artist will see that and KNOW that this is just part of what some of our kids went through. I remember very well Amanda's heels looking like hamburger meat...when I rub her feet now I can feel the scars left on her heels...it breaks my heart! I can also look at her arms and show you at least 6 places where IVs were placed. Sometimes the NICU experience seems so far away, sometimes it feels like just yesterday...

Hugs and tears!
Michele

I logged on today and saw the Ashton Drake Doll and was pissed. That is horrible. I was a fortunate mom, my 27 weeker was 2 lbs 10 oz and did amazing. He wowed all the doctors and came home at 4 lbs 10 oz. He was ironically 15 1/2 inches when he was born. He was beautiful to me, but that doll makes me so mad. He didn't look that "fat" until he was probably 3 months old. I am going to write my own letter and send another letter to John Stossel to see if it helps. If anyone finds out that they are going to do something about this please let me know.. the realistic preemie that someone modified was so true. That is what a preemie looks like just about 3 lbs thinner.. It was so real it hurt, and made me cry. But REAL it was. Congrats to whoever did that. And my lucky little preemie who was so much more fortunate than others came home with scars and a medical bill of 150,000 which we thought was a bargain. I wonder if Ashton Drake would like to send me 4 easy payments to take care of that one......
 Gunners mom
jmlucht@hotmail.com

Wow! You did such a great job of depicting the real premie doll. It was really hard to see that doll...memories just rushed back...kind of like it is very hard for me to watch "Special Delivery" or even shows about much further along...well intact families with quadruplets...it is just still very painful for me. This doll will take your breath away...

I only wish that Ashton Drake Co. has the opportunity to see THIS real preemie doll. If they are shocked, they should be...because the real deal is very shocking to us parents who have had to live through such a devastating experience!

How often do I wish that I could have done that one little obscure something that would have saved my kids from this experience....or at least got them further along than 25 weeks. How often I wish that Alex had not contracted that stupid infection through his central line...that he had been big enough to do the open heart surgery from the clot from the infection off of his central line...there is not a day that goes by...THESE are the FEELINGS real parents of preemie "dolls" struggles with....

Melissa Middleton (mom of 25 wk'r quads. Alex *deceased*, Benjamin, Callie, and Donovan: 20 months)

I sent this letter out a while ago...and still awaiting a response:

Dear Mr. Tinberg:

As the President and CEO of a corporation that “strives to bring joy and happiness to the lives of your customers by fulfilling the emotional, psychological and aesthetic needs……..that are related to their expressed interests”, I hope that you will personally and respectfully read this letter with regard to the Ashton Drake’s Collectible “Preemie Doll”.

As a mother to a premature son, born 34 weeks on December 24, 1999 and diagnosed with Necrotizing Enterocolitis (NEC), I am deeply concerned on the research that was done to develop such a “Preemie Doll”. Although I could reiterate to you what so many other “preemie parents” have expressed on the marketing of this “Preemie Doll”, which includes a very detailed image of their own children and the equipment and medical treatments involved for their little Preemie, their voice expresses my same sentiments. Many of these NICU (“Neonatal Intensive Care Unit”) Preemie Parents are probably the very customers who keep your corporation and its affiliates in business and that your mission statement is directed to. Although you value “Honesty, Fairness, Respect, Knowledge, Innovation, and Excellence”, the motivation, marketing and research of this “Preemie Doll”, clearly insults the integrity and dignity of these wonderful parents of premature children. This Collectible “Preemie Doll” sells for about $129, plus shipping and handling. A real Preemie’s stay in the hospital can run easily in excess of $100,000, plus continued medical expenses as they grow and face new challenges. These real preemies do not get “delivered” home in one or two days. In addition, the “Preemie Doll” demeans the very important work of an organization like the March of Dimes and their many supporters, who serves to educate all on prematurity and birth defects, provide continued support and resources to the NICU Parent of these wonderful preemies, and an untiring drive and commitment to continued research so that babies can be born healthy.

Your company and its affiliate companies failed to uphold your vision, mission and values when it neglected to do “real” research on the marketing of the “Preemie Doll”. Two important resources, the NICU Parent and their loving, miracle children were not important enough to consult. In addition, it is also evident that no one on your marketing staff actually visited a Neonatal Intensive Care Unit nor did they even consider consulting an organization familiar with premature births. Your corporation and its affiliates value “Excellence” and “maintain a distinguished reputation and leadership role……with an unswerving commitment to excellence in all aspects of your business”, yet a computer-generated form letter from a customer service representative has been the form of “excellence” your corporation has sent to these many NICU Parents. It is never too late to be educated on premature births, so I invite you to visit with the many parents whose letters you will receive. Read their stories, see their children, understand their journey. Then you will understand their “mission statement” and see their “vision” for our wonderful little miracles…..who are not “Collectible Preemie Dolls” (www.marchofdimes.com/share).

Very truly yours,

Brenda A. Rante

I am still waiting for my "automated response", but have sent a copy of this letter and a little more info to John Stossel at JohnStossel@abcnews.com. If we do not speak for our children and the many to come...who will! So proud to be in the greatest company of wonderful NICU Parents!!!

Brenda & Benjamin (34 weeker born 12/24/99 with NEC)

I decided that I wanted to have the artist's comment on this doll, so I googled and found their website from Belgium. The doll is just labeled, Little Grace, there is no other discription. This made me wonder if it was the artist's interpretation of a preemie or was their creation being marketed as something Ashton Drake thought would sell in the US. There is a huge language barrier, I tried to use an on-line interpreter to go between Dutch and English. The artist's husband wrote back in very broken English and this is what he said...

Hoy Michele

We speek into the name of all doll makers , when we make a baby it is not the purpose to heard or laughing
  with his or some problems . We make baby and Ashton drake is responsible for the publucity and distribution,
  what they doing abouth the publucity we have not eny dicission it is into Ashton drakes hands . So when they set it is a premie
  than it is a premie for us , when we make a real premie answer honnestly will you to buy that one please honnetly i think not correct.
  Several day people send us mail within the same question and some ways ruwe , we hade a baby boy and it live zeven days pray the lord
  that you baby stilll alive " We bring owner healthy babys after zeven day to the cemetery . !!! You think this is fanny !!!
  With all respect for you and the another people how have an premie , and it is certainely not owner purpose to heard or even laugh with people
  it is one of the reason may wife makes baby so shi can forget what with owner health baby was wrong . Kindest regards hugo & Tinneke

I have read this over many, many times. Discussed it with my husband and then read it again many, many times. What I came away with is this interpretation:

We speak in the name of all doll makers, when we make a baby it is not for the purpose to hurt or laugh at his or anyone’s problems. We make a baby and Ashton Drake is responsible for the publicity and distribution, what they are doing about the publicity, we have not any discussion, it is in Ashton Drake’s hands. So when they said it is a preemie, than it becomes a preemie to us, if we make a real preemie, now answer honestly, will you buy that one, please honestly, I think that is not correct. Several people a day send us mail with the same question and some are rude, we had a baby boy and it lived seven days, pray to the lord that your baby is still alive. We bring our healthy baby after seven days to the cemetery. You think this is fun? With all respect to you and the other people who have a preemie, it is certainly not our purpose to hurt or even laugh at people. The reason my wife makes a baby is so she can forget what with our healthy baby was wrong. Kindest regards Hugo & Tinneke.

It breaks my heart that they lost a baby after seven days, and a healthy full term baby at that. I do not think the artist is at fault here, I think it is the almighty $$$ that is ruling Ashton Drake and they are the ones to blame for this misrepresentation of a premature baby.

I do believe that Tinneke meant for the baby to be a celebration of life, but in no way do I believe that she meant for it to represent a premature baby that has spent time in the NICU.

I thought I would share this with you guys!!

Hugs!
Michele

Now their letter makes so much sense.

Thank you for sharing Michele,how sad for them to lose a babay that soon,and him being a healthy full term baby.

It's just so sad that the Ashton-Drake company is only looking out for themselves and their all mighty dollarIt's such a shame how they also use their doll makers in such a way,and then leave them in the middle of the cross fire so to speak when people lodge their complaints,and they have no idea what is going on.

Again thank you for sharing their letter.I still never received a reply back for the company after sending off my letter,but I guess that they jut got tired of responding.Take care,and have a ver Happy Valentine's Day tomorrow.

Deborah.

I read that letter and understood what he was saying immediately. How awful that she makes this doll in attempt to heal her hurt and grief from the son she lost and it gets marketed differently by a company unbeknownst to her. She only wants to heal. Now she is faced with the thought that her creations are causing pain to other parents for reasons beyond her control. I have a real sense of disappointment and heartbreak for the artist. If the letter is sincere, then Ashton-Drake is doing a disservice to her as an artist and the prematurity campaign. He even states in his letter if his wife made a real preemie doll, noone would buy it.
I wish I had some frequent flyer miles saved up, I'd take a transatlantic flight just to give the woman a hug. I am drafting another letter to Ashton-Drake. They've really outdone themselves this time. Sad thing is, I'm nolonger even shocked at this behavior from a capitalistic company. Anything for a buck!

Dear Parents of Premature children,

I read the translated letter that Michele so amazingly and eloquently presented for us to review...and I found myself at a loss for words. To lose a child, any child, no matter the gestational age is a loss that is reflected in every act that we ever perform thereafter. It is in how we smile at strangers...how we hold our children...how we comfort someone...how we face a new day...how we plan for the future...how we express ourself creatively...and this loss becomes a basic part of who we are as parents and people.

It reminds me that often times there is more to a story than we know at the time. This artistic woman and her husband have suffered a tremendous loss that is reflected in how they choose to live their lives. They only create something that comforts them on days that their loss hurts too much...it is something real and tangible that they can touch and view...an eternal baby...that will never grow up...a link to the past...a pause from their suffering...

It seems this family, all the way across the world, has become victims too of the Ashoton Drake company. This family, that has lost so much, has become a pawn in a global idolization of money.

They create a doll because it makes them feel like parents. Their creation is shipped to Ashton Drake, and this company markets it in any fashion that will bring them the biggest paycheck. The family is not really concerned with what Ashton Drake does, because their private interpretation of their beloved dead child is on the shelves and in the homes of many families who will love the doll. What joy that doll brings to families who really do not understand prematurity!

And then across the world we are here on SHARE, parents of preemies who are outraged that this doll exists. That the matter of prematurity has so blantently and uncaringly been promotionalized and exaggerated to the point that a chubby, beautiful doll is what the general public will see and know about prematurity. We have our own wounds...our own suffering...and this doll just pours salt into those wounds...we are a community of angry parents who advocate on behalf of our children, volunteer for the March of Dimes, and donate money to any cause that helps premature children live a better life.

So then there are still a few things that are very clear to me. 1.) apparently everyone agrees that no one would want to buy a doll that truly depicts what a premature child would look like...it is not pleasing to look at or think about... 2.) Ashton Drake has an ethical and moral responsibility to change what this doll represents...3.) Little Grace, can grace shelves of Ashton Drake stores for the end of time...BUT they need to come up with another promotional scheme to market this little beauty 4.)This doll was born out of love...and is now under attack...for the sake of the family who created her, I want her to stay...but I want her to exist as a doll that we all can love the idea of, surely Ashton Drakes articulate and creative marketing department can make up a better story for why the public should buy this doll.

Best Wishes, Melissa Middleton (mom of 25 wk'r quads. Alex *deceased*, Ben, Callie, and Donovan:20 months)

I am shocked by this company, but as said above, not necessarily surprised anymore. I just received my response from the company, from a Donald James. Essentially, they are sorry our feelings were hurt, but a lot of money was spent on test marketing it and advertising it so they can't change anything at this point (ie, they won't change anything because they don't want t lose money). I think they test marketed the wrong group of people. I don't think it would have taken much research to Google prematurity, come up with the March of Dimes, and talk to them about the ramifications of selling a doll like this. Anyway, according to Mr. James, a portion of the proceeds from each doll sold in the US will be donated to MOD (I just wonder what portion).

I wrote to Mr. James. Will you please post his response online? I am eager to read it in its entirity. *sigh*

I just checked on the website and noticed that Little Grace's title now says "May God Bless you, Little Grace, lifelife baby doll". It used to say "...lifelike preemie doll". HOWEVER, when you click on her she still has the same marketing. Preemie this, preemie that, blah blah blah. I wonder why they changed one and not the other? Hmmmmmm.....

I have relations in Belgium, and will try to get them to translate my (our?) feelings into Flemmish more accurately. We want to be sure we're not causing this woman and her husabnd any undue pain.

I guess I'd want to say that I feel for them and their loss, however long ago it might be. The people that are writing in to them and are angry, are doing so because they still hurt. We, as a group, don't want people to go through the pain that we did. We also don't want anybody to take lightly that same pain. Sometimes it feels like this doll, through it's marketing, is making people take prematurity less seriously than they should.

I guess that's about it. I'll keep you all posted as to what I hear back from Belgium.

I WROTE A LETTER TO THE COMPANY ABOUT A WEEK OR SO AGO , AND NO ONE WROTE BACK! HOW RUDE THEY ARE. WHAT I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW IS WHO IS BUYING THIS "SO CALLED PREEMIE?" THEY NEED TO CHANGE THE NAME ALREADY! JUST NEED ONCE AGAIN TO VOICE MY THOUGHTS! THANK YOU SHACARM.

Here's the response.

Dear Ms. Stahl:

Thank you for your letter of Feb 2 expressing your conern about our "Little Grace" doll. My name is Donald James, and I am the General Manager of the Ashton-Drake Galleries, the company who is marketing this doll. Mr. Rich Tinberg passed on your letter to me.

Allow me to begin by saying how badly we all feel that this little vinyl baby doll has stirred up this resentment. It was never our intent to offend anyone. As a father of three relatively healthy children, I am in no position to fully understand the suffering and angst that parents of severely premature babies go through. The Grace doll was not meant to bring back unpleasant feelings, and I am sorry that it has.
The Grace doll is one of several realistic baby and child dolls in our line. The market tests we conducted last year suggested that this doll would be well recieved in the marketplace, and therefore we purchased a great deal of advertising, running through the first half of 2005. Commitments for these placements are made months in advance and cannot be changed at this point. The dolls themselves are in production and shipping to customers this month. So there is not much we can do at this point to stop the wheels from turning.

We can however, learn from this incident by taking action on recommendations made by many who have contacted us. Ashton-Drake will donate a portion of the proceeds from each doll sold in the US to the March of Dimes toward their effort to combat the causes of premature birth.

Once again, I appreciate your comments and concerns, and apologize for any distress this has caused.

Sincerely,

Donald James

Sorry for any typos. I have no scanner, so typed it in quick.

Kathleen

Hi,

Well that is something. I am glad that you shared the letter that Ashton Drake sent to you, Kathleen. Perhaps this is the very best we are going to get out of them at this point. If it is true, at least the company is donating to MOD in the name of little grace.

We did not get everything we wanted, but maybe we got something that in the long run will be beneficial to preemie infants currently in the NICU...or will be in the future. Also, we the parents, the MOD, and professionals from NICU's are still the strongest face and advocacy group of how the public understands prematurity. We do make a difference.

Melissa Middleton

I have to agree with Melissa on this one, preemies in the future will benefit .
Of course they weren't going to stop making the doll, but hopefully they will hold to their statement and donate a portion to MOD.

I guess our work for this challenge is done. On to the next one...ready everyone!?!?!?

Karri

I also received a letter from the General Manager (Donald James), that was the same as the one posted. I think it's great that they've said they would donate a portion of the proceeds to MOD, but I would like to know for sure that they have. Does anyone know whether or not there is a way to find that out? (Obviously not now, but later...) I am planning to write another letter to Ashton Drake expressing my concerns about this, but I doubt they will give me the information. (I could be wrong, I suppose) I just want to know that this wasn't said to simply calm we angry parents down....I want to know that this ACTUALLY helped. Anyway, any suggestions?? Maybe asking MOD to let us know?

Hi, everyone: This is Pam from the March of Dimes. Just wanted to let you know that we have begun discussions with Ashton-Drake and will report back to all of you as soon as we can. This has taken place because so many of you expressed your strong and heartfelt concerns to the company.

Best wishes.

I feel VICTORIOUS! This is awesome. Please keep us posted, Pam, on what becomes of this. We would all like to see the company make amends.

I'm doing the happy dance!

As I said our voice can make a difference! I feel like we could move moutains right now!

Happy Feet!
Karri

I too have written to the Ashton-Drake Co.. Strength in Numbers ya know.. It was really hard for me to see the doll on the website. I'm a mom of a 25weeker, Connor, that we lost after about a day and a half. The doll did not represent what I have seen to be a preemie by any means. I was greatly disgusted. After reading the letter from the artist and his wife I feel for them of course, but if their baby was born at full-term, why make a preemie baby? I dunno... the world is confusing. Especially when they are more worried about losing their precious money, what about our precious babies? And how can the respond and say it is a celebration of life? what about me and all the other mothers and fathers that don't get to celebrate?
~Kathryn

Hi Michele...

Thanks for digging deeper. I too feel empathy for Hugo and Tinneke and do not feel that it was their intent to offend anyone....they simply created a beautiful baby to honor the child they lost. I think the ownership of responsibility lays in the $$$ hands of Ashton Drakes who marketed it as a "preemie'! I sent an e-mail to Stossel and got the response they would forward it on. Let's see what happens. As always the trooper...thanks again! Perhaps we can send a letter to Hugo and Tinneke to express our sympathy for their loss and to not make them feel like they are under a "personal" attack from any of us. The loss of a child is always hurtful regardless of whether they are a preemie or not....so send them big hugs from us!

Read the previous posts.....I'm doing the happy dance too!

Brenda & Benjamin

I'm so sorry for your loss. Your story is exactly why this doll is NOT a celebration of life for a preemie. From my interpretation, the artist who created "Little Grace" didn't make her as a preemie baby. She simply made a baby doll. Ashton-Drake decided it would be marketed as a "preemie".
Not that it makes any of us feel better, but I rest easier knowing her creator made Grace with love; intended as a baby doll meant to represent health and vitality, not preterm birth and suffering. Thanks so much for writing a letter for our children. ~hugs~

Kathleen,
How wonderful of you! Just think of how many babies will be saved because of what you did. How great is that?

CHEERS TO YOU !!! That letter was great, and brought tears to my eyes (i have to stop reading this site at work!) I too wrote a letter and got the standard blah blah back to me too, it's truly and outrage that they continue to make this doll, real it certainly is NOT, my daughters skin never wrinkled or dimpled and now at age two she's still tiny, she weighs what my nephews weight at barely a year!!! I have so many friends who are preemie moms of kids who were 2 lbs and very very ill, Hopefully MOD can get through to them, we'll keep trying and maybe they will cease.

Keep smiling

Sue
Mom of Kendall 33 wker 3 lbs 3 oz.

I CAN NOT BELIEVE THIS COMPANY CAN EVEN MARKET THIS DOLL AS A PREEMIE. MY SON WAS A 34 WEEKER HE WAS SO THIN AND TINY 3PDS 10OZ. THE DAY HE CAME HOME HE DID NOT EVEN HAVE ANY FAT ON HIM. TODAY HE IS A HEALTHY 18 POUND 8 MONTH OLD WHO WANTS TO EAT EVERYTHING THOUGH HE HAS NO TEETH YET. THESE COMPANIES NEED TO GET A CLUE AND REALIZE SOME THINGS.

Hi all

I'm going to combine the two Ashton Drake discussion threads (into this one) so they will all be in one place. It may feel weird just after I do, but then everyone can find the information in one place!

I also went to the website yesterday when I read that this company was marketing a preemie doll. My letter spoke volumes!!! I am completely disgusted by "the manner in which they are trying to make a buck". I told them that I was going to send the website to the NICU my children were born so that the doctors and nurses could see the way in which they depict what a preemie looks like. I am a mom of a 1 # 6 ounce ex-31 weeker and a 2 # 11 ounce ex-34 weeker. Both boys IUGR, and NEC. My second son passed away after 3 weeks due to complications from NEC. My first son came home at 3 # 13 ounces and has NEVER had a bit of fat on his body despite the high calorie diet we give him. He is now 5 years old. They should be completely ashamed of themselves!!! I am sure we will all hear something soon since there have been so many complaints! Well, lets hope so.
Nicole
Reece, 31 weeker, Hudson, 34 weeker, our angel in heaven

Hi, this is Pam at the March of Dimes, one of the moderators for the SHARE site. The March of Dimes shares your concerns about the preemie doll currently being advertised by Ashton-Drake. Just wanted to let you know that the March of Dimes will also be sending a letter to the company. The moderators will keep you posted.

Best wishes to all of you and thank you so much for your participation in SHARE. As I have said to some of you, your stories and your love for your children are an inspiration to us.

Pam